My BIL passed away unexpectedly over the weekend. He was 55. :cry:
I say unexpectedly, but, at some level, it wasn’t a surprise. He was an alcoholic.
Very bright, high achieving as a kid-accepted to excellent college and received engineering degree
But he couldnt control the alcohol intake. He was in numerous programs. Was incarcerated for over a year for DUIs. Lived with my MIL recently for almost 2 years trying to straighten himself out. Two failed marriages
I wonder about ADHD. My youngest is dx’d and I suspect my oldest is as well. Obviously, there is a genetic component here but when I look at DH and I, it’s six of one and half dozen of the other
Its as if between the two of us we have EVERY marker for ADHD but we don’t share any of the same characteristics. It’s as if we both have it or neither of us have it!
I’m curious about others. A few have eluded to it running in their families by referencing cousins who are the same age as our children.
What about older generations? It wasnt a diagnosis in the generation DH, I, and BIL all share.
Can you look at older relatives and see possibilities?
Have you wondered about yourself or your spouse?
Has anyone pursued a dx for themself or their spouse after their child was diagnosed?
Re: The hereditary component of ADHD? Experiences?
marycas, I am very sorry for your loss. It’s very hard to lose somebody and sometimes even harder to see them struggle for so long.
In our family (until my child) all the adhd is undiagnosed but it’s there. My brother is adhd without a doubt. I believe that I am inattentive. It would certainly explain many things both about my teen years and some current issues. I am sure my husband has it also. He definitely gets that motor driven thing going. The more I research and learn the more I can see how this has been a part of our lives for longer than we knew.
Stepping back another generation on my husband’s side his mother is a recovering alcoholic and his aunt (her sister) still drinks if that is any indicator. On my side, my mother tells me that my father was very hyper when he was younger and he has a few characteristics that we just thought were his quirks. Going back another generation I can look at my great uncle Oscar who was extremely quirky and unusual and think well maybe he had it or maybe not!
As far as thinking about diagnosing us as adults—I’ve thought about it. But, right now I’m still trying to get my kids taken care of. Our younger daughter was only diagnosed in December though of course we’ve been dealing with the adhd since she was a baby. When doing the research for her I couldn’t help but notice that my older daughter fit the profile even better. She just doesn’t have the same outward academic symptoms and did well in school until just last year. She also does not have the anxiety. So for now we have just made the decision to have her have a neurodevelopmental exam. So, maybe after that I’ll think about it some more. But then again, I think what would a formal diagnoses really do for me?
you betcha...there is a strong genetic and behavioral part
My condolences on the loss of your BIL…I just lost my Dad to Alcholism 5 months ago. When I look at my family tree there are alcoholics, a hyper grandparent in her 90’s who still can’t chill, she does her yardwork and housework even if it doesn’t need to be done,
My dad was an Alcoholic who was Hyper and ADD inattentive, he died from Liver Cancer and when he died I realized that my inattentive parents, had credit card debt out the wazoos. My two brothers who are both ADD, one is predominantly inattentive and the other is Hyperactive and impulsive and they have both been in and out of jail, can’t keep jobs etc…it is definitely something I see genetically and also I think a big piece of it is also the old adage…”train up a child in the way he should grow and when he is old he will not depart from it…” If a child is raised in at ADD type of environment their behavior will be strongly influenced by this.
I was the hyper-anxiety ridden over achiever who didn’t fit in with her family and I found solace in being involved with a church where I envied other “normal” families who took me under their wing and taught me what I needed to know to break the cycle of anxiety and lack of self-esteem issues I had. But the anxiety I can attribute to the stress of living with an alcoholic parent and trying to make sense of the madness.
Eventually I was diagnosed with ADD when my kids were. But we are healthy emotionally, we have learned to embrace our ADDness and go in a positive direction.
Re: The hereditary component of ADHD? Experiences?
Marycas
I’m so sorry for yours and your family’s loss.
To answer your question about heredity. There’s alot in my husbands family that points to untreated ADHD, an alcoholic father, a mother with an unknown background that was placed in an orphange as a young teen whose mother had no real husband, and the list continues to my husband and his siblings. On my side, no dx’d ADHD but to see mine and my sister’s report cards, it’s as though someone used them as an example of an undx’d adults reports as a child, and a lot of very bright underachievers in the cousins.
I read an article sometime in the last year, unfortunately I can’t remember the author, but it was suggested that ADHD does not come in one gene (which makes sense since they have identified more than one possible ADHD gene), and that it is the combination of genes that produce the ADHD symptoms, hence the variety of ADHD presentations. Also, while say a mom has 1 or 2 ADHD genes, they may not be enough alone to produce diagnosible ADHD, but when added with the Dad’s, the child hits the pot and displays the symptoms that will result in a diagnosis. I think that it is still much more complicated than that, but I do think that this explanation sounds viable, at least as a start, considering all the variety we see with ADHD in symptoms, the impact, and the response to treatment. It’s food for thought anyway.
my dad was also young when he died...
an engineer, who couldn’t control his drinking until it was too late…and the one thing I think my Dad taught me right before he died of liver disease…”It is never to late to change, treasure your life and your loved ones…Tell them and show them that you love them before it is too late….”
I probably had the most peace at his passing because I could see the whole picture, the ADDness, the numbness from his drinking that calmed his brain. I was able to speak at his funeral and said I knew he loved me inspite of his addictions and it was a day of healing for the whole family.
Re: The hereditary component of ADHD? Experiences?
It runs through our families.
My dd has it and is the first to be dx’d. I was dx’d 2 years after her. Before treatment, just reading about it helped me to better understand myself. Now, I like being treated for it, it has opened doors for me and changed my life.
Like someone else here said, I have a grandmother in her ‘90’s who is the energizer bunny plus a father who doesn’t read well (now where did my dd’s dyslexia come from?) and a sister who suspects ADHD due to her life disorganization and other issues throughout her life that she could have it.
My husband without a doubt has many ADHD-like qualities. If he doesn’t make the ADHD criteria, the areas he does have trouble with would be considered severe.
Hubby has two sisters, one of whom is my dd’s clone, the other similar. Neither have been dx’d with anything, but one SIL and my dd could have been “seperated at birth” twins. She is in the art field and has built a pleasant life for herself which accomodates her strengths and weaknesses. The other SIL scares the heck out of me and gave me the feverent vow that my dd would not turn out like her. She’s also talented artistically but has trouble with jobs, is an alcoholic, relationship issues and Daddy bails her out of credit card debt into the 100’s of thousands of $’s. She lives month to month in a rental. Now, she seems to have recurring health problems too.
My husband and I were playing genetic roulette when we had kids. One has it, one doesn’t.
attentional issues in families
I see a clear strain of it running through my family. After my son was diagnosed and I’m became more attuned to how it presents, I was started to see the same characteristics in myself. And then as I thought about it, my mother who couldn’t ever sit and read or sit and watch tv or sit still at all and my brother who couldn’t concentrate etc. etc.
That said, ADD/ADHD like being allergic presents in very different ways. While attentional issues clearly run in my family, how they present in each of us as individuals is very different. In other words, I guess I’m saying that simply because attentional issues run in families it doesn’t mean we’re all doomed or destined to be just like our relatives whose lives were cut short by their ADDish behaviors.
Re: The hereditary component of ADHD? Experiences?
I’m so sorry for your sudden loss…
Yes, I look back and understand old issues so much better now. My Mom was ADHD- never stopped until the day she died of cancer (she even escaped out of her bed and across the entire hospital just two days before she died). My Dad is ADD - seriously inattentive! In fact, it left a lasting effect on me and my sister as he was NEVER with us emotionally/mentally.
My sister is ADD/ODD and her son has severe ADHD and ODD. He is a troubled teenager and it breaks my heart. Her youngest daughter cannot sit still for 2 seconds and never stops talking. I’m expecting a dx as she is having serious trouble in K.
My DH was diagnosed as ADD while we were visiting the Pediatric Neurologist for my son. I had mentioned that before and he had become extremely angry and denied any such thing. The Dr. also diagnosed his eye blinking as a mild tic. (Ummm Hmmm…told you so???) He has a real problem with paying attention to those around him. If it’s TV or computers he’s watching - I’ve lost him for hours…He was always in trouble at school for daydreaming or doodleing (?). He had an even harder time in college with forcing himself to stay on task. Where as I actually excelled in college compared to high school.
I was not diagnosed ADHD until an adult but I always knew that something was very different. I didn’t have problems making friends and keeping them. My grades were good but could have EASILY been better. I never really had to study and hated subjects that required it - if I wasn’t interested. I excelled at many subjects - not just one. Yet, I never really had that one subject that I knew was my future. I was called “hyper”, “motor mouth”, “anxious” etc…by teachers and peers. They all thought it was amusing that I had these little quirks they could tease me about - I took teasing well. Inside, I felt ashamed and unworthy.
Now, I see my son acting so much like my husband that it’s eerie. He did inherit some of my tendencies towards anxiety, hating to study if he knows a subject, wanting to learn everything and not just drone on about one area. He even has the same eye tic as my DH, along with some other compulsive movements.
Ahhh…but my youngest is the one I worry about. She’s still too young for us to know if she has inherited the gene. At the age of 5, she is a wild, dramatic, funny child that never stops. She cannot walk normal (she can but doesn’t want to) she likes to walk on her hands and feet like a cat or tiger. She can run faster that way than many children on just two feet. She doesn’t miss a thing - NOT A THING! She’s loving, sweet, hard-headed, strong-willed, moody, funny, etc. She is entertaining to say the least. Yet, she is doing well in Kindergarten. However, it could be the wonderful program and the teacher who enjoys her type of personality. I fear for the teacher that tries to break her - she can and will hold her own. (I fear for the teenage years - we are too much a like!)
That said, it leaves me with several thoughts on the cause/root of ADD.
Is it really as Guest/Brian 1 states - just a behavior due to poor parenting and a conspiracy by drug companies? History resolves that issue. There are many historical documents relating to this type of behavior over the centuries. It just wasn’t always abhored as it is today. It was almost a “gift” for some historical figures.
Is it due to today’s use of vaccines, antibiotics, preservatives, etc? Well, they could definitely exacerbate the behavior/disease but then, what was the cause thousand’s of years ago?
If it is an inherited gene just like tics, allergies, skin disorders, etc. - why have the numbers grown so dramatically? There are at least three reasons:
1) there really is a conspiracy and all pharmaceutical companies are evil and greedy - NOT.
2) It could be like that old shampoo commercial “Then two try it and then two and then….” which is considered the most realistic reason and is biologically and scientifically sound.
3) It’s was always a higher precentage than was previously noted. Due to better records keeping, science breakthroughs, better understanding of mental health issues and advanced communication we are able to better chronical the disease.
I’m not a scientist so I don’t have the answer. I just know that the trolls that speak for many out there are so off base. I know how I feel inside and how my friends do NOT have those same feelings. I know how my body reacts to outside influences. I know how miserable it has been and how much my heart breaks for my children. Yes, it can be a gift, but only if those around us allow it to be and stop trying to come up with excuses for why we should fit into their narrow little boxes.
Soapbox moment…..sigh….. I seem to be having them more and more… :?
Re: The hereditary component of ADHD? Experiences?
Definitely there is a genetic component but I am hopeful that by understanding “it” I can help my daughter to not end up like some of the relatives. One relative just figured out that she has ADHD at 40! She now knows why she has had so much trouble completing her college education. The tools she has learned from researching ADHD has allowed her to deal with the issues. She will get her Masters degree in June!
When I first met my father-in-law, we called him “the absent minded professor” (he was actually a college professor, too). Once I started researching ADHD for my youngest son, it became VERY CLEAR that the inattentiveness runs in my husband’s family. My father-in-law is undiagnosed, and my husband is undiagnosed but the inattentiveness is very obvious! So I would have to say that there is a strong family history here!!!