why do we have to suffer such stress

Tell you child to e-mail if he/she ever needs confidence. I am a 30 year old woman who has LD. I am a Director in Advertising who is in the process of applying to grad. school to obtain a degree in education. My goal is to help students like your child. I never want anoptehr child to suffer becuause of a LD.

Have you called the ADA? Heath Resource Center at 800-544-3284. I also hear that there are support groups called OMNI for people with LD’s.

Hi Sam. Let me tell you something. The fact that you are even making this comment tells me that you are a great parent and that makes the most difference in your child’s life. Unfortunately, I think that the parents of today face this hurdle with the schools because alot the parents of yesterday believed the fallacy (I hope that’s spelled right) that “the professionals are the experts and they know what is right” or “once they leave the house, they are the state’s problem”. Today, more parents are educated in the realm of LD’s and raising children in general and we demand to be more involved in their education. I don’t think that the education system as a whole are prepared for this societal change. My 10 year old is ADHD and I have a 17 month old who could have also inherited this LD and I want to be prepared and educated just in case. As I fight for my 10-year-old’s rights, develop behavior plans for home and at school and fight one battle after another, I too get discouraged, but I do two things. I think about the quote I once heard, “as an adhd parent, you’ve simply been hand- picked by Divine Intelligence to learn that wherever there’s a problem, there is also a solution.” I also think about my 17 month old and if I will need to be prepared for his journey through the school system. Hopefully by then, people like us will have made a difference. When you get ready to give up, remember how much your daughter is going to appreciate you and how much it will benefit her in the long run. And, world forbid, she has children who inherit the same learning differences that our society is ignorant to, you will be prepared for it and she will too. Keep the faith - your a great parent!

Sam,
I ask myself the same questions every year. I have been fighting the “system” for almost 10 years. My son is 16 and in the 10th grade. At the beginning of each school year I have renewed hope, only to be completely worn out by the end of one semester. I don’t have any answers for you except to keep fighting and not give up. Maybe our sons won’t benefit from the fight, but I hope that in the future someone’s son will. If it is a possibility maybe you can look into another school. My son goes to a private school with a smaller teacher-student ratio. It is worth the sacrifice to have his self esteem boosted by the better teachers and his peers. I wish you and your son the best. I hope you are able to keep your stamina for the next few years. Remember, there are those of us out here who are thinking of you both.

Hi,

I really relate with you. I have been advocating for my son for 6 years and I also have a daughter (16) with severe hearing loss in one ear. Both have been such a battle to get their needs met with school and I am losing the battle with my son. I am now at the point of looking for alternative schooling for him (6-12th grades) and am willing to move whereever we have to. I live in Washington state and am looking for schools with small hands on classrooms in California. I know I will have to go private, but whatever it takes…I just cant watch him get bullied by kids on the playground and discouraged and labeled by teachers and staff at his school. Whats sad is that this is one of the more progressive in regards to Special Ed in the district!

Good luck and keep showing up for your kid!

I know how you feel, I feel the same way. Stressed to the limit, and for what? I’ve been advocating for my son for that long too. And every morning I send a miserable child to school and watch him come home even more miserable. It’s bad when the parent looks forward to breaks as much as the kids. Hang in there, it’s tough, I know!

I can relate to EVERYONE on this site who is crying out in desperation. I was the blessed one who married a man with TWO LD sons. The oldest boy Chris, was not LD, as much as defiant & bullheaded. The schools said he would grow out of it, and “labeled” him ADHD, even though his family doctor diagnosed him with PTSS. OH NO!! The red flag came up for the school - they didn’t like being challenged, and put him in a tiny room with other LD kids, and didn’t teach them much, or even provide counseling of any sort. They were not even able to interact with the other children, not even at lunch time! The school consistently stated that the emotional disorders had nothing to do with his Learning Disabilities. To make a long story short, he was taken out of the home because his younger brother opened up and told me he had been (consistently) sexually abused by his older brother. I had been trying to get help, because I knew something was wrong, and was consistantly told that no one would accept him as a patient because they were not qualified to work with a child who had sexually abused another. (Not unless we had over $250.00 per session!)

We moved from PA to NC because my sister-in-law told me that the services were better here. WRONG!! As in PA, the school system thinks only about money, not the child. My son is not eligible for disability because WE make too much ($28.00 per month). We managed to get him on a Medicaid card (I had to go into Social Services, crying, and almost (it didn’t get that far), pleading descrimination. I called almost every Psych in town, including the Hospital Behavioral Clinics, and there is NO ONE to help my son! Everywhere I go looking for help turns right around to a dead end, and this seems to be consistent with everywhere we go. The schools are grading him by effort - not knowledge - he is in the 3rd grade for the second time, working on a kindergarden level. The schools here have agreed that the LD “might possibly” be related to his emotional state and his speech disability, but continue to do very little according to the IEP.

Does anyone know where we could turn for help? Andy is Post Traumatic Stress syndrome - at least they are not saying ADD or ADHD. This little boy, since birth, has been emotionally, verbally and physically abused by just about everyone he has ever trusted. He has been sexually abused by his older brother, and has sexually abused his tow younger brothers (still in PA), but has made no motions towards any of his male friends. He lost his mother (in a house fire) when he was three, and as a child, witnessed both sets of grandparents and his father fight for custody. His mother was a drug abuser before, after and throughout her pregnancy, and Andy allegedly suffered from withdrawel at birth. He has seen his older brother removed from his home, and with his emotional level (about 5 years old), feels that we didn’t want him there, not understanding that it was Chris’ decision not to come home. His IQ is 59.

I’m sorry this is so long - I’m tired and frustrated with the system - the only thing that keeps me from walking away is knowing the fact that my little boy needs me.

Is anyone on this list from North Carolina? I am asking for help - even if it is someone to talk to!

Wow Pat…..
It is so unfortunate but true…….all the laws inplace to protect and to help kids like your son……but in reality……..gosh, what can I say. You have my support. Wish I could help. I have gotten into so much trouble teaching and bucking the system for what is ethical, right, and fair for my students….only to be branded a trouble maker. there really are good willing people who want to help…… but the “system” often times ties our hands and gags our mouths. Too bad the President doesn’t read these messages and see the hidden heartbreak of these kids and their parents.
Georgia

Georgia - As a parent to a teacher - thank you for pushing enough to be labeled as a troublemaker! If more teachers would do that, maybe something would get changed! Unfortunately, it all comes down to politics and budget - everyone seems to forget the child! Quite often, the school needs to be reminded of the rules!

Believe it or not, I already emailed Presidents Clinton AND Bush - the only response I received (both times), was the auto-responder indicating that I may not get a response from the White House. Sometimes you DO have to push & take the risk of having yourself (as a parent), labeled as a troublemaker. The school in PA used to say “OH NO” right into the phone whenever I called - the secretaries even recognized my voice!

If anyone needs any information on what NOT to do (meaning something that DOESN’T get their attention, I could probably add a few things to the list!

Again … . Anyone in North Carolina?

Hi,
I understand your problem and I hear it all the time from parents of the ADD children I treat. In my new book BEING IN CONTROL
I have set up self help tools in a pictorial format so that the child and the parent can help himself. This book has been given by many children with LD to the teachers telling them to use these strategies.instead of yelling “pay attention” which does not work. The book BEING IN CONTROL is with Amazon.com a synopsis is at http://www.homeschoolzone.com/add/biofeedback.htm

I too suffered for years with my son in public school. They would not cooperate with us. We knew something was wrong with him. He could not write, read or spell and he was at the end of 1st grade. They wanted summer school and refused to test him. By law, they have to test your child. It’s your constitution right. Public Law 94-142 of 1975 and Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973. If they refuse, like they did us. Go to Children’s Hospital and have tested. Then they have to listen. Send any correspondence by registered mail. If they have to sign for it, they tend to listen and give more respect. Also I have had a lot of help with www.wrightslaw.com. You can join their e-mail letter for free. You can even homeschool. I did for a year to get my son smarter by orally doing studies with him since he couldn’t write, then I put him back in public school and went to Childrens and so forth. I hope this helps. I know its hard and I understand fully your stress. It affects the rest of your family and makes it hard on everyone to be happy. Hang in there and feel free to e-mail me. If I can help because of some of the things I have gone through, I would be glad to. Katrina

Sam,
I’m tearing up at this very minute. I have been through all you have and more. My daughter is now 23 years of age. She was in the public school system since kindergarden. I was very lucky in the beginning, because in my state there was a great elementary school for LD/ADD kids. But they threw her out in the 4th grade… THEN our nightmares started. I beleive parents now have many more choices and better programs then I had to choose from then, but I understand it is still a day to day struggle. My heart goes out to you and your little girl… you are her only advocate.. keep plugging for her.. she needs you. It is sooooo hard. But you will be amazed of how your child will be thankful to you for all you do. Some of my daughters friends do not have the support she does, and we can see they are having many more stuggles then ours. Don’t get me wrong it is still hard for us and our daughter, we just have a whole new set of problems to deal with now, dating, sex, friends , trying to drive ( I don’t think that will happen)etc..

This site is good to use, call all agencys you can, bug them as much as you can.
But take a break now and again. You need to or you will go crazy.

Take care,
M

Sadly, our children and their “learning differences”, are throw-aways in a colelctive fit of social Darwinism; if you don’t fit in with the majority, it’s your fault; if you can’t fend for yourself, welcome to the world of the survival of the fittest. These kids, and their many wonderful gifts, are de-valued and made to feel less worthy because that’s how education justifies short-shrifting them. Label them and put them in neat cubby holes. Help comes from us, the people who cherish them, from websites like this who provide resources and wonderful stories of different people who have overcome the system. Keeping their sense of self and esteem in tact is so important; if they can survive a system that dumbs them down and sets them up for failure; they become the “wounded healers”, capable of finding a good place in the world, and making a difference.

I am a college student who is 21 years old. I can understand to some degree what you are going through. For years I have been told that I need to advocate for myself about my learning disability. Which I never had a problem doing, because I knew what my learning disability was and where my strengths and weakness lie. However, that doesn’t mean I haven’t hit some major hills in my self advocation. I am just recently getting over an experience where my learning disability became a major issue in a college intership. It got to the point where I wished I never had a learning disability, however I have great family, friends, and teachers who have helped me get through everything. My only advice that I can give you is to make sure your child knows that when everything goes wrong, and life seems dim that you are still in there corner. There is a poem entitled “Don’t Quit” I’m not sure who it is by, but it help get me through the rought times. I wish you the best of luck with your child and with the school system.

Mary,

I spend lots of time on the verge of tears for the dumbing down of my son. No more tears I teach him everything I can myself, have a reading tutor 2x a week.

He is in 4th grade ld class and I will keep telling them he needs reading help but should be encouraged in math.

The deal is they need at leat 10 kids for a class full time if they let anyone go to reg ed part time the money will be pulled.

It’s ironic. I’m checking this bulletin early because I’m scheduled for a stress test! We have removed the stressors of public education and are healing. There was no hope of getting school to pay for private, and lawyers would have tied up the courts well after my son’s graduation. My family is healing physically and emotionally and using the last 9 years as insight into some human behavior and institional behavior. Interestingly, my son is physically very healthy now. He missed alot of school last year because of stress leading to bronchitis, viruses, etc. All illnesses were seen and recorded by his doctor. At some of the meetings, some “public servants” tried to imply that his difficulties in school were related to missed class time. I shut down this line of questioning by pointing out that my son had completed his work at home while ill, thanks to their homework website through schoolnotes.com, and if they wished to pursue this discussion we would compare the work he completed in class to what we did one-on-one at home.

P.S. - I read Lavoie’s responses to Misunderstood Minds. Regarding home school being a last resort due to social interaction concerns- in our state, in one support group alone, we have over 2,000 children. There are several support groups within an hour’s drive. All have planned weekly activities, get togethers, sports teams and field trips. Besides all that, my children don’t have evenings full of homework and can interact with peers then as well.

what is your E-mail address? I’ve written a story about what it’s like to grow up with this and it mught scare the sh** out of you but
DON’T EVER GIVE UP!
[email protected]

I, too, know exactly how you feel. We have been struggling with the system for 9 years on behalf of our daughter. I feel completely devalued as a parent.

8 years and still fighting the system.