Hello,
I was wondering if any of you out there have had a battle over to medicate or not with your spouse. My husband will not discuss medication what so ever. It really frustrating me and is putting a wedge in our marriage.
I was wondering if any of worked it out or not.
My daughter started to have anxiety attacks towards the end of the last school year.It has lessened over the summer.
She is funny,assertive,observant and loving. I dont want her lose these qualities.but I’m afraid if I dont try the meds.she just might.
Also, do any of you have any suggestion as what I should be asking for as far as classroom arrangements ? and teacher /student compatability?
Thanks,
LUKA2
Great advice!
As I have said, there are a lot of personal values that come into play in these decisions, and it isn’t a black-and-white, right-vs.-wrong kind of a decision. There are lots of valid reasons that your husband might be worried about medications, and there are alternatives to explore. If you can understand what his objections are, and not argue with them, and then engage him in the search for alternatives, he will feel empowered and you will be working as a team. Who knows? He may be inspired to come up with some really creative interventions that no one has thought of yet!
I also think it is critical for your daughter to feel empowered in all of this. I have been a counselor and advocate for children and adults for many years, and I have yet to see a case of “anxiety attacks” that didn’t have a real and repairable cause. If your daughter is able to describe the patterns of when these “attacks” happen, you may be able to discover the triggers and alter the pattern. These triggers may be physiological (eating certain things, not eating enough, not getting sleep), or may be psychological (seeing a certain person (bullying?), interacting in groups, doing tests, etc.), or a combination of both. Doing a journal of events, times, and possible precipitating issues can be a big help. In fact, just doing the journal itself can reduce the number and severity of attacks!
If you can find out what the triggers are, you can work on changing the environment to avoid the triggers, or work on desensitizing her to them. I have rarely found a situation that can’t be helped by some form of environmental modification. And if you involve her in designing the plan, she gains a sense of power over the “attacks” and starts to see them as something she does under certain conditions, rather than something that just randomly happens to her.
I hope that is helpful. I know how hard it is when there is disagreement on a plan of action. I have been there myself on other decisions. Try to understand that feelings can run very deep on these issues, as the question of medication can touch on fundamental beliefs, such as what is the nature of a human being and what is our job as parents, which people have EXTREMELY strong and deep feelings about. Keep calm and know that there IS a long-term solution out there - you just might have to be a little uncomfortable for a while before you find it.
Good luck!
–— Steve
Re: BATTLE OVER MEDS.
You don’t say whether or not your daughter has been diagnosed with aniexty disorder. If so, then there is nothing to lose by your husband and you having a honest and open discussion with your child’s doctor about medication and alternatives. At certain ages, a certain amount of aniexty is quite normal. Kids will worry about their looks, they way they dress etc. Again, having a honest and open discussion with the doctor can help clarify those issues. As for school, you didn’t mention if she has been evaluated by the school district for special education services. If so, then the issues concerning ought to be discussed with the IEP team of which you are a part of. If not, then I’m not sure if you have that much input.
Re: BATTLE OVER MEDS.
Hello,
I really think my husband is in some serious denial.
I have told my husband that he needs to be more involved with finding ways to help our daughter. When I told him that the neuro Pysych and the CAP testing she had done both confirmed ADD. His response was “their all in it for the money” ” I turned out fine”
I should mention he is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict,and hasnt had either one in 20 years. I think maybe it could be personal for him.
But I went on to explain that maybe if he had the interventions that are available today maybe he would have finished school and maybe “life” wouldnt have been so hard.He got real quiet and didnt say much after that.
He likes to read the paper in the morning b4 entering work.I plan on leaving him some reading materials on ADD………..
My daughter has been diagnosed with anxiety ,and some language disabilty(but not specific). She was in private school when I started to have her eval. through the public school.She will attend there this fall.
so far she will receive 30 min for speech/language remedial help for reading and maybe some OT.She has a tutor come 2x a week. And is catching on pretty quickly! And she is seeing a therapist.
I tried keeping a journal on her “panic attacks” but found know pattern.It all started toward the end of school.There where things going on at the private school and than she started having all these test.She than developed acid in her stomach.This is where her anxiety thoughts are most of the time.Wondering if what she eats will make her “throw up”
We talk about it. And she even answers herself back most of the time.
But the “panic attacks” like when we are out somewhere and she just starts high tailing it out of there and says she has to go and lie down.She says she is going to “throw up” I never know when they are going to happen.they seem to be getting les and les though.I ask her how she is feeling at that very moment and her resonse is always the same.I’m going to throw up and “I feel nervus”
I’m not sure how to work this into her IEP or 504.So more suggestions are welcome.
Thanks again,
LUKA2
Battle over meds
It would appear that perhaps your husband is in denial but a safer guess would be that he is perhaps afraid that your daughter could become dependent on the medications. Nonetheless, I would think that an appn’t with the doctor is definitely in order. If your daughter has been diagnosed with panic attacks in addition to aniexty disorder, then the school definitely has to know. At this point, it sounds like medical intervention is needed.
Re: Battle over meds
If your husband was reviewing the diagnosis, the studies and the treatment choices, then no one can say boo to him. He has made an informed decision. But it sounds like he doesn’t want to know anything. It’s ok to be in denial for a while, but he best get over it sooner than later. A long denial will be a detriment to her social and emotional development as well as her education. Is there an outside party you can ask to intervein? Does he have a sponser, therapist, minister? Someone has to get through to him.
Ps. I find reading material left in the bathroom is a great way to get information into a dad. Bookmarked, highlighted and ready to be read.
Hi,
Tough spot. Your husband is half your team and if he isn’t in aggreement, I don’t see how you can convince him, he’ll have to come around on his own. If he isn’t home much, make sure you give him a full report of the things she is going through. If you have to be there all day and watch her suffer, he should at least have to hear about it.
How about being realistic? Tell him you will give up the med crusade but he will have to get involved. You cannot just give up on helping her. He can take over finding a treatment for her. Let him look for behavior therapies and alternatives. Let him keep a journal and bring her to meditation class and experiment with suppliments. He’s not the referee, he’s part of the game; If he isn’t going to at least do a trial of meds and THEN decide…then the ball is in his court. See how he plays.