Your advice to kids

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/adhd.cfm

I never figured out how to stay focused on the teacher. The harder I tried, the worse my focus was. I’ve read how the ADD brain just gets more unbalanced with extreme concentration. The tricks I have have to do with giving up on paying attention and finding other ways to succeed. This is what I’ve had to do with all the areas where ADD gives me trouble: attain my goals by another way rather than trying to make the traditional way work for me.

1) Try to drift in often enough to write down everything that’s on the board. Learn to write it mindlessly if you can’t stay on that task. It’s not very productive, but it’s more productive than thinking about soccer.

2) Have a friend who tells you what homework was assigned at the end of the class. It helped that my college encouraged group study and I had plenty of “friends” who were happy to help me on this because I was pretty sharp.

3) Ask questions that are slightly off the lecture. Asking questions about the lecture makes the teacher mad because they probably just answered the question. Asking questions too much off the lecture is distracting to the teacher. These slightly off questions help to get an idea of what’s important so it can be studied later or searched for in the lecture. I got good at this so that it was seen as insightful about the lecture. Ask as many questions as you can without frustrating the teacher so that the class is more interactive.

4) Getting the homework ahead of time helps to put some of your attention on the lecture. ADD’ers are hunters, not farmers, so hunting for hints on the homework in the lecture is as close to paying attention as I’ve ever accomplished. The problem here is that the teachers aren’t cooperative because they think you should pay attention to it all—so do I, but I can’t!

5) Don’t be ashamed of doing things differently. Yeah, I woosed out when it came to asking questions because of the “already answered” thing in #3, but doing things differently enough to succeed gets you support. My English teacher loved my “book report” on the movie “Pretty Woman.”

6) Don’t expect not to take some flack for doing things differently. People, kids and authority figures, will cause problems for you just because you are different. You just have to make a decision on what your goals are and what you are willing to do for those goals. If popularity is the main goal, you will probably have to give up doing things differently enough to succeed. It’s just a hard fact. Not everyone will be this way. Surround yourself with those people.

7) Don’t think that your wasting your time in the lecture. Well, you are, but no one else will understand. The one time in college I slipped out during the break because it felt like a waste of time, I ended up in front of a job interview w/ the substitute professor. I didn’t get the job. Learn to daydream w/ your eyes following the teacher!

8) I studied engineering because I didn’t have to read and most of the tests were based on problems we learned in class, but practised on our own time. Take advantage of homework that requires you to hunt for the answers or figure out the answer for yourself (this includes writing papers). Busy work is your enemy.

9) Know the fundamentals well. If you are faced w/ a problem you’ve never seen before but should’ve, it is good to have problem solving skills and a sound grasp of the fundamentals. It really payed off for me that I put a lot of effort into learning to write well early on. Reading (if possible), writing, and arithmetic…

This is exactly the infomation that I needed. You are obviously very smart and I mean it. You have the gift/burden thing obviously. My daughter is only 7 but can already understand some of this. I’m going to save your response in my ADHD file and continue to refer to it. Self-reliance is our goal.

Guess what? My daughter is in 1st grade and reading at the 3rd grade level. She likes reading with me now so I’m really running with it. I figure timed-tests will be easier with higher reading skills. She’s good at Math if she tries. I just figured out that if I give it to her in short spurts she’s really good at it. Writing skills are excellent because she is artistic and writing is an artform for her.

She’s smart like you and I know that she can succeed. Thanks sooooooo much for your honesty and humor. Terry

Thanks I haven’t found it yet but I’ll work on it when I have some time alone.

I haven’t any advice, but am looking for some.
My son who is now 11, is very smart, but has ADHD. He makes A’s and B’s. Though his grades are good, his behavior is not as good. I have tried everything with him, including sitting in class with him. He cannot stay focused.
To top it off, he has had heart surgery, and is limited by medications that he can take. We are now going to try Straterra, and hopefully this will help. But, my problem is this. He was placed in “Alternative School” this week, because of behavior. Nothing major, but plenty of “little things”, and has added up to this decision to place him in “Off Campus School” I have been up at this school, before the first day of class, trying to assist, or help out, but nothing seems to work. Can someone please make a suggestion(s)
Thanks so much
DB
Please reply to my e-mail

Hi Terry,

I’ve survived so far, but I’m only in my sophomore year in college. I dislike boring classes like math. In high school I took algebra II twice because I failed the first time. I am in Math-105 in college and I finally am trying, that means I spent 3 whole semesters on algebra II. The best advice I could give about keeping interest is: remember that no matter how dumb or useless the class is, it doesn’t last forever and once it’s over—it’s over; but if you don’t try in the class and get low grades or fail, you may have to keep taking it over and over again until you pass. Plus, if you try in the class and do well, it helps you feel proud of yourself, makes your parents happy and proud of you, impresses your teachers, and makes you a smarter person.

I wish I could think of something better, something that sounds smart but this if I would’ve remembered my own advice in high school, I wouldn’t have gotten such poor grades. Luckily for me, in the present, I practice what I preach!

Well, sometimes the simple advice is reassuring because a nonADD parent can possibly give good advice without being a physician. You sound like you are disappointed with your past lack of motivation. Don’t beat up on yourself. It is harder for you to attend, but, with determination it looks like you will accomplish what you want. Thanks, Terry

This is just a start - ideas off the top of my head. Success in school for your child will require you to be vigilant, diplomatic, tenacious, determined, informed, and supportive. Talk to the teachers and school administrators about the following:
1. The child should be seated as near the teacher as possible - this lessens some of the distractions.
2. Ask the teacher to give the student a copy of whatever is put on the board during class - and to provide notes.
3. Ask the teacher to signal the student when attention is wandering - something subtle. My son had a couple of teachers who would simply walk by his desk and tap him gently on the shoulder. It worked.
4. Ask the teacher to establish a “quiet place” in the classroom in which to study. One of my son’s teachers put a study carrel in a front corner and announced that anyone who was in need of a quieter place to work could use it. This avoided singling out my son, and also allowed him to use it without stigma.
5. Ask about the teacher’s “contingency management” procedures for the classroom. How does the teacher handle motivation? Rewards? Discipline? ADD children need something to look forward to in order to concentrate on lectures and schoolwork, particularly “seat work.” And gold stars generally aren’t sufficient. Some things that worked for my son were participation in the TAG pull-out class (he could go only if his work was done - and he made sure it was because he loved TAG), extra time on the playground or in the gym to run around, game time with the teacher or a friend, a grab bag of stuff popular with the class for which one needed points for good behavior. The motivator must be something the child really enjoys - but once found, it helps to provide the extra kick in brain chemicals needed to focus and sustain attention.
6. Get your child into some sort of physical exercise class - karate and dance are good choices. The idea is to give them a chance to work out the wiggles and to move in a disciplined way. The disciplined movement somehow translates into better attention elsewhere.
7. Make sure the child gets plenty of sleep. ADD kids frequently don’t sleep well or have a terrible time falling asleep. Being tired doesn’t help one pay attention, even without ADD! Establish a routine, experiment until it works, and then stick to it.
8. Make sure the child eats properly - and enough. ADD kids also tend to forget to finish meals once the hunger signal stops. If the teacher will go along, send a mid-morning snack (something healthy!!) with your child. Hungry ADD children are definitely not paying attention in class.
9. Ask if the teacher will allow the ADD child to get up and walk or run (outside or in the gym) when the need to move is just too much. Then the child can come back in a better frame of mind.
10. Busy classroom walls and noisy class projects - and a reading group working while a math group is working while other students are supposed to be doing work sheets - are distracting. Minimizing these sorts of distractions is necessary for ADD students. It also takes a great deal of negotiating with teachers and administrators.
11. See if the school will provide an aide or a tutor to help the ADD student organize, go over class notes and assignments, and answer questions about material. These students do quite well in one-on-one instruction and most benefit with even a little more focused attention than they are likely to get in the normal classroom.
12. Read “Driven to Distraction” and “All Kinds of Minds.” These books explain what you are dealing with and how to help ADD children (and adults) succeed in school and in life.
13. Find and use a child psychiatrist to diagnose your child, prescribe and monitor medication and other treatment plans, and deal with secondary emotional problems. Be sure to inquire about his or her experience with ADD and other learning “disabilities.” Don’t rely on the schools or a general or family practitioner for this.
14. Find and participate in support groups for both you and your child. Also find a group that addresses improving social skills. ADD kids usually have a hard time with social stuff because they miss and misinterpret signals.

MOST OF ALL, LOVE YOUR CHILD, ACCEPT THE ADD, BE MATTER OF FACT ABOUT IT, AND ENJOY! Far from being “disabled,” these children are smart, capable, interesting people.

Deby

One thing that my two teen age boys learned from their classroom teacher( they attend a private school for gifted ld and ADHD kids) Is an technique called S.L.A.N.T. I have actually used it and it has proven helpful for me as well. Just as Terry stated trying to focus is a futile attempt at best,this technique is kind of faking out the teacher,for lack of a better explanation. Studies have shown that when a teacher feels positively towards you,feels like you are trying,grades improve by at least one letter grade.

S- sit on front edge of seat
L- Lean slightly forward
A- ask one question
N- nod your head often
T -tilt your head slightly

My kids never looked like they were paying attention which really irritated the teacher’s,this caused bad feeling and possibly lower grades. Now when in class you sometimes can hear their teacher say” so and so” SLANT. It helps them to learn self monitoring techniques.

Wow, you guys have given me a lot of information! It’s going to take a while to internalize it. It’s overwhelming and so far the school hasn’t even requested that she be tested, I guess because her grades are good at this time. Some things I think can happen without an IEP though. Derby, I’m sure that I can implement some of your ideas right away and my daughter probably does not eat enough before she goes to school. Maybe she needs some bacon and eggs! She doesn’t finish meals. I’ll write a note to her new teacher over the summer and hope for the best.

The SLANT idea is really interesting to me. I think it’s great and I’m sure I’ve practiced it myself. One thing that I am concerned about is that my daughter really resists any kind of deception. I don’t know if any of you have that kind of issue. I don’t know of any other parent that has experienced this. My daughter is 7 years old and has never told a lie or manipulated me that I have been aware of. I can’t claim responsibility for this because my other child came out of my womb manipulating. Teachers go to my ADHD daughter for the “real story”. Once I told her that it was OK to lie to the “bully brothers” on the bus if they asked her if we called the dog catcher on them. Now, don’t hate me, the dog runs down my disabled 4 year old who has rheumatoid arthritis even after we discussed it with the parents. So, my ADHD daughter was willing to get beat up rather than fib or avoid these guys! No, she’s not big, she’s 34 pounds and I guess you can figure that the bullies are older and large. Is this intense moral authority at all associated with ADHD? I’m very honest myself but not when it comes to survival. Heck, do evil people deserve honesty??? So, I’ve got to figure a way to sell this SLANT idea to my daughter in a morally acceptable fashion. It certainly is more respectful to not show your bordom. Teachers have feelings and egos. Who knows, maybe she’ll trick herself into attending at least a little more!

Thanks again for the volumes! Terry

What makes you think SLANT is a manipulative thing? Guess what happens when a kids uses SLANT enough? They learn to self monitor themselves into staying on task.

As for lying,I think your right,I believe one of the things that got my kids in trouble on the play ground is they couldn’t or wouldn’t lie. One kid would hit them,then they would hit back and the coach would catch them at it ,when the other kid would deny ever starting it in the first place. These kind of scenerios happened all the time.

Just tell your daughter,who sounds incredibly smart,that SLANT is a self monitoring technique developed by the educational program at University of Kansas,and a very smart Phd teacher who graduated from there learned the technique, used it to successfully complete his degree and then taught it to his students. The rest is AD HD history.

Ok Socks, I’ll present it as a way to trick her own brain into paying attention rather than a way to “fool” the teacher. It’s a subtle difference but it will be important to her 7 year old mind. Thanks again. Very interesting. Terry

My son is learned how to hyperfocus on reading, and as a 4th grader, read at the college freshman level. Talk about a kid that gets bored in class! In the 2nd grade, he was failing because of his lack of focus. He has come a long way. I buy a lot of books from Amazon these days!

I am going to pass your tips onto him. Since I WAS just like him in school, I can SO relate to him now! Thank you for sharing your insight with us.