My son is ADD primarily inattentive type, in the 8th grade. He has had a 504 Plan since the fifth grade. He is not on meds-long story but he had extreme reactions to two different stimulants and therefore meds have not been an option. In practice the 504 Plan has been a worthless piece of paper. This year he is failing math and science and has numerous other difficulties as the volume and intensity of the work increases. You all know the drill. His private psychologist and I decided it was time to go for an IEP under OHI primarilly so that it is in place for high school. Well, the big meeting was yesterday. I was not prepared for the attack from the Reg Ed teacher. Despite the fact that it is agreed upon that he has attention differences that do impact his performance, her opinion is that I have enabled this child through the years by providing him with math tutors and in the fifth and sixth grade a “homework helper” (a teen honor student to take some of the homework stress off me). And despite its agreed upon by all he is ADD (in addition to various outside consults by psychologists who deal with ADD -one from when I lived in Cleveland and another from our current recognized expert in the Milwaukee area) the Reg Ed teacher stated he “chooses” to fail math. He is not motivated. Never mind that he has always struggled in math. By the time the meeting was over and I was accused of enabling and rescuing it sounded as though my son needed a twelve step program instead of an IEP. Anyway, my psychologist was wonderful. The school psychologist said that she doesn’t want to go through due process, and we will meet again next week. The SpecEd teacher wants to go back and talk again with all his reg ed teachers, even though I stated it is my opinion and my psychologist/advocates opinion that regular ed teachers have not demonstrated a clear knowledge and understanding of ADD and all it’s ramifications in the classroom. Thanks for listening. I just needed to rant a little. I didn’t know that advocating for one’s child and providing them with a math tutor was enabling and rescuing. I had myself confused with a caring parent who advocates for their child and who has through the years always attempted to work with his teachers as a team to ensure his academic success. :)
WHAT!!!!!
Okay,first off,how in the world did you not go postal?
Next,have you considered filing a compliant in regards to the blatant violation of 504 laws? Bottom line, it really doesn’t matter what or why or how the reg ed teacher feels.He IS diagnosed ADHD. He has the RIGHT to accomodations within the classroom,PERIOD. She thinks you have enabled him? Personally,I would of had to say,Who cares? What does this have to do with accomodations based on a documented disability? AND,does this teacher realize that if the SCHOOL feels that you,the mom,has enabled this child,causing emotional issues,that effects his educational progress,that they by federal law MUST provide your family with services to help you? Enough bull like this,I would have them paying for every movie,bowling date,we as a family participated in. God, it never stops amazing me.
Re: WHAT!!!!!
Continue to do what you feel is best, you are his best and only advocate in the long run. I have had a terrible year with very closed minded teachers who are telling me that my daughter is better off in class full-time for “socialization” reasons. I told them that I happen to feel that reading, writing and arithmatic are equally important and she will continue to have home-tutoring for 3 half days a week. This is during french time which she doesn’t do. In a nut shell the school team has had no interest in what we are doing at all, I went to the school board and they have granted me my time off, against the schools wishes, and also told me that I do not have to attend her IEP’S anymore for this year if they aren’t taking any of our recommendations into consideration. The chikd can’t concentrate and learn in a classroom and yet they tell me they know better. These 2 teachers are a disgrace to my profession and I told them so. I told the resource teacher that she doesn’t even know my daughter yet she recommends stay in school for socialization?? I have grown a very tough skin because of people like this. Good luck.
Re: IEP meeting-need to vent
I have been accused of prepping my kiddo when she did well on the WJ, they misconstrued my child’s comment…I have seen this test, or I recognize this test….She had been tested on it out the wazoo’s since she had been a little kid.. I had to laugh….I have been accused of enabling behavior too and it does rankle. It is tough being ADD. I know as I am ADD and so is my husband and kids…. My daughter is in 8th grade, she is a combination of ADHD/inattentive too and we just had her eval and she does lots of inattentive type of errors in math and yes she has had lots of tutoring at our expense and if it hadn’t been for our intervention she wouldn’t be as far as she is…
Keep looking for answers with your son…you may want to look into Strattera a new non-stimulant medication for ADD. It is working well for my sons who are ADD-Inattentive..
alternatives to drugs
If your son is not responding well to medications you might be interested in reading about alternatives. I’ve been reading Daniel Amen’s book, Healing ADD. He uses a combination of drugs (sometimes), exercise, diet, supplements and sometimes neurofeedback. It’s a fascinating book as is Dr. Jacqueline Stordy’s book. They both recognize the importance of essential fatty acids (go to drstordy.com for more information. You can also search Daniel Amen in a search engine and find his web site.)
Re: IEP meeting-need to vent
Oh my, I couldn’t stand to finish reading all before I responded. First and most importantly, I JUST read from the Wrights Law website, www.wrightslaw.com, that during the IEP, the teachers, school district, etc., is NOT allowed to bring up what the parents did, do, didn’t do, don’t do, they are NOT allowed legally to redirect ANY of the IEP focus from what it is suppose to be, the child’s unique needs, what the district will do to help the child, and how everyone will know if these things are working. The meeting you attended was fraut with illegal activities. You need someone to go with you and act as an advocate for your child to these meetings. These “People” are ganging up on you, trying to point fingers, that is NOT the focus, nor purpose of an IEP Meeting. It sounds like you were all but assaulted. Check with your area NAMI organization and or Pro Parents and they should be able to find you a volunteer to go with you next time. Having someone on your side of the table will help balance matters. Unfortunately, we all can’t afford an attorney, but you definately need someone they can’t bowl over. We parents are too emotionally envolved because we are talking about our children, their well being, etc., we can’t keep a clear head when so many are lobbing vollies at us and at our kids. How dare they do such! I am beginning to think NONE of these so called educators know anything or care to know anything about ADD/ADHD. It is so much easier for them to just blame the child isn’t it? We parents can’t let them get away with that though. You stay strong, if you can’t get him out of PS altogether, you will definitely have to be a strong ever present advocate in there for him. God Bless and God Speed. We are here rootin for you.
THANK YOU
Thank you so so much for all the support. Socks, it took everything within my power not to go off on the reg ed teacher during that meeting. At one point my psychologist put his hand on my shoulder to signal to me it wasn’t time to go off on them. (I will admit to crying when I came home and I felt as tho I needed to throw up.) My feeling during the meeting was that my parenting and family life was on trial. Unfortunately, my son had made a statement during one of the interviews that we don’t do much as a family. UGH. What he was referring to was the fact that I have lupus and an antibody deficiency and at times my adventures in living with chronic illness interfere with my social life and my life. Period. Our family has adjusted quite well to this and my husband and the boys just carry on even if I can’t participate in whatever activity we had planned. Life goes on. My boys’s have dealt with my illness their entire life. IV’s are a normal routine here. In spite of all this, the kid has lead a privileged life and done some really neat things in spite of my health issues. Last year my husband at the spur of the moment took him to the NCAA Championships. They just hopped in the car and drove all the way down to the game from WI. And he had a once in a lifetime experience. But, I don’t owe them or anyone any of those explanations. And I’m really angry that I left there feeling as tho I needed to defend my parenting and family. The issue is his disability. But they took this one statement and made a big deal. Again, my psychologist/advocate was great and he kept dragging them back to the point that the child has a disability and that’s what we were all there for. And yes, they are well aware I that I could file a complaint. Actually, when we met in spring of last year, because they weren’t following his 504 one of the administrators acknowledged to me that she knew I had every reason to file a complaint. Linda, I own Dr. Stordy’s book and Col is on her reccommended regime. It’s made some difference. Not great but he says he feels “calmer” since starting the supplements last spring. I am considering the new drug. Again, thanks for all the support. I’ve probably told you all more than you want to know, but this whole thing is really appalling to me. It never easy when on feels as tho their parenting is on trial. I was very upset on Wednesday, but as of Thursday night I decided that I won’t let them have that much power over me. I know my child, I know what he needs. I’ve been through a lot medically in my life, and I know how to get things done. Thanks again.
Re: alternatives to drugs
Historically the single classification of medicines most closely associated with the temporary reduction of ADHD symptoms is the central nervous system stimulants/alerting agents. Perhaps the weakest central nervous system stimulant/alerting agent is coffee/caffeine compounds; perhaps the strongest is Adderall; perhaps the most well-known is Ritalin.
The ADHD meds do not work for everyone.
Classic ADHD is not viewed as being a nutritional deficiency disease or allergy at all.
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/adhd.cfm
Current research strongly suggests that ADHD is caused by a deficiency of norepinephrine in the ascending reticular activating system.
http://www.aacap.org/clinical/beneadhd.htm
Just because the ADHD drugs do not work or work well does not mean that the answer is due to a nutritional deficiency of some sort. Lots of neurological challenges including ADHD, epilepsy and polio have causes completely unrelated to nutrition at all.
Study Links Damage to a Specific Brain Structure Following Closed-Head Injury With Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder
http://jol.rsna.org/pr/target.cfm?ID=28
Re: alternatives to drugs
Pgd do you work for a pharmaceutical company. You post the same thing all the time. Are you a parent who has had an amazing experience because of meds or an adult who found them valuable?
I really just am curious because I think it is important to understand where people are coming from.
Keeping on track
You did better thing. I didn’t have anyone with me and didn’t have the hand on my shoulder. But my outrage didn’t make me feel better nor was it productive-perhaps that was the point of attacking me, the parent.
In your case - the really horrible part is they must have known there were special health circumstances and were deliberately cruel.
When does dealing with hateful, hurtful, nasty people get easier? Beats me.
Your focus is on the objective-getting your son what he needs but why the gratitious slams??
Hope it is better next time.
Re: IEP meeting-need to vent
Dear DMR,
I have a 9th grade son with epilepsy, a brain injury as a result of seizure, dyslexia, ADHD inattentive type (as a sub condition of his epilepsy) and I have fibromayalgia/CFIDS. I really identified with your letters. I read everything in this string of comments. The teachers blame us also for not doing enough. At one meeting a teacher remarked that she had seen my son at Taco Bell after school one day with his friends and if he was having so much trouble, why was he at Taco Bell? I have just gotten him placed in OHI after battling since SEPTEMBER. They have been breaking the law in every direction. Even the person at county level who I was told would make sure that the school level people “followed the laws” has lied to me in person about things that I know because of doing legal research. I have gotten so much information from the GAO our state advocacy office (free) and the parent-to-parent groups. I can not believe how discriminated our kids are!!! This should be a civil rights issue, discrimination against minorities rather than educational issues. What state are you in?
Re: You did awesome dmr!
I just read this whole string and wanted to say that!
I’ve made a complete jackass out of myself at those meetings - so IMO you were brilliant! Years later, I’m much more adept at handling myself and the “situations” at those meetings. But it doesn’t matter, b/c the end result was my dd got what she needed then, continues to now and is doing very well. Not only has my dd learned a lot, but I did too along the way on so many levels.
I don’t even know you and as you already stated, I have no doubt you will manage your son’s care very well.
Take care,
d
Oh, goodness. You are not the one who is confused. Sounds to me like you have done a wonderful job trying to help him keep up.
I have often been accused of being the enabler. I was told my son would never be able to work independently because of all the support I gave him, from tutors, to scribing his homework for him, to reducing his workload. Ha! He’s in 8th grade now and does 95% of his work on his own. Best of all, he has a positive attitude about learning.
There are just some really closed-minded people in all walks of life, and they are usually more than willing to share their completely unresearched opinions as fact. Ultimately, most people really don’t understand learning disabilities at all. The part I really don’t understand is how they could possibly think that having an LD-child do the same level of work as non-LD kids, all on their own despite having a known weakness, would have any impact other than starting a self-feeding cycle of failure. For these kids I think there is a very fine line between experiencing a few failures and embracing failure as your lot in life.What these kids need to learn is that they CAN. Not that they CAN’T.
I think your child will let you know when he is ready to reduce or remove his support structure. What is he saying about it? Was he there?