Hi…Mental illness has run rampant through my family for generations. Mostly ADHD, but there are smidgens of bipolar disorder, depression and possible schizophrenia. Most of us are geniuses…brilliant idiots as I like to call us since we seem unable to tap into all that brain power and do anything with it. We are intellectually smart and functionally stupid.
The best book I’ve found so far to address the tremendous sense of failure inherant in being a grownup ADHD person is ‘You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?’ by Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo.
Anything by Sally L. Smith, founder and director of The Lab School of Washington, D.C., is bound to be good reading whether looking for information for self or children. Two books by her that I wholeheartedly recommend are, ‘No Easy Answers’ and ‘Succeeding Against the Odds’.
While I do take Ritalin, and have tried other stimulant medications for control, I take a medication ‘break’ at least one month a year. Sudden onset of psychosis has occurred with constant use of stimulant medication. Taking this break keeps me in check.
Medication won’t solve the situation, though, not when it’s used as a sole method for ADHD management. There are practical methods as well, such as the use of bulletin boards (I have these cork thingies all over the house, and writeon/wipeoff boards, too), use of a daily agenda such as a Daytimer organizer (a godsend when I first discovered I could put all my much needed info in one place and carry it with me at all times), and sometimes just accepting certain aspects of this disorder (such as I’m chronically late by about five minutes…this never changes, believe me, I’ve beaten my head bloody against the brick wall of having no internal sense of time).
For me, I am so inundated with environmental stimuli that sorting through all the sensory information is very difficult. Restaraunts (sp.?) especially. Very hard to concentrate with the overwhelming rush of noise, air, dishes and family conversations. Even colors…I take all activity and noise into my brain unfiltered. I literally can’t ‘tune out’ anything.
Then again, there are those times when I can’t unfocus myself off a certain project, such as I’ll hyper clean one bookcase in the living room for an hour and leave the coffee table littered and the carpet unvacuumed. Those shelves are spotless and super organized though! I like Hallowell’s description of us that says we aren’t attention deficit…we have an attention inconsistency, since I can hyperfocus.
There are definite plusses to this disorder though. I can learn almost anything in a week or a month depending on how long I remain interested in the subject. I taught myself database programming in a matter of weeks. I learned how to build web pages using FrontPage in a week. I became an ‘expert’ on herbal therapies in a month. I learned how to write nonfiction articles and market my work so quickly that I published ten articles both nationally and locally in a year, and some to very well known magazines such as Cosmopolitan, Armed Forces Journal International and Bridal Guide, Complete Woman, etc. Then again, I haven’t published anything since that year.
I’m phenominally successful and abysmally failing both at once. Juggling through the emotional fallout of that plays havoc with my sense of self. Whatever I do, I do exceptionally well, but I have no ability to maintain that level. When I lose interest, I lose the ability to perform. So, my resume looks almost unbelievable. Lots of short term, very successful jobs that lasted only six months or so, and with an incredibly diverse array of job descriptions.
God, I hadn’t intended this to be an autobiography. Again, for me, I’ve never been able to read what’s called ‘social queing’…facial expressions, the right answer to a simple ‘how are you’ (I’d actually tell ‘them’ before I learned they weren’t really asking), and just the rote repartee known to all by the age of ten. Conversations with normal people elude me, and consequently, I’m weird, I guess, so I make wonderful great friends of a few and generally irritate the hell outta the rest.
There’s a corporate jargon book out called ‘Who Moved My Cheese?” about mice or something. I read the book and realized I was the unseen person in the book who was always moving the cheese. I didn’t identify with the worker mice at all. I’ve been called an ‘idealogue’, which basically means that I leave nothing unchanged, but always find the flaws and then feel compelled to fix it, them, that, etc. Not exactly an attractive quality to have and be a tornado of ideas rushing through their workplace of twenty years. Some people, most probably, adore mediocrity and abhor change. It bores me to tears and makes me just want to run away or have this crazy obsession to fix ‘it’ at all costs to self or others.
I’m not insensitive and do have compassion, but this disorder grabs me by the nose and drags me around with it sometimes. I love being ADHD and hate it at the same time. I have this fine sense of the ridiculous and my thoughts are shooting tangents with comet tails begging to be followed. My friends don’t mind this, and shoot off into space right along with me. Those who only casually know me think I’m way too intense and flighty for their tastes, and yes, it hurts my feelings to be regarded as such.
Well, folks…time to end the missal. Sorry for the long post. Hope ya’ll got something out of this. Thanks for listening.
Bonita
Re: More Good Books
I am sooooo encouraged…I just love you “stupid mind” I am in crisi right now with an ADHD contol CEO and I am ADHD wants to be everyone friend, recovering control freak and adrenline junkie et etc etc. No one can keep up with the genius idea God’s lands in my frontal lobe or where ever it comes from.
I can not keep up with them on DEX…. I need a personal assistant.who does not judge or look at the mess on my desk…just get my ideas on paper before they fly off in the space……may be to revisit down the trach hoping they can land…..I have a a plam and I bought the voice reconginzer etc…I just get frustrated I can not get them installed. OOPs there is no spell chech on this
…you can keep up.
I am moving to MN later this year…currently living in Australian with my ND born husband of 18 years…
I NEED TO KNOW WHERE I CAN MEET PEOPLE LIKE ME IN A SMALL TOWN….THE ONE IN FARGO…WHAT A FUNNY MOVIE…
I need a doctor, friends, a place to get my “drugs” a support group.
Dr Nasser and my mentor Mark are excited for me…because there a so many more resources etc in the usa
Thank you for listening…
Re: More Good Books
Regarding ADHD or attention deficit, two very basic books which tend to look at attention, concentration, and memory challenges completely from a neurological point-of-view are: A Remarkable Medicine Has Been Overlooked (about Dilantin) by Jack Dreyfus and How to Cure Hyperactivity - an ADHD autobiography by C. Thomas Wild with Anita Uhl Brothers, M.D. which reports that caffeine for a very small subpopulation of those with ADHD works better than Ritalin in temporarily reducing distractibility and improving the ability to pay attention. Both books are kind of starter books - providing a good foundation for transitioning into a deeper understanding of what neurological lifelong ADHD really is. That’s my opinion.
Re: More Good Books
For those of you living in other countries besides the USA who visit this website and or folders in this website and watn to order teh books mentioned here and or other books delaing with ADD or Ld just go to Amazon.com or Barnes and Nobkes. Com and type in Attention Deficit Disorders and or Learning Disabilities and you can find all teh books mnetionde here and be able to order them. Also if you go to these sites on the Web and type in the title of the books you should be able to find them. Also I am sure that ther are books stores in foreign counties that arelarger book stores where you should be able to locate books in pint written in the USA and be able to order them. Also if you go to a computer system at a book staore and they can not get teh books that you would find out about then you can contact the publishing company. One publishing company to contact is call Paul H. Brookes and they even havew a website www.brookespublishing company. Also do a search of publishing companies if you live a broad and then type in the topic I purchased my vopt of the book on Mapping LD and ADD Careers through Amazon. Com The publisihing company for that book ois Columbia Univerity Press.
Re: More Good Books
Hello,
I don’t have any books to recommend; I’m responding to Bonita’s description of herself.
I have a son, 28 who was diagnosed at 18 with ADD; two years ago I got the diagnosis as well. My son has an MA from an Ivy League school in Mandarin; he is an auditory learner.
For me, it seems that I have pissed off every one of my friends. Yes, I GOTTA fix things/people. I have an MBA in Finance; spent 5 miserable years at BankAmerica. Then ten years chasing dot coms. I went to art school before business school; my brain seems equally creative and quantitative. In the business world, I am a pro at business process improvement. It allows me to fix things. But I have been out of work for 9 months in the downturn of the economy, 911 , etc. My ten years of being laid off and quitting dead end jobs are killing me in the new work environment. Now they want someone who has done the job they’re hiring for at least 5 years.
Problem: I don’t know what to do about social skills. I don’t go to cocktail parties, but I would like to have friends. Both of my sons are now not speaking to me as a result of these poor social skills.
Suggestions?
Since this is a book thread, Driven to Distraction was useful.
I had this ability to “fix” my son; why can’t I fix me?
Linda
Re: More Good Books
we are all so honest I just do not understand why people just can not appreciate the wonderful parts of us. I am goint to MN in July
any “functianl” support groups or doctors yopu can recommend for to stay
“sane” I am only there 3 weeks for the in lawas 50th Wedding aniversary (good people) we will be moving next years I fear how the family willcope with me full time I fear rejections yet again. I am feeling very low right now… back to self hate and dispair….keep looking to the get parts about you…
Re: More Good Books
Mapping Carrers For LD/ADD Adulta can be purchased by orfering through Amazon. Com or Barnes and Nobles .com.
Another book “EmbracingThe Monster:Overcoming the Challanges of Hidden Disabilitites” by Veronica Crawford can also ne purchased through Amazon.Com or Barnes and Nobles. Com.
ALso if you go to Amazon.Com or Barnes and Nobles. Com and by the subject space type in either Adults with Learning Disabilities or Adults with ADD and LD you will see a whole llong list of books.
Re: More Good Books
My non ADHD (in denial husband) filed this message
thank you for contacting me with this inforamtion.
my family have left and are in the USA I have 4 days to
catch up on the problems etc at work. Also to catch up for me
I so appreciate your support.Carol Blatt wrote:
>
> Mapping Carrers For LD/ADD Adulta can be purchased by
> orfering through Amazon. Com or Barnes and Nobles .com.
>
>
> Another book “EmbracingThe Monster:Overcoming the
> Challanges of Hidden Disabilitites” by Veronica Crawford can
> also ne purchased through Amazon.Com or Barnes and Nobles.
> Com.
>
> ALso if you go to Amazon.Com or Barnes and Nobles. Com and
> by the subject space type in either Adults with Learning
> Disabilities or Adults with ADD and LD you will see a whole
> llong list of books.
Re: More Good Books
HI, I would suggest a therapist who knows about ADHD and also the book called What Does Everybody Else Know THat I Don’t Know.
They might help.
Ann B.
Re: More Good Books
This message is especially for Karen and Linda and anyone else who can relate.
I stink at the social skill think too. I don’t have girlfriends that I hang out with. My husband is my best friend. I would probably be very happy just being with him, but I have to admit that I have always yearned to have a best friend or two, who are women, that I could hang out with. Eat lunch, go shopping, talk, have girl’s days out. I never had that though.
My mother is a manic depressive, who still has not gotten help for it. (She has not spoken to me in almost 3 years, because I finally went off on her one day because I was tired of the abuse.) Her advice to me as a kid was to beat the hell out of anyone who messed with me. She often used the same advice on me and my brother. Mostly it was emotional abuse.
Because of my ADD, I never felt like I truely fit in. I don’t drink. My husband is a recovering alcoholic. Never even been drunk and never did drugs. It wasn’t my thing. Besides, I couldn’t imagine feeling out of control.
All my life I have had friends turn against me, no matter how hard I tried. I was so devasted each time. I made a good friend at work, who also ultimately stabbed me in the back. She has also managed to turn several coworkers against me, which has made life pretty miserable at work. I try to do my own thing, but I have to work with these people, or I am not seen as a team player.
I want friends desperately, but I always manage to screw it up, or I am misjudged, people assume things about me. I am seen as too uptight, too organized (I can hyperfocus big time. I only do it though to survivie, otherwise, I would forget and lose everything.) Because I am that way, I have been called a goody-goody, or that I am trying to be perfect. That is so not true. I can’t win.My husband can make friends with anyone. I don’t feel like I can trust anyone. Each time I do, I am let down.
My husband and I are trying to start a family. I want to teach my children good social skills. I don’t want to fail them.
Does anyone out there have any advice on learning social skills? It is really lonely.
Re: More Good Books
Bonia,
Great post. I can identify with a lot of it. I have similar experiences though around different things.
The restaurant, YES!
The NEED to fix flaws, I call them disfuntions sometimes.
I wonder if I am too intense or insistent or am on my way to irritating people and getting in trouble for it at work. I look for feedback about this, but it is hard to know if people are honests with me or not and how to get them to tell me what they really think esp. if they don’t know me too well.
Any ideas on how to do that?
Would like to know you. or at least exchange emails.
Thanks for the post. I don’t feel so alone now.
I had begun to feel wierd, but this message board is bringing me a lot of comfort. I am SO GLAD that it is here and that I read it tonight.
Man, can I indentify with some of these posts.
Ann B.
Re: More Good Books
you need to write a book or at least articles….thank you for the long posting
karen
Wow Bonita! It is amazing how many people I have met that are so much like me! We have our own society. Email me at home so we can exchange more info if you wish.
Georgia