When my just turned 7 daughter started having difficulty in school this year I started some intense research which is what led to where we are now. However, the first thing that struck me was that so much of what I was reading related to adhd actually described my 12 year old daughter better. I have come to believe without a doubt that she is also adhd but it is presented in her more in the classic chatty girl way. She has been frustrating us all for years with her extreme forgetfulness and impulsiveness. She loses EVERYTHING. However, she is very bright and extremely imaginative. She wants to be a writer and will come home from school with 12 page stories and tell me she didn’t do them in class. But, I know she hyperfocuses in school. If she’s reading a book or writing one of her stories in her study hall the teacher will enter the room and start the class and she will not even be aware that class has started until some time later. She had good grades and was in a gifted program until last year when she hit 5th grade. Now she’s barely passing general level classes in 6th grade.
So, we have been discussing having her evaluated and were waiting until the end of the marking period and we had things straightened out with our younger daughter. We came to the decision to go ahead at this time so I wanted to talk to my daughter about this to see how she felt. At times she has come to me to tell me different things that I now recognize as signs of attention difficulty. She feels she wants to go ahead. However, what blew me away was I asked her what she felt her biggest problem in school is. I was sure she would tell me organization. She has problems turning in assignments, completing them, crumpling them too much, etc. She told me her biggest problem is that she can’t seem to remember information from one day to the next even if she studies. She says she’ll go to take a test and can’t remember a thing. She missed school last week one day and had to be retaught all of her math problems because she couldn’t remember.
I just felt so stupid because here I knew she had a memory issue. This kid is the type that would forget her head if it wasn’t attached. I was thinking all of this time that her memory affects her remembering assignments and turning them in. I was not thinking that her memory issues would actually affect her retaining information that is taught to her! Now, I’m thinking, well, duh, why didn’t I think that?
Does anybody else’s child feel this way? Is this common for preteen adhd kids?
Re: Feeling kind of stupid about memory issues
I “feel your pain”, Jen. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but I don’t. Just wanted to let you know this same stuff happens to me too, and I understand. Hang in there!
Re: Feeling kind of stupid about memory issues
Jen,
I found a neat site that allows you to find out your learning style. Your daughter might be able to memorize facts better if she knew the best way for her to study. Just a thought. Here’s the site:
http://www.ldpride.net/learningstyles.MI.htm
Another thought. A dear friend of mine trained her ADHD son to make his own written notes to remember things. His car has sticky notes on the dash all the time. He’s in his first year of teaching now!
If she is AHDH/Gifted then she may be able to get back into the gifted programs with accommodations.
Are you going to take her to a neuropsychologist?
Terry
Re: Feeling kind of stupid about memory issues
Terry, that was a fun site! I took the tests myself! I have a lot of that kind of information from college that I actually saved. We were taught there are basically four learning styles and each learns best by seeking information in a different way and asking different questions. Most of our schools are geared towards type 2 learners. I am a type 4 and so is my daughter. Very hands on approach and the question we always ask is “why.” So, in many ways I have been always able to explain things to her in ways she understands because she thinks the way I do. We hear a lot of talk about learning styles and multiple intelligences but the sad truth is many of our schools still are geared towards that one type of student!
I am the sticky note queen at work! I have them all over and don’t know what I did before! I also keep a running list of things I need to do! My daughter’s problem is she doesn’t write anything down. She comes home from school, takes out her agenda, sees it has nothing on it, then writes in “done,” “no homework”, “none,” etc. The teacher said he would sign off on it but she has to bring it up to him. He won’t remind her so that has not worked. But maybe you are right. If I give her some bright funky sticky notes maybe she’ll use them because obviously the agenda doesn’t work! It’s certainly worth a try!
Yes. She has a neurodevelopmental exam scheduled for early April. I’m still questioning if it’s the right decision but I think if I have that much indecision then that’s an indicator in itself. This is a kid who probably is gifted but has never tested well. From second grade on she has read at such a high reading level the teachers told me she was off of the elementary charts. They would write in the highest level in elementary only because they couldn’t go higher. In second grade she wanted to know more about Moses so she started reading Exodus in the bible. She also started her novel around that time and is still working on it. However, at this point I would be happy if she just got back on track enough to get into college prep type courses!
The concert was tonight and it was very good. I could tell she was disappointed about the solo but I just told her to be ready for the next time in May!
Re: Feeling kind of stupid about memory issues
Thanks! I thought that site was pretty neat also. I’m now trying to see how to apply it better. I know that my daughter is mostly visual/tactile (definitely not auditory!).
I would talk to your dd and ask her how she can use the notes to help her. See if she can come up with a creative way to handling this memory issue. She just lost out on the solo so maybe now is the ideal time to have her take some ownership of the problem. She can brainstorm and figure out where in her belongings or locker a note should go to remind her about this or that. I actually did this with my daughter at the beginning of the year because she wasn’t passing my notes to the teacher. She came up with a solution that I wouldn’t have thought of. She pinned a note right to the outside of her backpack. I thought that would be embarrassing but she didn’t and other kids didn’t say anything. Since she came up with the idea, it worked better. She knew that when she went to hang up her backpack, the note would be right in her face.
I think that you are right to have your daughter checked out if you think that maybe this neuro can also help to give you daughter some “tools” to deal with her challenges.
I have learned to accept my daughter’s hyperfocusing as a gift as well as a problem. It allows her to create. Most artists have this ability to hyperfocus. My husband has this ability also and as an adult it allows him to succeed at whatever he decides to concentrate on.
Terry
Re: Feeling kind of stupid about memory issues
Jen,
I just hi-lighted the three spelling words that my daughter struggled with last night. I had her study the hi-lighted words as she waited for the bus. She is very-much visual so I hope this helps. She really resists studying for spelling and she usually gets only 1 wrong our of 12. Last night she had some trouble with Math and she had to study for the spelling test and she ended up in tears after only about 1 minute of studying for spelling. I gave up last night (had no choice) and then we were stuck trying to cram in the studying before school this AM. I think that she is getting Spring Fever also so I’m going to get her outside a lot this weekend.
Terry
daughter age 8 with ADHD and possibly “gifted”
Re: Feeling kind of stupid about memory issues
TerryB,
Here’s an idea on how to make studying for spelling more fun. You said your daughter is very visual. Try this trick with her. Ask her to look at a spelling word for 10 seconds (less if she can’t stand it), getting a clear picture of its size and shape in her mind. Then, ask her to look away, picture the word in her mind and spell it to you backwards. You will be amazed at how well visual kids can do this. If she is like my child, she will 1) like the idea of a game instead of studying and 2) be really proud of being able to do this little parlor trick. What she won’t be thinking about is how useful it is come test time. She can just picture the word in her mind and she’ll be able to “see” the correct spelling. Try it. Its fun!
Re: Feeling kind of stupid about memory issues
My son did seeing starts at lindamood bell, and I believe a big part of what they did with him involved having him air write words ,picture them and then spell them backwards. Or they’d askhim what’s the 3rd letter… that type of thing.
I started doing that with him last year to help him study for spelling tests and it helped alot.
Funny thing is, he isn’t visual and has poor visual memory. But maybe because it involvved air writing while looking at it , it made it accessible for him.
His spelling is always much better if it spells orally vs. in writing.
Re: Feeling kind of stupid about memory issues
My son can’t spell orally at all. He says he can’t see the letters. I have tried a bit of Seeing Stars with him but getting a kid to air write when you are the parent isn’t easy.
I am debating about trying a LMB clinic this summer. He reads fairly well now but misreads words—though, through, thorough—that sort of thing. He is also an amazingly lousy speller. At one level it seems like overkill but I know because of his APD he will never be strong auditorally. I am not either but I have much stronger visual skills than he.
Beth
Re: Feeling kind of stupid about memory issues
My DS is the worst speller ever - and honestly, although the LMB improvements in reading stayed with him, the improvements in spelling did not. Even now its 50/50 as to whether he’ll spell the word “have” with an “e” at the end or not.
Personally I don’t care much about his spelling, but for what its worth, his school believes in teaching spelling side by side with decoding and writing. They swear they can teach him to spell!
Re: Feeling kind of stupid about memory issues
Terry, I think I will do exactly as you suggest and talk to my daughter about how she can help herself. Unfortunately, I think we will have to start with me helping her to clean her room. She’s a mess overall! An explosion of junk wherever she goes! However, she is concerned and disappointed so you are right, it is an ideal time!
I know all about hyperfocusing. In fact, it’s not hard for me to see where my daughter gets some of her traits. I always thought I was just very right brained but now I wonder if there’s more to it than that! However, you are right when I am working on my artwork there is nothing else in the world existing but yet my mind is working the whole time often thinking about more than one thing at once. At work I get so focused that people have to warn me they are walking up behind me. Otherwise, it scares the daylights out of me because I don’t hear them coming! It’s kind of a joke on me! However, you are right in that my hyperfocusing was a great asset in making it through art school! There were sometimes days on end with no sleep (only stopping for meals) just to get some project or another done! I’m talking more than 24 hours straight through on one drawing or painting!
Back to my daughter, I don’t understand why the teachers can’t bring her back on task a little more when she gets into one of her hyperfocusing zones. I’m thinking that if we know there is a problem then there is no reason why they can’t just tap her desk or something when class begins. She did tell me that it’s real hard for her to pay attention in class when she gets an idea for one of her stories. I’m thinking that we can try a little notebook (memo type) just for story ideas. She carries a big one around to write in but if she has that out she starts writing her story and then she’s lost to the rest of the world! I tell her when she grows up that I get the first book off the press with her signature for every book she writes!
Re: Feeling kind of stupid about memory issues
Gosh, I am so sorry that I missed the start of this thread. Guess what Jen, you are again describing my daughter. And as was suggested, she will most likely need to develop her own strategies, overtime, that help her componsate for this. My dd, in the 9th grade and in the highest level algebra class still has challenges with rote memory skills with basic math facts, even addition and substraction on occassion, especially when under pressure. Her brain tends to shut down even more then. She is dependent on a calculator if she is going to get anything done in a timely manner. She understands the processes of division and multiplication, but is more likely to want to use tally marks to get an answer if she can’t use a calculator, BUT it is slowly getting better, but it is still an issue. For her, I really think it’s a processing issue. When it comes to memory things for studying, she has developed some things that work well for her. She reads aloud and rereads. She takes notes on her reading. She rewrites notes and puts questions and other notations in the margines to help her. She makes up her own study guides and answers the questions. (This was on her 504 for the teacher to do for her back in 4th and 5th grades). We tried photocopying chapters and having her highlight them, she just couldn’t make this work for her, but some kids have great success doing this. Some use just one color, others develop a system with colors, using different ones for Main topics, subtopics, definitions, important dates, etc. That was the approach we tried, it was too overwhelming for her to set up a system that worked for her. One color just ended up with the entire page yellow or pink. For deadlines, she uses an assignment notebook. She started using that in 2nd grade (our school purchased them for all students) and has been using them ever since. I’ve tried putting a calendar up in her room so she can put due dates for projects on that, I thought having it right out there everyday would help, but that hasn’t been successful for her. I like your idea of a note book for story ideas. If she has trouble developing them or keeping on track with the stories, web rings (there are lots of different ones) work well. And I agree, there is no reason the teacher can’t help keep her on track. In second grade my dd’s teacher would simply go up and quietly ask my dd about what she was teaching, she was checking in with her to see where she was at, usually she knew that my dd was off track and she was just tyring to figure out where she was when my dd checked out and her focus switched, then she’d make sure that she filled in the gaps. For some kids the tapping on the desk or shoulder is enough.
For non-school things, she uses sticky notes, lists, and notes taped to her mirror. I will put up a note on the door that she leaves through in the morning occassionally. We have done check lists, and that is what spawned her present system. She TRIES to get things ready the night before, and even when she is successful with that, she can still leave something right there where her backpack was without the note reminding her to bring the extra item.
In the thread, spelling came up, and truth is, some kids, some adults, will just never be good spellers. My dd is one of those too. She had a 6th grade teacher that carried around a “50 most often misspelled words” list, because he was a poor speller too. My dd uses a dictionary often. It doesn’t always work, her decoding skills aren’t the best, hence the spelling problem, but it helps a lot. When she was at the age of spelling tests, she could learn the words long enough using creative ways to memorize the words: making puzzle pieces out of the letters of a word and putting them together, writing in sand or salt, making up word searches with spelling words, writing them in 2 colors- one for constanants and one for vowels, writing them in syllables with dots between syllables, typing them in ‘Word’ on the computer, and writing each 5 times, and testing herself.
Re: Feeling kind of stupid about memory issues
I had a talk with my daughter last night starting with “I know you are upset about that solo…” Her answer was to hot glue the sticky notes to her forehead so she wouldn’t lose them! So, after awhile miss smarty pants came up with the solution that she could try the mirror where she brushes her teeth! I can see our bathroom mirror now but if it helps her I can certainly live with that! She also likes the idea of the little memo book. In fact, I gave her a black one for gel pens not that long ago. Of course, she can’t find it but I told her to look and if she can’t find it I’ll get her another!
Re: Feeling kind of stupid about memory issues
My son’s teachers this year are helping him stay focused. When they see him drift off they come by and put their hand on his desk. This was a cue he agreed to, because he didn’t want anyone to know. Which is funny because in his LD school they are all drifting off and I guarantee noone even notices!
its such a simple thing to do, but I found when he was in the mainstream (albeit without an IEP) that it really came down to the teacher. Either they were willing to work with your child or not.
Sticky notes have never worked for him b/c he has an aversion to reading.
My daughter practiced a clarinet piece for about two weeks and excitedly talked about an audition she was going to have for a solo in a school concert. On the day of the audition (yesterday) she forgot her clarinet. She thought she left it on the bus so didn’t call me. Then she got home and it was home afterall! So, she missed the audition and will not have a solo! It doesn’t seem to matter how many times things like this happen. They just keep happening. I’m not home in the morning because I leave early but if I forget to tell my husband to remind her of something it doesn’t get done! My memory isn’t the greatest in that I misplace things a lot. BUT, if I don’t write things down and remind the entire family of things they have to do I swear none of them would remember!
How do other people handle these very frustrating memory type issues? Sometimes it’s hard enough to keep track of all that I need to do let alone everybody else!