NLD

There is a group in Yahoo that has a few men your age who have NLD, and children with NLD. I’ll bet you could find someone there!

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NLD-In-Common/

Lil

Dear Changed,

I wish that I could wave a magic wand for you and make the pain go away, but I cannot. The best that I can offer you , at the moment, is to tell you that you are not alone. There are many of us out there who have gone through the gammit of emotions that you describe. Take heart in knowing that the sadness that you are experiencing is not only common; I think it would be more accurately described as universal.

I am 45 years old and was diagnosed about 3 years ago. The subject was revisited frequently within the past year because I had to go through additional neuropsych testing to get into grad school. The additional testing had the result of making me feel even worse about myself because it told the bitter truth in more detail than I ever wanted to know. I even went to therapy over this and dragged my spouse along. (And it was helpful)

The best advice that I can give to you is to give yourself pep-talks constantly. Tell yourself that you ARE smart, because, of course, you are. You did not get to be an executive without possessing a superior intellect. I am envious of you. I could never dream about being an executive of any kind.

Focus on all of the areas in which you excel. Don’t worry about your deficits. Remember that those areas of weakness do not mean that you are lazy or dumb. It is just that you were wired this way and you can’t help it. Why are some people born with musical pitch and others with a tin ear? It just is something beyond our control. Those who have a gift for music go on to become singers. Does that make the rest of us losers? Of course not. It just means that rest of us will find something that we feel good about and will make our contribution in some other way. At the office, let people do what they do best while you do what you do best. Don’t worry if you can’t do some of the things that they do. You have other talents.

If you choose to go to therapy, which I recommend, I suggest that you download some info from LD On Line pertaining to NLD and give it to your therapist to read. This is not a common disability-only 1 in 1000 people has it- and your therapist will not totally “get it” unless you provide him/her with reading material.

Good luck to you. I will send good thoughts your way, wherever you are!

Welcome to the world of the creative out of the box thinkers
Just incase you didn’t know those of us with L.D. are average to above average intellengence. I am sure that upon finding this information out you have heard of all the great famous people who are also L.D. But if you have not here are a few to strat your list (just so you know are in good company ) besides all the folks on this service. Some of our more famous bretherin are Bill Gates, Winston Churchill,a hole slew of actors, Thomas Edison, The artist Monet and of course Michealanglo, these are just to name a few, oh yeah and me too Bonnie (not to sure if I’m famous in my own mind or is that infomious)
I think that you have had the luck of the draw as it sometimes goes with us who have L.D.’s who have not been diagnoised until later and had the support and understanding of those around you ( and when you screwed up as I’m sure you have no one caught you or you were able to fix the problem by re thinking it. I think that if you would like to be of service to those around you maybe if your comfortable in expressing it let those others with L.D. who were not so fortunate some of the tricks you have learned along the way. I know for myself the stuff I hate are those little nagging voices (I know there not really there )that say when ever i get a compliment or I’m giving a talk to other or starting a new program or such those pesky little buggers come up and say or your a fraud and every one going to find out you know nothing. I realize that this is just nervious behaviour but still it is something i must remind myself of.
I find that if you join a Adult Support Group in your local area or if there is not one start one I’m not sure where abouts you live but in Canada we have the Learning Disabilities Assoc across the country and they do in the U.S. as well so make the call and see what they have,it always is good to have those with L.D. that are sucessful help others , this will also help greatly with your self esteem .
I am a person who supports Adults with L.D’s and when ever I hear of a person such as your self I always encourage those like your self to get involved
if we all stand together we have a stronger voice and the rest of the world will not look at us as being just another group of disabled persons. At present in my country the general perception of those with Learning Disablilties is that of the Globally Learning Disabled (those individuals with an I.Q. betwwen 80 to 100. THAT REALLY SUCKS, because we are the people who think in as I like to say olympic circles and the G.L.D.’s think in a square box no offence intented to those who are G.L.D’s as we are not better just different
Love to hear back from ya . I have a wee survay on this page and I would be extermely interested to read your comments it concerns weather to disclose to an employer or not to disclose
Bonnie

Hey, Changed!

I agree with Erin. We have all felt rather…mixed…emotions at learning about our LD.

I continue to feel mixed emotions but now they take turns instead of all occuring at the same second. : ) Last week I was upset with all my non-LD friends for how easy life seems for them. How stupid, huh? This week I’m angry with life, God and whomever else I can blame for making my life this way. I have a good life—nice family, responsible job, etc but yet I sometimes feel as if I could have done so much more had I only not been LD. Yet I also realize, as you touched upon, that I might not have been this successful if I hadn’t been LD. We learn early on to be flexible, persistant, and to prove the people who think we are stupid wrong. What would we have been like, without this early experince?

Take care,
Barb

Thanks for all your encouraging replies.
As it turns out, the first thing I did was bring my test scores to my boss, and explain to him what I had found out.
I had printed out a list of classic NLD symptoms, such as difficulty orienting the body in space, difficulty reading other’s non-verbal cues, left/right confusion, etc. He was so cool about it all. He just said, “Well, we *know* all that!” He assured me that my job performance had always been very acceptable as regards “the things that matter.” What a prince of a guy—I am so fortunate!
It occurred to me that the difficulties that I struggle with cannot have gone unnoticed by those around me. It is weird to think of myself in this new way, but it’s relieving to know that the problem isn’t rooted in my just “not trying hard enough”.
Yesterday as I got to work I had to laugh. I have had everything on my desk labled for some time now. The stapler has “STAPLER” on it, the phone says “PHONE”, the tape dispenser announces itself as “TAPE”. I labled everything on my desk years ago. It’s not that I don’t know what the phone IS, of course. It’s just that spatial relationships are so difficult that each time I look at my desk it is as if I am seeing it anew. I have to scan for the printer, scan for the stapler, scan for the phone. The big white lables make it much easier. I can recognize a word like nobody’s business, but having to hold a mental image of the “LETTER OPENER” as I scan for it takes up too much time.
I am seeing things in my life differently, in context of this diagnosis.
In many ways it seems that, with regard to my LD, that I am the last to know!

Also-
It’s a good thing that I got over the sting of embarrassment years ago!
Being imperfect is certainly nothing to be embarrassed about…
thinking you’re faultless is!

Changed,

You offer me an insight that i feel i can only dream of - there is NO WAY I would disclose at my office that I am dyslexic. I lost one job years ago over a related issue, and just feel too burned still from that.

I am also an “executive” (hate that term sort of) and have struggled to advance my career, often working most nights and weekends to merely produce the same volume as my co-workers.

I would have to say that indeed ur boss is a prince and you r indeed a brave example.

I’m lucky to work for a small company where we all get along. I’m also lucky to live in a politically progressive area of the country. I don’t think I could work for someone who couldn’t handle the fact of a learning disability. There are employers who care about their employee’s well-being.

It’s so true, having an accurate diagnosis changes everything and changes nothing. Now you know it wasn’t an excuse but rather you have an explanation. Building self esteem is about challenging your inner critic, coping with your limitations and celebrating your strengths. As you do this, it is a gradual process, your sense of self worth will develop. You won’t have to defend against low esteem by wearing “executive” as a pretentious badge of honor.

I don’t think I wear “executive” as “a pretentious badge of honor.”
Really!
That’s like telling someone,”You would have better self-esteem is you weren’t such an a**hole!”

:)

As I’ve posted on this board this week, I had just gotten a diagnosis of being on the NLD - Asperger’s continuum. Part of this makes a great deal of sense to me, but some of it doesn’t. I do have trouble with many of the areas covered by these diagnoses, but don’t have some of the skills and defecits normally associated with them (e.g., I’m a conceptual learner rather than someone with good rote memory, although when tested rote memory was a strength. Not so in real life due to problems remembering that may be more of a retrieval problem than anything else. Also, math is a strongpoint and my handwriting is quite good.) I do have a lot of visual perception problems, difficulties with social skills and fitting in to “typical’ groups, although I do have friends (usually people with problems of their own) I do have a tendency to isolate, have always been clumsy - last to be picked for team sports, left-right confusion, etc. Imagery, although improved, is still very much of a weak point. Imagination was extremely limited and daydreaming was not part of my experience growing up. Still, I never sounded like a little professor, didn’t have special strong interests as a child, although I do as an adult. I didn’t have stereotypical behaviors as a child, but from teenage on I developed a severe skin picking problem. After about age 6, I did have food issues (compulsive eating). Before six, I often refused to eat much and was very skinny. I have major problems with executive functioning (planning, organization). This is all very confusing!!!

I share the upset and turbulent feelings that come with diagnosis. I’m angry that so much in life has been denied to me and that I’ve had to struggle at things that come naturally for others. Yet, I have gained an appreciation of people with differences (my primary interest in life) that most “normal” people don’t have. I’m good at relating to people that most “normal” people don’t have a clue as to how to relate to. For example, I worked in a hospital for terminally ill people, and worked well with confused patients. (Unfortunately I lost the job because my problems got in the way. I was completely overwhelmed, couldn’t get along with the head of my department, wasn’t picking up clues as to what was expected, etc.) I recently got a spontaneous hug from a four year old autistic boy who I had just met and who I immediately felt a connection to. I had a mate who was blind, and I can honestly say that blindness did not interfere at all with our ability to “connect.” In fact, over the years, I’ve had several very close relationships with blind people. Perhaps my problems with visual communication makes relating to blind people in some ways more comfortable than relating to people who are more visually focused.

Anyway, it’s great to find others who seem to be struggling with issues similar to mine.

What strikes me is that I can see a young autistic child and want to be with him. I don’t see him as someone who is ” less than”, even though he is severely disabled. Why can’t I have the same self acceptance in relation to my areas of defecit? I guess part of it is having gone for so many years without being understood. (and still wondering if the diagnosis I was given is correct)

I’m 60 years old. I’ve lost the opportunity to have children. I left work because I thought the stresses of my job would kill me (I’d have a heart attack or stroke.) I had developed a number of physical problems and just couldn’t do it anymore. Yet, I miss some of the good things. I was working with a population that had many problems (poverty, abuse, etc.) and to these people I could relate. Relating to coworkers and supervisors was much harder. And they’re the people who do the evaluations and make the job demands. Not the clients who liked me. Had my mildly retarded clients, for example, been the ones to do the evaluations, I would have been the best rated. But who listens to people like these?

At one point, I worked in an agency for autistic children. I found the first book written by Temple Grandin, a now well respected autistic woman. I showed it to my supervisor who refused to read it. She was the professional. What could she learn from an autistic woman?

On this board, we can learn from each other. Thank God!!!

Hi Arlene,

It sure sounds like we have alot in common because like you, I don’t have a good rote memory and I was never the little professor type. Math is a strong point for me also.

I feel I am borderline NLD and perhaps, you are in the same situation?

I am so sorry about your job difficulties. It’s pretty chilling when a supervisor at an agency for autistic clients won’t read a book by Temple Gradin.

Fortunately, I have learned how to navigate the political waters although I certainly wouldn’t call myself an expert. But because I also have Dyslexia in addition to NLD, it makes it hard to think exactly about which jobs I am suited for. Right now, I am unemployed but have done temp work here and there.

You’re right about us learning from each other on this board.

PT