Keep your hands to yourself!

Have you talked to her? I find that some kids need a lot more explicit instruction than others. I would tell her that her behaviors are not appropriate with adults other than close family. I think I’d probably also talk to her generally about personal space—although if it isn’t an issue with friends you might wait. Young kids really differ on this. My 7 year old and his friends all over each other. By 10, there are clear definite limits and the kid who doesn’t figure this out will be an outcast.

I have spent years telling my kids what behavior is appropriate and inappropriate and they still embarrass me. I think our every goes culture and all the smart talk by children on TV makes it much more difficult for kids to make the clear lines between adults and children that we did without prompting.

Beth

Terry, my younger daughter (7) also hugs everybody. So far it hasn’t been a problem. She loves everybody and wants everybody to love her. As she gets older it may be more of an issue. Sometimes she does get a little out of control but it’s more when somebody is getting silly with her. If somebody starts to tickle her or play around physically with her she doesn’t know when to stop. Her doctor noted that she doesn’t like people invading her space but she has no problem invading other people’s space. It’s very true in our case!

I find that my daughter needs very specific rules. She’s not too good at figuring out the gray areas and reading cues. So, if it was my daughter and we were having this difficulty I would need to say to her something like you are allowed to hug people you know and you have to ask to hug those you don’t. If somebody says stop you have to stop right away. I just find sometimes she really needs things spelled out for her.

Please do work on spelling it out with her. There is potential for real abuse, and there is potential for false accusations of abuse. Both can be devastating.

agree that this needs to be addressed. I always tell my kids that noone can touch them without their permission, and it works in reverse too.

The children I know that tend to touch too much have sensory issues and have benefited from OT.

Terry, My husband’s neice is like that and she is in her 30s. It is embarassing for everyone!! Please teach her by role playing what is and isn’t acceptable behavior! My son would often hit or cry when someone made him angry. The psychiatrist had me role play every scenario we could think of and it helped him a lot. Jan

I think the role playing is a good idea too.
This topic reminds me of an old friend of mine. She just couldn’t talk with someone without touching them, and when she hugged you to say good-bye, even with new aquaintances, it was a tight, long hug. Of course, she didn’t mean anything by it, it was just her way of showing people her affection for them, innocent, friendly affection, I’m glad to know you type affection. Some people just have trouble with personal space, it’s not a big deal to them, so they don’t understand or notice that it is a big deal to others.
In our classroom we teach our kids that they need to stay an arms length distance from people, and that if they want to hug someone, they need to ask first if it’s ok. (I work in a cross-catagory classroom with severe LD kids, like Down Syndrome and such, so social skills and social cues are an issue for many of them)

Often children with ADHD have difficulty grasping the rules of social interaction. Even when they understand the rules, they may also have difficulty restraining the impulse to act in ways inconsistent with those rules. As the various poster above have noted, explicit instruction in social skills may be required. TerryB, have you considered whether your daughter might have a nonverbal LD? Some of what you wrote reminds me of child I know who has that diagnosis.

Wow, thanks for the replies.

Beth, you are right she needs more specific rules. I just have to think about what the rules are. It is instinctive to me.

JenM, at 7 adults didn’t seem to mind her affection. Now I see strange looks.

Victoria, I was thinking like you that I don’t want perverts to look at her as anything other than a little kid. I wish that I could explain THAT to her.

Karen, I’ll have to look into the sensory issue. She does have a an extreme sense of tickle!

Jan, my 30 year old niece is embarrassing too. She touches ANYTHING she wants on someone else’s body if you get too chummy with her.

Roxie, role playing sounds good. I think the arm’s length thing is good too. I’m thinking that she shouldn’t be hugging men that aren’t family members that she sees regularly (no distant cousins etc….) I think it may be OK to hug the mother’s of close friends. I’ll have to work on defining close friends.

Guest, I looked over nonverbal ld and it didn’t ring any bells. She’s not an auditory learner, for example, but a very good visual learner.

About explaining the issue — there is a Berenstain Bears book about strangers. The point is made that *most* people are nice, but *some* people are not nice, and children *must* check with parents or teachers before trusting. I think this covers the message clearly enough without going into details that would be worse than useless at this point.