son picked on

Furious, yes I can understand that…

I think that your son’s response to the teacher is extremely lucid, that he felt “regular”. I can fully appreciate why your boy would just as soon let this blow over. Sometimes it can be easier to sufer in silence than to make a scene and face increased retaliation later.

I am in no way excusing the other boys for what occured. Bullying behavior should never be overlooked, much less be rewarded. However, please step carefully in your attempt to protect your son. Sometimes it is better for the adult who was present and witnessed the action to enforce punishment rather than your son (or you) to insist upon it afterwards.

I do believe I would have a little sitdown with the principal to document that s/he is aware of what has been taking place (I doubt very much that this was a first-time occurance). Funny thing about the move for zero tolerance, it can be applied to systemic bullies as well as those who engage in more overt acts of assault.

Does your boy see anyone for counseling type services? I might suggest that you discuss this with them as well.

Good luck to you in this…

Hi,

I know you are upset about the bullying. My son is bullied, too - but it’s more verbal. I’ve found an excellent website about bullying - a little odd, but excellent.

www.bullies2buddies.com

There are different sections for principals, teachers, parents, and kids. Perhaps you want to discuss some of the ideas with your son, and e-mail the link to the teacher. My son is just learning to read well enough (5th grade, a couple of intensive reading courses under his belt) that I can print some of the lessons for kids out, and leave them where he can find them, and read them. :-) He’s child #4, and I’ve discovered that technique often works where others fail. When he’s ready, he’ll discuss what he reads with me, or I’ll find a way to work it into the conversation.

Lil

bullying is huge problem and it requires serious effort to change the school’s culture that currently allows this behavior to happen.

Yes, it needs to be brought to the attention of the principal and the counselor. It is very much the school’s responsibility.

try www.bullying.org

Verbal abuse/bullying is so very damaging. And it lasts and lasts. Avoidance behavior by the victim isn’t enough. Bullying is too much for most kids to handle or shut down by themselves. But then kids aren’t supposed to running the school, the adults are supposed to be in charge.

If Michael Thompson is doing any seminars or workshops in your area - try to attend. He handles this subject very, very well.

Bullies can smell weakness. I would put the boy in martial arts but not that pussy teo kwan do crap. I’m talking about the martial arts that can break bones and do some serious damage to the punks that are screwing with him.

Also make him work out so he is strong like bull. In 6 mos or so he should be able to kick their butts.

It sounds like he is a bit of a wuss. You gotta nip that in the bud and turn him into a dangerous person.

Rosemarie-

I have 3 boys, only one of which is LD. He is also speech delayed and, even at 12, still has noticeable letter omissions(IOW plenty of room for teasing)

Oddly enough, he has been the LEAST picked on of my three kids. Go figure!

I do not want to dismiss the bullying. It is inexcusable but it does sound like the school has taken action. You definitely need to keep an eye on things and make sure this was an isolated incident

My purpose was more to say-don’t obsess about it being about his special ed involvement or his speech delay. It COULD be, but when kids decide to find someone to pick on, the field is wide open!!!!

My son is in an LD school, and even in that environment there is a social hierarchy and problems with bullying. Of course the school has a zero tolerance policy, but we as adults can’t police every nuance that occurs when kids interact. Unfortunately I think its a part of human nature - I see 40 year old mom’s exclude other moms too!

If he’s experiencing “normal” bullying then I woldn’t make a big deal of it. If he’s being systematically picked on then of course the school must intervene.

I’d focus on letting him know that it happens to everyone. Share stories from your childhood if appropriate. Validate his feelings - sometimes just telling my son that “yeah it hurts when your friend isn’t nice” helps alot. I spend alot of time making sure my son has positive social experiences so he can put the negative ones in perspective. Hopefully.

Rosemarie,
I had a similar situation this school year, and my son also has poor verbal skills (word retrieval difficulties, very quiet, comes across as shy and processes slower). Earlier in the school year two boys sitting next to him kept saying cruel things. He told me he tried ignoring them, but after two weeks they hadn’t stopped.

The way I handled this is I immediately had my son’s seat moved. Then I spoke with the school psychologist about any possible “social workshops” he might be able to participate in. I explained the situation and she told me she was planning to do one and would include my son (I don’t know how good this workshop was, but I figured it was better than nothing).

I also did a lot of role-playing with my son. Not just about this situation, but other possible situations as well. Also, lots and lots of talking and questioning while traveling in the car. I try to do this anyway because I’m constantly trying to get him to talk. I’ll ask non-stop questions forcing him to think, retrieve words and try to explain things to me.

The other thing was to try and encourage some strong friendships. Inviting kids over and just trying to get a little group of supportive friends so when these kind of negative things happen at least he knows he has some friends who are there for him, and he can be there for them too. I’ve done a lot of explaining to both my kids that every one gets teased sometimes and there are always kids out there who have problems, think it’s cool to be mean, or just don’t always know how to treat others kindly.
Unfortunately this kind of stuff is always out there. So the best we can do is try to give our kids some type of “tools” to deal with it, let them know there are people who do love and support them, and also have them involved in things that help them feel good about themselves (for example; art, theater, writing, building or some other type of activitiy that builds their confidence and helps develop self-esteem).