Extracurricular Activites

I don’t think he sounds like he is overprogrammed. Personally, I think it is extremely important for our children to have activities where they can enjoy themselves and not constantly confront their weaknesses. My rule for my children, LD or no, is that they can participate in two extra-curricular activities. My kids go to a very academically-demanding school and they have a lot of homework, even on the week-ends. I can imagine that children who have less work could participate in more than two activities.

Andrea

Our school psych said the same thing to me. It’s silly that they try to make all these blanket statements. They are still kids and they are all different. I think 8 hours is a lot, but if he is enjoying it and excelling in it and there are strong emotional benefits, you keep on going! If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it! Some kids with ADD are easily overwhelmed, and that might have been the reason behind their suggestion. Obviously, your boy is not. Like everyhting else with this disorder, what’s true for some kids isn’t always true for others. The school’s motivation is that it may give him more time for academics. But as we know, academics isn’t the only priority behind treating this disorder. Math and reading alone are not going to help this boy come to terms with his ADD. Lowering your standards too much is a sure fire way of lowering his self esteem. You are a smart mom to be treating the “Whole” child. Because that is what is going to turn him into a “whole” man. These kids need to go go go and we need to fill their days and channel their energy. You keep going the way you are going. When/if it becomes a problem, you’ll know it, and you’ll address it… when and if. Until then, keep raising the bar and he may keep surprising you.Tom’sMom wrote:

Please don’t cut back if he is happy and not stressed.
You need to look to your child for cues. He will let you know one way or the other if it is too much.

I personally believe that sports and music can help a child to learn to focus. If he is experiencing success don’t take it away.

I guess that depends on if he is keeping his grades up—if the grades are bad (don’t depend on the school for this info), you see he clearly understands/doesn’t understand the work and is putting forth a TRUE effort/or not.

You should stress good grades first because success in school could mean success in life!

If they don’t make the grades I don’t let my kids do the extra especially if I see they are not giving it their best because a favorite line at school is try your best. This makes a lazy child—my line is do better than your best!

I will not make excuses for my child not trying to overcome ADD in classwork! You have to train the mind.
‘
My husband had ADD all his life, is in a high position in the military and CANNOT use ADD as an excuse for anything—“oh, I can’t do it I can’t concentrate”-SORRY, they have to do things in the real world—train them now!

Does this suggestion have something to do with homework? As in, if your child was not involved in afterschool activities he/she could spend more time on homework or do better in school? Just a hunch.

I know that many ADD attentive kids miss so much in class that they have classwork to make up. And of course, it takes them twice as long to do homework because they can’t attend. And that the ADD is much worse when they are tired-its hard to fight to stay focused when fatigued.

Do children need time to be children? time to learn new skills? try new experinces? be in social situations (band, scouts)? burn off some energy and possibly frustration? I think my answer is obvious-your child will enjoy playing the trumpet long after this grade ends.

Take the long view - give him time to be a whole person. Tell the school to accomodate him instead- provide study guides and notes, shorten assignment to pinpoint skills/content necessary and take the busy stuff.

Just my opinion

I think its a misunderstanding of the diagnosis.

To an untrained, inexperienced person the concept of someone not being able to concentrate brings up personal experiences of perhaps the holiday rush and how easy it is to forget things when one has multiple things going on.

ADHD is a true physical difference in the brain and one can’t relate with their own experiences if they are not ADD

My oldest son is most organized at his busiest-and the more physical the activity the better. As a junior in hs he worked at a car wash-very physical labor with 11 hr shifts on weekends and working till 8 most school nights-he thrived. We moved and he now works at a grocery store as a cashier-he thought hed like this better because it was warm and “easy’ but truthfully, he misses the physical intensity and variety of his car wash job(wash or dry or fold or clean bays or watch tv when its slow beats scanning and scanning and more scanning).

I would definitely keep the ec’s unless, as has been mentionned, it is interfering with his ability to get assignments done

I disagree on this

Life does not accommadate to meet your schedule (especially a job).

I do not agree with school cutting back on the school work if they cannot keep up—colleges will not and ARE NOT required to cut back on class work because a person canot keep up—the child SHOULD make ot up at home so that they are right up with the rest of the class.

Check out some good info on making an ADD child accountable for their accommplishments at
http://www.ppionline.org/documents/SpecialEd_ch02.pdf

Read it—it talks about how real world WILL NOT and DOES NOT care about ADD later in life, even has some real life situations of adults that tried to sue AND LOST colleges for not allowing them extra time or modifying their test

My dd is ADHD Inattentive. We purposely limit her after school activities. She has learning differences which she has overcome tremendously. Her after school activities are limited to Girls Scouts every other week and softball in the spring.

She has to complete homework under benefit of the meds - or else homework time is painfully long and she doesn’t get anything out of it. But that was her particular issue. On those nights with GS or softball she has been getting better w/ hw, but sometimes she still really struggles.

So, make the decision personal based on your son. Is he able to keep up with schoolwork with all those activities? Is hw a nightly struggle? If it is not an issue for him, let him do what he wants for extracurricular.

Since dd is doing so much better now, I want to get her after school art lessons - she is talented and we haven’t been able to provide this oppy for her to shine there. It’s been a guilt thing for me and a tough call/IMO sacrifice for her in not getting the art lessons.

Thanks to everyone for responding….. Some of you mentioned keeping the activities but only if they didn’t interfere with school homework. Well…..he has only been on Metadate for 2 weeks (20mg 1x in AM). I see no difference in the meds. I think the dose is too small, he’s 12yo, over 100 lbs and 5’3” tall. He’s been growing like a weed since Oct. The meds. aren’t affecting his appetite but are definitely affecting his getting to sleep. We go back to the doctor tomorrow so we’ll see. (Thomas ended last year, 5th grade, with 50/50 split on As and Bs. Now it’s Cs and Ds.)

With behavioral changes, ie. breaks and school work at the kitchen table to name a few, homework has generally improved from 4 hours a night to 21/2-3. This is for 3-5 subjects with varying work, math worksheet with 20 problems, read 2 chapters and do 20 vocab. words, etc. But this does involve my total attention the whole time pretty much to the detriment of my 9YO daughter (and I’m a single Mom). The school (parochial) has started some actual school time assistance through their full time resource room teacher now that the diagnosis is official. Any type of IEP is 6-9 months away based on experience with my public school system but it is in the works.

It’s not that he can’t get the work done it’s more remembering to get the assignment in the notebook to begin with. A homework buddy has met with limited success.

Thanks for the help and I’d welcome any other suggestions. I feel like I’m shooting in the dark.

Tom’sMom

IF it is that he cannot remember to put the owrk in his notebook I call it not wanting to do it—he can remember what time he has to be at the fun sport or activity—he canremeber what time his favorite show comes on—he is choosing to forget his work

Think about all the things he can remember and then question why he can’t remember what he has to

I don’t think you can make that assumption about another person’s child. It sounds alot like what many of us here have had to deal with from others who just don’t get it, “They could do it if they tried.”

My son is about as motivated a person as you could ever imagine. He really can’t get organized all the time. He can sometimes. With therapy for his underlying issues he is getting better. I have always approached things kind of like I am his cheerleader and biggest fan. I always pass on the assumption that he can do it. I help him find ways to do it. I help to understand that there are consequences to not doing it. I let him know that in life, everyone has expectations placed on them and achieving means giving it your all.

I never allow him to think for even one second that he “is” lazy, unmotivated, dumb, or any of the other adjectives that get thrown on these kids.

I let him know he is the greatest kid around. As he has grown, he proves it more and more everyday.

>
> It’s not that he can’t get the work done it’s more
> remembering to get the assignment in the notebook to begin
> with. A homework buddy has met with limited success.
>
> Thanks for the help and I’d welcome any other suggestions. I
> feel like I’m shooting in the dark.
>

Does you son have an assignment notebook? If not, get one, and that way he only has one place to write down stuff. If he has trouble writing down each assignment, ask if the teacher would check it after each class to make sure he’s gotten it all written down correctly. There are also web sites, such as www.schoolnotes.com where teachers can post homework assignments. (This has been a wonderful help for my 11 year old. His teacher posts assignments weekly and he can get caught up on the weekends.)

As far as extra-activities, how does you son feel about it? Does he seemed stressed, or feel over-booked? I think it’s also important to ask how our kids feel.

Having said that, however, in my house, school comes first. My son missed out on soccer practice Thurs because he simply had too much homework that night. Right now Boy Scouts is somewhat on hold; school plus trumpet plus soccer plus piano is too much. Scouts meets year round, but soccer doesn’t, so we compromise. My son takes piano lessons because he enjoys it, but we don’t push him to practice 30 minutes every day because he simply doesn’t have enough time.

First off let me say that the trumpet lessons are important to playing in the band and if he has talent in this direction, please keep him in it.

I believe my brother stayed in school for the main reason that he played in band, otherwise he would have blown off school altogether. He went on to play in the Air Force’s TOPS IN BLUE, he played a superbowl halftime show back in the mid 80’s, alongside Micheal Jackson no less! He went on to train in biomedical repair/installation/maintenance with the AF and has worked for Philips electronics for a number of years.

I was a band kid too, not as talented as my brother but it was a place I could shine in my own little corner of the world. Lots of friends and support there that you don’t make in a regular classroom.

The school play doesn’t sound like a yr round thing, you might question your son how important does he feel it is to continue it. I also can’t see photo class on a Sat. am being a problem, would he otherwise be sitting around playing a video game, watching cartoons or playing with friends at that time?

You stated he is most often home NLT 4:30, I usually have my guys doing their homework at 5:00 pm. They don’t get off the school bus til 3:30 so I know they need the break between school and homework. They both take concerta so it is still in effect until at least 7:00. My oldest is inattentive, the youngest is hyper.

If your son takes medicine and it is the kind that only works during the school day, it may be helpful to either go to a longer acting medicine or to augment the end of the day with a short acting medicine. This would most likely help with the homework time, for him to be able to concentrate. No different than having to concentrate in school on the schoolwork.

I can only see the extras as beneficial to him.

As for organization, someone already mentioned a planner, a very important thing to have. Most teachers don’t have a problem with signing it, making sure hw is written correctly and completely. Some are only willing if your child brings it to them. A way to help this is a hw contract with your child/yourself/teachers (I made the teachers sign my son’s contract so they would be part of it, instead of just on me and my son). Assign points to the signatures and rewards for so many points. I started this in 6th grade, continued in 7th grade and now it is second nature to my son in 8th grade.

tom’s mom, let me make one other point. The ‘me’ person is a new person posting on this board and does not express the majority view of most of parents of adhd children. I have been posting here since ‘99 and have been dealing with school and my adhd kids since ‘96. This is a great place to come and become informed.

Amy

ADA supports student accomodations in college. ADA supports accommodations in the work place. Documentation always necessary.

My husband also is in a ‘high’ position in the military, diagnosed with adhd at age 38. In his world, adhd is an asset. High energy levels, calculated risk taker, full of ideas and the self motivation to push through. He has made quite an impression among the folks he works for/with. Some of his oer’s make him look as though he could part the seas and walk on water. He did however, have reading problems in school and still worked 3 times as hard to get his A average on his Master’s degree.

ADHD is expressed in individual ways just as people are individuals. No one way will work for all people. I have two adhd sons. One needs no help in school whatsoever, is a gold honor roll student. The other needs academic help, he has needed it since day one of 1st grade. His adhd affects him differently than his brother. It affects him differently than it does his father or me, I was diagnosed adhd at age 37.

I compare it to a group of people having a cold. One person may have the sniffles, another has a runny nose and a cough and another has a full blown case of cough, sniffles, post nasal drip, fever and aches.

So I would have to say a mom would know when her child’s behavior is that of being lazy, unmotivated or when the child actually needs help in learning the skills and would then offer that help in whatever form it is necessary.

Amy

I guess it’s all in your standards. To our family, school is not life. Work is not life. At best, it is half of life, and I’m being generous with that remark. I’ll take a happy, well adjusted, confident, friendly child with multiple interests and talents, who brings home “C’s” any day over an “A+” student without any of these traites. I’d be thrilled if my son brings home A’s, I’m not saying grades aren’t important, I’m just saying they aren’t a top priority for this Rebel Mom, happy is. Good grades don’t make you smart or happy. Doing what you love and cashing in on your talents does.
Read an earlier post of mine from last week, sometimes they’re wrong. You may find your Band guy has a lot in common with my Jock guy!
Good Luck!

Wow, what a mistake taking away those things a child is successful at and having them do things they are not enjoying. Do you enjoy misery? Sometimes schools in an attempt to make good suggestions can’t see the forest for the trees. ADHD kids need a physical outlet and some other area to focus. My son had major attention issues and difficulty focusing and reading when he was in 1st grade. We enrolled him in a TaeKwonDo class two days a week and it was like a miracle. He learned self discipline, memory skills, and developed an increased self concept. I guess some of this would be similar to what boot camp does for some your men. I swear by this “sport” and recommend it to many people whose young children exhibit some of my sons behaviors.

If this kid is keeping up with 4 hours of homework and activities-I’m impressed! 4 hours of homework for a 6th grader is not normal or recommended. We handle some of the homework organization by having a drawer for all the needed supplies by the dining room table wher the work is done. And we set a time to do homework which means no phone calls, etc. Check with your school as to the reccommended time for homework-the standard for many private schools is 10 minutes x grade level, public schools are less. 4 hours is way over the top and 2 1/2 hours is excessive for grade 6. In the LD in depth area of this website I think is a great document listing possible accomodations for ADD kids. The trick is not to dumb down or miss the content but make the work more focused eg1. supplying study guides so the kid knows exactly what to study and doesn’t lose a bunch of time wandering. eg2. have the kid who is not doing badly in math do only the harder math problems for homework. One of the common reasons given for homework is so that kids learn time management and independence but it is not meant to be punitive. Your kid learns more about time management in 30 minutes than he does in 3 hours. At 3 hours he’s foggy, tired, frustrated and feeling stupid.
Keeping his self-esteem healthy is critical. Do some reading on ADHD/ADD and adolescence. Finding a skill that the child is good at and encouraging it is one of the big things you can do to give him the confidence to weather the storm.

Been to the homework wars and homework is not meant to wreck your family life. Good luck

Why cut back on activites based on a diagnosis? I don’t quite understand that.

Is he having trouble in school? Does he need more time to do homework or more ‘down time’? If so, then cutting back might be a sad solution to those issues.

If not, I wouldn’t cut back on some activities just because someone told me he has trouble paying attention in other activities. The child himself is most often the best barometer of when too much is really too much. Give him room to tell you he’s doing too much and he likely will if he is.

My child has add and I just wish he had all the interests Tom’s mother’s ds has. In grade 7, my ds spends up to six hours and sometimes more trying to get his homework done. Two hours of that time would be better spent learning about and seeing some success at something he really cared about. Instead his day is a continual battle to get schoolwork done with what he calls “his small brain.” How did we get to this point? Mostly due to dh who also thinks good grades are the key to success in life.

Well, they’re not. I work full time at a demanding job and manage professionals with advanced degrees. Personally I was always a straight A student and went to a very challenging university. That is not true of anyone I manage, but guess what? Most of them are excellent and some are even brilliant employees. They’re not great in everything—no one is, but we work around their weaknesses and have them focus on doing the things they are really good at. If the weakness is an area that is important we give tips and—imagine—accomodations, often through teamwork. For example, the strong writers edit the weak writers. We match organized people with the terminally disorganized, who may have, for example, great analytical skills. In real life we actually care about getting the work done in the most efficient and effective manner so I am not, for example, forcing my programming genuis employee to attend meetings about getting upper management buyin that do nothing but elevate his angst levels and kill his creativity cells.

It is of course important to choose your profession and place of employment wisely to make sure your strengths and weaknesses can be accomodated. The difference with most schooling is that it only rewards certain strengths and always penalizes certain weaknesses. So in a sense, for many kids there is no opportunity to do and show their best at school, as it is often in an area schooling is indifferent to (like drawing dragons attacking UFOs). This is not the real world where a niche for success exists for practically everyone, if school hasn’t already totally beaten them down and discouraged them about their life prospects.

A very legitimate question is “What is the purpose of homework? or Waht is the purpose of this specific assignment?” have the teacher condense it. Your family needs a family life other than the homework wars. Your child needs much more than a mom who is solely homework supervisior. I would guess you are reteaching your child. Get some serious help on ADD accomodations.

amyf,

thanks for all the great info. and support. “me’s” comments did hit me the wrong way. There are certainly days and times when Thomas doesn’t make as much of an effort but I know most days he’s trying. I have certainly come to realize over the past few months while going through the diagnosis phase that taking away the activities he loves as a “punishment” don’t achieve anything. They just result in a bummed out kid who has no release for his energy and creativity.

Tom’sMom

I teach college students and we are required by law to give extra time to students with documented disabilities.

I think the difference between school and the rest of life is that in school you have to be good at everything. In the rest of life, you have more choice of what you do. I read posts all the time by ADHD adults who have found jobs in which it is actually a benefit to be ADHD.

My son is LD as well. We work very hard at improving his skills, particularly reading, but in the long run I see school as something he has to get through before he can get on with his life. It just doesn’t use his strengths. I am not anti-school—I have a Phd and have spent most of my life in education.

School is basically designed for NT kids. My daughter loves it. My son probably never will.

Beth

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Sorry for the lingo.