ADHD and trying to get social with non ADHD

start by saiyng hi! Any sharp women will say hi back and the ones who don’t you don’t really want to know. Dating sucks for most peoplelet alone us with A.D.D. I have dated so many womim in the past 15 years and it seems like their all the same and I think they really are. Every women sais they want a nice guy but they really don’t trust me. I’m still single and always will be.

Mike:

It is sad… Is’nt it ? We as ADD folks try our best to date, and get to know someone, but somehow we are not good for them. Do not give up hope …. Perhaps, there is an LD or ADD chick out there who may want to date and fall in love with you. It may take time, but she is out there. I gave up recently about getting acceptance from a non-LD girl…. It doesn’t bother me as much as before.

Hey guys, I have one practical idea about getting to know new people. If you’re in a group situation, try talking to a girl who’s hanging on the fringes of the group. A more introverted person might be more accepting of any ADHD symptoms and might welcome the chance to talk to someone one-on-one instead of as part of the big group.

Mike,
What is it that they don’t trust about you? I don’t get it? What symptoms do you think makes them leary?? They don’t sound too sincere to me. Is it hard for you to stay calm? or stay on track in a conversation? THere are a lot of shallow ones out there, believe me.

I find out alot of info about a women fast and that scares them. I’m an E.M.T. so I’m trained to find out things fast with out thinking twice about it. The guys I work with ask me how I find out so much about people in just ten minutes, but I always get the info I need fast and save sevral lives from it. The probmel is I really feel that all wimen are the same. I’ve dated more then I can count but evey one I date is just like the last one and just like the next one.

I have friends who don’t have a.d.d. and think the same way I do. All wimen say they wont a “nice guy” but we know better, they really don’t they want a guy who will treat them like @!#$ and we know this. Thats why all the ass wholes get the shicks and we get @!#$. sorry for the slang but i’m sick of hearing “your nice but” and then they go for some prick?

It’s not the money like most girls wont, I do okay and have no bills and a job i like but thats not what they want. Some wimen are to dumb to look for the right guy to they go for the ass wholes. How ever, I’m single so I can sleep with any women and do what even I want to and not have to ask any one if I can!!!!!!!!!!

Mike:

It is disheartning to hear of your women you dated. These women just do not see that ADD or LD guys can be very nice spouses. I knew of a story where someone said they did not want to date a man because he drove a bus for the Washington Metro. ou have a stable job and a clean slate as far as bills. Why do these chicks ie: gals not see what a great fellow you are ? I have the same problem: no women want to seriously date me…. I got a stable job in civil service, but its not good for these chicks. They want a drunk stockbroker or lawyer mate.

Mike and Ken,
Hang in there and try to set your sights in a different direction. I understand that whole phoney drunk lawyer/stockbroker syndrome. THey are bunch of empty suits and the women who are stupid and shallow enough to go for that type are jerks. The bad news for you guys is that most women don’t appreciate men like you until they are over 40 and have been burned a few times–the idiots. But there are some intelligent sincere ones out there who are felling over-looked or misunderstood too.! I don’t think LD or ADD is even an issue. I think the issue is sincerity and values. Idon’t want to ask your ages, but I have to assume that you are under 40, probably under 35.. It gets better, honest!

it’s not the A.D.D. or the L.D> it’s that their are no good wimen left. every time ii here from a girl, “I want a nice guy” i look at her and say, no you don’t you want an ass whole just like the rest of them!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have friends who are single with out A.D.D. or L.D. and they say the same thing
as for age, i’m 28 with no kids and no big bills, weighting for a women at the age of 40 is asking for a women with sevral kids and an x-husben to stock her, i’m been their and done that. their past doesn’t medder to me it’s their future that does. I’ve even treated a few wimen bad and it took months to get rid of them, the ones i treat nice i don’t even get a secound date with. my new saying is, no more mr. nice guy!!!

I actually came to this board for advice bc I recently started dating a guy who has ADHD. I don’t know too much about it, but I have studied psychology in the past and am willing to learn and deal with it as best I can. I’m assuming the ADHD isn’t your problem. This guy has had quite a few gf’s despite it, and he’s just wonderful. I do think it’s a significant factor though, and perhaps some women are simply not willing to learn and adapt. The key to any relationship is to find someone who is willing to except the good and the bad. I’m looking forward to seeing this guy for an extended period of time, I just hope I end up having the patience to deal with it :)

Good luck to you

Coming from a woman (in her forties, divorced, single mom) that has ADD, I can tell you that women are not all the same. My ex and everyone I work with will attest to that! You have to be yourself, regardless of what you think everyone else may want or expect of you. Don’t waste your time and energy trying to be anything else. I was married 15 yrs to a ‘nice’ guy. Is that why we broke up? No. Our marriage didn’t work because we never bonded from the inside/out. Being ‘nice’ is not enough to make a relationship or make one last. Neither is looks, money, position/job, etc. You must be attracted to and love a person from the inside/out.

Remember, being a nice guy doesn’t mean being someone people can use and walk over. Most women do not want a ‘yes’ man. You can be nice and still be true to yourself and not let someone disrespect you in a relationship.

Your focus is on the non-ADD/ADHD group - which is opposite of where I find myself being drawn. I find that I am searching for someone that is on this side of mainstream. But just like being ‘nice’, finding someone with ADD/ADHD isn’t the whole picture … I’m looking for that inside/out connection. Found it once and won’t settle for less.

Good luck to you …

I wish you all luck. I’m extremely happy with my non-ADD spouse. I’m the ADD wife and my husband is the psychology major in my relationship. Here are my thoughts on my good match and some memories from dating.

It has worked out well. He takes care of the bills and I do the financial strategizing. It is a great complimentary relationship. His scientific side makes him understanding of my symptoms.

This does not mean he is never frustrated with my symptoms, just as I am frustrated with them. It’s especially difficult for my husband since he is a Cyrano de Bergerac type romantic and my attention is still prone to wander no matter what the situation.

It seems like this problem might get more or less complicated if the genders are reversed just because it is usually the man who is expected to forget anniversaries, etc. I don’t know if it would be less frustrating because it is more expected or more frustrating because it is more frequent; I guess it depends on the Kelly’s of the world.

I definitely think that ADD’ers wouldn’t make a good team as far as the mundane details of life go.

Dating with ADD was strange for me back in the day. You miss the social cues of a pass when you first meet a nice guy which keeps his pride intact but doesn’t encourage him either; you end up buddies. You don’t miss the cues from the blatant ones, but they’re not usually the nice ones. Sometimes I found myself being a badge of heterosexuality for guys who hadn’t come out of the closet. Then there is the creepy type who you didn’t notice was creepy at first and all of a sudden you have yourself a stalker.

My theory is that only a Cyrano de Bergerac could’ve broken through the fog and been a nice guy at the same time.

women are on a time clock, they wont to gat married and we don’t wont to as fast as they do because we know after the get a ring all the fun is over. yes men are pigs because thats what women wont and the onse who say they don’t have never had to date a women to relize just how much they are all the same!!!!!!! If you listen to men and women talk in sepret corners, women bitch about hte guy there datting and how much they wont a “nice guy” but they will never leave the guy there with because they are scared of being single. Men say how much the girl bitches and how every thing changes after they get a ring. The good part of being single is you never have to ask to do anything and all the money is yours to do what you wont with. It’s not the marrige I’m scared of it’s the devorce I’m scared of paying on the rest of my life because more then half the people who get married to day will be devorces in 5 years, and she gets it all.

Mike,

I know that you obviously have had some lousy experiences with women. They can be just as shallow as men–actually worse. Don’t judge yourself or yourself by the ones you’ve encountered. Relax, be yourself, chose kindness over bitterness and you may see a difference. Good luck.
P.S. Women with a brains really do want a nice guy.

you are so right, if we could find a women with a brain and single then we would be all set but they date guys who treat them bad and then when we jump in their life they don’t know how to handle it so they get rid of us. If there was a place to find such a women trust me I’d be the first in line, but we all know there isn’t! People say that when your not looking then they will be there but we are always looking because if we weren’t then how would we know they were there? If you know of any then send them my way, joking!

No, really, Mike, there are women whose brains work and who make smart choices, altho’ few and far between. And you are right. it’s when you aren’t looking that sometimes things happen. You deserve somebody wonderful and I’ll bet if you don’t make meeting someone a priority, it will happen. ANd then you’ll be too busy and have that dilemma to figure out–which will be fun! Good luck.

I met the love of my life that way and still can’t believe it. I was 36. I had been jerked around plenty before that.

Hey you guys?????? What are you talking about. Maybe you should date a woman with ADHD also. The others sound like creeps. An ADHD woman would never do the things you are saying. We are sweet, intelligent and would never hurt anyone.