My 14 yr old son is eligible for a special ed class that meets once a day. But he absolutely refuses to join it. He knows that his academic life would be much easier, but he is sure that other kids will stop being friends with him because of the label “SPED”. I have tried coaxing, reasoning, bribing.
With no luck. Now it comes down to either forcing him or letting him not get special ed services. This semester his marks were C-,C-, C+ and B.
I’m afraid that forcing him will do him emotional damage, but not forcing him will do him other kinds of damage. I feel like I’m caught in a web.
Does anyone have any thoughts?
Re: Forcing teenager to take special ed?
Elizzy,
This is my personal opinion, i am not a professional. However, my son is a 15 year old (freshman) with an IEP since 5th grade (visual and audio processing LD).
First off, as you know every child is different. I don’t know if your child is with the “in crowd” or if he is shy and a little reserved. Although he may be eligible for spl. ed., maybe he doesn’t need it. May sound stupid, but he’s not failing anything…his grades are average. Again, not knowing him, but with those grades i would not force my son. I would however, ask him to increase those C- grades and do some extra credit to bump them up, in order NOT to go to special edn. Staying out of spl. edn. is obviously important to him. And maybe hearing this is just what he needs to work a little harder. Not that he’s not working hard now, but he may feel it is justified to stay out of spl. edn. I wouldn’t ruin a relationship with your son over this by forcing him to go, especially if he is willing to work to stay out of spl. ed.
As i said, i’m not a professional. But i once went against my sons spl. edn. tchr. to have him mainstreamed into sci. for 8th grade. It was the best decision i made, and the scariest. He received a C in biology this first semester, and i couldn’t be happier :).
Good luck!
Sue
Teenagers don’t like to be different, and your son is having trouble accepting that he is. That is “normal” in a way, but disruptive, and ultimately harmful, given his situation. One thing you could do immediately is find a tutor to work with him one-on-one. If you do this after school or on the weekend, his peers don’t have to know about it and he gets the help he needs. A tutor or “coach” is better than mom or dad at this age. Sadly, our teenage children tend to find us quite annoying! Another thing that might help is getting him some counseling to help deal with his self-esteem issues (and there likely are issues, given his resistance to special ed help). Getting counseling doesn’t mean he is mentally ill or anything like that. Its just a good way to help him come to grips with some hard stuff. You might also introduce him to the writing and work of Jonathan Mooney. Mooney is a guy who didn’t learn to read until he was 12 but now has a graduate degree in English and has written a book called Learning Outside the Lines that is chock full of good information about how to deal with your own LD. Mooney is still a very young guy. (He wrote the book with a friend while still in college — at Brown University no less. Not bad for a dyslexic kid!) Your son might be able to relate to what he has to say. If Mooney is ever speaking near you, bring your son to hear him. I’ve brought my kids and the affect on them was amazing. Anyway, I hope this helps a little bit at least.