How to get past this roadblock...

Your son sounds quite similiar to my son. I have a 14 year old 8th grade boy who has a 504 plan that we may change to an IEP for the resources that you describe. He is not motivated by homework and does not write in his planner(never has and never will, I believe). There is a homework hotline that I call daily. I also E-mail his teachers for extra information and I stay about as on top of his work as I possibly can and still he gets crummy grades for the most part and he seems surprised. I do tie homework to his weekend overnight with friends privileges. It is the only thing that semi-works. It he wants a friend over for an overnight then he must get his homework done and get to bed at a reasonable hour pretty much set by me. He tests me on this constantly and we have had to cancel friends a number of times. I hate to take away his time with friends but at this point it is all that works. He begrudingly gets started under my supervision. He hates it but some days I think he is getting better and then we have a setback. Good luck. I will be interested to see what others have to say.

Thanks for your response, CP. Yes, our sons sound a lot alike.

If we had a homework hotline or e-mail with my son’s teachers, it would be easier. Two teachers do have websites with homework posted and we are able to make sure he keeps up in those classes. The other teacher, his core teacher, does not have a site, will absolutely not remind the kids about their planners, homework asignments, incomplete classroom work, etc. She does not send home notes and does not use e-mail. Meetings don’t help— we do it at least twice a year with the school psyc., counselor, RSP teacher, etc. They all appear very concerned and caring but do not follow through past the first couple of weeks.

I just really hate to limit any of his free time because school is such a struggle for him. I am frankly amazed that he continues to keep a somewhat positive attitude about it considering the fact that, when he does try hard and keeps up with his homework, he still gets less than brilliant grades because he is a very poor tester. I even find myself wondering why we spend $30 a session for alegbra tutoring, have endless arguements about doing homework, turning in homework, etc., and, after all that, he fails every test and STILL gets a consistent F in algebra. This is a kid who scores above 12th grade and off the chart in math reasoning skills. Think this is another subject.

Well, I hope someone has some advice for us both.

I understand you not wanting to turn him against school when he has such a good attitude now

Perhaps you could come up with a chart where he receives a check for every day he writes in his planners and X no of checks means a trip to the arcade or a later bedtime for a week or whatever floats his boat.

I would push the issue with the reluctant teacher more-it really tees me off when a parent is trying and a teacher wont do the simplest thing like check a planner!

I know you dont want to tee HER off but maybe if you wrote up a plan with the responsibilities of your son, you, and the teachers clearly outlined and gave them all copies with maybe a CC:to principal, special ed director, etc

Thanks Marycas, that sounds like a good idea. The main reason we have not wanted to antagonize this particular teacher is because she is (right now, as a matter of fact) taking a group of 8th graders including my son to Washington, DC and New York. I really did not want my son 3000 miles from home (we live in CA) in the hands of a teacher who might be somewhat hostile.

The reward idea sound good too. I have tried that system in the past, but it’s difficult as he is an only child, somewhat spoiled, and immature enough to not quite get it when he is suddenly denied things he is used to getting until he earns them. He also is a drama king, and I have to admit that the idea of dealing with his histrionics (very brief but VERY intense) when the weekend rolls around makes me cringe and not follow through as well as I should with the reward system. Sigh…

I just got home from doing a presentation on homework to our 2nd-5th graders and their parents. It will be harder at age 13, but you CAN get him on track! One suggestion is to mutually agree on a daily homework time and stick to it. If he has no homework, or “forgets” to write it down and bring it home, he still must spend that hour or so involved in some sort of learning activity. This helps keep kids from rushing through, too. If they are going to have to do some academic work no matter what, they usually figure out they might as well do the assigned work and get credit for it. Lee Canter’s book, Homework Without Tears, can be helpful in setting up a system and laying down the law. BTW, I’m surprised any schools are taking trips to DC and NY right now— glad to see they are not getting caught up in the hysteria. We live here, we have no choice!

The planner only really works if everyone does their part and there is a consequence if it does not occur. Getting things may be a place to start but I am not a fan of bribery. An 8th grader may take forever to mature, I’m working with Sr.s in HS who left to their own would have self destructed by now. A firm, fair, and consistent environment is where most kids will flourish and suddenly show maturation.

Boy, what is it about 8th grade math and our guys??? My son has some of the same difficulty there.

The planner will work if the teacher does her part, I know this is a hard one.

When my son was in 6th grade we made a contract with him that I also got the teachers to sign as well as myself. It required him to write down the assignment (or no assignment), the teacher had to sign which said that hw was written correctly and completely and then I had to sign (much like what you already did). I assigned points for the hw written down and each signature. I then made up a chart of different rewards that cost different amounts of points.

The teacher signatures also made hw their responsibility too. Now we have it in the IEP that ‘teachers will assist student in the school/home communication’ ie. the planner.

I kept up the contract through 7th grade and this year in 8th it is finally a habit. He asked me at the beginning of the year if he could try it on his own, I agreed to see how things went. He is doing very well in that dept. finally.

Unfortunately in 6th grade, I also had to go into school every Fri (for math class specifically) to check on missing assignments. My kids do hw at 5:00 every day. No changes in the last 8 years. So…if my son is writing it down and I am making sure that hw is done, there shouldn’t have been a problem with missing assignments. Invariably they were all there in the binder. This particular teacher had a complex hw/makeup hw system that my son just never got and she for whatever reason wouldn’t just ask for it from him. At one point the sp.ed teacher suggested sending in an aide just for this (which I thought was ridiculous), how hard is it to ask for the assignment at the beginning of class when you know the student is struggling?

See if you can get the planner thing in the IEP, then they can’t just ‘forget’ and it puts some responsibility back on the teacher.

Hope this helps. Best wishes.
Amy

“A firm, fair, and consistent environment is where most kids will flourish and suddenly show maturation”….
wow…. this is a maturity issue… therefore they will ‘grow’ out of it? There are a number of children who will never ‘mature’ out of their inability to organize their hw. Our best bet is to give them the skills they need and support them, for as long as it is necessary, as they learn these skills.
The posters who stated make sure it is in your IEP were right on target! If it is in there, it must be done.

Rover, I like the idea of a set homework time. That’s one of the problems we have. He has a study skills class and likes to put it off until then, but there are times when the RSP teacher has something planned and he doesn’t have time to do it. Then, things start to build up. I am going to look for the homework book you mentioned. If I could only make him understand that a twenty minutes or so a night would probably do the trick, and when he does actually do the work, he gets A’s.

We were surprised that the trip didn’t get cancelled too, and believe me, we were anxious about even letting him go. The company has advisers from the State Department and contingency plans if necessary, and at any given time, they have 60 or so schools in the areas. We decided to not get caught up in the hysteria and continue to live our lives. Now, I don’t know if I’ll have any fingernails left by the time he gets home….

Amy and Gloria,

The homework issue is in my son’s IEP. However, his core teacher refuses to ask him for his planner or for him homework (many times, he has completed it but forgets to turn it in) because “by 8th grade, they should be more responsible”. Also, my son is very anxious about being late for class, and simply cannot deal with standing in a line of three or four students to get his planner initialed in the 5 minutes they have between classes. I have even gone so far as to tell him that, if he is late, to have them call home, and I will make sure he is excused. Didn’t work…that clock ticking just gets his adrenaline flowing.

I think, as was suggested in another post, that we are simply going to have to physically go up to the school and get a copy of his assignments for the week, set a homework time and make sure he spends that time doing something academic, and checking at the end of the week to make sure he has turned everything in.

my older boys(non-LD) went through a stage where they preferred to get up early and do homework for the day-they felt it ‘didnt take away from their fun time’. Perceptual difference, but I see their point and it worked!!!!!

Oh how frustrating and unreasonable! I just had a tought, in this wonderful day of computers, what if the teacher were to email you the assignements, either at the beginning of the week or on a daily basis? That way you would now what the assignement is, so rather then your son having to wait to have his planner signed, you could check the planner against your email, (thereby still keeping him in the responsibility loop). I also think that the teache who refuses to ask your son for his homework, then fails him for not turning it in, is punishing him for his disability. I would force the issue… go to the Director of pupil servies, to the case manager , to the principal. One of them should have the ability to come up with a reasonable accomodation and or be able to convince the teacher that it is not in her best interest to violate your son’s rights. As I typed, I had another thought. Would it be possible in this particular class to have a “buddy” assigned? A cream of the crop student who would take the extra two seconds every day to ask you son for his hw and then turn it in on his behalf? I hope that this works out for both of you!

I laughed when I read this! My first graders, twins, have made the same argument! Being that they wake up at the crack of dawn, I have agreed to give it a try. Guess what, it is working! I am getting better quality work with little or no fighting!

One other thing. Present this as a problem that must be solved at an IEP meeting. I think teachers are like everyone else. If they come up with a solution they will be more likely to follow through. If you demand a specific intervention they may balk and then you have to fight. UGH been there done that.

I am not against fighting but this seems like an issue that THEY should be able to help you solve. If they are resistant to coming up with a solution then you may have to take it to another level.

I originally posted ADHD and defiance, but your situation with your 8th grader sounds identical to some of the challenges I’m having with my thrid grader and yes he is in danger of failing. Getting the homework assignment written down, then brought home with all the materials needed to complete the assignments, actually getting it done in a reasonable amount of time without fighting, and then getting it into the hands of the teacher has become a full time job. His teacher is less than cooperative and is saying the it is my son’s responsibility to keep up with his homework even though she knows he has ADD and needs gentle reminders. I’m saddend to think this will continue to be a challenge.
However, this past week I was sick and had little energy to fight with my son. So when he decided it was fight time I simply said I was tierd and was going to bed early. When he asked why I wasn’t going to stay with him I told him I already passed the 3rd grade and if he wanted to pass he was going to have to choose to get his homework done. Twnety minutes later he came and told me he had finished a math assignment which normally took him over and hour and would i check it while he finished his remaining homework. His not hearing me constantly tell him to get his homwork done and giving him the choice seem to help at least this week.

Way to go!

It sounds to me as if your son would benefit from more support at school than more punishment at home. The IEP meeting promised him support from the RSP teacher yet and she/he hasn’t followed through. Shouldn’t the RSP teacher be punished?

Why are we punishing your son for the school failing to keep its promises to him? And the two teacher who do not communicate until report card time - that’ s irresponsible and it wouldn’t be permitted at my school.

Homework in these modern times of education hurts more students than it helps. Your son does the work when he knows the work it seems clear. Until all his teachers have entered the modern age, as they should, and have homework websites, is there some other student who could be called at night to find out the homework?

In my 20+ years of teaching, I have met students who just cannot write down the assignments from the board. Don’t ask me why - but know you’re son is far from the only one.

I don’t think you read my post correctly - wasn’t implying that the firm, fair and consistent was the only issue. The issue was the use of a planner that everyone employs - it requires the three aforementioned items.

There’s a lot more to what happened to your house. I would evaluate it in detail with your son.

Thanks to everyone who wrote— wow! It’s good to know that we aren’t the only ones going through this.

Sara, I know you are right about the punishment issue. It didn’t feel right anyway. I know we need to focus on helping, not punishing. I feel like I have somewhat dropped the ball because my son assured me he could handle things on his own, but he just isn’t ready to do that yet.

So, we will go back to monitoring his assignments as soon as his spring break is over. My husband intends to go directly to the teacher who has no web site or e-mail and get a list of assignments from her on a weekly basis. Our son is very against his dad (or me) even showing up at school, so I hope that alone will motivate him to get the list himself just to save himself the humiliation of— oh, my God— having a PARENT show up at school!