Any ADD Parents Homeschooling ADD children?

You’re a valued human even if you figure out that you can’t do this. You’ve got the stuff that you’re supposed to do on this planet… do the best ya can :) HEre are some stray ADD-type thoughts…

Don’t ever think you have to find “exactly the best course.” Nobody does that. We do exactly the best we can with what we have. You will never know whetehr a different choice would have been better or so much worse.

Look at the good and the bad. The bad of public school can be worse than any disorganized teaching you do. If you end up never getting around to really teaching things, your daughter could be very badly prepared for even basic independent living.

But you’ve probably already taken that train of thought around the world a few times, right??

HEre’s what I’d do. Explain your concerns to your daughter. Then try homeschooling for the summer. Set a learning goal like what you’d do in the regular school year. See if you can make it happen. If you can, go for it.

Find support and a way for deadlines to be imposed from the outside if you’re of the many of us who need that structure. (If the only skill you teach the kiddo is to meet deadlines then lots of life will go easier :) :))

FInd supportive folks who *understand* your situation. Lots of people have answers… but if they aren’t to your real questions they’re frustrating for both of you, no matter how well-intentioned. WOrk to get the support of some of those nay-sayers by showing them what you do this summer.

If you decide not to, talk to your daughter about the reasons she wants to homeschool, and do your very best to figure ouit how to deal with those reasons whatever way you can. It’s easy to see the grass on the other side of the fence as greener, “if only we had …. then everythig would be PERFECT…” but that is pretty ridiculous and self-abuse to go there.

… there are links & other info for homeschooling on my site at http://www.resourceroom.net — click on “homeschooling.”

Thanks Sue,

I appreciate your insights, advice, etc. very much. I think you have the right idea about this summer. My Husband and I have spoke on that, but haven’t gotten a plan mapped out yet. I guess it is time to take some action and see what happens as we go. I will check out your site as well. It helps to know I can get some advice from others who are more knowledgable about what I am dealing with than some of the well meaning people around me. Thanks again for responding.
Sincerely,
Debra

As another disorganized person what I would suggest is a garden shed- or an attic space. Depedning on weather where you liveand what you can arrange. We have alittle “summer house” in the garden which we heat with a kerosene stove and that is our school house. It works very well because we can keep that one little room- just big enough for a table my husband built to child size, achild chair and an adult chair our books and supplies- organized. Before this I tried to keep our supplies in boxes which i stowed and we used dining room. I then ran back and forth trying to keep 3 yr old busy in playroom and 6 yr old busy with lesson in DR. Feltlike keeping two plates in the air. This way rest of house may be chaos but we can retreat to our neat tidy one room schoolhouse. Only steps away but miles away in concept.
A hint I just heard from a homeschooler with an ADD child is to give them a ball to play with with their feet when they have to sit at a desk. About volley ball size. She says it helps her child concentrate. It may not be useful to you but I thought it a very neat idea.
I would not worry about the counselor and the socializing. If your daughter is that unhappy what kindof socializing is she doing anyway? There are some good books on teaching children how to be social. She may need some help learning social -play rules. Puppets are a useful way to act these things out. I agree with Sue. Don’t judge yourself by the standard of perfection the others are saying you can’t measure up to. The SCHOOL isn’t measuring up to that. Remember you may begin at just good enough but ten years down the road it may end up at just what your daughter needed at the time. And isn’t that what you’re praying for?

Hi, There are on-line curriculums where you don’t have to come up with the whole lesson plan yourself, that are accredited, that offer financial aid, etc. See if your library has a good book on homeschooling like “Homeschooling Almanac 2002-2003” by M&M Leppert. Currently, I am researching all the options for a 15 year old ADD, LD, who has panic and anxiety disorder. He was taught by the public school system homebound for 1/2 year… Now, trying to figure out how to educate him. Keep reaching out and talking to people! Find a homeschooling support group in your state and ask questions. There are probably homeschooling parents nearby and I am sure they would be glad to answer your questions. Don’t give up!

Debra,

I homeschool 2 of my 4 children, the other two are too young but will be homeschooled. I pulled my son out of an EH class about a year and a half ago. He is ADHD, bipolar and has had various diagnosis over the years such as ODD, Auditory processing problems, sensory problems, etc. Anyway, for the first year, we did very little formal schooling. I bought education games, we planted tomatoes (they didn’t do well but it was fun!), went on trips, played with legos, played games, etc. I made sure there were lots of educational videos in the house and restricted TV watching and ‘noneducational’ computer use to some extent. We also found a speech therapist to help with the auditory processing issues and he jumped 2 grade levels in reading. Six months ago, we started with an occupation therapist to work on handwriting and the results have been amazing. All this has helped him to be more receptive to school.

Now, after a year and a half, my 12 year old son will begin more formal homeschooling, very gradually. I wish that I had pulled him out of school years ago. School was horrible for him and he withdrew, becoming a stressed out, angry and unmotivated child. It took my 18 months to undo what 4 years of school did to my senstive kid. I am also not the most organized person in the world. I created my own logbooks in Word to help organize myself….although you can buy these online if you wish from others. I turned our dining room into a homeschool room, with lots of shelves and boxes…its not pretty but it works. I use packaged or self-directed materials for my 14 year old daughter so she can do most of her work on her own. I figure that if Ryan gets one hour of instruction a day, he is better off than in school where he could not concentrate, and received very little one on one instruction. He is still behind academically and may always be so. But the psychologist who gave him his yearly eval just yesterday said he is calmer, happier, and more cooperative than he was a year ago. And his behavior is 100% better.

So don’t be afraid to try. But let your child unschool for a while..they say 1 month for every year in school. And even if you can’t do it, you won’t hurt your child. As for living skills, reading at a 4th grade level is the minimum to be able to read applications, leases, newspaper, etc. Teach the child to use a calculator. Teach her how to cook for herself (helps math skills too!) Teach her how to do laundry, clean the house, etc. Life skills are those everyday skills we all need to survive and what better place to learn them than at home?

I bet you do much better than you think! I did and although I still have moments of doubt, the changes have been dramatic enough to keep me from ever sending another of my children back to school….especially my 4 year old who shows signs of ADHD.

LauraDebra Watson wrote:
>
> Hello All,
>
> This is my first time here so please be patient. I have a
> seven year old daughter, diagnosed ADD, predominately
> inattentive type, being treated with Adderal RX and
> Paxil(paxil because she has been so withdrawn, introverted,
> isolating herself, and sad). I have always known her to be a
> very sensitive child and when I first read the
> characteristics of ADD, they fit her like a glove. I KNEW
> that is what we were dealing with. Then in only days, as I
> continued researching, it came home to me that my daughter
> and I have the same characteristics, similar personality
> traits, and have suffered many of the same life
> events(loosing my mother, step father, father in law). In
> other words, I realized I too need help with ADD. I have
> spoken to my family practioner about this and have been
> taking Wellbuterin to see if it helped at all, but I really
> can’t see a difference in my lack of concentration,
> scatteredness, etc. I hope to discuss other alternatives with
> him and hoped that some of you might share with me what works
> for you?
>
> Also, my daughter has begged me for the last year to home
> school her. She repeated first grade this past year and while
> she passed she still feels very uncomfortable there. She is
> extremely stressed in social settings with her peers. I have
> received such mixed advice about what is best. Her counselor
> believes that children need the public school experience to
> teach them social skills and how to cope. The Home Schoolers
> I know and speak with say that her sensitive nature, ADD,
> etc. would be better served by Home Schooling. After reading,
> praying, talking to anyone who will listen, I have come to
> understand the benefits of Home Schooling are tremendous and
> I would love to provide them to my daughter, and my four year
> old son, but….here’s the BIG question, …can I do it? I
> have NO confidence in myself when it comes to this. I have
> never been a very organized person, but since my mother
> passed away sixteen months ago, we inherited a majority of
> her things, then my father in law passed and we inherited a
> majority of his things, and our little house runneth over!!!
> Well, rocket scientist I am not, but I did finally get the
> idea that we had to unload, ALOT. Our twelve hundred square
> foot just couldn’t get organized with that much stuff in it.
> My husband finally figured out how to increase the size of
> our attic space and now we are slowly recoving our house.
> Still, the organization, consistency, patience, etc. that are
> all essential eliments to a successful Home Schooling
> experience are not things that come naturally or easily for
> me. We have struggled thrugh home work, we struggle through
> disapline issues, and I wonder if I could really handle such
> an enormous responsibility, or if I am fooling myself to even
> consider I ever could? I have heard from family and friends
> around me that I don’t have what it takes, which of course
> does little for my confidence or self esteem. Still, there’s
> my bright eyed little girl looking up at me wanting me to do
> this thing and I need to be able to know exactly what is the
> best course for our family to take, public school(which I
> have serious concerns about) or Home Schooling with an ADD
> parent(which I also have serious concerns about)? Any
> comments, suggestions, advice, opinions, etc. would be
> greatly appreciated. I feel as if I am at a crossroad and
> afraid to take a step for fear of making the wrong choice.
> Please advise me,
> Debra

>I figure that if Ryan gets one hour of instruction a day, he is better off than in school where he could not concentrate, and received very little one on one instruction. <

I agree wholeheartedly. I have struggled all year with my 15yo ADD son in public high school. He was hsed for 6 years and went to HS for 9th and 10th grades. While 9th grade was okay, 10th was a disaster. He earned NO credits for core classes, largely because he wasn’t motivated to work and the teachers weren’t motivated to reach out to him. We are removing him from school this summer and starting over at home. He is not happy, but sometimes you have to do what’s right and not what’s popular. We have decided to only let him do 2 courses at a time (about 2-3 hours per day) while he is learning to be successful again. Otherwise, his time will be taken up with work and home responsibilities. At that pace it should take him about two years to complete HS and move on to techincal school. In public high school, he would have three years at least, assuming he fails NO classes, something that has not happened yet in his p.s. career.

Debra, I too am ADD (inattentive, scatter-brained, chronically disorganized—but musical and creative, a born helper). My hubby is also ADD (fidgety, terrible spelling, can’t read a map—but brilliant and hard-working, at the top of his field). We discovered it as a result of having my son diagnosed. Whenever I get discouraged I look at what we have accomplished in our lives. While we are not rocket scientists either, we have managed to marry well, produce three great kids, pay our taxes, maintain a career, and be active in church. All I have ever wanted for my kids is that they be good husbands and wives someday, considerate, helpful, cheerful, and hard-working. Believe me, you will not find this in public school. These traits only come from home, where you can teach your children to learn without ridicule or humiliation. I say, go for it! Find support and refuse to listen to nay-sayers. I am a very non-confrontational sort, but when it comes to my kids I can be very stubborn (one of my better ADD traits,)

I did my first year of homeschooling my 9 year old (4th grade). It went great. I am not an organized mom. I also was dealing with a wild one year old at the same time. We used the curriculum that he was using at the private school, only I was the teacher. This is a complete program no thinking involved on my part. All score keys come with program if you order it that way. The curriculum is christian based. School of Tomorrow is the name and they do have a web site. Of course, you can find a lot of other material out there now a days for teaching at home. My son was diagnosed with ADHD and a learning disability in writing. One of the things his neuropsychologist suggested was to home school which we were already doing. I hope that you are able find some answers. As I was told when considering homeschooling, anyone can do it you just have to try.

… post your idea, something you’d like to do… (go for it ;-)) and your deadline, something small… and then let us know how it goes …

Hey Sue,

Sorry about the delay. I have been looking into the real possibility that we,(Lillie and I), both have dyslexia also. After a disappointing trip to our University Specialty Clinic who chose NOT to conduct a thorough evaluation of Lillie, since to them she appears to be progressing and since the school’s evaluation was within a twelve month calendar year,(barely), I decided to take matters into my own hands and order an in home thorough evaluation test for dyslexia for Lillie. I have just gotten so tired of wanting to hear exactly what issues she had, without hearing them tell me well lets just keep doing what we are doing since it seems to be working. Well, it is working, but at what cost to her? She still struggles so, and the doctors recommendation on that?….Keep working WITH her. Well, DUHHHH!!!

Yes, you are exactly right. We need to set a goal. We just visited the larger of our county libraries and I am getting the children aclimated there, so they will know where things are etc. They enjoyed playing many of the computer educational software games there. It was my hope to have Lillie read books at her level and draw and write about the one she likes best. She hates it when the teacher would assign a story that she didn’t like and she was forced to write about it. I thought since her sentences are always so short, that she would increase her writing skills if she wrote on stories she likes. As I read about dyslexia and dysgraphia, I feel in my heart, Lillie and I both will be learning to cope with these issues as well. I am trying to quickly read about the best teaching ideas for dyslexic children, but as there are more than one type, it will be helpful to get the comprehesive report and recommendations list from this mail in evaluation. Once I have that I think I can come up with good stradegies etc., but of course for now, we can still set small goals and work to attain them. As Lillie has a hard time with remembering simple math, we have been doing real informal math verbally while we play or ride in the car also. I will ask her what is 2+5 and my goal is to get her to tell me without having to count on her fingers or add in her head slowly, but to know the asnwer from memory. The doctor said that she is slightly behind in that skill and may always have difficulty with simple math. After reading some of the post from the adults with learning disorders on this wonderful site, I know that both Lillie and I suffer from this trouble with Math as well. Just having her know what 3+3 and 4=4, etc. are without counting would be one goal I guess? Still, she may not master that in a summer and would that be a realistic goal to set? I guess I need to figure out what is realistic for her at her reading level and mastery level. I don’t want to put too much pressure on her and make it stressful. Last year before we knew better we put the poor thing through so much stress it makes me cringe to think of it now. How awful it was for her. I need to figure out what is reasonable to expect of us. Any hints? I appreciate all the advice so much.
Deb

Thanks UK MUM,

And Thanks also to all the other folks who took the time to respond to my post as well. I appreciate the ideas you gave. I had thought that a seperate “School” space would work best for us as well. I have the other fear also about dealing with the soon to be five year old. He is the extremely hyper one, probably ADHD also, and as I watched him in four year old public kindergarten, I could tell keeping on task was going to be a problem. Thankfully, he seems plenty social, probably overly social and will get that “Talks TOO much” label when he hits the first and second grades where they must sit in desks quietly. That is if her were to attend PS. I still could use encouragement on how to juggle them both successfully. In my mind I am having a hard time picturing them both swirling around me and how in the world I would be able to keep eithers attention.
I am still also juggling the thought of returning to college myself, which would certainly complicate homeschooling. Still, I have heard that many others manage to work full time and homeschool, so I know and believe it can be done. I just keep worrying and wondering if I have what it takes. I have scheduled another talk with my doctor about treating me for the ADD I know I have. I think with the right help, I can accomplish so much more than I have ever before. Reading about the struggles and successes of other adults with ADD on this site has been a God Send. It also helps me to know that I am not out of line in expecting my doctor to help me, that I am not over reacting, or a hypercondriact just because I have been focusing on these problems. I believe now that I know what is causing my troubles and I can get the medical help that I need, I can FINALLY move forward in my life and address the goals that I have wanted for myself and my family for so long. I can’t say thank you enough for the support and information I have found here. I always knew that this computer was a great tool, but I didn’t know it would serve as a means to salvation as well. Thank you everyone and God Bless.
Will keep in touch,
Deb
P.S. Daughter Lillie came in moments ago with a interesting self performed hair cut! Obviously the arts and crafts took at turn. The true mark of childhood, when one takes it upon themselves to pick up the sissors and chop away. She then fashion a bag for her head with eye holes. I have to say, when I cut my hair years ago, I didn’t think of the bag! It is time for some hugs I think.

The goals don’t have to be milestones of achievement, at all. THink of them more as “academic fitness” goals. If you want to get in shape, you could set a goal to run a seven minute mile, but you’d be *far* more likely to achieve your real goal - fitness - if you set a goal to jog four days a week for a month.
With that same line of thinking, from one person who has a lot of trouble wiht structure to another, I’d recommend short term goals that you are absolutely sure are possible. Can you spend 20 minutes a night, five nights a week, reading with your dd? If you can’t, then probably focusing on homeschooling will be impossible. You read a paragraph, and have her read a paragraph. If she doesn’t know what a word is, *tell* her. (If she gets it wrong, tell her.) If neither of you know, write it down and ask me :)
After one week of that you could add 20 minutes of simple math — simple enough so she’s getting it right. The first minute or two minutes can be a speed drill (but she’s not competing against anybody but herself) — and maybe it’s just four differnet problems, 3 + 3 and 3+ 4 and 4 + 4 and 4 + 5, written in order and then scrambled again and again so that by the end of two minutes she’s answering from memory and really practicing the right way. Then walk through easy math togehter. The whole purpose of this “practice schooling” is to see whether or not you can discipline yourselves to sit down and work togheter. It should be so incredibly easy that there’s *NO* threat to it at all. The goal is to be focused on something like school.
What interests does she have? Another half-hour chunk of “practice school” could be exploring smoething she’s interested in (and if you got interested and it lasted longer, that would be allowed :-)). Gardening, sports, whatever…

Maybe that sounds crazy ;) Remember advice is often as good as what you pay for it… but just imagine if she started getting the idea that school could be FUN?

Be very careful listening to your well-meaning friends and relatives when it comes to the child you love and know better than all of them put together. I too have taken my youngest child out of school as of Jan, 2002. You need a homeschool support group - they are everywhere. You will find out that because you are her mother, you do indeed have what it takes to school her. There is soooooo much literature out there today for those of us who wish to homeschool. As for the ADD part - my child was diagnosed with ADD, no hyperactivity. It turns out that she has an auditory processing problem (auditory attention problems) and sensory integration issues. If the prescription YOU are taking isn’t working, maybe it isn’t ADD at all. Let me refer you to a website for a center here in town: www.centerforinnerchange.com Please contact them if you find any of the information helpful and they may be able to refer you to someone closer to where you live. Also, get hold of the book The Out of Sync Child, by Carol Stock Kranowitz. I would love to have an email back from you to share more. Good luck!

Just a note. Have you tried flylady.net for help organizing your life? A real help for those of us with lack of skill with organization, structure and scheduling.

Good luck and God bless!