Hi:
I’m a longtime poster but I want to stay anonymous for this post. My dd (status post kwashiorkor, CAPD, visual processing disorder, ADD, and sleep apnea, all remediated at this point, off meds, no current therapies) is currently in sixth grade and in an excellent school. Unfortunately, it is a little bit too excellent. Although the school currently serves average to gifted children, it began as a school for gifted children, and that is where its heart lies. Its average ERB scores are 95% across the board. (That means on average, the kids in this particular school are all gifted. Since in fact, about a third of the kids are only average to above average, the top third may actually be profoundly gifted.) At present this gifted thing only matters for mathematics, which has three tracks in the middle school. It will start to matter more in high school, as track determines what science and math courses you can take. The middle school kids in the top track take Prealgebra in fifth grade, “Basic Algebra” in sixth grade, Algebra I in seventh, and Geometry in eighth. The kids in the bottom track take Prealgebra (under a variety of different names) during each of their fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth grade years, managing to tread water mathematically by switching between series every year, so that they use textbooks which range from a solid 7th grade level in fifth grade to a high 8th grade level in eighth grade (by using an eighth grade “Basic Algebra” text covering 70% of what is typically taught in Honors Algebra I.) My kid is currently in the bottom track, and given that her 5th grade ERB scores put her at 56% math facts, and 80% math concepts, and given that the upper two math classes are at capacity anyway, they don’t wanna promote her. I therefore have made arrangements to send her to residential summer school in Virginia this summer, in order to take a fully accredited Algebra I course; which they agree corresponds to the info taught in their TOP sixth grade/BOTTOM eighth grade track’s Basic Algebra. Assuming successful completion of this course (which I expect) they will promote her to the MIDDLE group, thus allowing her to take their version of Algebra I in eighth grade, and Geometry in 9th. Now, I can basically hassle with them next year too, maybe arranging for her to take Algebra II at Wolfesboro summer after 7th grade in order to get permission for her to take Geometry in eighth grade, OR I can make arrangements for her to get the “gifted” label on her behind, thus making them look at her differently. (For my own part, I put no stock in this gifted sh*t, because 6 years ago, she was testing in the educable mentally retarded range, and now she’s functioning on the above average level across the board. However, her school doesn’t know that, and would probably think less of her if they did. (It would be “Gee! She’s an overachiever! Well, we don’t want her to feel too stressed out…”) So I figure it will be better to just get her the gifted label, as the only summer school programs they actually respect are those put on by the various Universities - Northwestern, Stanford, etc. - which sponsor talent searches.) I don’t want to move her because (1) she likes the school and her friends and (2) its rigorous English, Latin, Spanish, Science and Social Studies courses makes a better language development program than anything I could put together. Now, my kid will not get into Northwestern’s Talent Search due to her merely above average math scores on last year’s ERB. I don’t think that the sixth grade is scheduled to get ERB testing this year, although I also think she might make the cutoff if it did.) BUT if she takes Algebra I over the summer, I do think that she would NOT have any trouble getting a 540 on the math portion of her SAT in 7th grade. She is actually pretty good in math, and those SATs are really achievement tests not ability tests. Now, finally, here is my question:
How do you, as homeschoolers without standardized test scores or report cards, make application to the various talent search programs? I figure that’s what I’m gonna have to do; pretend I’m a homeschooler, and make application that way.
what about being a child?
I was in the G & T program and I hated it…Push, push, push…I always felt like I could never measure up to the bar. This has followed me into college. I am still an overachiever, and gifted but very right brained.
I wish that I had spent more time having fun being a kid when I was a kid, instead of having my head in books 24/7 along with the pressure and competition of being with other G & T kids.
Re: what about being a child?
For my own part, I too worked very hard competing against a high-end population in high school, and I too sometimes think that I would have been happier if I had gone to the local public school, taken gut courses, and had more free time in which to be a kid. As it was, I went to a very competitive college, had a good time because it was a LOT easier than what I was used to, and didn’t really work as hard as I had worked in hs until I was in medical school. But would I have even thought about medical school if I had gone to the local hs and then the local university? Probably not. Girls weren’t encouraged to go into the professions back then. Would I have been sorry later? Now, as an adult, yes. I think I would have been.
Then take the case of C, a friend of mine in hs who was rich, popular, brilliantly gifted, and strikingly lazy. He was a past master at getting a C minus while doing no work. Oddly enough, he never seemed to get raked over the coals by his parents for this. I never knew him to be grounded, or to be without a car, a party, or funds on the weekends. He had crummy grades but outstanding SAT results, and went to Northwestern University on the strength of his marvellous performance on his interview, as well as his obvious brilliance on his SATs. My sister was in Northwestern’s six year medical program, and so we kept up the acquaintance. C kept up his heavy social agenda and took gut courses for which he failed to do any work. My sister told me that he was the only person of her acquaintance there who never said things like “I’d love to go to that party, but I got a test tomorrow, and I need to crack the books tonight.” C failed everyone of his gut courses freshman year, and got barely passing grades his next several years. Although he eventually did graduate from Northwestern, his grades kept him out of law school, which he had wanted to attend, (his dad, uncles and brothers all were/became lawyers.) He eventually took a job selling cars, and after about a decade or so at that, became a computer programmer. He did enjoy a modest success at this career which was sufficient to enable him to own a home and a car, although not sufficient to replicate the lifestyle in which he had grown up. You can therefore call this a happy ending if you like, but it is not what he had wanted to do or to become.
Now take my kid. I am investing a large chunk of her childhood in ensuring that she is able to enter and handle any career she sets her heart on as an adult. Might she look back with some wistfulness at the lost recreational and social opportunities as an adult? Probably she will. Might she look back with even more wistfulness at the lost career opportunities if I do not do what I am doing? She wants to be a physician and a pilot. All the adults in the generation above her in her family are physicians. Yes. I think she would.
ReOff the subject-for Shirin
Shirin,
On the parenting board, you said that your daughter used to move her head instead of her eyes but that you resolved that problem through therapy. My son has the same problem but it has proved not very easy to resolve. We did eye therapy which helped him navigate a worksheet better ect. but he still has tracking issues.
I was wondering what you specifically did. I was thinking of looking for another developmental optometrist.
Beth
For many self mastery is a lifelong pursuit
I have seen the type you speak of coming from money and not applying themselves. It is sad because they never learned to master themselves. Likewise there is also an emotional price that is paid for some children who find that they can’t keep up with the fast pace of today’s world without the help of medication for ADD. I have had teens tell me they feel that it changes their personality, they feel like the drugs are making them into something that they aren’t and they want to be comfortable being themselves, They hate the fact that they have to take medication so they can become a rocket scientist. I am not saying that is your child but I have seen this angst in many teens.
I am the first person in my family to have a graduate degree, in a very respectable profession and I didn’t go to an Ivy league school like Harvard, Yale or Northwestern. I am happy and successful and find that no success can compensate if I fail in my responsibilities as a parent in the home. Life is not a competition, we can’t take anything from this world with us when we die, the only thing we can take is our memories and what we learned from this life to the next.
I did not have parents who supported me; infact my husband and I support my parents because of the wise choices we have made in my life We have children who have lived with money but our children have learned the work ethic, and have gone to college. We have found that the hardest hurdle for them to pass through especially in their young adult years is mastery of self. It is a rough road for many parents to keep reminding that they will have a sense of fullfillment from their hard work in learning to master themselves and thus fulfilling their destiny, if they don’t…they will end up like your friend at Northwestern.
Somewhere along the way one needs to spend time nurturing not only the mind but also the soul. It sounds like you and your sister are achieving a balance in your life and with your children. May we never forget the child that dwells within each of us by taking time to stop and smell the roses now and then.
Re: For many self mastery is a lifelong pursuit
Yes, that sense of self is very important to me. I always try to teach my son about striving and wanting to succeed but not for anyone else. I want him to enjoy his own accomplishments because they are his.
I want to teach him to love life and find joy. I am lucky that he is a passionate person by nature.
The hardest part is making sure that light doesn’t go out.
I was never encouraged. I worked full time to go to college. I wish my parents knew what I know.
Re: ReOff the subject-for Shirin
Developmental optometrists are not all alike. My kid’s first developmental optometrist did not believe in home exercises. She was seen three times a week in small group sessions run by his assistant. She did improve quite a bit - studying for spelling tests ceased to be a stomach-churning ordeal which took several hours a day, seven days a week to achieve horrible results, and went to 15 minutes three times a week to achieve 100s. However, she never made the jump that caused reading to become a recreational activity with him. Afterward he released her, we did Circle E exercises and the Vision Aerobics program which did help some, but not enough, and then after about a year of that, we went to a different developmental optometrist. He saw her once a week, but assigned daily home therapy for 20 minutes each day. It began with pendulum swings, where the kid lay on her back and first with each eye independently, and then with both eyes together, followed a small ball on the end of a long line which I moved in prescribed patterns, and with a chart with ten numbers in big print on her closet door, where she had to move her eyes to the appropriate number as quickly as possible on my command. It was actually astonishing how difficult these very elementary exercises were for a child who already had had two years of formal therapy, and one year of informal therapy. When that was easy (about a couple of weeks, there were other exercises involving the use of prisms, etc. By the end of therapy (about a year), she could read a 180 page book written for young adults in the course of a long evening, and she had started reading magazine articles on teen subjects, and books on drawing (which she now enjoys and is good at) for pleasure. She still doesn’t read novels for pleasure, but I think this may come in time. After all, the art interest was a surprise; she was drawing people who looked like squashed bugs at the age of seven, whereas now she draws people, structures, and animals with great detail and attention to perspective. In the meantime, her reading is off my radar screen as far as I am concerned. (Math would be nowhere near my radar screen if the kid’s school weren’t so ditsy on the subject of what can be expected of average kids.) Writing is still on my radar screen mostly because her grammar is still crummy, and her vocabulary is not what it should be. Her spelling in written work is now pretty average; the type that can be kept decent by using a spell-checker, and her composition is otherwise good.
Re: ReOff the subject-for Shirin
Shirin,
Thanks for sharing. I already know that the developmental optometrist we saw is not the greatest. We did have some homework and his therapy was one on one. Still, I had some reservations while doing the therapy but there is no one else in my county who does vision therapy. More recently, I met a woman whose son had also gone to them and had similar mediocore results.
We have done Neuronet therapy for some time and the therapist has designed exercises to improve my ds head-eye differentiation. We have seen improvements but not resolution of the issues. She was the one who told me that “flat” exercises only help vision to a limited extent. We have just started another set of exercises and if these don’t do it, I think I am going to find another developmental optometrist. I now know of one in the next county.
I can live with my son not reading for pleasure—I just want him to be able to read what he needs to read without so much effort. I truly don’t think it is all vision—he is a very complex case (his Neuronet therapist who developed the therapy and has been practicing for years told me she has learned so much from working with him that will now help other kids). Still, I am encouraged by the fact that you resolved this issue.
Beth
(YOu give yourself away in other posts, by the way.)
Have her do something astoundingly creative and keep a portfolio. Doesn’t even have to be astoundingly creative as long as it’s hers and shows the qualities being sought. I’d also seek out talent searches who were looking for variety, not standard issue Got Good Grades, Thank YOu kids, since she won’t have them.