ODD and RAD how do I handle this?

Submitted by an LD OnLine user on

I know this is a board for LD and ADHD, but I can’t find anything on the web that addresses that My 8yos was first thought to be ADHD, but then I’m told no he isn’t after testing. I began checking into things myself and am finding that his behaviours match RAD and ODD (Reactive Attachment Disorder and Oppostitional Defiance Disorder) I am going nuts! I’ve been homeschooling (5 kids) of which he is the middle child I’m at my wits end and am now placing him into public school. I NEED the break So do my other kids My 16yo is suffering from depression and his brother’s disruptions are a big part of it I just want to cry. I am scared of what this will mean for him in the future. Will he be violent? Will he hurt someone? Will he end up one of those despised faces on the evening news claiming ODD as a defense, that he was unable to look ahead to the consequences? I am so worried and frustrated and scared and sad. We adopted him at 3 months old. I sometimes wonder why God gave us this child if we weren’t the best ones for him . Two yrs ago he set fires and hid knives under his pillow . That stopped . But the off the wall hyperactivity, the ridiculous accusations, the yelling, the hitting, lying, stealing, controlling, vindictiveness, inflexibility and explosiveness are just too much. Now he’s been PEEING everywhere in my house! My house literally REEKS! I would be embarrassed to have anyone in. He pees on the dirty clothes, in drawers, between the stove and the wall, in my pantry, whereever! This too will probably pass, but what is next? How do I handle this? Can he ‘get better’? Am I the only one with all these worries?

Hope

Submitted by Anonymous on Thu, 02/06/2003 - 4:34 PM

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First - stop. God gave you this child b/c you are the best parents for him.

But, he needs help. What does his pediatrician say? Who did testing so far? What kind of testing? What specialists have you taken him to?

Homeschool vs. public school, this child will continue to encounter serious problems unless he gets support/tools/treatment to help him start managing his issues now (and you too!). Maybe public school is the right place for him, maybe not - but if you are having problems with him, the school likely will too, further escalating an already bad situation. Where will that leave him? With the right help, he can get better, but without any help he won’t. In fact, his situation may likely worsen.

This is out of my league - but he needs outside professional help to help you/him sort through this. Someone with solid thorough experience base in dignosing and treating children - neurobiological, behavioral, etc.

…and no, you are not alone in your worries.

GL
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Submitted by Anonymous on Thu, 02/13/2003 - 6:57 PM

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I don’t mean to upset you, I know how hard dealing with difficult kids are…My 7 yr old is diagnosed with ADD and ODD and now we are awaiting word on the possibility of bi-polar disorder. There are days (like today) that he just makes me cry, we can never do right for him, he is never happy. But reading your story, I see others have it as bad if not worse… I am a parole and probation officer. I receive alot of training in various areas and one that always stood out was that of juvenile fire setters. Your son once was a fire setter, probably still is. Fire setting behavior generally does not disappear but worsens or is better hidden. I will not go into how similar your son’s behavior is to that of a typical juvenile fire setter but am only writing to offer advice on where to try and get help. PLEASE call the Center for Arson Research at 215-843-2115 and ask to speak with Dian Williams. She is so versed in this…many chldren that begin as firesetters will pee, bedwet, hurt siblings or animals, be violent, etc…she CAN help you! One thing you can also have him do is draw what is called a house-tree-person drawing and have the center interprete it for you. It can help pin point many problems that may be hidden such as sexual abuse or psychiatric disorders. They will interpret it free or if you want written report I think it is only $25. Basically ask him to draw a house, tree and person (give NO other directions)…provide him with at least 24 crayons and / or magic markers along with rulers, erasers, pencils and pens and a white piece of paper. Let him draw away, even if he starts drawing other objects…make no comments…than mail it to center. the address is PO Box 633, Lafayette Hill, PA 19444. This has got to be very hard and I commend you for trying so hard to help him…please give this a shoot, it has helped many other people. Good luck!

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