While my DS seems to be doing well, my nephew is not. He is in the sixth grade and having a horrible time adjusting. We think part of the problem is the changing of classrooms every hours - he doesn’t handle change well. He has started refusing to do his classwork, talking back to the teachers, hitting and being generally obnoxious (harsh but true). It’s breaking all of our hearts.
He has had problems over the years and even threatened his mother and brother with scissors. Yet, he is also kind, gentle and loving. He has been dx with severe ADHD/ODD. He is on meds which provide some relief of his symptoms. He is a good student who used to make straight A’s. Now his grades have dropped to Ds and Fs. Not because he doesn’t understand the work or can’t do it - because he just doesn’t seem to care. The ISD has stated that unless he is making ALL F’s, he is not considered “failing” and cannot be placed on the 504 program due to some new law this year.
He is very small for his age and is picked on at school and on the bus. When he defends himself, he becomes very angry and is the one who will get in trouble. The bullies never get into trouble (this from several other students on the bus). There is also a possibility the school will not let him advance next year.
It seems to be a vicious circle. The worse his ADHD symptoms become the more harsh the school/parents becomes and the more negative/angry he becomes. I know he really does care - I can see it. It just seems that he is lost inside and very scared and angry.
I’m not sure I agree with the punishment my sister and BIL provide. BIL has become extremely impatient and angry with my nephew. I know it’s because he doesn’t know what to do and is so afraid for his son. Yet, we can’t give any advice as they just shut us out. (Ok, she’s my sister but she and BIL are very closed minded and proud of their intelligence - no one knows better than them.) You would think they would understand Dr. Philism’s - “Is it working for ya?”
Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions? Have some info on new 504 law and Texas schools? Know of a good program?
He is seeing a therapist but I think it’s beyond that point now. He and my son are very close and it’s hard for my son to understand why his cousin acts this way. We have to walk a very narrow line in regards to discussing the actions we do not want DS to mimic.
Sorry so winded here. Really worrying my family.
sad situation
Didn’t he already have an IEP or 504 in place given his ADD/ODD?
And is this the first year he’s done so poorly? If so, it does sound as if he’s not ready for changing classes - not every child is in the 6th grade and it can be a very hard transition.
I think the ISD might be handing your sister and her husband a line but if they won’t take input from you, what could be done anyway? Is there by any chance some school near to you that has self-contained 6th grade classes?
It seems a very sad situation. Good luck with this.
Nephew with ADHD/ODD
He has never had an IEP or been under 504 before, as he was able to keep his grades up with a lot of pushing from both his parents and the teachers. He is in a new school this year. His teachers have requested the 504 but the school system keeps denying it. Well, they are about to get their wish as he is starting fail all his subjects. It seems the school WANTS him to fail by the comments made by his Principal.
I know that sounds harsh but if you knew this principal, you would agree. I don’t think he believes in ADHD and feels it is a cop-out.
He has very low self-esteem and problems with his anger, but it seems to be more self-defense that offense. He is picked-on by both students and teachers. He has been marked as a troublemaker and kids are allowed to hit and punch him. Several children have witnessed these incidents but the teachers/principal have shrugged them off because the rest of the “gang” said they didn’t do it. It’s like the twilight zone there. This kid is small and doesn’t go around trying to make problems, but he does take up for himself. I’ve been able to find this out through neighborhood children who go to the same school but are a little older.
I agree they should hold him back. I know it may dent his self-esteem a little more at first, but I think the realization that he’s with new kids that don’t know him or his past will help. I also think that it will allow him to restart his school work with a fresh mindset. He won’t be so much shorter than his fellow classmates and he really won’t be but a few weeks older than some of the other kids as his BD was right before the deadline.
I’m just hoping his parents will realize the benefits outweigh the negatives.
I wish I could find out about these changes in Texas. Is anybody else from Texas - especially the Dallas area?
Re: Nephew has severe ADHD problems - schools says no 504. Help
My ds, age 9, has been having difficulty this year with a touch of the same kinds of issues…not as severe (thank goodness).
He goes to a small private school so there isn’t that kind of bullying and physical stuff, but there is name calling and teasing. My son’s impulsiveness started going through the roof and he started having all sorts of difficulties with the boys in his class. His academics have suffered also (it’s like he’s not even there - he’s learning nothing). My son is short also.
To make a long story short and to get to the pertinent part, my son is extremely sensitive and doesn’t regulate his emotions very well. He became very upset a few months ago when he felt his best friend in the class from previous years was no longer his best friend. He was never self confident, but his self confidence took an added dive from this (i.e. he thinks he’s too cool to be my friend). Then if he was teased about something, he got angry. Soon he was being teased alot. It escalated from there. His impulsiveness, class clowning, etc. He wasn’t “available” for learning either.
I learned about a website from one of these boards called bullies2buddies.com. My son and I read the first 3 or 4 lessons on this site one morning before school (he was soooo distraught about going to school that day). What a difference it made! Even though I had told him not to give a reaction, reading this site made such a difference. It’s like he had the tools now and felt in control of the situation. In his words, “I highly recommend this website”.
What I’m saying is that things can totally fall apart for a kid in every way when they are being picked on, not to mention actually hit. It’s amazing to me that the school is shrugging this off. Can he change schools?
Lori
Re: Nephew has severe ADHD problems - schools says no 504. Help
Go to www.wrightslaw.com and read up on the 504 and IEP laws and learn your rights.
Your nephew should be able to get a 504 plan for his ADHD or an IEP under OHI (other health Impaired). Your sister should write to the school to ask for a full academic/cognitive and Functional Behavioral Evaluation. If you ask verbally, the school will do nothing. Put everything in writing. If they refuse to do the evals, the school will have to write back with a reason for their decision. Most times, when they receive an official request, they won’t refuse to evaluate, especially now that your nephew is failing. There is a timeline for them to complete the evals, and it starts from the time the consent form is signed. So make sure your sister signs the form and return it to them.
If you need examples of how to write the requests and to read up on what evaluations would be done go to: www.concordspedpac.org. Even though this is for the State of MA. it will you help to understand the process.
Thanks everyone!
Thanks for the great websites Lori an MLM. I’m going to forward them to my sister. Keeping my fingers crossed!
(To think we have to have a site for bullied children….sigh….)
It’s going to be tough if your sister and her husband are not open to suggestions.
I would first of all ask some serious questions regarding the 504 plan. What new law are they talking about? Many kids have 504 plans who were never at the point of failing. My daughter in NJ will have one for next year but is not failing. With a lot of remedial help she is at grade level. 504 is part of the civil rights law and I would think that nothing could override that. The one thing I’ve heard about 504 plans is that the parent does need to be on top of things to make sure the accommodations are being made. It doesn’t matter if you have the plan if nothing is done.
Does the school have any peer mediaton programs? Are there any school psychologists, social workers or guidance counselors who could get involved? Maybe help advocate? The administration of the school needs to be aware of the bullying. If they are and are not acting on it then other actions can be taken. If your nephew is being threatened his family can actually get the police involved and sign complaints. If they don’t want it to go that far and the school is uncooperative then go higher up. Go to the superintendants office. I would be real surprised if they didn’t get help there. Then of course, is the board of ed. If the problem is strictly the bus (we had a similar problem) go to the transportation department and speak to whoever is in charge! I have found this to be one of the cases where the squeaky wheel gets greased.
Good luck. It’s very difficult when things like this happen and we feel powerless to help. We have a similar situation with a nephew who is five and being diagnosed with bipolar and adhd.