careers/jobs

Hi Smack,

You’re asking some million dollar questions as I feel even the so-called LD experts really don’t understand what the true issues are for people with LD. You raised some important issues with your son not knowing what even to consider in making future plans.

As an adult with LD/ADD, I laugh at the statements that we need to have goals because making plans and having LD/ADD is an oxymoron when you think about it. I have impairments in the executive function area which involve planning and monitoring myself to make sure I am on track and I have had the exact same problems as your son. So perhaps that is what is going on with him?

Also, if you have NLD like I do, it is very hard to visualize things so obviously being able to plan things out five years from now again is going to be difficult. Of course, I don’t know what the deal is with your son but I thought I would throw that out there, especially since it sounds like he has some problems similar to NLD from your comments about his job which I’ll get to in a minute.

You’re right, what appears to be lack of motivation in the LD population is really something else. Think about it, who in their right mind wants to fail? But if we don’t know how to get out of the quicksand, of course, it is going to look like lack of motivation.

If he likes to goof around with the computer, I am assuming that is where his talents and skills and most importantly, his motivation may lie? Do you know anybody that he could job shadow so he could get an idea as to where he might fit in? What about about volunteer work involving using the computer?

What was he doing that he enjoyed so much? That would seem to be a clue to his motivation. Are the factors that derailed him solvable problems or is it a case of the organization being extremely intolerant and your son needing to be in another environment?

What you described occurring is very familiar to people with NLD who have problems with social cues and can’t decode those unwritten rules. But you don’t have to have NLD for that to happen.

Also, many schools have job shadowing programs which I think are perfect for people with LD as they give you an up close and personal view of what a career would be like. Is that a possibility?

I’ll conclude by stating that I feel people with LD more than any other population need to see the relevance in what they are doing and feel a task is a waste of time if they don’t. Even if your son feels it is something he just has to do, does he understand that if he doesn’t, his economic opportunities will be quite limited? If he doesn’t see the connection, what about having him do research on careers to see what the requirements are? Of course, if he has reading difficulties, that could be a challenge but perhaps if someone like your son realized what the deal was, he might put with school as something he has to do.

Please forgive me if you have done what I have suggested. It sounds like a tough situation and I wish you alot of luck.

PT

PT,

Thank you for your input. A lot of my son’s lack of motivation I think stems from the fact that though he has been in sped since 2nd grade, (he is now a junior in high school) he is still in the lowest classes (all sped) with having 86% of the school above him. In grade school and middle school he tried hard for hours on end every evening. He studied and studied because he wanted to get good grades. The older he got, the less important grades became he wanted more “free” time in the evenings. Instead of spending 5 or 6 hours studying every single evening except for Saturday, he likes the fact that he can spend 5 or 6 hours just goofing off. He does get the homework done for his classes, but only because we scheduled 2 study halls every day. (the moderators for the study halls happen to also be the teachers of his academic classes.) I have pushed the school to “teach” him according to his needs, but it didn’t help that my son wouldn’t use the accomadations/modifications we fought so hard to get, because it “made me look different”.

He has done research on careers as a required assignment in middle school each year. Unfortunately, it was assigned to research your parent’s career and job shadow your parent for a day. My son really doesn’t want to be what my husband is (a workaholic).

As far as the monetary issue, my son seems to look ahead only as far as that day’s ending. It is hard for him to picture the future as something that is real and coming. So far in his school life, everything has always worked out no matter what. Last year, I let him sink or swim according to his wish. I truthfully say that he should have flunked the majority of classes according to his grades on tests and homework. The sped teachers though “curve” grades so that most pass (if not all). It is extremely rare for a sped student to flunk a course that is sped level. The student would have to not show up to flunk. If he came to class and sat there, he could very well pass. I think it is because if the student flunks, then it might show negatively on the teacher. He passes with D’s. Enough to pass, enough to show he didn’t do good.

In our school district, the job shadowing is for the regular students. They job shadow doctors, nurses, village officials, management leaders. Needless to say, our school district places their pride and effort in the honor students. It is always reported with pride as to all the good things that the honor students do. The classes for the honor students are never cancelled due to lack of numbers. If only a few students actually are eligible for the class, the class is still held. For the regular students, if there isn’t a minimal number of students registered for a class, then it is dropped. My older son is interested in computers, computers, computers. He was a regular level student with ADHD. No accomadations or modifications needed. He got good grades of A’s and B’s. So what happened his senior year when he registered for advanced computer classes? Out of 3 classes, 2 were cancelled due to a lack of minimal enrollment. No other computer classes were available. He ended up filling his schedule up with classes that really weren’t the best for him.

I have had sped teachers actually lie about my son’s ability. At my son’s 7th grade end of the year conference, I was told that he was doing 7th grade math work, but not consistently. I figured, great, he is making progress and not too far behind. The end of 8th grade conference for high school, I was told that he was doing beginning 6th grade math level work. What happened? He was 1 year later in school and 2 years behind from the previous year. How did he lose his education? When I questioned the school about it, there was no answer for me.

My son is very leary of making new friends and trying new things. I think it really has a lot to do with his OCD. It is under control as much as it can be, but he still has some “quirks” that show up daily and more when under stress. Most kids in schools, don’t want anything to do with the odd type student.

Yes, my son is interested in computers, but only as possible game source. What he learns and tries is game related. I think he is a little afraid to try to learn a lot about computers because his older brother is what I would lovingly call a computer nerd. He builds, networks, upgrades, repairs, everything except write computer programs. He isn’t interested in that aspect at all. My younger son knows that he probably can’t achieve what my older son has, so is afraid to even try.

This is why I am totally frustrated and worried.

Hi Smack,

In spite of your son’s ambivelence about computers due to the success of his older brother, it seems this is the area to focus on. Gosh, it just seems like in my website travels, I have come across various programs that involved training youth with disabilities in technology. Let me see what I come across but you’ll have to give me until sometime next week as I have to put the final touches on a course project that is due Monday.

Regarding job shadowing programs, again, it seems I have come across several of them for youth with disabilities. I am constantly angry because there doesn’t seem to be anything like this for adults. Again, let me see what I can find.

If you haven’t done so already, you might want to try searching on Google yourself. Even if you locate programs that might seem relevant but are not in your area, perhaps they could provide the names of helpful organizations nearby.

Take care.

PT

Smack,

Have you ever heard the expression about getting back on the horse after being thrown off? I would bet your boy has been thrown off just a few too many times to want to get back on ever again. He has done what his survival instincts are telling hin and that is to stop getting hurt. PT is correct in telling you that the “experts” don’t get it. You’ll probably get some BS psycho bable when the real answer is just common sense.

Failure sucks! Failure after failure after failure with riducule thrown in will make you do the smart thing and quit. Your son has quit. He’s LD not an idiot. You have goota come up with some BS that he will buy. As soon as you do tell me becuase I have run out of bullshit along time ago. I only wish I enjoyed pot cause I’d be wasted everyday.

Your son has withdrawn. It’s called survival. The constant failure frustration will screw him up more than quitting. The video games are an escape He is getting old enough to know his future is bleak. I’m surprised no expert has told you that. School is torture for him and probably not worht it. Academia is overrated. Welding, masonry, landscaping are nothing to be ashamed of. They are certianly honorable professions. Too much failure will turn him into someone like me and believe me that is something you don’t want. If he can smile more than he frowns then his life will be a success. Hey, what’s life for anyway?

The only thing that may motivate him would be something like body building because if you work hard at that you will have success and that will help with his self esteem. Plus he will soon easily be able to kick the asses of the punks that have screwed with him.

Parents and teachers cannot motivate children. They can only create conditions for motivation. However, there are some practical things that you can do;

1) Ask him to participate responsibly in family life in tasks that he can do (within his disability, obviously) and that the family depends on him to do.

2) Figure out what he likes to do. From there, encourage him to turn those activities into marketable talents. Remember, computer games actually are similar to many of the computer activities used by industry. The military is said to recruit people who are good at computer games to pilot aircraft, drive tanks, and shoot weapons.

3) I agree with a lot of what you have heard from the other replies. Look for job-shadowing programs, internships, mentors, and any program that will increase his contact with other people. See if you can get him to go.

Lastly, I have found that unmotivated teenage boys often respond better to a male than to a female. I’m talking about the old-fashioned tough coach who pushes them to excel. (Although the person needs to know his limits as sometimes they push the kid where it is impossible for them to go.)

So, one question is the role of your workaholic husband- can he get more involved an are there any places you can find an older male who might relate to your son?

Possibilities include your relatives, couples who you know, and extracurricular activities such as computer user clubs.

Lastly, I don’t blame you for being worried- hope that you know that you are doing a good job as a mother, and I wish you well.

.

Thank you all for your replies. Yes, I feel that I have done my best as a mother, but I still feel that there must be something else that I can do or try. It is so frustrating to see your kid failing and to feel that there is nothing else to do.

I have tried multiple different “classes” at the community college, park districts, and private institutions for my son. They included the whole gammit of fun classes, study classes, self-esteem work shops, etc. Nothing seems to have grabbed hold of him yet. If I knew for certain that he wouldn’t have been able to fend for himself, then I could have made plans for his future years ago. It seems like the longer he is in sped, the farther he gets in his learning and social skills. (he is still very immature mentally and physically) At the beginning, we were encouraged with the information we were given about how he just needs a little extra help in one class to get up to grade level until now it is that he is in all sped classes and years behind (3-4 regular/more for this high achieving school district) The school sped system has not done what they were asked to do. Teach my son! My son worked for years harder than any kid in his school did. He studied for hours to get passing grades, had to pass up sports and other “boy” activities (such as scouts) to have time to study. Where did it get him? Poor social skills, bullied by other students for being different, poor academic standings, and what type of a future? If I had known how things would have turned out, I would have done something different. What? I don’t know… I just feel that I can’t abandon him to the “experts” for his whole life.

Karate Boxing Hockey Weight lifting I think what prevented my school days from being a nightmare is I was a decent athelete and I was a good wrestler. No one in my school had the sack to pick on me not even the teachers.

The only kind of man worth being is a manly man. Vocational school may be the answer. I have a friggin high verbal IQ but I was happiest swinging a hammer and hanging with men that I could respect.

My girl friend is a former waitress and she has waited on everyone from farmers to lawyers And with out a doubt the biggest tippers are farmers. The biggest A-holes without a doubt are the lawyers. They drink like fish and blow coke and are pretty much souless creatures. So mama do let your babies grow up to be cowboys.

I grew up with LD and most teachers associate it with Laziness. He is probally afraid of failure. He probally studied long and hard just to get a C.
1) talk to your sons teacher, 2) talk to the special ed teacher to help you with the laws. If he likes the computer use it to help him. Find CD roms that can help him with work. Get age appropriate or skill approprait Leap Frog books or download online educational games. Take him to a career counsler to help him find his strengths. Find out what he is good at sports, commputers or fixing things etc.. he is only a teen and they think life is forever.
Stormie