diagnosing ADHD

I began to suspect ADD with my own son at that same age and for this reason. I just did not know what to do with him anymore. There comes a time as even very young children grow, that we rather expect them to be able to do more for themselves. By 3 1/2 I thought I could ask my young son to entertain himself for a few minutes at a time. Many people have a second child as did I right around that time thinking that the older child is now on their way to greater independence.

When my son was diagnosed, the physician told me he could have made the diagnosis from the expression on my face without ever having seen my son. I was exhausted from trying to keep with a 3 1/2 with boundless energy and a very limited attention span.

That your doctor dimissed your concerns is a bit of a problem as ordinarily I’d suggest that you speak first with your doctor. So now I’d say - find another doctor with greater experience in these matters. Perhaps contact your nearest local chapter of C.H.A.D.D. - a support for families with children who have ADD. They can likely put you in touch with the right doctors who will at least hear you out and you might benefit from being in touch with CHADD and their support. A search on-line will pull up CHADD website’s quickly.

Good luck.

I agree with Sara’s advice. Not to discount your concerns, but learning letter names and writing them is developmentally inappropriate for a 3 1/2 year old. Preschoolers are hands-on learners.. they need to be actively involved in manipulating objects— building blocks, sand and water play, puzzles, pretend play, etc. and he should experience music and rhyme and “playing” orally with sounds. These are the “building blocks” for the academic skills he will be expected to learn once he enters school. Your child should be able to entertain himself for short periods of time with a building toy or puzzle with a few simple pieces. He should be able to sit on your lap and listen to and look at a short picture book. How did you get him to learn his address, phone #, etc.? This is quite good for 3 1/2 and will give you some clues as to how he learns best. I hope you have a backyard, basement, or safe playground nearby where you can let him use up some of this energy! Is there a preschool or playgroup he might participate in? You’r doctor is probably right, he will calm down— but that doesn’t help you in the meantime. Look for a clinician (psychologist, developmental pediatrician, licensed clinical social worker, counselor, etc. ) who has experience with preschoolers— at this age they will probably work with you more than your child to help you manage these difficult behaviors.

Most children can not do the things your son can do so you may have somewhat unrealistic expectations of what a 3 1/2 year old is capable of learning. At the same time, I have a now six year old who didn’t stop moving once he learned to walk. He has ADHD characteristics at home but has always been much better in preschool/K. This has made us think that he is really an active high energy kid rather than ADHD. Is your son in preschool? That would likely help plus give someone else’s view of his behavior.

But believe me, I know how wearing some children are. My son now has a much longer attention span but went from one thing to another for years.

Beth

With such a “high-octane” kid, you’ll need to have the very best parenting skills. Kids like that will grow to defy you if you have too many restrictions that the child perceives as trying to stop him from being himself. I recommend some good parenting books like any of the “Positive Discipline” ones, esp. the ones for preschoolers. Also the “Positive Time Out” book is valuable for this sort of kid.

In my experience, because these kids often wear the parent out, parents develop some really bad habits when it comes to discipline. It’s hard not to. But you want to guard against this by learning as much as you can about how to get your son to obey without building resentment in him. Because he’s so active, there are probably countless times where you have to intervene. Learn how to make them positive and how to motivate him to want to do what you say.

I would like to agree with some of the previous posts. My pediatrician once referred to my son as the “busiest bear she had ever seen” when he was about 3. I was one tired lady. Well he is now 8 and still a very active, athletic kid, but definately not ADD. I have a 10 year old daughter that has inattentive ADD, and would have never guessed that when she was 3. I would advise you to keep close eye on him, but give him time to mature. When he reaches school age, is when I would start to be concerned.

I totally agree with Stacy. It’s just too early to know. Our oldest son was a bit of a wildman from the moment he could crawl. Nothing would keep his attention for more than 5 minutes. I was exhausted trying to keep up with him. Being our first, I didn’t know whether that was normal or not. When he started to drive his second grade teacher nuts, he was diagnosed with mild ADD. His pediatrician recommended behavior management instead of medication. Most of his teachers over the following 8 years have never even been aware that he has ADD.

Then our second child was just the sweetest, quietest kid. He could sit for long periods at one activity. But he was the one that needed the medication 10 years (ADD-inattentive) later because although he was sitting quietly, he couldn’t stay focused.

Rosebud,

My child at 3.5 was very similar to yours. He was a real spitfire. It forced me as Joan said to develop some very good parenting habits. My husband sometimes would cave to my son’s very strong will rather than take the sometimes harder road of a consistant approach.
I remember my dear sister did not understand why my son had to go to bed on time, eat at regular intervals, get some quiet time away from TV, go to sleep with his music etc…
She had a child that could just go with the flow and adapted easily to whatever was going on around him.
I also had the experience of him being quite bright verbally but he did not move along the developmental continuum consistantly in all areas. He could count to 20 and say his letters before he was 2 but could not recognize letters and numbers in kindergarten and could not really count by rote. (Saying the numbers and counting are 2 different things.) He never liked puzzles or anything to do with drawing or writing.
He had a rather severe visual motor deficit. He can be inattentive but I am still sorting out if he is a true add. His deficits have been fairly well remediated but we are still working through some of his issues. You may at some point want to look into occupational therapy for sensory integration issues and visual therapy for an ocular motor problem before you accept the add diagnosis.

In the meantime sign him up for gymnastics, swimming,and music classes. Buy a mozart tape and play it often, especially around bedtime. You may also want to consider audiblox www.audiblox2000.com as it addresses some of the visual motor areas.
I have learned that is very hard to pay attention when you are looking at the world through eyes that don’t function well.

One last thing; take heart, my son went from being a spitfire as a little kid to a real doer as a 9 year old. There is not a lazy bone in that boy’s body. He is a child who may very well set the world on fire someday.

By the age of 4 my son had already escaped from the house twice at 4am, even though after the first time, a keyed dead bolt was added to the front door (a fire hazard) above his height-he got into my car and used the garage door opener. He had climbed the hot water heater and gotten the iron from the top shelf in the laundry room, plugged it in and “ironed” the carpet. Even with the fact that I have my BS in Child Psych I could not get a prescription-I was told to wait. I finally put his bedroom doorknob on backwards (another fire hazard) so I could lock him in at night since many things occured in the nocturnal hours. Well, he threw his sister’s walker down the stairs AFTER removing the gate at the top of the stairs while I was in the bathroom during daylight hours.

When he could not read halfway through first grade and had been through over a year of therapy to determine if it could be something else, he finally went on meds. His teachers now don’t even know since he does not have an IEP or 504 that would require them to read his file. They seem very shocked when I go to Back to School Night and inform them, or he chooses to do a book report on “Joey Pigza” and tells the class that he has ADHD.

You are right to be concerned but until it effects their performance in school or theor peer relationships, most physicians will not consider testing because they won’t consider medication. Hang in there and read everything you can, with one eye on your child who just stuck a remote in your VCR!!!! That way you know everything there is about ADHD when/if he/she is diagnosed later. Good Luck, I have been there and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It does fade occasionally, as the last 2 weeks have signaled that an increased dose was needed and my need for Xanax has increased exponentially. The call went in to the doc this afternoon and he agreed. By Thursday my life should be back to normal…….for about 18 months when we go through this again…….

Beverly,

Good to see you still have your sense of humor (and your Xanax!)!!

My best to you and to all of you who struggle with the “wild child” in your life! I have one too— a girl— and I know what your going through!

Glad to see my humor is appreciated. It often saves my sanity. I have yet to determine if I was ever sane to begin with! The increase of a WHOPPING 5mg was enough to fix the problem. Life is back to “normal”- though I have yet to define normal as it pertains to anyone. Good Luck with your daughter as well.

I think it is great that we can laugh at all of this. I swear if I ever write a book about my experiences it will be a comedy.

Some of these characters I have met along the way border on the “Reality is stranger than fiction” concept.

Beverly,
Just so you know…I also turned my daughter’s bedroom doorknob around!!! I felt guilty about it, but it was the only way to protect her at night…she was prone to night wanderings and I was so fearful that she would wander outside and be lost!!!!! Now that she knows not to go out at night and she understands “danger”, I have the knob turned around the right way again! I think it is just so neat to find out that the “creative solution” to a problem that one is going through with one’s child is also being used by someone else who is going through the same thing!!!! Oh, and with my child it was a Coaster in the VCR!!!…also, cheetos down the register and tiny toys floating in my unattended cup of tea, just to name a very few!!!

Best wishes….

It has been 6 years since his door knob was on that way but I still feel guilty about it!! Thanks, I am glad to hear that other people have had to use the same tactic. It is a little scary when your son wakes you up with a blueberry bagel in his hand and you KNOW you don’t have any in the house. He had gone to the neighbors for breakfast at 5am-he went out the door and since her lights were on he went over for a visit. I was terrified thinking of what could have happened if he had just gone wandering off instead of going to her house.

We could all get together and write an ADHD survival guide-not one that tells you what to do and what not to do……more like “What to expect when you’re not expecting it” so that our “creative solutions” can be out there for all going through it.

Writing a book that would help others would probably be theraputic, too!

Beverly wrote:

> We could all get together and write an ADHD survival
> guide-not one that tells you what to do and what not to
> do……more like “What to expect when you’re not expecting
> it” so that our “creative solutions” can be out there for all
> going through it.