To Label or Not To Label

Labels are usually too broad. We all know the out of control, abusive adhder and then the quiet, sit in the corner adhder. Assumptions are made when people hear adhd based on the person’s experience with this problem. These assumptions may not be accurate and may pigeon hole the child.
There is alot of ignorance in the world.

Also, whenever anyone hears ADHD or LD they assume it is permanent. That just was not our experience.

I am very honest with my son. I come up with very specific examples of things he has a problem with. I spend as much time as he needs explaining this and then also tell him what we will be doing to work on changing it.

I spend even more time telling him what he does well. It is a much longer list.

Ignorance is not bliss with this. I want my child to know she has ADHD and she does. Since the likelihood is that she will probably always have it, she will need to ‘know thyself’, how it affects her and how she can help herself (develop coping strategies, recognize her impulsivity, organization/forgetfulness). I feel very strongly that I would be doing her a disservice if I didn’t - it’s my responsibility on our journey to her adulthood.

Chances are - in fact it is almost guaranteed - the child already knows on some level that they are different. But they don’t know how/why and will most likely begin to believe the negative labels. We told dd when she was 6 1/2, a few months after her diagnosis after we processed and came to terms with it. She was relieved.

We’ve also made it clear that her ADHD is nothing to be ashamed of, but it is her private business with whom she wants to share this with (she has only shared with two close friends so far).

With only a few weeks until age 10 now she is very concerned about appearing different than others - the other extreme so that is another ‘delightful’ but age appropriate phase I guess.

We also don’t let ADHD become an excuse for behaviors (although it may change how we parent them and give us more patience - well most times anyway ). ADHD or not both my kids are held to the same level of accountability. Same philosophy with her medication - the medication helps her but it is her, not the medication or lack of that is responsible for her successes or failures.

Regarding the school - labels are only useful if it is a means to an end (that being HELP for her).

Lastly, kids take their cues from the adults/parents in their lives. If you feel uncomfortable or negative about ADHD (verbally stated or not), they will pick up on it too. I have ADHD (oh yes I am flawed but not just for my ADHD ) and so does my dd. It is part of who we are. But as ferocious as any mother could be, I dare anyone to suggest my precious wonderful child is ‘damaged goods’ because of a neurobiological difference.

I am so medically oriented that I forget that people actually do have biases against people with ADHD. To me, it is just a normal variation that doesn’t necessarily work well in today’s society (but it can if we understand it and work with it.) I think that is good advice to leave it up to the child whether or not she wants to tell anyone only because there are ignorant people out there whether she likes it or not. It is important that she not feel ashamed of the ADHD but she needs to embrace it for the gifts that have come with it. Thanks for the input.

Linda FF, thanks for reminding me of the ignorance. It might be best to talk about specifics to the child and teachers.

I don’t mind labels. My daughter was born w/ Moebius Syndrome - we have always talked about it and told her

I’m an alcholic and if I did’nt know that I’d still out there drinking!!And the same goes for my son he knows he’s ADHD and knows what he needs to work on.He also works the twelve step program one day at a time.I don’t know if this is of any use to you at all .But good luck in what ever you choose.

My son was dx at 6 and is 11 now. He has always known since before the dx was official, and he is medicated. He is very upfront and open with people about his ADHD, though he does not use it as an excuse. His 5th grade teacher was extremely impressed that he did an oral book report on “Joey Pigza Swallowed the Key” which is about a boy with ADHD and promptly told the entire class that he has ADHD and some of the impulsive things that he has done. If it is something that the parent accepts and introduces it to their child in a non-judgmental way, I feel it can only do good. Hiding facts from our children teaches them to hide facts from us…that’s a dangerous precedent to start.

Thanks everyone, you’ve been really helpful. I think I’ll feed Kelsey specific information because she is only seven. It might be hard for her to understand all the variations of ADHD and why she is not the same as another child with ADHD. We’ve discussed the hyperfocusing issue because she finds it embarassing to be left behind when the class transitions. I wanted her to know that the hyperfocusing is also a gift that allows her to be more creative than the average child so it is not all bad. It just can occasionally lead to some embarassing situations and we need to try to find adaptations. I have also discussed with her that she has a bigger challenge than the other kids when it comes to paying attention during class when the subject matter is not interesting to her. Here we need to address the issue so that she can learn to at least try to make eye contact with the teacher. The squirming I think actually helps Kelsey concentrate. She is learning to squirm in ways that are not so annoying to others. Twisting a clean tissue is better than tapping her pencil for example. When she is old enough we will tell her more about the ADHD label. The important thing now is that she become aware of how her brain works.

Kelsey has always been very accepting of children with physical and mental challenges and hopefully she will be accepting of herself. We have always told her that being a good person is the most important thing and she is a nice kid. She knows she is a nice kid and now she knows what her challenges are. Everyone has some sort of challenge in life.

Terry,

One thing that was extremely helpful to my son when he was squirming was to allow him some physical activity. He did not squirm with the teacher that was very creative and had the class throwing parachutes in the air to test for wind currents. He squirmed with the teacher that required he stay in his seat all day with very little movement. My son needed what his OT termed proprioceptive stimulation. He would seek it through squirming at school or throwing his body around at home.

If you think this could be your daughter try these things but only do them if she enjoys it and be careful to not overdo it. If she likes to do this it means that it is providing her with the stimulation that she requires.
I would do these things before school and before homework. It did help him to focus his attention and stop flipping his pencil around in the air.

1. Stand on the stairs 2 to 3 steps up, have her jump off while you hold your hands in front of you. She has to grab your hands when she lands. She also has to focus her attention and her eyes on your hands for the whole jump. Just 5 or 6 jumps should be enough.

2. Do the same above but rather than focusing on your hands have her focus on throwing rolled up socks into the laundry basket while she jumps.

3. We had his skateboard in the basement and he would try to get baskets into the childrens basketball hoop while rolling accross the floor on his skate board.

4. This one he still loves: Have her lie on the floor and alternately pull her arms and legs to stretch them.

My son’s last OT report stated “He no longer seeks propioceptive stimulation for self regulation.” He no longer squirms in class even when he was with a teacher that allowed very little movement. He is still more comfortable with a teacher that allows movement.

Sorry for the long post.

Linda FF, I loved your long post!!! Your son is obviously very coordinated. We tried the stair jumps today and Kelsey absolutely loved it! Kelsey had extra homework tonight and we needed something between the homework spurts. It worked great! We’ll try the arm/leg pulls next. Terry

P.S. I had a teacher 36 years ago that would have us get out of our chairs and “get the squirms out” before she started a lesson. I think that teacher was onto something.

My son could not ride a skateboard before interactive metronome. He was never completely uncoordinated but always had difficulty with certain things. He could not swim well despite tons of lessons. He had some issues coordinating his body bilaterally.

We are addressing this issue further with vision therapy (including some brain gym type exercises prescibed by my son’s optometrist) and one more go around with interactive metronome (his motor timing was just so bad that he couldn’t get his timing all the way down the first time we did it.)

I have found that as his coordination has improved his attention, executive function and other issues have also improved.

It is nice to have him leave the house without me telling him to be sure he has his underwear on. It really was that bad before.

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