Help! Need links on school bullying prevention ASAP!

Cathryn,
Here is a cut and paste post from another message board that I found real useful:

#1
Bullies are pervasive in our society. They all use the same technique of fear to attempt to control their situation.

Recent studies about bullies show some interesting things.

1. Bullies are not liked but they are respected and given the highest social status.

2. Victims are not liked and given the lowest social class.

3. The rest of the people tend to avoid both the bully and the victims, mostly to prevent themselves from becoming targets.

4. A bully operates by isolating a few people to be victims and keeps everyone else in control by the fear that they might be next.

5. Bullies fear losing their social standing.

6. The ONLY way to beat a bully is to confront them directly. Normally this requires enlisting the help of authorities or friends. Only by a concerted effort can a bully be defeated. Many times this fails because others won’t stand up for what is right due to fear.

In a school, you need to see the administrators and insist they begin an anti-bullying program. Of course you might find some of those administrators are bullies themselves that bully teachers or parents. If you find an unsympathetic school, it’s time to change schools.

#2

Nice people think: “This person is picking on me because I have done something wrong. I mean why else would someone intentionally hurt me?” Because they think this way, they try all kinds of ways to make up for the supposed “wrong”. Unfortunately, befriending a bully simple asks for more. The cycle repeats itself over and over. Each time the bully gains power and the victim feels less and less sure of themselves. Eventually, the victim comes to think they are permanently at fault. Such thinking can influence their entire lives.

Of course bullies are famous for making their parents believe they are a victim, so it takes a bit of sorting out to see who is the real bully. At the very least your child needs to know that some people simply enjoy hurting others. It has nothing to do with the victim except that the victim is perceived to be an easy target…..partly because of this “it’s all my fault” thinking and partly because they don’t have strong friends to stand up for them.

Every child needs to be given the “whateva” factor. That is the ability to ignore rude and nasty behavior by simply dismissing it with “whateva” and thus deflect such behavior before it enters their mind as valid.

Post-Columbine almost every state has been specific about taking bullying prevention measures. The problem is bullying prevention requires schoolwide serious effort in changing a school’s culture. If your principal is unaware of the seriousness of bullying and is unaware of antibullying measures then he is deaf, dumb and blind. The following is Colorado but is typical:
Schools:
1. Establish a bullying prevention committee.
2. Create a long-term anti-bullying plan and raise school and community awareness and involvement.
3. Use students surveys to determine if there is a bullying problem.
4. Involve parents in planning, discussions and action plans.
5. Establish classroom rules against bullying.
6. Create positive and negative consequences regarding bullying.
7. Initiate serious talks with bullies and victims of bullying.

Colorado Legislation on Bullying

Colorado Dept. of Education summary of Senate Bill 01-080, “Safe Schools - Bullying Policy”:
1. Requires each school district to consult with student councils, where available, when adopting and implementing a safe school plan or when revising existing plans or policies concerning safe schools.

2. Requires each school district to include a specific policy in the school district conduct and discipline code concerning bullying prevention and education.

3. Defines bullying to mean any written or verbal expression, or physical act or gesture, or a pattern thereof, that is intended to cause distress upon one or more students in the school, on school grounds, in school vehicles, at a designated school bus stop, or at school activities or sanctioned events.

4. Requires each school to submit, in the annual report to the state board of education, information concerning the school’s policy on bullying prevention and education, including information related to the development and implementation of any bullying prevention programs.

Lots of information - but NO quick fixes at:
http://www.cde.ca.gov/spbranch/ssp/bullymanual.htm

I suggest you check beyond your school to your state and district level for current policy.

Here is one VA district’s bullying policy. I especially like the chart on the last page.

http://www.pwcs.edu/admin/pwcs/admin_pdfs/R733.01-1.pdf

Great info, Rover, thanx so much!!! I’ll definitely be bringing a copy of that one with me.

I liked the chart on the last page too. :)

Have your kid where steele toed boots to school and teach him how to use pepper spray.

Spray the bully and then lay the boots to him.

Don’t waste the time going through channels.

My child is a she, not a he. And this is serious.

Unless you have something remotely intelligent to say, please kindly refrain from posting to this thread.

Thank you.

There is a magazine called Teaching Tolerance that is free to educators. The spring issue has an article on preventing bullying in schools. I haven’t read it yet so I don’t know how helpful it is. However, the website for the magazine has information for parents and students. Might be worth a look!

[url]www.teachingtolerance.org[/url]

[quote=”Cathryn”]My child is a she, not a he. And this is serious.

Unless you have something remotely intelligent to say, please kindly refrain from posting to this thread.

Thank you.[/quote]

Pepper spray is a great choice for girls! Girls should also be taught self defense.

Tell your daughter to spray the bully and then rip her hair out.

If you want to play politics with with your daughter’s well being go ahead but if you are really interested in solving the problem teach your daughter how not to be a victim.

I can tell by the tone of your thread you are only going to make matters worse. Instead of empoweing her you will turn her into a victim.

If you are expecting the school to effectively intervene you are out of your mind. Schools allow bullying.

There is only one way to stop bullies. If you need to go online to figure out the obvious God help your daughter.

Hmmm… could have sworn I asked you not to pose to this thread, unless you had something INTELLIGENT to say…

Your reply doesn’t even merit a response. But please stop cluttering up this thread with idiocy. Thank you.

[quote=”Cathryn”]Hmmm… could have sworn I asked you not to pose to this thread, unless you had something INTELLIGENT to say…

Your reply doesn’t even merit a response. But please stop cluttering up this thread with idiocy. Thank you.[/quote]

Then why did you respond?

If you actually READ what I wrote, you will see I that did not respond to your comments. I asked you to please stop cluttering up the thread.

[quote=”Cathryn”]If you actually READ what I wrote, you will see I that did not respond to your comments. I asked you to please stop cluttering up the thread.[/quote]

You went and did it again. Sheeesh. :lol:

You know that teaching a child self defense is a good thing do you not?

These pathetic parents are raising a bunch of pathetic victims.

Think about the stupidity of coming onto a message board and whining about a bully. If an adult can’t handle a child bully they are truly pathetic.

You need to learn some manners and common decency, “Guest”. Obviosly your mother didn’t teach you any. You are insulting a lady on a public message board, for no apparent reason, except perhaps as a lame attempt to get attention for your sorry self.

Do you think teaching children schoolyard violence is wise, smartguy?

Look in the mirror. You are the one who is “pathetic”.

[quote=”someone who cares”]You need to learn some manners and common decency, “Guest”. Obviosly your mother didn’t teach you any. You are insulting a lady on a public message board, for no apparent reason, except perhaps as a lame attempt to get attention for your sorry self.

Do you think teaching children schoolyard violence is wise, smartguy?

Look in the mirror. You are the one who is “pathetic”.[/quote]

Requiring children to stand up for themselves is a lot better than turning them into cowering wimps.

How will the bullies ever learn if all their victims cooperate?

Back in my school days I saw a few bullies get what they had coming. I will never forget the day we took a punk bully and stuffed him into a gym locker and sprayed deoderant into the vents until the punk passed out. Then we wrapped him in tape and dunked his head in the toilet as we urinated on him. He knew if he had complained we’d have gotten him worse. We cured him of his punk ways.

It’s all about honor. The coach knew what we did and he knew we did the right thing. There is an epidemic of bullying today because school are being run by femminist women and impotent men.

[

Back in my school days I saw a few bullies get what they had coming. I will never forget the day we took a punk bully and stuffed him into a gym locker and sprayed deoderant into the vents until the punk passed out. Then we wrapped him in tape and dunked his head in the toilet as we urinated on him. He knew if he had complained we’d have gotten him worse. We cured him of his punk ways.

It’s all about honor. The coach knew what we did and he knew we did the right thing. There is an epidemic of bullying today because school are being run by femminist women and impotent men.[/quote]

Honor? This is sick.

“Guest” wrote:

“Back in my school days I saw a few bullies get what they had coming. I will never forget the day we took a punk bully and stuffed him into a gym locker and sprayed deoderant into the vents until the punk passed out. Then we wrapped him in tape and dunked his head in the toilet as we urinated on him. He knew if he had complained we’d have gotten him worse. We cured him of his punk ways.

It’s all about honor. The coach knew what we did and he knew we did the right thing. There is an epidemic of bullying today because school are being run by femminist women and impotent men.[/quote]”

Honor? This is sick.

This is more than sick. It’s like the troll is pushing the envelope to see how long it takes him to get banned from this board, and laughing at all of us. I personally am angry to be forced to read this brand of garbage, when I was simply reading a regular thread, THEN THIS.

Decent people don’t want to read this SMUT. Where are the moderators???

There is no active moderation on this board. You have to report every post that is offensive and then the Moderator will remove the posts. Maybe they can’t afford to moderate. I don’t have the time but at least it is real obvious what a jerk this guy is and you can just skim over his posts quickly.

What “guest” has shown us is that HE is a bully? By his own description, what he and his friends did is bullying and it is a joke he is justifying it as Honor. He doesn’t know what honor is just from his responses and now he is on this board bullying everyone else and disrupting yet another thread. All this “pest” wants is attention. Really pathetic when you think about it. So very very very Sad.

[quote=”MLM”]What “guest” has shown us is that HE is a bully? By his own description, what he and his friends did is bullying and it is a joke he is justifying it as Honor. He doesn’t know what honor is just from his responses and now he is on this board bullying everyone else and disrupting yet another thread. All this “pest” wants is attention. Really pathetic when you think about it. So very very very Sad.[/quote]

Sounds like a little do it yourself justice to me. Bullies bully because they are allowed to bully.

What guest and his friend did was give this kid a taste of his owm medicine.

Our schools are awful at dealing with bullies. Most victims know this and fail to report bullies.

I recall from my school days what we did to this fellow who punched a girl. 5 of us waited till gym class and we pinned this creep down and we beat him with bars of soap wrapped in towels. I doubt if that creep ever hit a girl again. Maybe we cured him from becoming a wife beater. Anyway, he learned his lesson.

Bullies are no different than terrorists. All they understand is force.

Sadly likely the principal won’t read it anyway. My question would be - when is the bullying happening? And what happens to the bullies?

And what is the general tone of the school? Bullies tend to surface in schools that are large and have a certain ‘pecking order’. Do teachers ‘bully’ in any way? That invites bullying from the students.

In my own son’s school years ago, we found there were no teachers on the playground at recess! Part time aides were hired who only come to school for the recess and whom the children barely knew. They stood around at the edge of the recess during very little if anything.

Bullies need to be caught in the act and then directly addressed by an adult. Punishing them accomplishes little - why are they bullying? What’s going on in their life that causes them to act out the bullying? Usually bullies are very insecure children with unhappy home lives. They can be scared even without punishing.

Sometimes guidance counselors can play a role by keeping bullies in at recess with them or providing a safe place for the children who are bullied to play at recess.

Good luck.

[quote=”Sara”]Sadly likely the principal won’t read it anyway. My question would be - when is the bullying happening? And what happens to the bullies?

And what is the general tone of the school? Bullies tend to surface in schools that are large and have a certain ‘pecking order’. Do teachers ‘bully’ in any way? That invites bullying from the students.

In my own son’s school years ago, we found there were no teachers on the playground at recess! Part time aides were hired who only come to school for the recess and whom the children barely knew. They stood around at the edge of the recess during very little if anything.

Bullies need to be caught in the act and then directly addressed by an adult. Punishing them accomplishes little - why are they bullying? What’s going on in their life that causes them to act out the bullying? Usually bullies are very insecure children with unhappy home lives. They can be scared even without punishing.

Sometimes guidance counselors can play a role by keeping bullies in at recess with them or providing a safe place for the children who are bullied to play at recess.

Good luck.[/quote]

Oh geez! Stop the insecure children crap. Bullies are punks. They would have a really tough time bullying if they are beaten black and blue. Bullies usually have competitive minded parents.

They way you stop a bully is by beating the crap out of him. It works everytime.

Sara wrote:

<<Sadly likely the principal won’t read it anyway. My question would be - when is the bullying happening? And what happens to the bullies?>>

I doubt she’ll read anything I bring her, or take any of it seriously, Sara. But I’m not going to allow her to ignore this, or me. As it stands now, I have an appointment with her at 8am Monday morning. The bullying mostly happens at recess and on the playground, but my daughter has told me it happens in the hallways, and sometimes in the classroom too. What happens to the bullies? So far, absolutely nothing. I hope to put a change to that. Wish me luck…

<<And what is the general tone of the school? Bullies tend to surface in schools that are large and have a certain ‘pecking order’. Do teachers ‘bully’ in any way? That invites bullying from the students.>>

Ours is a very small Catholic school. I’ve never heard any stories of the teachers doing any bullying. As a matter of fact, I do like my daughter’s teacher. The principal can be somewhat opinionated and overbearing, however. She underestimates me.

<<In my own son’s school years ago, we found there were no teachers on the playground at recess! Part time aides were hired who only come to school for the recess and whom the children barely knew. They stood around at the edge of the recess during very little if anything. >>

Members of my family and I have gone past the school when the children are out, and it seems there are a couple of teachers, but that’s it. And THEY NEVER SEE A THING. They look at me like I’m from Mars, or a liar, or I don’t know what, when I’ve told them some of the things my daughter has told me. But two of the teachers did take notice the afternoon my daughter was crying on the school steps. But even that was only because I dragged her back to the school doors last Friday after school, and confronted everyone. Everyone who was still there, that is.

You know what? I would love to work recess at that school. That would ruin everybody’s party. Sorry to sound so cynical.

This might be totally wacky but I wonder if there is something else that your daughter could do during recess. Recess is suppose to be a break from stress or work. For your daughter it is the opposite. I wonder if she could “help” a teacher or go off-site with you. Of course you could do recess duty as you suggested.

Terry, almost nothing sounds wacky to me at this point. I have reached my wits end. There is so much going on in our lives right now, my daughter just doesn’t NEED this abuse on top of it. Not to say that this behavior should ever be tolerated.

We only live about 2 blocks away from the school. But I think recess is too short (15 minutes?) for me to take her off the premises, although that is a splendid idea. I will bring up in my meeting with the principal other things my daughter could do during that time. Thanx for the advice!

My daughter would just love to hang out in the Art room and get lost in painting or just using markers. My daughter also loves the Library. If your daughter doesn’t required any attention then it shouldn’t interfere with someone’s quiet time.

Good ideas, Terry. :)

I’ll ask my daughter what SHE would rather do, other than stand or sit alone on the playground, trying to avoid the bully’s taunts and name-calling.

I have a feeling the principal isn’t going to be thrilled with how prepared I plan to be for our meeting. Isn’t that a shame it has to be that way?

Cathryn,

Ignore the road pizza. Just carefully step over it.

The principal will at least know that you are trying to do your part. I would be politely assertive. I’ve started a meeting with the Special Ed. committee by saying, “Ms. XYZ, I know that you would like to help my child. This is what my research indicates that we need to consider doing.” In your mind you are thinking that she is an incompetant moron but you don’t need to share that just yet. She’s probably never had to deal with this before so lets hope she can stretch her brain a little.

Terry

Bullies2buddies.com is a good website. I haven’t read the entire site, but my 9 yo son really benefited from the first few lessons. I hope it can help your daughter.

Lori

I am going to ask you, “guest”, to refrain from making comments about my child. You know absolutely nil about her, or me, which is obvious from your posts.

Anyone who actually cares about children would never type anything like this: <<Maybe your daughter rubs people the wrong way.>>

Our uninvited, unwanted, uninformed, uneducated and despicable “guest” wrote:

<<Maybe your daughter rubs people the wrong way. DOes she have an aunt or a grandmother who can act as a role model and show her how little girls should act?>>

And wrote:

<<Cathryn get off your high horse and face reality. I think you are the one who knows nil about your daughter.

Let’s face it Cathryn, your histrionics in this thread paint a very interesting picture of you. It is obvious that your child is merely an extension of her mother. You so badly want to be the tragic victim that you unknowingly put your daughter in the role that you are so good at playing.

You and your daughter need counseling badly. At least consider taking some parenting classes.

Is there even a dad in the picture?>>

“Guest”, do you have any children? I am guessing that you don’t. You cannot possibly. Are you a physician? A psychiatrist? A psychic? Getting your childish jollies insulting mothers you don’t even know, and who are looking for help is sick. You have an illness, and need help. And who are you to judge me? You are such a coward, you don’t even reveal your name/nickname/handle.

How dare you even have the gall/audacity to ask me if there is a dad in the picture. It is none of YOUR business, “guest”. If you have truly read my postings, you would already know the answer to that question. I have asked you politely to please refrain from responding to me, unless you have something helpful or at the very least, intelligent, to say. You disgust me.

Please read the following, “guest”. This was posted by “Dad” earlier on another thread, and since I couldn’t possibly say it better, I took the liberty of copying and pasting it here as well. I hope you don’t mind, Dad. If you do, my sincerest apologies. Read on, “guest”, and Board Owner, please, PLEASE do something about this troll!

Dad Wrote: <<While I can appreciate the nameless troll’s desire to protect kids, belittling parents by using false generalizations is less than helpful either to other parents or to the position that you are taking on the issues.

Suggesting that all mothers of Sped are fat, smoking derilicts who drank their children stupid is absurd to the point it really doesn’t warrant a reply, but it disgusts me so much that I find myself unable to stop.

Over the last 7 years of my internet life, trawling for information, conversing with other parents and adults with LD’s and the like, I have seen messageboards come and go, often destroyed by blitkrieg puke like the above mentioned example. I believe strongly in freedom of expression, and I also believe that you get more open and honest discussions by allowing for as much anonymity as possible (no registration, no logging in and out, no ISP’s visible) but the vitriol that this troll injects into their debate strongly suggests that perhaps this board needs to go into full security mode. I hate to see that happen, because I have seen other very busy boards die because of it.

Board Owner, if you would please, consider very strongly turning off the “guest” attribute and please publish all ISP’s in the header of each posting. That should slow down the b.s. so that those who wish to debate in a mature and productive fashion can do so.>>

Great way with words, Dad, and I hope you don’t mind my borrowing them for this purpose. Hopefully it will do some good.

Guest, leave Cathryn alone.

Cathryn, don’t be afraid to report this to the moderators. You don’t need to come here to be insulted.

Thanks Jen. I’m thinking about it.

Cathryn
Please don’t just think about it, report this troll. In my experience, they may disappear for a while, but they always come back, and usually with a vengence unless they can be stopped. Ldonline needs to realize that allowing posters the anonimity they do only encourages troll behavior- I am sure that I am not the only one that believes that this troll uses allias, and more than one. Ever notice how, even from multiple user names, these disruptive posts happen in bunches? I don’t think it’s coincidence.

Hi Roxie, where have you been? Hope all is well.

Consider it done. I’m fed up with the troll.

Hi Cathryn
I’ve been pretty busy lately. I started a job (full time) at the beginning of Feb. and everything is catching up with me. My evenings are spent going from basketball to dance class and drill team, with a little boyscouts added in there, and an occasional PTA meeting. I’m having a hard time getting organized after 6 years at home. I’ve gotten nothing done today, and tomorrow, the day I’ve been using for laundry, we will have a 92nd birthday party for my husbands grandmother. I’m really in trouble now. There isn’t going to be any clean clothes. I just don’t know how all you working mom’s do it.

Hi Cathryn, good luck tomorrow! Terry

Hi Terry, thanks for the good wishes. I think I’m going to need a lot of luck tomorrow. I’ll keep you posted. :)

going back to work is the TOUGHEST, especially after 6 years at home…it takes quite a while to get organized. And all family members MUST help out…best advice I had was from a friend who raised 3 boys (including a set of twins!) while carrying a highpowered job and studying for a prof. designation — do AT LEAST one load of laundry every day — 2 is better, since you will then ‘stay even’! You have no catch up time, so staying on top of the load is KEY… when behind, I have been known to put together a ‘tomorrow load’ that includes clean undies and socks for all, plus clothes for DS and myself — DH is an auto tech so his have to go separately.

Since I am a bad sleeper, I usually put a load in at 5am, go walk the dog, then another load at 6am — don’t get anything done in the PM tho, as I am asleep with DS and, now that he is somewhat ‘homework independent’ I often fall asleep on the couch while he does his homework in the dining room — so I have not got it ALL down yet. But I am better this year, since I was quite ill over the summer and hubby began to see that we were going to crash if he didn’t help — don’t forget to call in the team! When we are behind, DH will often help by spending a saturday catching up.

Sorry, off topic but I am so proud that we are actually surviving fairly well this year, housework wise, I had to tell you it WILL get better…just like LD issues, they don’t go away but you get better at coping!

Roxie,

Elizabeth is right, that laundry can become OVERWHELMING, as I learned the hard way, when we ran out of clothes! But my real downfall is the dishes, which I really loathe doing. Happily, my youngest daughter (8) has expressed an interest in helping lately, so that’s good. I believe my oldest should be helping also, but right now is not the time for me to be harrassing her about housework. I’m happy to get a smile out of her.

I certainly do not have my act together, like Elizabeth does, but I keep telling myself: One day at a time. And I’ve resigned myself to the fact that my place will never, not ever, be impeccable. When I gave up my perfectionist expectations, it eased my mind immensely!

I have no idea how the “cool” smiley got in the middle of my post! LOL

Thanks Elizabeth and Cathryn!