Memory/Studying/ADHD (long sorry)

We suffered through two years like this. It was hell. The teachers thought they were doing us a favor—preparing our children for the middle school workload.

You know what? Our children never had as much homework in middle school as they had in 4th and 5th grade. Our middle schools are also on a block schedule that basically results in them having homework for some subjects every OTHER day. What a godsend. Middle school has been a delight for us. They don’t teach spelling as a subject so they can’t make my dyslexic child so miserable about that any more. I hope your child will find at as pleasant as we did.

As for what we did in elementary school, I eventually went in to the teacher and absolutely put my foot down. I described for her in excruciating detail how she was ruining our lives. I told her we would do no more than 30 minutes on any subject (I initial the h/w when we reach that point). I insisted that his spelling list be cut in half (and we eventually got him a spelling list designed for kids who just don’t get basic spelling rules). We got the spelling list on Fridays so we had additional days to work on it over the weekend when time wasn’t so precious. If the teacher won’t cooperate, escalate to the IEP team. If your child is dyslexic and AHDH, she is entitled to workload accommodations. Hold your ground and make sure you get them. She is still entitled to accommodations even though she is being declassified.

I also decided to stop caring about grades and start caring about making sure my kid still loves learning. We would work together on homework projects and make it as fun as possible. If I can speed it up by typing up his words for him, I do. As for the additional assignments as punishment for mistakes: JUST DON’T DO IT. What’s the worst that could happen? A lower grade that won’t mean much in the great scheme of life?

Your child needs to feel satisfaction for her accomplishments. She is working independently on her own homework (so what if she makes a few mistakes) and persisting despite the negative environment this teacher has put her in.
Everything in this environment is telling your child what a failure she is. Don’t become a part of it. Give her a big hug and tell her how proud you are of her.

I wish I could offer you some constructive advice, but we are in a very similar situation. I do offer my empathy, though.

I am curious, however, what you mean by moving toward declassification. The school wants us to consider an OHI identification for anxiety. Could we be moving towards a declassification as well?

What do you think I am headed toward?

aj gives good advice.

(1) Cut homework to bare bones. Do major projects that are valued for major grades. Study for tests that are for major grades. Study as much as possible orally (especially spelling) — it works better anyway.
90% of the paperwork kids do is utterly pointless, but teachers assign it because *parents* demand it. (As a classroom teacher I was always in trouble for not assigning enough homework and not grading everything the kids did — but somehow my classes averaged way higher on standardized tests.)
Fight this. Demand homework to a point and no more copying lists and filling in blanks copying from a to b. Get minimal written homework on the IEP, and fight at school board meetings for less junk homework. And as aj said, just skip the rest. So what if she doesn’t get the two extra points for re-writing the whole assignment? What’s more important, two school points or a weekend as a family?

(2) Apparently this poor kid is going to school all day, coming home and doing homework, eating, and going over homework again. Hey, the twelve-hour day is out!
Why not let her play and be a kid after school (Please not TV and Nintendo, the kid needs to move around after a day sitting), and then do a sufficiency of homework after supper? Or, as my daughter often did even in Grade 3, and one other kid noted here does, get up earlier and do the necessary work before school, then have evenings free? It’s good that she does it independently, but if you are in the next room you can take a look now and then and she can ask questions, and this should take some of the pressure off. Also if you cut down to a sufficiency there will be less time pressure and less reason to rush.

The reward system assumes that your daughter isn’t trying hard enough and with more effort she could not make mistakes. One can’t ‘reward’ ADHD away. That she does her homework without adult supervision is to her credit.

It might make sense to approach the teacher and ask for modified homework. Do you want your daughter declassified when she is still clearly struggling? Ask the teacher how long she wants your daughter working at night. Let her know the homework is taking quite a while.

I spent many years working hours at night with my own AD/HD dyslexic son and it took a great toll and left all of us scarred.

If you must study for this many tests, watch for, as you say, the emerging pattern of the teacher’s tests and then gear the studying to the format of the tests. Don’t plunge in to a volume or chapter of material. Make up sample tests in the same format that the teacher uses. Have your daughter study from that sample test.

Welcome to my (our) world!

I have decided I am going to talk with the teacher. We finished homework at 8:35 p.m. last night and I did most of the “scribing”. Often she dictates and I type. Otherwise, we would be there forever. We are now having to decide which test to spend our time studying. (she also goes to tutoring 2x wkly and OT once weekly and soccer 2x/wkly)

I think we have to “put our foot down” with these teachers and explain our child’s “unique educational needs” (the very language I believe that is in the law). I am tired, she is tired and it’s getting old. I cannot do 8 more years of this. If we get these “accoms” in the IEP early on, we won’t have to continue (hopefully) re-fighting this battle every year with new teachers and schools. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

I love what I’m hearing! It’s good to know that we aren’t the only ones in the boat! It sounds like you all are doing positive things for your kids. This has lifted my spirits by a mile, Thank-you! ~ Deb

Lulu,

She means they are moving toward taking her out of special ed.

Janis

I absolutely agree with all the posts that say to get the homework reduced!

But I want to ask you a question about the spelling. Does your daughter have a spelling book? Is she actually being taught HOW to spell? I see much too often kids who are bringing home lists of words to alphabetize, do word searches, write sentences, and memorize. Yet there is no instruction whatsoever into the phonetic patterns in these words. If my child were a poor speller and this was the spelling “curriculum”, I’d have her out of it. There are some good programs out there that are based on the reading research. Anything else is a major waste of time in my opinion.

Janis