Hi….I’ve been lurking for awhile reading posts,& now have a delimna of my own. I’m a single mom of a 10 yr old Aspergers/OCD son. He’s been classified for special services for going on 3 yrs. now. I’m in a very small school district in NJ, where all the teachers & educators are very current on inclusion & understanding what our special needs kids need. The problem is,what they say they are going to do in our district,& what they actually do are two different things. They mean well,but I think they “toot their own horns” too much,& fail to provide the goods. My son finally this year has gotten an Aide. I’ve been fighting for one for the past two years,but have been talked out of one by the District Psychologist,who felt my son would become too dependant on one person,& therefore not really try to to do things independantly. I agreed,knowing my son is extremely immature for a 10 yr old boy,& is totally dependant on me to the point that he’s been giving himself anxiety’s over the fact that he has to go to school & learn,& grow up. He’s afraid to grow up,because he tells me “mom,if I grow up,& go to school,& learn,then when I get out of school I’ll have to get a job,& if I get a job,I’ll have to move out & get my own place,& if I have to do all that,who will take care of me?? I want to live with you forever”! I finally told the school Psychologist at the end of last year how is my son supposed to know how to work independently,if the school isn’t giving him the “tools” to learn how to do that?? Aspergers children are like little “aliens”..alot of them don’t know “how to be” around children their age,they live in their own little world,& can’t see the big picture. She agreed that because the last 2 yrs were pretty bad with my son having meltdowns in class.. running out,crawling on the floors in the classroom,& whining & complaining about school work,& if they mentioned homework,he’d cry.. really cry,not crocadile tears. I felt my son also had Sensory Integration Issues,& asked for an OT eval,which he got at the end of last year,& I was told my son was going to receive OT & a Sensory Diet. Well… The OT started well after school was in session this year,& that was only after me contacting the school Psychologist (who is also his Case Manager) & she agreed,it was supposed to start at the beginning of school. Also.. the Aide that was newly hired..I knew from the get go.. she was not sympathetic to him,but the Case Manager said.. this girl has had experience,& Administration felt she would work out well… Administration only hired her,because she had a background…she was not a very “personable” girl,& not very friendly ..very distant with staff,& also with my son.(I also am on staff at my son’s school as a Paraprofessional supporting 2 Special needs kids in the 6th grade…)She was more willing to discipline him,& make him conform ,than try to make his day at school tolerable. He had a behavior chart in place,& she seemed only concerned about that. She didn;t interact with him,make him feel like he was smart (He is an A/B student) & she never took him out on his “breaks” which it specifically said in his IEP. I’ve been meeting with the Case Manager regularly,and I have my own strategies,& suggestions,a little “unconventional” but I know my son,& I know his class schedule,when he’s having his meltdowns,& what will work. The Case Manager/Psychologist validates me,but still says she wants to try “X” ,& because I work in the school,I have to try & distance myself from the goings on while my son is in school. My point is… I see where things are not working out the way my son needs,& I want my suggestions to be tried. I know the Aide that works well with my son… She’s only a “sub”,but has agreed to stay on the whole year & work with my son,but will not sign a “full time” contract. She really understands Aspergers & my son adores her,& she is like a coach/cheerleader for my son. But… “No,she’s just a little too “out there” says the school Psychologist.. Michael needs someone a little more no nonsense. I disagree! How do I win? As his mom,I do know what’s best,& I’ve allowed the District to do it their way,& have been waiting while my son keeps slipping thru the system.. that is why I took the job at his school.. so I could keep an eye on what the school was doing for him,& also give back to the school by helping 2 LD kids. I love my job & the kids,& I don’t see myself doing anything else. I’ve been a nurse for over 20 years now,& could make alot more money in my profession,but this is where I feel I need to be right now,but I want to know how do I get the IEP team/Special Services/ Administration to hear me?
Thanx for any advice or input or suggestions!
Re: "Mother Knows Best"vs. School Psychologist kno
Don’t mind Brenda she is one of our resident flakes.
I think you do know best. I had to fight for something my son needed and was very glad I did. He was with a very cold, discipline crazed teacher who just was in his face every minute. I had him moved to a regular class and he is doing very well. He was miserable before. The school told me that he was manipulating me and at first refused to change his class. I wrote letter after letter and CC’d pretty much everyone. I didn’t let up until they gave in. I told them that I felt that situation was causing him academic and emotional harm.
If you have information on Asperger’s and can document what is needed for these kids and show the current person is not meeting those needs they might relent. The key is to document, document and then document some more. I wrote an as per our conversation note after every discussion. I called them on every thing they refused to do. I have a paper trail a mile long.
Re: "Mother Knows Best"vs. School Psychologist kno
Is there an outside clinician involved with your son? As a psychologist (in fact specializing in spectrum disorders), I often step in to act as a liason between families and schools. I will say this- if your son does not develop a good relationship with this aide, then the aide will be of little real use to him. It is not enough to implement a behavioral program. Your kid needs to learn to gain support and motivation through a relationship with a person, not to simply behave because of a concrete reinforcer or consequence. Not to say that a behavioral program should not be a component in his program, but it must be developed to be sensitive to his needs as an aspergers child. For instance, he should be reinforced for taking steps to calm himself/self- regulate. You are right, he needs the aide to take on a coach-type role to provide him with the guidance he needs for socializing, organization, coping, etc. Provide him with intensive support now and then fade the support so that he internalizes the skills and becomes more independent. While I’ve heard of the argument regarding aides fostering dependency, I rarely see that happen with spectrum kids. If anything, they need to develop a close relationship with someone outside of the family in order to develop more independence. Of course, the aide needs to be properly trained to understand the child’s needs, provide effective support, and step back when the child is doing fine. Good luck.
Re: "Mother Knows Best"vs. School Psychologist kno
I am a resource teacher who fears that my students will become dependent on the help from assistants. I have seen children become so dependent that they will not attempt to complete anything on their own even if the student is capable. I also understand that my students are not getting the education they need without the help of an assistant. In my program a student is not assigned one assistant for the duration of the day. The assistant split their time between a few different students so that the child as well as the assistant do not become dependent on each other. I also hold weekly meetings with the assistants to discuss any dependancy issues or any other issues.
Aides and spectrum kids
Nadia, I agree that the dependency issue always needs to be considered and addressed- but this kid has aspergers and by definition he functions quite differently in relationships. There is already a tendency for a child on the autistic spectrum to be “too independent”, not rely on others for support, and not really share a sense of “emotional connectedness” with other people. An aide can be invaluable for a child on the spectrum, especially early on. In a setting that is often incredibly confusing and stressful to a spectrum child, an aide often serves as a lifeboat - as well as guide and interpretor of what’s going on around them. Changing aides for a kid on the spectrum can actually lead to considerable stress, not because the dependency is being challenged, but because of the need for consistency and predictability. The goal should be for the child to rely on any staff member and cope with transitions and change- but you must take steps to get there. The tendency in schools is to push too hard and too early with these kids- and then they wind up in my office with overwhelming anxiety and acting out behaviors… For kids with other learning difficulties, I completely agree with your concerns about this support as well as your approach.
I didn’t get past the first line of your message.
Just too long and all run together.