Anyone else tired of educating the educators?

I was wondering if anyone else, especially parent’s of ADD/ADHD children has/have experienced that their IEP , or parts of it, have been repeatedly ignored, especially when moving to a new grade and teacher? We have a teacher who was previously a Special Ed., but it seems that she is woefully unfamiliar with the characteristics of ADD, and the services the school district has, and/or should have, committed to providing our child in the IEP that are to help minimize the effects of the ADD on the child’s educational experience.

Over the last six months, we have tried to make the teacher aware and share our child’s difficulties and some of the multitudes of information we have learned about ADHD, but it seems now, she is looking for us to perform some kind of magic trick, or find some magic pill to make our child’s inattentiveness go away. My husband and I were already frustrated by her repeated daily notes about inattentiveness in the agenda when our child shared with us that the teacher and classroom now all think she(our child) is “Bad”. Our daughter told us through tears that last year everyone thought she was good, but this year she has changed and everyone thinks she is bad. The only thing that we can see that has changed is that our daughter’s grades and self esteem where improving, therefore she was feeling more confident about speaking to the other children, as she has previously been very withdrawn. Now apparently, on some occasions, she was speaking at inappropriate moments impulsively, and making some comments that she thought might be funny and that would help the others like her. Unfortunately, the teacher has wrote her name on the board and embarrassed her in front of the class on several different occasions and enough that the class now seems to “gang up” on our child when there is a question of her guilt or innocence. For example, at their 100th day celebration, the kids were all talking about what they would be like in 100 years. Our daughter said that she was speaking to another child and did not say what the child thought she did. The child thought she said something about her grandmother being fat, so she began crying, and the other children in the group agreed with her description of what was said. Our daughter is adamant that she did not say the insulting remark, that she tried to explain to the teacher that she was misunderstood, but the teacher punished her anyway, which sent the unspoken message to our child and the class, you are a liar, you are bad. Apparently there was also an incident where another child reported to the teacher that our daughter was sleeping. She said she had her head down, but was listening. The teacher asked the class was she sleeping, and they all said yes, so again, our daughter was punished and made to feel like the bad child. Our daughter also said that there are just two of us trouble makers in the class, when I ask her why did she say that, she said because her teacher told them, “Out of all these students in our classroom, you two are the troublemakers!”
Well I have to say, no wonder our daughter doesn’t enjoy going to school, no wonder she has begun acting out. When you are told you are bad over and over, it is a self fulfilling prophecy in my opinion. Our daughter said she just wants everyone to like her, but no one does, no one will play with her, she has to walk around by herself at recess. At the beginning of the year, we explained to this teacher how much our child wanted and needed to fit in with her peers, but it seems now, their opinions of her have been lead by the teachers behavior toward her. If I am wrong here, someone please explain this to me?

On this same week our daughter finally opened up and shared this with us, we were also told by our five year old son that two days in a row, he and the other boys in his K5 class were rough housing, playing, on the playground at recess, and several of them got very rough with him, shoving him, pushing him down in the sand, and as he says “Pounding Him”. He said he asked them to stop but they wouldn’t. This is why my son had been begging me not to make him go to school. When we asked did the teacher(s) see any of this, he said, no, the boys do it when the teachers aren’t looking. We know boys will be boys, BUT, this isn’t the first time we have had violence in this same 5K class. During the fall, a child bit our son’s ear in the classroom. My husband feels that no matter the reason, when there is a perpetrator of violence, the individual should be removed, at least temporarily, and made to understand that violence won’t be tolerated for any reason. From what we were told, that child had witnessed something bad at his mother’s home the night before, the school was trying to contact his father, and had spoken with the child at length. This wasn’t acceptable to my husband and apparently, the class doesn’t understand that it isn’t okay to take action upon one another. Last year in 4K, some child came into class explaining a movie he saw the night before and gave several of the children a make shift explanation of “RAPE”. Not the education we were hoping for, needless to say.

Now maybe some of you might understand why my husband and I are seriously, seriously, considering pulling them out of public school and homeschooling them. We have made calls to the School District, informed the higher ups, but when it comes down to it, aren’t we fighting a hopeless battle?My husband said, what if we spend hours talking at this IEP meeting we’ve requested to discuss why the previous IEP isn’t being followed for our daughter, we invest hours of time and energy trying to change this teachers opinions and attitudes toward our child, just to end up with a different teacher, potentially more difficult, to start all over with next year? Can we really trust that our child will get fair impartial treatment now? And it is always in the back of my mind, what I have read somewhere in my hours of research, that even if we get the school to have that In service ADHD workshop for the teachers, there will be many who will roll their eyes and think, “Who are these people, coming in here telling me about children? Why, I work with them every day, I know more than they possibly can, I know what’s really wrong with these kids, their parents just are strict enough, ADHD hogwash.” Our principal announced at a PTA meeting that they at ____ elementary, love John Rosemond, the author, and while he does have good sound advice in many issues of parenting children, her comment concerned me because John Rosemond is also a firm and outspoken believer that ADHD does NOT exist. Maybe I am thinking out loud and searching for answers, but it does feel like a never ending battle, trying to educate the educator’s, especially when many don’t feel they need educating, and even if we manage to keep these kids in public school, will they be better off? I know I was often tormented by my fellow students and misunderstood by teachers, if given the opportunity to homeschool, I would have done so gladly. My husband has thoughts of grandure, that he could agrue his point and get the school district to “Get out their checkbook” and pay to put our kids in private school, but even HE knows he was fooling himself. We would be old and gray and penniless too before we would possible see that happen. I could really use some opinions and advice from my trusted friends here on this site. Thanks in advance for anything