My 14 year ld was tested 5 years ago. The relevant issue is that there was a 42 point discrepancy between the verbal and performance IQ. There was a diagnosis of mild ADD. I said nothing to my son or the school. I did not put my son on meds.
Despite predictions of doom and gloom, he did very well in middle school. His grades dropped a little in 8th grade. There was a time that he was very defiant. I spoke with the teachers and both said that he seemed a little down. One said that he was a loner and the other said that he was chatty with a few kids.
Now he seems to have lost his friends and is happy to be alone and play video games all the time.
It has been very hard to get appointments with good professionals. I’ve heard all sorts of recommendations: get him tested again, put him on meds, get him into therapy. I finally found some decent doctors, however, my son is very opinionated. I”m sure if we tell him we want him evaluated, he’;ll hit the roof.
Any suggestions for getting him evaluated?
What has been your experience about sharing the diagnosis with your child or not?
I think my inattentive ADD child thinks that things are just fine or would never admit that they are not.
Re: Confusion
Just wondering — why didn’t you say anything to your son five years ago? Didn’t he ever ask you WHY he had the testing? What problems did he have then that prompted the testing? What steps did you take to help him? Possibly he has spent the last five years wondering if there is something so wrong with him that no one will even tell him about it. Is he now having problems in school or is it just that he is withdrawing? Either way, further evaluation would probably be very helpful. High school is a tough time and demands more of kids than middle school does. Perhaps if you sat down with your son and spoke honestly about the evaluation five years ago and what it showed, and told him of your current concerns, he would listen. He is old enough to be spoken to frankly. I expect he will be very angry with you for not telling him sooner. Of course, that is the way that teenagers often are, but I think he would have a legitimate reason here.
Re: Confusion
As a parent, it is your responsibility (my view) to have your child seen by the family physician (a medical doctor).
Attention deficits are very real - they are as real as epilepsy or Tourette’s.
While it is possible to gradually secure a correct - highly accurate diagnosis, finding an easy, quick remedy for ADHD is a different challenge. There are few, easy and quick remedies for ADHD (my view).
As a parent I would certainly obtain a correct and accurate diagnosis (honesty is the best policy); at the same time, I would be very inclined to describe striking positive long term responses to the ADHD meds (stimulants/alerting agents) as being more rare than common.
One of the aspects of ADHD can be a correct diagnosis but the lack of an easy answer to ADHD. The ADHD meds do not work for everyone.
No child wants to be given a correct diagnosis and then also know that attention deficits are not curable/really curable; however, that is what part of the ADHD syndrome is about it seems to me. There are other neurological challenges which are like ADHD, that is, diagnosable but with no easy cures/answers.
Some children can accept the idea there are articles about ADHD in the encyclopedias which is a very general way to inform them that attention deficits are real vs imaginary.
Best wishes.
Agree--do you have a decent pediatrician?
If so, here’s what I would do—get an appointment for just yourself with the pediatrician. Explain the situation to him and ask him to talk with your son—you can bill it to your son as a checkup, or if need be a follow up to a checkup if he’s had one recently. The doctor can then see him, do a few doctor things like look down his throat, and then talk with him about how things are going etc. If the doctor’s good he’ll be able to pick up on some of your son’s responses, to say if something or another that’s giving him trouble, there might be something that can be done. If the doctor acts very interested and curious himself about what might be going on, he can make your son feel he’s doing the doctor a favor by getting this all checked out with other specialists. Once all the tests etc. come in, the doctor can then go over everything with him and they can come up with a plan together. If necessary, pay out of pocket for these visits. My son’s just 12—if I had just begun to notice problems now, I know I would have little success dealing with this personally by suddenly taking him to specialists. I would definitely have to use my pediatrician as my partner—even more so if he was 14.
Re: Confusion
The key note to me is that you say your son is happy. Some people are not happy by themselves, others are. All people go through phrases and changes and there are times when many of us want to be alone.
If he is happy by himself, I would not be concerned at this point. I certainly would not leap to meds or counseling for this. I’d watch, wait and see.
Good luck.
Re: Confusion
Heddy,
I know it will be hard to get your son in for testing. The 42 point discrepancy between VIQ and PIQ is almost always indicative of having some type of LD. Yes, there are times when people need to be by themselves, and enjoy it, but I have a feeling you wouldn’t be posting here if it wasn’t somewhat severe. Look at some books by Dr. Mel Levine. I know he wrote one about various LDs, how they affect kids, and it is often used as a tool to help teach other kids that they aren’t alone with their quirks. Your son might be opinionated, but that might be because he feels very alone. Letting him know there are lots of people out there like him might be an incredible relief for him.
Your son sounds a lot like the son of a friend of mine. He is diagnosed with a non-verbal learning disorder (you can find that topic in LD InDepth). Look at the NLDontheWeb.org site, and go to “Assessments.” There is a very simple checklist there to help determine whether your son might be tested for that. Most kids with an NLD diagnosis also have inattentive ADHD (including mine and my friend’s). There is a recent thread in the Teaching Students with LD board regarding NLD or NVLD - you might want to read through that.
Good luck,
Lil
Re: Confusion
Ditto re the verbal-performance split CAN be indicative (but not always) of non-verbal learning disorder.
I have relied heavily on the professionals we work with to give my daughter the reality checks that she has ADD and NLD, and here’s what she can do about it; she can be successful, perform well in school, etc. Socially it’s another story.
But part of NLD is an extreme ability to live in denial: since kids with NLD miss the “big picture” they miss it about themselves as well.
Would definitely recommend a re-eval if it’s been five years; a lot changes.
Re: Confusion
My son had that same split but is not NLD. He is a very creative, flexible thinker which is right brain. He also is a big picture kid. He does very well socially. As a matter of fact social skills are probably his greatest strength.
He definitely has many of the NLD traits. He had fine motor issues and severe visual perception issues. Both of these areas have been remediated to some extent.
Be careful about throwing that diagnosis around. It is pretty rare to find a kid who is truely NLD as it implies extreme right brain deficits.
Many kids with sensory integration deficits look NLD.
my youngest has LD and was dx’x ADD inattentive a year ago. Adderall has been a big help. While going through the evaluation process what struck me was that the symptoms fit my eldest son far better than my youngest(I have 3)
Talking to him last year at 16 about the possibility and hearing the way he phrased how his mind works, there is little doubt in my mind that he too is ADD inattentive. But he does well in school. I have made it clear to him that anytime he hits a wall I will help him pursue the dx. Honestly, he has hit a few low walls in the past year and adamantly refuses to do anything about it. Doesnt want anything to do with what he calls my “voodoo drugs”. And, honestly, hes not failing, just losing ground. But if he began to fail or developed depression, I am confident Id be in the same boat you are-not only are they teens-theyre men and there is that whole anti-dr, I can handle anything going on.
Depression and ADD share the same chemical basis(in my simplistic understanding) I would certainly let him know he is at risk for depression because of the imbalance as well as increased risk for illegal drug use(like you wanted to hear that one) But, yes, I would definitely clue him in on his past history and testing.
Maybe you can convince him to get checked just to rule it out and prove you wrong-lord knows they like to do THAT!