To continue the homeschool journey or not to continue???

Hi,
I’ve been hsing my 6 yr old son w/ adhd and this yr I’m taking on my 5 yr old son. I’m also chasing behind my 2 yr old and 1 yr old, so I really do understand the stress factor. If you’re looking for a new perspective to help eliviate your doubts about if hsing working for you, check out the the different philosophies about homeschooling. Unschooling might work for you in the first year or so while you both get used to having school revolve around home life. I wouldn’t expect her to get into a rigid workbook based regiment. That was probably part of the turn-off to ps. And take your time, if it seems like she’s not learning rapidly enough maybe she’s just not ready for that particular input, but completely open to something you wouldn’t expect.
I just recently read a book called “Homeschool Burnout” by Raymond and Dorothy Moore. It’s an excellent pick-me-up if you’re worried about how effective your role as teacher is, which I think is the second largest concern to hsing parents, behind socialization. But I would also venture to guess that 9 out-of 10 parents worry too much about it. Imagine that your child is sitting in class with 20-or-so other kids and the poor teacher is trying to get all 20 or so to master every thing she puts before them and she really only has one shot at it because of time constraints. Now you and I both know that not all of those children are going to walk away with equal portions of information on every subject presented to them. Some will pick up bits here and others might retain bits there, but none of them will really remember the day the same as everyone else. That’s just the flow of life. So, don’t sweat it if she doesn’t seem to be facinated by every subject, all of the time. She’s got far better odds of learning to apppreciate “bits” of info that help her want to learn. Wanting to do it and being forced to do it are two very different things. And I think us parents have a hard time trying not be perfectionists as teachers since all the responsibilty is ours. Most school teachers don’t really share that burden.
Also, beware the promises of packaged curriculums. I’ve studied them up and down and been on the verge of investing mass amounts of money to them. But the closer you look at them, the more you can see that they don’t all jive with one particular standard and are generally way too rigid for home learning, especially for the younger ages. Not to mention the stress of not sticking to the program all year. Big waste. We’ve tried to keep all formal lesons to the basics; reading, writing, ‘rithmetic. We keep keep abreast of what else should be covered on a more general basis , by using “Home Learning Year by Year” by ? Rupp and “What Your (whatever grader) Needs to Know” by E.D. Hirsh. And we supplement those subjects at our library. We love the library.
No matter what you do, your being actively concerned about her is probably the number one most important thing you could do for her. So don’t beat yourself up no matter what direction you decide go in. She’s bound to do just fine.
:) Susan

Thanks for responding so quickly Susan. I really needed to hear some positive input so badly. I think you are accurate in your advice to me and knowing you live and work from a very similar position certainly gives your input serious weight with me, and very importantly, with dear hubby. I can’t wait to share some of your thoughts with him. I truly feel we haven’t given our daughter the time she needs to adjust to hsing, nor ourselves for that matter. I haven’t had enough routine in my own body functions being pregnant to establish much household routine, much less hsing routine. I think given patience, time, and faith, we all can do our part to make our venture successful. I just don’t want her to feel as if we gave up on her before we truly gave her a fair chance to succeed. Having a distracted, pregnant mommy/brand new hsing teacher, wasn’t exactly a fair chance these last few months, especially with it being our first try out of the gate. I think we can made ground if we just give each other that patience and time to adjust. Thanks for the schooling ideas too, I will save your advice on that for future use also.
Sincerely,
Deb :D

It was a pleasure Deb. You’d be suprised how many pregnant homeschooling moms I come across. My neighbor behind me, who is also a homeschooling mom, just delivered her 8TH CHILD! She was one of the motivating factors for us actually; “if she can do it, …..” And now, I don’t know what I’d do if I spent my whole shuttling my kids around instead of actually doing what I enjoy doing with them, which is helping them better understand the world around them. I know homeschooling is not for everybody, but it sure has made our lives more comfortable. Good luck and have fun with it. :) Susan

It was a pleasure Deb. You’d be suprised how many pregnant homeschooling moms I come across. My neighbor behind me, who is also a homeschooling mom, just delivered her 8TH CHILD! She was one of the motivating factors for us actually; “if she can do it, …..” And now, I don’t know what I’d do if I spent my whole shuttling my kids around instead of actually doing what I enjoy doing with them, which is helping them better understand the world around them. I know homeschooling is not for everybody, but it sure has made our lives more comfortable. Good luck and have fun with it. :) Susan

That might allow you to focus a bit more on the 8 yr old when the new one is sleeping(or so we hope)

I am homeschooling my youngest for the first time this fall(entering 6th)I have two older boys who have been in public school all the way.

I dont think its “wrong” to homeschool one and not the other-they all have different needs

That is a good suggestion Mary Cas. Actually, the younger one is far more receptive to the idea. I am concerned however about the social things he picks up at school. He heard about the word “Rape” in four year old kindergarten. Then, in five year old kindergarten we had a Nazi type teacher who was frightening the heck out of her class from day one. Not two months into the year, and he was bitten on the ear in the classroom, when the teachers attending was distracted. Later, there were several incidents of violence on the playground at recess that were not observed by the supervising teacher. It was many of these kinds of things that caused us to pull him out when we pulled his sister out. These things, plus the social attitudes, the language, the less than positive relationships that caused peer issues at such an early age, all brought back horrible memories of our youth, and then the fact that these things are seemingly so normal in five year old kindergarten was really an eye openning, decision making experience for us. I have to say, I haven’t had the disipline issues with my son that I once had when he was in public school, and I worry that it will again have a negative effect on him. At the same time, I realize that he does have social needs, a much more outgoing personality that will require us as his parents to get him out there and more active in the homeschooling community, with the sporting or scouting programs, etc., so he won’t feel so much like he is missing something. It is alot to consider no doubt, but I agree totally that one’s needs don’t necessary dictate the others, you are right. Thanks for responding and reminding me. I am not myself these days. I have four days before the scheduled c-section is to occur, and feel as if my mind is a whirling roledex right now. Thanks for the support as always.
Deb :D

No decision is forever either. If it would work to send the youngest to school this year, I’d seriously consider doing it. If you are unhappy with the social situation, you can always homeschool in a year when the baby is bigger and you’ve recovered yourself. It takes time to recover from a c-section and you need to consider your health as well. If you don’t, you and your family may pay for it down the road.

You also may have got unlucky with your youngest. We had our kids in public school and had no such experiences in the early grades. I think it is much more common in upper elementary and middle school and we have our kids now in a parochial school. We have found less tolerance for teasing and a closer watch on kids. They also keep kids younger longer, I think….which is some of what your are objecting to too.

Beth

My heart goes out to you as your plate is clearly full right now. A new baby brings a great deal of work - and sleeplessness- into a house and under the best of circumstances, this would be a time when you’d have less time to spend with your daughter. There’s nothing wrong with reconsidering public school.

I’d ever agree that the right teacher can make a big difference for any child perhaps particularly for a child with learning differences. To have a chance of your daughter being placed in a such a teacher’s classroom, you’d need to go talk to the school’s principal now. Both you and your husband should be at the meeting. Calmly, pleasantly - and briefly - tell him that you’ve been homeschooling - don’t hash out the reasons why - but that you’d like your daughter to return to public school for the advantages of being with other children and being a part of a school community (even if that’s not true say it anyway… principals think inside the box as a rule and they need to hear that kind of thing)

But follow that up with your concerns about her learning differences and how placement with a teacher who is knowledgable about learning differences and who works “warmly well” (it’s a good phrase) with such children would be important in your opinion. Ask if there is such a teacher in your child’s grade, who is it and would the principal place your daughter in that classroom?

If all that goes well, promise your daughter that if things don’t work out, you and her father will reconsider. But point out to her that you want her to give it a try - a real try - and that there are many advantages to being in the community’s school. (even if you don’t believe it - say it anyway… it can help her to hear that) Tell her you’ve requested a special teacher for her - it could help her to hear that.

Does she have any friends in the school? If she does, find out if they’ll be in her class. Sign up to be a library mother or a homeroom mom even with the new baby. I found that my frequent presence in the school helped my son to cope with school and helped me to build a positive relationship with his teachers (which isn’t always an easy task)

Many teacher don’t read IEPS. Don’t expect too much in that area. If your daughter gets a teacher of sincere warmth, she’d be luckier than many kids. And try to have some play dates for her with children in her class - even with the new baby. Play dates on the outside of school can help to cement friendships on the inside of it.

Good luck to you and your daughter! Good thoughts and good wishes too-

Hi All,
Well, we have a healthy beautiful LARGE baby girl, born 8-06-03 at 10lbs,7ozs and are truly blessed to have her. Unfortunately, I suffered a rare and strange complication after delivery called Paripartum Cardiomyopathy, which is a post partum form of Congestive Heart Failure. Instead of the excess fluids from delivery leaving the body, they built up in the lungs and heart. I had complained three different times, once before discharge, that I couldn’t breath, but none of the doctors caught it. Probably my excess weight led them not to investigate, but women of any weight can get this, it doesn’t discriminate by weight.

After delivery and while trying to breast feed, I lingered at home for a week, not being able to breath, trying to sleep in a chair and finally gave in and went to the ER. There they discovered that my blood pressure was 224/140 and my blood oxygen level was 89. The med. staff was wizzing in and out of my little curtained room so I KNEW something bad was wrong with me. I was right in my assumption. They hooked me up to a Nitro Glycerin IV drip, gave me triple the lasix that most fluid full patients get, I spent two days in the ICU, and another four in the regular heart ward. I was told that my heart was only functioning at a 33% efficiency level, most folks work from 55% to 75%. The cardiologist told me that 33% of the patients get completely better, 33% stay at the same rate, and the other 33% go down hill. Needless to say, this was terrifying and devastating news with three children to raise, one of which was only a week old. This news certainly put kinks into all my homeschooling plans, needless to say.
Still, I am happy and blessed to report that I am one of the lucky few. As of last week, just two months from the diagnosis, my heart has returned to a 55% efficiency rate! While I am tired alot, taking several medications, I am on the road to complete recovery.
You might guess that we were pressured highly to place the kids back into public school after this event. My wise doctor told me that I should not make any rash decisions and give myself some time. Against much pressure my husband and I did just that, and as of today, we are still homeschooling. I will admit there are days we don’t get much accomplished, there are days when I think seriously about public school, but we are taking it slow, one day at a time. I just wanted to update everyone and say Thank you again for all the thoughtful responses. It helps me so much to visit this site, what a blessing all of you are. I hope to continue to send you good news from our family and hope to read it from all of yours.
Sincerely,
Deb Watson :D

Are there any alternatives to public school at all? Parochial school? What do other homeschooling families in your area do? Do they all work separately from each other or do they ever join forces?

In any case, it’s difficult to plan for children home all day. That’s really why school exists. It has much less to do with learning than it does with providing a place for children to be as what else do they do all day?

My first concern wouldn’t be math and math alone wouldn’t be a reason to sned her back to public school. It raises a bit of a red flag that she reacts so strongly to math even in the privacy of her home. I’d more concerned with what she does all day and what she’ll do all day after the baby comes. Many homeschooling families have weekly plans to meet and gather so the children can spend time together and feel a part of a community.

If now or when the baby comes, you feel overwhelmed then explain that to her. I would not say ‘if you can’t be more cooperative, you’ll have to go back to public school’. It’s about meeting her needs for a fulfilling day and that’s hard to do day after day especially with a new baby in the house.

What about hiring a math tutor to come to the house once/twice a week to work with her if you continue to keep her at home or if you send her back to school and she has trouble with math there? is there a Kumon program in your area? Sometimes a pleasant college student can prove to be a good tutor.

If you send her back, meet with the school first and try to do everything that can be done to have them put her with the best teacher they have in her grade. She deserves special considerations.

I wouldn’t recommend a Kumon center. I don’t believe they are geared for learning disabilities, might think about a private tutor.

—des

Agree — Kumon *might* coincidentally work for a person with the right profile — but it’s basically a high-frequency drill program. If there are comprehension issues they will not be addressed.