Is there anyway I can help my girlfriend with time management? It seems to be a big issue at times. I don’t live with her so I don’t really see it until I go away with her. She has been in the shower for 45 minutes and from the time she got into the shower until she was dressed and ready to go it was about 2 to 3 hours. We had to change our plans because it got too late to do what we had planned earlier. When it’s just me its one thing but when it affects other people (family and friends) it becomes embarrassing and problematic. How can I help her?
Re: Time Management
Hi Mike,
As I am sure you’re well aware, time management problems are a big issue for alot of people with LD. Even if we want to change, it is still easier said than done.
Personally, what helps me is to either use Outlook or my palm pilot to plan. For example, if I have an appointment at 2:00 pm, I’ll first enter the information for that time slot.
Then I figure out how much time I need to arrive at my destination. So if I need thirty minutes, I will then enter “Leave for such and such” and use 1:30pm as the time slot.
Then I will figure out how much time I need to get ready and if I need an hour, I will enter “Get ready to leave at 1:30pm” and of course use the 12:30 time slot.
Since I usually am not accurate in figuring out how long something will take, I always error on the side of allowing too much time. As I become more familiar with how long something actually does take, I will make allowances for using less time.
If your girlfriend is not technologically oriented, she can still write this type of information on a planner or calendar, depending on her preferences. If she fears she might not remember to start getting ready at a certain time or has trouble staying on schedule, she might want spend some money for a watch that would beep her at the desired times.
Please understand that no matter what system she implements, there are still going to be difficulties. So patience, patience, patience. You deserve alot of credit though for wanting to help.
Good luck.
PT
Re: Time Management
Thank you both for your input. I guess the main thing to remeber is if she wants help or not and many times I don’t think she does. One thing I found out with her and reading many articles and stories about people with LD is that asking for help is a BIG issue. People want to feel self sufficient LD or not but particualrly with LD and asking for help soemtimes runs against that. It’s but I’m trying and I do have alot of patients but I’m only human too.
Re: Time Management
Mike,
I don’t know if its occured to you, but it may be possible she is afraid you’ll leave her, so she is creating situations that upset you. Kind of like, well if he leaves me, that’s just what I expected him to do from the beginning. Look for fears of abandonment accompanied by actions that make abandonment possible. It could be subconscious on her part, and she not truly aware of it.
Come right out and ask her if she is worried that you will leave her? Most of us LDers didn’t have fantastic childhoods, have few friends, and abandonment is a big issue because we sometimes feel life is/has past us by or that we’ve been betrayed by life, friends, family, and our trust level is pretty low. It may just be a time management thing, but consider it may be more than that.
All the best,
Wren
Does your girlfriend want to change her behavior? Is it a problem for her, or only for you?
Is your girlfriend aware of how her time management problem effects you? Have you told her how you feel?
Is she somone who would accept help in remaining focused? Perhaps her long shower and slow dressing meets some need for her, and she doesn’t want to change. Finding out whether or not she wants help is, in my opinion, the first step.