holding back my 3 year old in daycare

My adorable 10 year old nephew could not speak one word at the age of 3. He got early intervention and is now the top child academicly in his 4th grade class. He also excels in sports often getting MVP in baseball. He is popular and kind. The perfect kid.

I am sure they would have held him back which in hindsight seems ridiculous. You are doing all the right things. You know your child best and know better than anyone what she can handle.

Dear Alison,

The story that you told about your young daughter is very common all over the country. Where the teacher thinks the child needs to be retained and the parent thinks differently. I went through this experience myself.
In the early part of my childhood education (K-3) I was a poor student. I was barely making C’s and D’s. Now that I look back I think that some of my poor grades came from being lazy and also from a learning disability. When my third grade class came to the end of the year and it was time to be promoted to the next grade, my teachers did not feel like I was ready to go the the forth grade. But my parents felt differently. My parents and my teacher came to the point that I should go to summer school and if I did well in it then I could be promoted to the next grade.
Well, due to my laziness and other factors, I did not do well in summer school. So I was destined to be placed back in the third grade. I was sad about the situation and was ashamed of the fact that I had failed a grade. But I overcame that and went on to see the blessing in my having to repeat the third grade.
In my second go round at third grade, I did extremely well. It was like a my world completely turned around. The poor grades that I made before all turned to A’s and B’s and it opened up a new and exciting world of learning for me. I still had to have some extra help,outside of the regular classroom, in the areas of reading and math to build up my skills up, but I was able to learn and grow so much from repeating the third grade.
I think that you should consider letting you daughter stay where she is at for a while longer. While she is there she can build her skills up so that she will one day be able to be free of the outside help and focus all of her attention on learning new material.
Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck. Continue to support your daughter and I know that she will reach the stars!
-Shenika

Hi. As an early childhood educator, I do not agree that a 3 year should be “held back”. Usually it is beneficial for a child with a language delay be with children who are slightly above her level ie. her typical age mates. Children learn more from other children than from the adults. I am also a strong advocate for programming to meet the needs of the child and not for the child to meet the needs of the program. The 3 year old classroom should be modified to meet her needs as well as the other children’s needs. At 3, all children are at different developmental levels and that should be addressed. If the director stands firm to her decision, I would look for another day care.

jean

What is ChildLink and Elwyn Service? My granddaughter was held back, and now the private school she was attending will not allow her to return because of her learning delays. I really need help! Plus my daughter was told that the public school in their district wants to put my granddaughter in special ed class. I am so afraid that she is just being dumped.

I don’t know if my previous comment was posted. Alison spoke of her 3 year old being held back; my granddaughter got held back in preschool, and learned little of nothing either year. The teachers did not identify her as having a learning disability. My daughter put her into another private school where she was making some progress, but now that school will not allow her to re-enroll next September because of her learning delays. The tests my granddaughter have taken show that she has a developmental delay - duh - but how do you get the child tested or evaluated so that you know what it is that is causing the disability? Also, what is ChildLink and Elwyn Service???

Isn’t your school district responsible to incorporate your child into their system? That is how it works in Ca. My daughter will be attending a special day class in the fall thru the district plus speech therapy. It was not easy getting into the SDC but I hired an advocate becuase my children all had speech delay issue and the oldest one turned out to have LD. If he had a SDC besides just speech therapy at age 4, his problems would not be as severe as they are now. A speech delay is a red flag for a language based learning disablility. If a child has difficulty aquiring oral language, then aquiring written language will be difficult also. Call you local school ditrict and see what procedures you need to go thru.
Good Luck

Alison,
I am not an expert but when I read your statement the first thing I thought was this is preschool not Harvard. You need to do what YOU think is best for your child. I believe that a great way for kids to learn at that age is just to see other kids do what they should be doing. Learning by example. I have seen many kids just take longer to get things, it doesn’t really mean that they are not as smart but just need time to take everything in. Always remember that you see you child every day and you are the best judge for what is good for her. You do what you thinks is best, always be your kids cheerleader! :)
Good luck,
Wendy (College Students with LD’s/ADD)

Allison,
In my opinion as a K-2 special education teacher, along with our school psychologist of 30 years, holding your child back would not be a good idea.
This would have a detrimental effect on her self-esteem. Also, holding a child back with immature toddlers isn’t beneficial. She will not be motivated. Your
child should be with other children her own age. She needs modeling and challenges in order to move up. Statistically, in a public school system, one retention offers a 50/50 chance of high school graduation; two retentions means a 0% opportunity of graduation. Support is the key.
According to the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), your child’s best avenue of support would be inclusion with her regular education peers along with, in my opinion, a programmed family environment which offers stimulation at home.
Wishing you happy outcomes,

Kim

Wow, you’re speaking my heart! This was almost the same experience we had with my son 8 years ago. My son didn’t speak until he was 4 and suffered from a severe language delay for many years. We were advised during his pre-k year to place him in a special education class with others who had language and behavior problems. then we were advised to hold him back from beginning kindergarten. One problem I had with that was that my son is a twin and we didn’t want to send one son off to school and hold the other back before we even knew if he could make it. My concerns over the recommedations of the school system eventually led to my returning back to college and earning my special ed. teaching degree. My concerns as a mom and a teacher are: how can the daycare personnel predict your daughter’s performance before she has a chance?, and how is she going to learn appropriate language skills if she is not exposed to normal language development? Federal law dictates that children with special needs should be placed in the least restrictive enviornment with same age peers to the extent possible as long as they can progress on IEP goals. This needs to be the yardstick your daughter’s placement decisions should be measured against, not the vauge notions of an administrator.If the daycare personnel are doing their job, then special services should be in place. Ask them if they have training opportunites for their staff in inclusion of children with special needs into regular classrooms.My situation turned out very well. My son is now in the 6th grade and at the top of his class in academics. I hate to tell you, however, it was a long hard road for us.But everything worked out well. I’m been offered a consultant’s job on training daycare and head start teacher’s on inclusion methods.I would be happy to help you with advice.My biggest advice is to follow your heart. If you feel that she should be placed with same age peers then push for it and understand that decisions regarding your daughter is team decision. No one person can push you to do somthing against your better judgment.Good Luck and pray! it helps! Pam

Dear Alison, I must agree with some of the readers. I believe you should not hold back your child. In my opinion holding her back with yournger children will allow her to continue to act or function on a younger level. If she is placed in an atmosphere with older children she will mature with her. That is the nature of humans. Please visit The Human Centre Website for more information. the web address is www.hanen.org. Thanks