Does your ADHD child do this??

Does he get any type of weekly allowance? perhaps each time he says a word you don’t approve of (getting that all set up in advance) you could “charge” him/deduct if from his allowance. Or if he makes it through a whole day without using that word he earns something. Probably implementing positive and negative consequences that are meaningful to him will be helpful. If he is 13, perhaps he has picked up some of these words from other peers.

Thank you RW. Yes, he gets an allowance and I had thought about ‘charging’ him for the bad words. Oh yes, I’ve heard the kids talk at school and it’s appalling to hear the words that come out of their mouths! The girls are just as bad, too. I think my husband and I may try the allowance thing. I also like the idea of POSITIVELY rewarding him for NOT saying any bad words. It’s so easy to get caught up in trying to think of negative punishments which really never solve the problem anyway. Thanks for your reply, I appreciate it!

Have absolutely no good ideas. He’s being charged a quarter for each swear word that he has to pay to his sister. He lost all of his April allowance and is on track to lose all his May allowance. Bought a computer game he wanted and said he could get it if he went seven days without swearing. He’s made it through only one day in two weeks. Can’t bear swearing, don’t do it myself. Maybe ignoring would work, but I too worry about that seeming to endorse it. Hope that someone else has a solution.

Me too! Thanks for your reply. Although I wish you didn’t have this problem either, it’s nice (for lack of a better word!) to know that I’m not the only one. Maybe someone will jump in here that had something that worked for them. Good luck to you and take care!

Hi My son still swears occasionly and he swore before medication!! What I found works was first to sit him down and tell him how I felt and to find a word that people don’t feel offended by.It was his choice on what word he wanted.It does’nt happen all the time but there is an improvement and it’s made him aware of it when he does.I used fight with him all the time.Now when he does swear he immediately looks at me knowing how I really feel about it.And the reaction I have when he uses his chosen word.I hope this helpsHe much prefers my postive response.Good Luck

You know, actually, my son swore before medication too! He was just diagnosed in Nov. 2002, but he was swearing before then. It’s just seemed to escalate these past few months. He occassionally uses ‘d*mn’ and ‘sh*t’ and rarely says the ‘f’ word (very rarely). Mostly it’s ‘frickin” and even though it can be argued that that’s not technically a cuss word, it still makes me crazy because of the frequency of use. When I get on to him about that word he tells me #1 - it’s a bad habit that he’ll never be able to break, and #2 - wouldn’t I rather him say that or the ‘real’ word? I know kids are going to cuss and probably mostly to show off in front of friends. What gets me is that he does it in front of my husband and me - I would have never dreamed of cussing in front of my parents! But probably because I would have gotten the belt. I very rarely used spanking with my kids because I don’t believe it teaches anything positive, but I certainly can’t START spanking when he’s 13 and my height which is 5’9”! Thanks for the support. Maybe getting him to try to use another word instead combined with the “pay-to-cuss” rule I can get some results! Thanks again.

I like the tip about the positive reimforment! I’ll try it.

For what it’s worth—I’m going thru this issue with my 12 year old son. I *know* he picks it up from school and then gets into the habit and it slips out at home. He isn’t ADHD (I’m a visitor from the parenting LD board) so this appears to be sort of a universal problem.

Barb

I certainly agree it’s a univeral thing with kids. I’ve learned from all of my research (since we’re still new in the game) that cursing is a ‘part’ of ADHD. I guess I was wondering about the link between ADHDers cursing frequently and in front of parents et al, as opposed to behind the parents’ backs so they won’t get into trouble. I hope that makes sense. Or maybe kids these days are just much bolder than when I was growing up! Thanks much for your reply!

No great advice, but we went through the same thing with my son during high school. He was well aware that I didn’t like it and his sister got the worst of it. I’d expect that it would be more of a problem when combined with the impulsivity of ADHD. HE has outgrown it I’m glad to say, though I’m sure his language is different when around friends. I’ve spent 20+ years on Marine bases and swear that the vast majority of young Marines are unable to complete a sentence without the “F” word.

Hi Cindy, my child is newly diagnosed with ADHD but I did notice before the diagnosis was made that she seemed to pick up bad behaviors from the bus really easily. She’d try them out on her little sister and get into trouble. I think it is the impulse-control issue. I did take her off the bus so that she wouldn’t be exposed to such bad behavior and the problems have gone away. So, basically if that type of behavior is normalized on the bus, or if she gets used to acting out on the bus, she doesn’t have the impulse-control to not use that behavior in front of authority figures. So, she’s not able to hide the bad behaviors like other kids normally do. For us the bad behaviors where verbal and not keeping her hands to herself (pestering stuff.) Some of my friends criticized me and gave the argument that I was not exposing my child to normal life. I have decided that the bus is not a normal environment and no child needs that exposure to develop normally. Otherwise, kids that walk to school would be considered sheltered!!! Dumb logic.

I have a 15 year old son with ADD. The swearing was really bad two years ago, and it has largely tapered off—although he listens to music with really disgusting words in the lyrics. I try to remember two things in dealing with him. 1) The ADD kid likes the conflict—it feels good to stimulate the front part of the brain. Just while you are getting worn out by an argument, he getting nice and relaxed. If swearing has become a guaranteed way to incite conflict, he’s getting “paid” by your response. 2) When they are teens, pick your battles. This may be a battle you choose to zero in on, but if it is, be ready to let some other stuff go. I decided to virtually ignore the swearing, and it essentially went away unless he is really, really upset about something. I also think he knows girls don’t like it that much, and he doesn’t want to let it slip in front of them. I’m not telling you what to do, but I wanted to describe how we ended up handling it. Good luck! These are fun, but trying years.

I believe the problem is universal, I also believe that the impulsivity in ADHD is at the root of the kids inability to “remember” not to say it at home,or in front of adults. Our kids always get caught!

Thanks for all of your great advice! I just feel better knowing that my kid is not the only one with this problem. I felt like it must be my fault and that I wasn’t a good enough mom to instill into my child the value of not sounding like you’re from the depths of the gutter! LOL. I’ve let things slip in front of my kids at times, but we certainly don’t make it our way of life to use foul language in our everyday communication. My son has a friend whose dad cusses using the F word ALL of the time and when my son has been around him he will come home saying that he can’t believe how his friend’s dad talks! So at least I know that he knows that it sounds awful! Thanks again for all of your replies and I will let you know what I’m doing and if it’s working! :^)

You have nothing to worry about as long as you keep guns and sharp objects away from him.

…..

Like every 13 y.o. boy, son wants to see Matrix Reloaded. Said absolutely not—it’s R rated and has bad language and he can’t see R movies until he’s mature enough to know when he shouldn’t use bad language, like anytime when he’s around family members, adults, younger children. Although this wasn’t a strategy on my part to get him to stop swearing, we’re on the third day since I made this comment and no swearing. He’s pointed out several times that he isn’t doing it (but he does says “Beep!” a lot where he would have previously inserted a swear word). He hasn’t brought up Matrix again, but I’m pretty sure it’s in the back of his mind to ask to go after he gets a no swearing track record down. Not thrilled with him seeing an R movie, but the swearing drives me so crazy I just might if it buys me a swear-free home.

Excellent solution. I like that you said, “You have to show that you are mature enough…,”

Maturity is a choice you make and mature kids get to do more mature things.