Confidence booster, please!

I have dyslexia and it is a pain in the butt.As far as boosting confidence goes success is the best thing for that. The real failure in life is not having the courage to try. People who never fail never try. They play it safe. He should try to find all the support he can for the dyslexia then goe for it. Can you help him with his studies? Will the fire acadamy make allowances for his disability? Sound like somebody or something wrecked his confidence along the way. Unfortunately the only person to restore it is him. The ball is in his court on this one. A guy name Mike Stephen ends many of his posts here with the words “don’t ever give up” Those are words to live by. He can do it. He just has to believe it.

Erica:

I completely understand everything your boyfriend is experiencing. I was originally diagnosed in 3rd grade. I was tested in that grade. My school teacher told my parents she thought I was a retard. My comprehension of sentences or any directions were horrible. I have to repeat everything back to everyone to be sure what I heard is right. Math is a even worse. My third grade teacher used to make an example out of me to the whole class of what I did wrong. She was a piece of work. My parents threatened the school with a lawsuit against her and the school district. My mom was and is very patient and worked with me. When I was diagnosed I was told I have Dyscalcula, and an Attention Disorder. In order for me to graduate from high school, my mom had to really help me alot. Any math problem more complicated than the basic four I need help. Fraction’s kill me. She (my mom) would have me in the kitchen pouring water or juice into measuring cups so I could visualize things. This would go on for hours. I just couldn’t get anything. Eventually, I did. I got a D in math, but passed.

I am now 33. I have had to be evaluated again. I am going back to school to get my undergrad degree. I showed the school my evaluation from 3rd grade and was told I might have outgrown my Learning Disabilities. Yes, I wish it was that easy. Just imagine the Learning Disabilty Fairy waives her wand, and presto I was cured! Anyway, I have two years left to complete. I got frustrated and quit after the first two. I tried to go right out of high school into college. I should have taken a break first. School was never easy for me, but I had my family and friends.The first time I was in college I worked full-time and attended college at night. There were other adults in the classes and they helped me. We had study groups. I explained my problems and we would set-up study sessions on the weekends. There were only four of us, but everyone was very supportive.

If I can see anything in a picture form, or at least visualize something, it is easier for me to learn and remember. Maybe this can help him in his learning. I know that there is nothing worse than being humilated, or embarrassed because you just don’t get “it”. It being anything. If it helps him any, I didn’t learn to read a map until I was 26. I carry maps in my car, because I get lost all of the time.

I have been told my whole life I don’t think like normal people and I am glad for that. My thinking has given me some unique experiences I can never replace. If he wants this he will do it. Determination can take you far. Even more important is believing in yourself. People will stand in line to hurt you, don’t help them. Learn to be to kind and forgive yourself for not being perfect.

Ashley

Erica,
I am a forty-five year old female mother of two. I made bad grades in school most of my life. I was scared to death to go college. I graduated in 1974 and immediately started making excuses why I shouldn?t go to college.

I knew I learned differently, but I did not know about dyslexia. I realized I had LD when my youngest son was tested for it in second grade. I will ALWAYS support him. That is the first message the teacher gets. No one in my family helped me with anything. One teacher helped me, because she taught the way I learned. I had myself tested last year (which was very embarrassing for me) when I decided to finally go to college, because I knew I would need the extra time for taking test. I am ADHD and dyslexic. No wonder I had bad grades.

Math is my worst subject. (Fractions kill me too.) In my 9th grade class, my teacher hit everyone with a razor strap that failed our math test. I feel this treatment only worsened the LD that I was not aware I had. Some days I would feel smart, then other days I would feel dumb. I can?t spell very well. Since my sister was a good speller and entered contest all the time, I decided to learned to spell Czechoslovakia. I still remember it to this day.

Math will be hard for me in college, because they will not let me use a calculator. Also, I can not follow directions if too many are given at one time. My memory for things, if not hands on, is poor, unless the subject is extremely interesting to me.

I can not take too many courses at one time, because I don?t think I can handle the pressure with all the studying I have to do. It may take me a year longer (or more) than the normal person to get a degree but, I think I?ll get there, if not, at least I tried. I am happy to say I made an, A, in Rhetoric English, and a, B, in my developmental Algebra class. But every time it comes around to sign-up for classes I get scared?real scared. But, I make myself do it. I have to.

Reading everything I can about dyslexia, and how it can affect different areas of my life, helped me make my decision to start taking college classes. I?ve enjoyed taking classes more than I thought I would. It’s hard and I have, again, felt the hand of –unfairness, the injustice (and ignorance) of the education system.

I personally believe, because society usually puts pressure on the male to support his family, that the a male may struggle with different kinds of feelings because of his LD. I sometimes believe that when a male thinks he is dumb and worthless, that these feelings are stronger or more intense than a female?s. I believe the male may feel more embarrassed. The female may feel more pain. (Just my opinion)

Tell your boyfriend to take a good long look at the crossroads he has come to. I?ve walked down that road your boyfriend is looking at, the one that seems easier. That road may look and feel easier now, but it?s not. Please tell your boyfriend he may have stronger feelings of failure, later in life, like I do, when he gets older, if he doesn?t at least try to go back to school. When I got tired of fighting the feeling that I have let myself down, then I decided to try to go to college.

He may need to get his LD reevaluated and take the paperwork with him when he starts classes if he thinks it will help him.
Shannon

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I forwarded your e-mail to him and hopefully he will gain some confidence from your story. Thank you again.

Erica

I grew up with LD and was called stupid, among other names by teachers and my parents. It’s really easy to let yourself believe these things and give up. Each time you try to pull yourself upit feels like theirs someone or something kicking you back down. I felt that way all the way through public school (was in special ed or SRC was it) , after public school my principal tried to send me to modified classes (below basic) in highschool without consent or my families.

I believed all of them for along time. Eventually I began to drink very heavily and do a fair bit of drugs and eventually got on a first name basis with some of the police in my hometown. I had gotten out of that phase when moved away at 20 to go to College and ended up fluncking out, things got about their lowest that day.

The next month or so I decided I could change or I could go nowhere. I began to really try to analyse how I thought and where the problems were with my thinking. No one had ever done that with me before. After about 1 year of very hard work things slowly got easier.

I learned I had real difficulties blocking out background noise (everything around me streamed into my head), forming concepts were hard until I learned if I built the concept from its basic to its most complicated form it was very easy, I couldn’t organise my thoughts so I had to learn to develop a system in my head to do this and my attention was terrible (I had to learn when I was becoming distracted and bring my self back and to overfocus).

Alot of people I’ve seen over the years/worked with have suffered what I call “cookie cutter syndrome”, what I mean is the teacher, assessor goes on what they see vs talking with the person with LD and figuring out with them where their difficulties are.

That year I went back to College with my own teaching plan. I graduated near the top of my class 2 years later with a Developmental Services Worker Diploma (training to work with people with disabilities). I went on to complete Certifications in University to Rehabilitate people with acquired brain injuries and to read Neuropsychological assessments.

I currently work as a Rehabilitation Therapist in a Neurobehavioral Program and at a Children’s Treatment Facility. Prior to this I worked as a Vocational Counsellor, Case Manager for people who were medically fragile and in community based programs.

Your boyfriend isn’t stupid, he only thinks and percieves information differently and thats OK. The key now may be for him to figure out how he thinks and percieves information when he’s having difficulty doing something or doing it well. My advice is to fight back and prove all of them wrong, I think the worst thing he could do for himself is prove them right.

I hoped this helped and tell your boyfriend his self esteem will heal slowly and in some places never heal, it takes a long time to start to really feel good about yourself. It took me about 29 years, no wait I turn 30 in a week. Make that 30 years.

Good luck with school.

I learned to really analyse what was occuring in my head while I was performing a task such as reading, cooking, etc. I came to realise that my organizational deficits and other deficits affected me far beyond the classroom. Identifying the areas of difficulty was the real challenge since as I said before to someone else it’s difficult because the way I think and process information is normal to me and have no real other reference to base it on.

I also looked at what was working for me. One thing that definitly helped was my training in Karate. I don’t think it was anything mystical about Karate it was that I had sustain my attention (eventually learned when to recognise when I was becoming distracted and bring myself back, the time got less and less - what distracted me - sound, I can’t block it out), retain Kata’s with upwards of 100 complicated movements (helped with learning to organise my thoughts) and I learned that I was very much a visual learner (I learned movements by watching them typically and what was said to me was usually confusing). I think anything that requires some attention and has some basic organisation could help anyone with an LD to varying degrees.

You brought up reference to not remembering what you read. That used to happen to me as well, the reason was I did not understand how the structure of a sentence worked. I could tell you in a general way but when it came to applying the knowledge there was just a gray area. It was one day reading a Stephen King novel that it occured to me that each paragraph had a distictive organisation to it (main point at the start, supporting facts in the middle and closing statement at the end). It was like a blind fold came off because I didn’t even realise this problem again because that way of thinking was normal to me. Once I learned the organisation, my attention greatly improved and I was able to remember what I was reading much better. You may have a deficit area that you are unaware of and it is really hard to find it. It’s like looking for an enemy in a room of friendly faces.

Have you tried instead of reading the entire paragraph, identifying the main point and the key words I.e.

Karate is a martial art developed on the Ryukan Islands 800 years ago during feudal times (main point). The art was developed by villages to defend themselves from the war lords and the monarchy. Villagers did not use steel wepons due to all steel being confescated therefore farm tools were untelised (supporting information). It continues to be practiced all over the world (closing point).

When I read the main point of a paragraph, if I understand it, I move on to the next paragraph or skim it for key words and phrases that may be important depending on how important information is and how well I already understand it. This helped me become less overwhelmed with what I was trying to read, learn the necessary information better and become less fatigued in the process.

There is good software I saw used at a conference, you can find it at microsceince.on.ca. There is organizational software, assistive reading software, etc that I was really impressed with. You should also consider consulting a homeopath, we have for my son (also LD, inherited from me) and really have seen improvements with his attention, comprehension and language (5 years old).

I work with people with an acquired brain injury who are exhibiting severe behavioral problems (aggression, property destruction, self abuse, impulsivity, etc). I am part of a team of other rehab therapists who are supervised/consult with nursing, OT, PT, SLP, Psychology, Psychiatry, etc. Having experience helps and knowing how to analyse behavior and develop interventions (I.e. scripts to re-orientate someone, appraoches to relearn a task, deal with aggression, etc). Rehabilitation Therapists are pretty common in field of brain injury (Canada) and alot of disability management companies/rehabilitation companies use them.

Good luck with your masters, I hope this helped.

Brad

I think it may be important to really try to understand why you learn what you are reading better when you say it. Are you an auditory learning, is it the fact you are creating some a signifigance to what you are reading and therefore retaining it better, are you maintaining attention to what you are doing when you engage in this exercise, etc?

I discovered I was a visual learner but I also developed my organizational system that I use in my head and on paper. When I was studying I still found concepts difficult since I didn’t know where the information was connected and how it fit together. I drew a diagram like a family tree and used this to study with to identify where everything started from the main point, then branched out in to its sub sections (I.e. Reinforcement - Positive Reinforcement Negotive Reinforcement - Differential Reinforcement Extinction and so on and so on). This really helped me to understand concepts well and organize my thoughts. I usually do it without realising it.

Another thing you may want to look into is Sensory Integration Dysfunction. It was discovered in the 50 ‘s by an O.T. and speaks alot to the difficulties I had over the years and why they improved as well when I started exercising.

Just a thought,
Brad

An audiologist who has worked with my LD son told me about her brother. LD—barely made it through high school. Then at the end of high school he got hooked on karate. Today he is a surgeon. She attributes his late success partly to karate, partly to late development, among other things.

Karate is a very integrative sport. You can learn to do it either auditorally or visually.

Beth

AA:

Me to!!!! I think I’ll include SID in my growing list of labels as well :)))))

Brad:

I like your diagram idea!! I too think I have trouble with concepts, particularly during oral lectures and meetings. First of all, it was found that my “graphomotor” speed is such that note-taking is more difficult. Which is true, because I’ve lately found that I just cannot take notes fast enough to keep up with what’s being said. It could also be that I’m trying to auditorally process it at the same time.

The other thing is too that I also think I have trouble connect concepts and how they “fit together”. I will definitely take everyone’s ideas into consideration.

Good luck!!

Christine