I have a pre adolescent son who has add and is very shy. He is a warm, caring, helpful person but at times seems painfully shy. My concern is his increasing level of not wanting to be involved. He does not talk with his dad at all, replies to questions in a short terse manner, as if he doesn’t want to be bothered. He speaks with me more but still doesn’t talk much with me; and if not in a playful mood, is very short tempered with younger siblings. He stays in his room a lot, doesn’t like to leave home much. While on vacation this summer I had to make him go out to the pool, beach, etc. we even had arguments about going out to eat. He wanted us to bring it back to him. He just wanted to lay around and watch tv!! I have tried to be understanding - his needing to have down time, but now I am getting very concerned. At his last check-up the doctor noted some of his musles as being very tight and giving him exercises to do - which he doesn’t. He is not overweight - actually he is low on the weight chart for his height. He is very tall. I have suggested getting involved in some kind of sport. He doesn’t seem to be interested in anything. He’s coordination is not a strong point, but doesn’t need physical therapy. I have thought that IM may make a difference and if he is more coordinated maybe he would become interested in ANY kind of sport or activity. I do have to brag and say that he has volunteered a couple of times to help out a teacher in her classroom before school hours (hanging things for her - she is close to retiring age) and he joined a couple of student clubs that are more behind the scenes activities. He has a hard time making friends and has two close friends but they are at different schools this year. He has made 1 new friend at new school but only sees him at school.
What should I do? Is this normal teenage brood - or is this building stress or anxiety?
Re: Is this anxiety? (long)
It does not sound like anxiety. Also, it does not sound like depression either.
Miscellanous ideas - none or some of which may possibly apply.
Does he display symptoms of perhaps an auditory processing disorder/central auditory processing disorder (APD/CAPD)? Very mild hearing challenges can create lots of real human communication difficulties as normal human communication is based on the assumption of intact listening, hearing and speech abilities. Some children with ADD - attention deficit - may have subtle sequencing challenges/challenges with continuity and the perception of motion/the perception of objects which means they may not enjoy physical activities because they do not perceive the sport games completely/have real difficulty perceiving and executing the fine motor aspects of some games easily. Some children have enormous difficulties with sports like ice skating or roller skating because they are unable to feel the center of balance in their bodies - a skill which essentially can affect almost all sports activities.
Is he on any kind of med for ADHD already? If he is on a med, does the med have any known side-effects?
Isn’t shyness often seen as being its own distinct kind of trait by itself - apart from ADD? Good luck.
Re: Is this anxiety? (long)
I noticed one effect after IM was that my son was more in tune with what is going on around him.
One example is that my husband would take him to football and baseball games. He was always excited about the idea of going but once there would become bored and didn’t really seem attuned to the game. My husband had lost interest in really even taking him anymore.
My husband took him to a Yankee game recently (after he couldn’t find anyone else to go) and my son sat through all 9 inings. He came back talking about all the players and about specific plays they made. It was definitely a change. He was 2/3 through IM when this happened.
Re: Is this anxiety? (long)
It would certainly give me pause. The possibility of depression also occurs to me. I assume your son is ADHD which is why you post to this board.
Is he on medication for his ADHD? If he is, I would certainly discuss your observations of your son with his prescribing physician. But I’d also remind myself as well as you that adolscence is a very trying time and behaviors that would be ‘off the mark’ in younger children or adults can be very normal for adolescents. I always urge concerned parents of my own students to seek psychologists and psychiatrists are deal primarily with adolscents rather than generalists to avoid misdiagnosis and overdiagnosis.
Good luck
Thank you for your thoughts
He is currently taking concerta during the week, off on the weekends. His side effects are headache and decreased appetite. In fact he usually gains and grows during the summer break and after beginning medicine this year, immediately lost several pounds, and he can’t afford to lose many. Doctor wants to see him again in a month to watch weight issue. He is also having a hard time with transition in high school (first year). He had gone to the same school since kindergarten and his two close friends have been his friends since kindergarten. They came over this weekend and his spirits lifted somewhat. He doesn’t want to go to the school’s football games, but did go in on Saturday for an activity that is part of being a representative of his class. He told me that he knows I want him to be active in school and signed up for a couple of things. I do believe shyness itself is a distinct kind of trait and someone has said that he will probably always have a close circle of friends that he will feel more comfortable with than needing to be in a large group of very active friends. I also think his self confidence / self esteem is low and would like to build it up. We are trying to have him go out with us more and make sure that we have dinner together every night.
I didnt realize he was a freshman...
that definitely brings up how much is teenage stuff and how much is possibly depression?
Has he always been shy and reluctant to participate? My oldest is now a senior and has never attended a high school football game. He was never a joiner when younger though we insisted he participate in sports and scouting. He was on the freshman soccer team and it was a BAD experience-kids tell us they dont belong and we tend to think they will if they just join a sport or activity. In his case it just made things worse because of how badly he was treated
Weve let him be who he wants to be and thats a kid who has a few close friends and has no interest in joining anything or being surrounded by groups. He also has never attended a school dance or dated
were not thrilled-I certainly wish he would at least date :) But he is who he is.
I think the possibility of depression increases if this is a change for him. For our oldest it was not a concern. It certainly did not live up to our expectations of what having a highschooler would be(especially dad who was popular in hs)but we had to bite the bullet and go with it
Now ds2 is involved and has a circle of friends-as a freshman he has made every footbal game and dance- if he drew back, I would definitely be concerned.
Re: Thank you for your thoughts
I hope you see this post! My son was on Concerta and it caused him to have severe depression and lose weight. He also started exhibiting signs of OCD.It took him about 9 mos. to really begin to get better after he was off all stimulants. He is now on Imipramine which is an antidepressant. His ADHD symtoms are not controlled on this but at least he isn’t depressed and exhibiting the OCD symptoms now.Please, Please, see a different doctor if he doesn’t want to talk about taking him off the concerta!!The symptoms you describee sound so similar to my child’s. I wish you luck and hope everything works out. Jan
Thanks for bringing your concern to my attention
How long was your child on concerta before the signs appeared?
I have become more and more concerned of his not wanting to socialize. I know teenagers become moodier but I feel this is more than moodiness. A couple of my friends think I’m to protective; it’s not that. I would love to see him socializing more. In fact, this past weekend, it was a joy to see him running around with his close friends and smiling and excited!! I remember high school fondly and had hoped that high school would be enjoyable for him. I feel his self esteem is very low. I would also like to find a way for him to stand up for himself. I don’t mean fighting…but to learn cues, tricks or strategies to use in order to feel more comfortable in new situations, or with peers. Sometimes his body language shows signs of nervousness or not sure of himself. It is painful to watch.
Re: Thanks for bringing your concern to my attention
I’ll be praying for you both. My son was on Concerta a few months before I really realized it was the med. It also took several months for him to get it out of his system. Regardless of what the experts say it can change your brain chemistry for much longer than they say.Sometimes the people that are not very social in highschool become more sociable in college. Sometimes people never are social. I think that is how a lot of people that have learning differences are. They just don’t WANT to be very social. They are content to do their own thing. Best of Luck, Jan
I am definitely not a professional, but I would be more concerned about depression from the way you describe his behaviors.
Have you spoke to the pediatrician about these concerns? I would think depression, anxiety or any other medical condition should be ruled about before chalking it up to pre-adolescence.