I homeschooled my ds until the 4th grade when I realized there was a processing problem that I was not able to address. He was put in public school, tested then transfered to private school. I have never really had a behavior problem with him before, until now. He is failing miserably. When I ask him if he has homework he says no, he does not turn in his homework and then lies and says he has. He is in the 6th grade now. All of these problems have surfaced in the last trimester. When I discuss pulling him out he cries. I am flabergasted that my son would do these things. The teachers say he is a sweet boy with no obvious emotional or behavioral problems but something is definetly wrong with my boy. Do you believe that pulling him out and focusing more attention on him and his character at home are the right course of action? Am I reacting knee jerk? Why would he be doing these things? When his father and I talk to him he is contrite and vows change. Please,please,please help me think clearly.
Re: Very concerned
[ When I ask him if he has homework he says no, he does not turn in his homework and then lies and says he has.
Is he doing any homework or not? In any case, by this point in the year, assume he has homework. And from his history, assume he’s not doing it.
You and the teacher need to get on the same page. Where is the homework supposed to be written down? Does his school have a homework website page?
At least for a while, his teacher should be e-mailing you so you know for sure what homework he has. Then you need to sit down with him and help him get it done. Together put it into his binder so you know it went in. E-mail the teacher that it’s done and in his backpack.
You need to close the loop around this situation - not forever but for a while. Helping him with the homework he has will allow you to see if he can do it or not, to see what’s up as to why he might be avoiding homework.
People including children can’t change on their own . They need help to change and since it’s homework, the help pretty much has to come from home. Your son will be able to be more independent with homework eventually but independence with homework sounds like the last thing he needs right now.
Good luck.
This is not a character issue. No one has addressed his processing problems. As a result, he is doing the best he can not to fail.
He probably enjoys the social interaction of school, which is a blessing, and so wants to continue there. However, he also knows that he cannot handle the academic work, so he avoids it.
Do you have test results you can post here? Whatever his underlying problems are, there are appropriate remediation strategies you can undertake. If his underlying deficits are truly in the processing area, then a cognitive training program such as Audiblox or PACE could be dramatically helpful. However, it is often the case that processing deficits are a result of sensory level deficits which have never been addressed.
If he has not had a developmental vision evaluation (which consists of many more tests than in a regular eye exam!), an evaluation of auditory processing (which again is much more than the standard hearing screening administered in schools, or even the auditory testing provided by an ordinary audiologist), and an evaluation of sensory integration by an occupational therapist, he could have sensory level deficits that have interfered with his ability to acquire cognitive skills (which includes processing skills).
Nancy