I’m not sure if my ADD son is also ODD (Opositional Defiance Disorder), but lately it seems as if we battle more over the littlest details. Especially when he doesn’t get what he wants. He is in danger of failing the third grade because he doesn’t want to do the work. All the teachers know he knows the material and is exceptionally bright, they can’t grade what he doesn’t do. Redirection seldom helps anymore. Can anyone offer some practical tools to combat this behavior?
Re: ADHD and defiance
This could definitely be “just” ADHD, but I’m wondering if you have had your son evaluated for learning disabilities? ADHD and LD often go hand in hand. An exceptionally bright child who refuses to do school work could be bored and shutting down, or he might be bored AND have an LD that is interfering with his ability to do the work. Very intelligent children with LDs are often able to escape detection for a while because their gifts mask their disabilities and their disabilities mask their gifts. You can find out more information by looking in the LD in Depth section of this board, under the GT/LD category. My GT/LD/ADHD son often used to refuse to complete any school work. What we learned is that the work was simultaneously too easy and too hard for him, if that makes any sense. He was very intelligent and had a vast store of background knowledge. The problem was, the way you show what you know in school, especially in the primary grades, is by writing it down. He has an LD that affects his ability to write and to express his thoughts in writing, so he had great difficulty demonstrating his knowledge. So, there he sat, never learning anything new and never able to prove what he did know. Dealing with both his LD and his giftedness made a huge difference for him. I hope this helps.
Andrea
Re: ADHD and defiance
What greast responses! I have another thought to add that may go along with the above …
Has your son been under additional stress, (like any of us aren’t), who has something significant changed in the environment? Many behaviors or a reult of a need that the hild is not able to have met, perhaps there is something goig on in either the classroom or between your child and the teachers/other students, that he has not been able to express to you. Would it be possible for him to speak to a counselor. I might also want to observe the environments. My 5 year old son started a very defiant streak. I didn’t know what was going on until I meet his new ‘best friend’, a much older boy that he admired from afar at the playground, who was extremly rude and nasty to EVERYONE, including his parents. When I reassured my son that was not going to fly at our home, and we avoided the playground for a few days, things began to return to normal. Just another thought.
Good Luck!
Re: ADHD and defiance
Thanks for the postings— i’m definitely gonna look into LD and a better reward system— i feel as though I’ve gone through every trick in the book and it works for a hot minute then we’re back to square one. Anyway, thanks for the advice.
Re: ADHD and defiance
I’ve read that some of these children are very competitive and therefore challenge your authority (how could you know more than him!). My son certainly is are others?
Like Stacy said I also have tried to use his powers of reasoning which are good if not in the middle of conflict or on his guard or in a hurry. If he tells me off for something which seems to threaten him even though I have taken pains to say it nicely (in the book “Different Children” she says it’s like “tiptoeing around an exploding volcano”) and he gets angry. So I’ve started bowing out and I say;
“OK well I won’t talk to you about it any more if you like. I’m just trying to help, but you know if you don’t let me remind you this..(fill in the blanks)………….. might happen but that’s OK it’s up to you.” I then say think about it and let me know if you want me to stop reminding you about>>>>>>>>.
So far he has thought about it and then, as he really is very intelligent but needs processing time, he so far says OK mum you can remind me. I think the last one was about wearing pyjamas to the shops and taking that chance that no one noticed.
Does any of this make sense?
Trudy,
I am just a mom, but sometimes good ole reverese psychology works. Put it on him to do the work. Maybe if he sees that he has to take some responsibility to do the work or fail maybe he will make the decision for himself. I have sometimes been known to tell my children what I expect, maybe remind them to do their homework, and leave it alone. They are fairly competitive and do not like to go to school without their assignments because they don’t want have a 0. Also they lose recess time when their work is not complete, a fate worse than death. They know the consequences and have to face the music if they don’t follow through. I know this doesn’t work with every kid, but just a thought.