Life's a Trip So Pack Lightly: ADHD and Depression

Submitted by an LD OnLine user on

LIFE’S A TRIP….SO PACK LIGHTLY
There is a lot to be said about ADHD and Depression (and/or Dysthymia) as occurring together for most of us (adults with ADHD). However, I am about as close to finding my “comfortable place” as I will ever be.
For me…. I recently went through a period of grief and midlife crisis at the same time. I was divorced in 1984. In 2000, I remarried. I married a man from Panama, not knowing he was not a citizen of the U.S. Unfortunately, he was very charming and worked hard at his romantic image, until after we marriee. Once he got his green card, he bid me adios. I was heartbroken and humiliated. My life long dysthymic mood went into a full blown depression. Add to this the fact that he was 11 years younger and in search of someone more fertile. (I am 48 presently) With the depression and the mid-life crisis I began to doubt a reason to be here or to go on. Several things happened to me last summer to change my mind set, hopefully forever.
1.. My mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer. However, each day last summer she came by for coffee. We had really great chats and she truly showed me her joy in having yet another day to be here. (She is still alive)
2. At first the only things I could get any enjoyment out of were going to bed and hot baths. Then slowly, I added more pleasant sensory imput until I began to enjoy more things than I dreaded.
3. I read about Feng Shui and began using more of the elements in my home. A gain, the positive sensory input created positive energy - chi. And the more positive energy I surrounded myself with, the more I began to emit. The Feng Shui principals also greatly aid me with my ADHD as I make an uncluttered healthy environment for myself.
4. I had always been an avid thinker and philosopher. I pondered and thought, pondered and thought… mostly to no good end. The poetry on my page (www.geocities.com/jorja2u/index.html) was mostly written in my teens and twenties. Wonder, awe, ponder, insight, wisdom, enlightenment….. contentment.
5. I reread some books by great authors. I also read a book about my favorite Philosopher, Nietszche called “What Nietszche Really Thought”. Everyone could read this book and get something different from it I suppose, but the main premise I derived from the book was that Nietszche gave up on the purpose of life other than for purely asthetic reasons. We are here to appreciate the beauty. Pure and simple. And…. the really special, super-men or women not only appreciate beauty, but are capable of creating beauty.
6. I discovered the poetry of Mary Oliver and “The Journey”. Of course to say that life is a “journey” is cliche’, but…it is a trip. I began to reassess who I was and to look at where I had been. I had forgotten that I am creative and talented….I wasn’t using these gifts at all in my life and had no passion for what I did. I thought about life stages; as a child I was told how smart and creative I was, I beleived it…. as a teen I used these creative gifts and thought that my creative passions defined me. In my late teens and early twentys life took a turn and it became about “how I looked”…then in my mid to late twenties the important element in life was “what I did” .In my thirties life centered around “what I had”….In my forties….well thats where I found out that I my looks were no longer important, i wasn’t passionate about what I did, what i had did not matter….and in fact…I didn’t know who I was.
7. I rediscovered my creative passions. I stopped trying to be what others wanted me to be. I am ADHD and Dysthymic. My life has been a sequence of “setting up dominoes” and then falling apart when “I knocked them over”.I am just as creative and intelligent as I am ADHD and dysthymic. And I like who I am…. I embrace me, daily.
8. I decided there may be no meaning to life other than “we are just here, and alive”. I redefined success and happiness. Success has nothing to do with what you have what you do or what you are…. and happiness run rampart is mania…. SUCCESS IS REALIZING THAT THERE MAY BE NO PURPOSE TO LIFE OTHER THAN LIVING….. AND TO LIVE….ONE MUST LEARN TO ENJOY LIFE. TO ENJOY LIFE, I FOCUS ON CREATING A HAVEN AT HOME, AND DELIGHT MY SENSES WITH POSITIVE EXPERIENCE. We are merely sensual human containers.
Of course I have my ups and downs… but they are mild and few and far between….
(Presently, I also continue to also take Welbutrin for the ADHD and Prozac for the Depression/Dysthymia.)

Submitted by Anonymous on Sat, 06/29/2002 - 12:54 PM

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I chuckled about the uncluttering of ones home. I am in the process of moving.

We are a family of adder’s/lder’s . You would NOT believe the crap I have hauled out of here! Oh my god. The worst part is,my kids and my hubby are all standing behind me,saying,oh no not that! I might need that! Have you ever used it before? No,but you never know. Jesus,If I get through this move,okay if they do,it will be a miracle.

I am not kidding! We have three TV’s,that do NO WORK! But,I’m going to take them and get them fixed,or someone might want them,is what my husband says,or has said for the last 6 years! Now they are just a few more items to throw away! Have a bunk bed,a waterbed,a tread mill,two old keyboard that DON”T work,and fifty pounds of mathcbox cars my kids haven’t used in at least five years to get rid of. I found an old naked baby doll in the bottom of a closet,had no legs anymore,my youngest would NOT let me throw it away! I want to remember it,he tells me. Okay,okay,yes,I have stuff too! god knows how many coupons I never remembered to take to the grocery store! Bottles of vitamins I never remembered to take,and craft supplies I never used. Anyway,what a trip,I guess I had better get make to the task at hand. Good luck with your unclutteredness.. I am trying to get there.

Submitted by Anonymous on Fri, 09/20/2002 - 1:42 AM

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Georgia,
I too was touched by your message. Just one question, tho’. Tell me why wellbutrin. I take Adderrall and not sure it’s the right thing for me. Never heard of Wellbutrin for ADD. Can you share that part of your experience, and how it works with the Proczac. I hate to ask doctors about it. I’d rather hear it form someone who has actually suffered with the symptoms and isn’t necessarily tied into the pharmaceutical companies.

I too am 48 and can imagine what you must feel.You are to be congratulated.

Submitted by Anonymous on Sun, 10/06/2002 - 9:00 PM

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I’m severely depressed at the moment. I’m being fired from my job as a teacher for emotionally disturbed children. It was again a political thing with the principal that did me in. I also got a letter telling me that my medicaid was being terminated. Now I can’t afford depression/ADD counseling or the meds. I’ve yet to find a job that I can hold and I’m now 46 years old. I’m beginning to feel suicidal. I think it’s just the exhaustion from all of the rejection. Manager type people seem to despise me. I really love music and also computers but I’ve never been able to earn a living from music because I was always talked out of it into some more “stable” career. I keep getting fired from these “stable” jobs. I’m taking Adderall and Wellbutrin. I’ll welcome any and all advice.

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