Peer pressure

I grew up with a trampoline and we had no rules. There were no accidents and no one got hurt even when I was teaching myself backflips or jumping off the roof to the trampoline or jumping 7 at a time seeing who we could bounce off. This was in the 70s.

Now, we have one neighbor with a trampoline and their rule is no more than 4 people on the tramp at a time. (These kids are age 7-11.) The mom is a physician assistant and the dad an attorney and this is their safety rule which is fine with me.

I don’t require my son to wear a helmet on his scooter or his bike. Interestingly, the only kids to pursue bikes and scooters are the kids *not* required to wear helmets. The helmet riders would rather just not ride than wear a helmet. They are awkward and uncomfortable!

We also live on a city line. One city has a helmet law that the police have publicly announced they will not enforce. The other city refuses to create a helmet law because studies have shown that injuries *increase* when there is a helmet law. Most kids don’t wear helmets properly anyway and it gives them a false sense of security.

In my opinion, I think many parents are WAY too overprotective!!

I did see your other post and my guess was that your child was being babied a bit and the other boys picked up on it. It’s a balancing act, I think.

Well I know a 5 year old that broke his leg in 3 places and missed an entire summer. Most pediatricians I’ve asked would ban trampolines. I get your point, and I do want to avoid being an over protective mom. But on the other hand there are simply some things that are not negotiable in my house: seat belts, bike helmets, ski helmets and no guns.

The issue is peer pressure. There will always be someone who’s allowed to do something you aren’t in life.

By the way, my son is one of the only boys brave enough to go to sleep away camp in this group. And I’m one of the few mom’s willing to let him go. So its all relative.

Karen — before you take “Guest“ ‘s advice, ask yourself who is hiding behind that persona. Is this the same one who recommends punching your kids in the stomach? You get the point.

Yes, *one* person on a trampoline at a time is a basic safety rule. Check any book on trampolining; your public library can order one. Good idea to read up anyway, because you can find how to do all sorts of interesting and amazing tricks, often with pictures.
So are helmets on bikes a basic safety rule. Yeah, we didn’t have them. We also had a tenth the number of cars with a quarter of the engine power on residential streets, and we did have a fair number of accidents. Look up any reputable source of statistics and you will see that the number of head injuries decreases with helmets.
Reputable means you can check back with other sources and find who they are — not some random person who posts his own numbers on a website.

Here’s some good advice that allows your kid to stay safe and maintain popularity at the same time: BLAME MOM. If he has to wear a helmet on his bike, his mean mom threatens that she will run the truck over the bike if she ever once sees or even hears of him going without a helmet. If it’s one person on the trampoline, his mean mom has a padlock and chains that she uses on it any time she isn’t around, and she threatens that she will lock it for six months if two people get on it.
This will also stand him in good stead when he is older. If he has to call his mom at midnight and negotiate a later return time, his crazy mom will call the cops if she doesn’t see him at 12:01. If he won’t get in a car with a drunken driver, his crazy mom will cut off his allowance and car privileges for the whole semester if she ever catches even a whiff of alcohol in a car.
By the way, another recommended crazy mom trick that saves lives: promise your child sincerely, cross your heart, that he/she can phone you ANY TIME from ANY PLACE, 4 AM and 50 miles down at the roadhouse included, and you will come and chauffeur your kid and any friends home, *no recriminations*. When kids do experiment with drinking, they may get sick but they will be alive for you to talk (no recriminations!) about managing/refusing alcohol sensibly. A trick for the kid: if you don’t feel like alcohol, get a cup full of ginger ale. Nobody can tell it from beer by sight in a bar, and people stop pushing drinks at you.

Yes, the blame mom system means that your kid’s friends think his mom is off the wall. So, what do you care about a bunch of ten-year-olds’ opinions? And wouldn’t you rather be the dragon-lady mom with the healthy kid?
In fact, as kids this age and all through the teens want to be independent from their parents and like to have gripe sessions about them, giving your kid some ready marks to gripe about can actually give him some points socially. Don’t be afraid to be a parent.

Did we have the same mom?

And mine told us we could blame her. I rarely did … hey, I’m a girl, we’re allowed to be cautious. And I learned that when you project enough confidence — enough “no, this is just the way it’s done” — that half the time people just believe you and ignore you.

My older son and his brother were on our trampoline at the same time when my youngest was 5 and the oldest was 8. The younger one actually bounced his bigger brother off the trampoline and he broke his arm. It is now a family joke :oops: . We got rid of the trampoline after that….don’t miss it because we got a bigger toy…A pool with waterfalls… :lol: lots of jumping in the pool but no diving… :roll: Now the kids are adults…and they still jump off the waterfalls :roll:

Sue — no, but wait until you see my ode to grandma that I’m composing. Grandma figured she could teach her kids to do anything, even things she was scared to do herself.

Patti — getting rid of the trampoline can be avoided with enough information ahead of time. I’ve given this same advice here before: trampolines are a good, valuable active sport — but like any active sport from skiing to swimming to bike riding, you don’t just throw the kid to the wolves without safety precaustions and instructions. Please go to the library and read any book on how to trampoline. And one person at a time *is* a basic safety rule, for *exactly* the reason that Patti’s family found out the hard way.

thanks guys, I appreciate the support.

I’ve given my son permission to blame me, and believe it or not ,even tho he’s only 10 we already had the “i’ll pick you up at any hour” conversation. One of our concerns about our recent move from a city to the suburbs is teen driving/drinking. I didn’t realize trampolines would be such a problem!

The issue is that the other parents don’t have this rule. I have yet to make one friend here that follows this basic safety rule. So that puts my son in the precarious social position of enforcing MY rule at someone else ‘s house. This was the problem yesterday, and the grownup in charge (an aupair) laughed at him. So much for adult supervision.

My one city friend, who shares my concern about tramps, said he should tell them “I’m such a wild man I need the trampoline to myself”. We happen to be seeing our pediatrician this friday so we will ask him his opinion. Always good to bring in an objective outsider.

You’d better check insurance policies. I don’t think most companies cover the liability from a trampoline.

My kids all wear helmets on bikes and scotters. We started off in NY state—and aren’t you there? It is illegal for kids under 14 or something like that to ride a bike without a helmet. Or at least it was when we lived there. All the children wore helmets in our neighborhood. Here none of the kids do except to school, where there is some rule that they must (don’t ask me the logic of all this). But my kids don’t pay much attention to what others do—probably because I take away the bike or scotter for the day if they don’t follow my rules. l

I also require them to wear hand guards when rollar blading. My point was made when the girl next door fell when rollar blading and broke her wrist.

My youngest, age 7, is still in a car seat. I see kids his age in the front seat. I won’t allow my kids in the front seat until they are 5 ft. tall. He hates being in a car seat and complains loudly about it. Kids his age make comments all the time. I won’t give in.

I am in the middle I still think with safety. My kids are barefooted all the time. I gave up on that one. They have learned to avoid the fire ant piles. They ride their bikes, but not scotters without shoes. My old neighbor, who was a physician, required his girls to wear elbow pads and knee pads, hand pads, and a helmet to rollar skate. I am content with a helmet and hand pads.

You have to decide what you feel comfortable with and stick with it. I know it is hard when your child has some social issues already but the bigger issue is these are the rules in our house. Kids don’t like to be different and they don’t like others making comments about it. Hey, my kids even complain about how early we eat in hispanic Florida (we were the late ones in Buffalo, NY and they complained then too)!!

Maybe he can tell the kids better safe than dead!!!

Beth

thanks beth. yes we are in NY, and yes I’ve noticed young kids in the front seat since we moved to the burbs and started driving places. It shocks me. But even my friends who agree about that still violate the tramp rule.

Appreciate your sentiments. We are working on some things he can say in these situations.

When my brother was teaching me to drive, he taught me a good line: “I’m not in a hurry to get to my own funeral.” Covers a lot of ground. BTW my brother was a troublemaker and hung out with some really tough guys, but he knew where to draw the line.

Back to several messages ago, it’s important to learn the snappy answers to dumb questions, and let’s face it, nobody invents all their own snappy answers; since everybody borrows and repeats them anyway, teaching and role-playing them is all in the game.

Have him practice a few man-to-man friendly insults and put-downs for when he needs them. He will have to deal with the tough guys one way or another, and being the guy who makes his own rules and won’t be put down is a good role.

NJ has a law that says a child must be 8 or 80 lbs to be out of a child seat. So, my 7 year old is still in a child seat. My 12 year old still rides in the back because I have air bags. Car safety is something I am fanatical about. They MUST wear seatbelts all of the time. No arguments. They don’t question me on it because I told them I am very overprotective in this area. They know the reason is because I lost my sister at a young age in a car accident (no seatbelt). As far as the driving goes our state also has a Cinderella license for the first year. It means limited driving privileges for new drivers. I can’t even think about my kid driving right now!

My daughter asked me if she had to wear her bike helmut on our last camping trip. She didn’t like it. I just told her I couldn’t believe she was asking that and asked her what happened over the summer when she didn’t. She spent 7 hours in the ER with stitches and a concussion! It wasn’t because she was allowed to ride without a helmut. She just had one of her impulsive moments! By the way, that impulsiveness is what scares me about her driving!

The best thing we did for peer pressure was go away for the summer last year. We left our more urban area and spent the summer in the backwoods of Maine in a campground where I worked. My 12 year old started out with the “attitude” that she needs to survive around here and realized pretty quickly it didn’t work up there. Not only is it not needed but it was exactly the way to not have friends! So, she dropped the attitude and was just herself. At the end of the summer she told me that she learned that she doesn’t have to be any certain way to be popular. We still have our issues (doesn’t everybody?) but there is definitely a noticeable difference in how she handles peer pressure. She is more likely to walk away than get in the middle of some of the catty middle school girl stuff that goes on!

Not to be gruesome, but I have a friend who is an EMT. He told me once that if I had seen some of the terrible accidents that he’s seen involving children, that could have been avoided, re: kids riding their bikes w/o helmets, riding in cars w/o seatbelts or the proper age appropriate carseat— that I’d NEVER allow them to do these things without the using the proper precautions, period. I never forgot his words, and will not throw caution to the wind when it involves my children. Period.

My dad lost his mother, and his front teeth, in a car accident when he was 14. He had to raise his six-year-old brother while going to high school.

He became a safety supervisor for Bell Telephone and a strong proponent of the Defensive Driving course. He taught us all he could about safety and started us working on the same paths.

My brother worked in a garage at a major dangerous intersection when he was 16; he saw a motorcyclist lose his leg right in front of him. Despite being a troublemake and a hanger-on of the tough crowd, he followed and taught me driving safety religiously.

I took first aid and worked on ski patrol for many years, luckily never having anything worse than small breaks and a concussion. I taught driving safety for a year, a couple of years back.

My daughter has spent the last couple of years working as a fireman and EMT. She has had to pick up a few really bad cases of injuries, although she says the worst are drug-induced psychoses.

Rules in our family are seatbelts in cars, period. No ifs, ands, or buts. The car doesn’t move without them. In fact before car makers installed them, Dad went to Canadian Tire and bought his own seatbelts and installed them himself.
My life has been saved by seatbelts, twice already, being crashed (while stopped) by *other* driver who was not obeying the safety rules, and hitting invisible black ice on a highway curve.

Be sure you wear lap and shoulder belts and adjust them properly, please, want to see you all back here.

On the car seat issue — when I was teaching, one of our films showed a newer booster seat that looked like the kind of cushion that many adults use, way cooler and more comfortable-looking than the little kid type seat. There was no brand name but you should look around.

Karen,

I thought a bit more about your son’s predictament and have a few ideas.

1. Your son shouldn’t be going over to other people’s houses and trying to enforce his safety rules on others. I think this is a general principle. My kids use helmets—they take them over with their skates, for example, but they don’t tell others they should use them also. Well, maybe they say something if they get bugged but in my mind your son’s role isn’t to say we shouldn’t be doing it this way at someone else’s house no more than other kids should come over to your house and do the same (yeah, I know they do, but two wrongs don’t make a right.)

I don’t make other kids wear helmets at my house unless they are using our equipment. Then I hand them a helmet!!

2. That doesn’t mean he should do it their way either. Your rules are more important than other people’s house rules. On the trampoline thing I have idea that may work.

Our old neighbors had a trampoline. I was glad when they moved! It made me very nervous, probably because noone insisted (including me) that only one person go on at a time. I would insist that they couldn’t jump very high if they were on with anyone else. My son didn’t like that so he started going on by himself. What the kids worked out was you got a certain amount of time—if you shared with one other person, you got twice as much time than if you went by yourself. The kids policed themselves that way. Maybe that would work in your son’s situation.

That way your son could go by himself, not make others wait more than their expected time, and not make a big deal about it. Other kids could do what they want, within the house rules of the hosting parent. Your son could just say “Yeah, my mom makes me do it this way but you know I get to jump wherever I like without worrying about anyone else. So I like it too.”

If they are really sticklers for time Radio Shack has a wonderful easy to use timer they might have a blast with.

Beth

This is what I love about this board - I’ve got you working on my issues after hours!

The issue really is the trampoline. DS doesn’t try to get his friends to wear helmets etc, he just knows he has to wear one. The problem with the tramp is that because it is a joint activity to some kids he can’t follow the rule alone, if you know what I mean. He tried to go on alone last week and his friend jumped on too, and then wouldn’t let DS off. I think my son is such a rule follower he probably radiated anxiety about this. Hopefully by empowering him a little I can help him not feel nervous. That way maybe he can do his own thing without bringing attention to himself.

The good news is he had a great sleepover with his “best” school friend. I just hope things stay positive until school gets out and then they’ll all get a needed break from each other! We hope sleep away camp is a time when DS picks up some good snappy comebacks he can use in 5th grade!

I agree that your son can’t set the rules at other people’s homes; he’ll get a reputation as a nag. Why not have him do a team sport like soccer or baseball where rigid followiing of rules does matter and he can dievelop some skills. Have him bring a football along to kids’ homes where there is a tramp. and suggest a game of touch football instead.

Karen,

I think he has to negotiate for what he wants, which is probably the problem. It requires more social skills than going along with the crowd. And maybe more social skills that he has right now, if I am reading between the lines correctly. Your son has to say that he wants to go by himself—and ask perhaps who else wants to do it that way too. He almost has to be a leader. In my son’s case, these were neighbor children who my son knew very well so it was probably easier for him.

Jumping alone needs to be created as a legitimate choice whether because mom says so or kids prefer to jump by themselves. The kid who wouldn’t let him off was having fun with him—your son was clearly anxious. My son would have been annoyed and perhaps angry in a similar situation—which probably works better with kids this age.

Maybe SAR’s idea of a different activity is the best one for now. Or make sure the kids there are not the sort to be difficult (like the one who wouldn’t let him get off the tramp).

Glad the sleep over worked out well.

Now my son who would negotiate tramp ect will not call anyone on the phone (although he will talk on the phone) and would not have a birthday party (even though he had been to a number this year and all reports are that he is well liked in his new school). So they all have their kinks!

Beth

You are 100% right. he doesn’t have those skills, and may never! Which is why we are trying to help him develop some compensatory skills for these moments.

thx!

Maybe your son can just get the other kids to play “add on” when he’s around and they want to jump. By the nature of the game there is only one on the tramp at a time. One person does a trick, the next person has to remember the trick and then adds a trick on. The 3rd person has to remember the 1st 2 tricks and then add’s one on, etc.

They may be playing a group game like break the egg, or something like that, which requires lots of folks on the tramp at time.

After a brief transitional sortof of period the other neighborhood kids will either learn to accomodate your son’s differences or they will stop playing with him so much bec it’s too much trouble. I think it depends on what else your son brings to the table.

One of our neighborhood kids is not allowed to play in the alleys. He’s the only one that has that rule. But since this kid is a genuis video game player, the other kids respect his alley rule and they don’t play in the alleys when he’s around.

There’s another kid who has a play-outside-only rule. That’s just too difficult to do all the time and the other kids will accomadate his outside rule to a point, but then the kids want to go inside somewhere and the Outside Boy just goes home. Oftentimes in tears, but that’s life. I think that family is really messed up so it’s no lose for me.

I had the one-at-a-time rule for our tramp too. For awhile, I even had the “no jumping without direct adult supervision” rule. We had the only tramp in the neighborhood so they played by my rules or they didn’t play. Our gang invented a game where they threw a soft ball at the jumper, if the jumper caught it he got a point and if it hit him it was a “strike”- 3 strikes and the turn is over.
Having a parent who models standing up for what you believe in instead of caving to pressure or whining is not a bad thing. As kids get older, we give them more freedom but some things will always be non-negotiable- for example wearing seatbelts or not smoking in the house. This weekend was prom- guess who’s kid had to be in by 2:30 a.m. when “everyone” was allowed out all night?

When you go on the trampoline with a bunch, all you can do is bounce around wildly. Solo it’s a real sport and there are many neat tricks to show off — the barrel roll, the cat twist, and many others. If you get a good book on trampolining, not only can you learn safety rules, but also you can look at the pictures and descriptions of how to do neat things. Important — start at the beginning and learn to control the easy ones first! Once your son has seen how some of these fun things are done, he can tell the other kids he’s bored with just bouncing and wants to try some really cool stuff on his own. Then the other kids want to try cool stuff too.

As far as the prom safety thing, our town (Greenbelt, Sue) did a wonderful thing. They started having an *official* after-prom party. It was held in the town recreation center with a pool and gym and all sorts of music and activities. It was a no-alcohol party with a sign-in and no leaving once in. This party was so big and so much fun that it was cool to go to. We were greatly relieved to sign the kids off there! A dawn pick-up is a small price to pay.

First I must say I’m surprised your son’s school has a trampoline. A too common injury resulting from trampoline’s are spinal cord injuries. One person on the trampoline at a time is a sensible rule.

But I found as a parent that sensible rules are sometimes in scarce abundance at busy schools and at the homes of busy parents. I told my own sons that different people do things differently. Some people respond to difference by being threatened and they ridicule other peoples’ differences. We need to feel secure within ourselves that what we’re doing is right for us.

It would be wonderful if your son and other teased children could simply say, “Well, it’s Safety Boy’s turn on the trampoline” but such quick thinking and aplomb isn’t common to children or most adults. We take the sting out of their words by not caring about them. My teaching colleagues call me Mrs. Softheart - what’s wrong with that? I’m kinda proud that I have a soft heart.

Tell your son safe people take other kinds of risks. We risk the ridicule of others when we’re doing sensible things to keep us safe.

Good luck.

Karen,

I was a gymnast for years, I loved the trampoline. Yes, I have seen many people get hurt on it. Broken this, and that. The trampoline can be a lot of fun but it is something that should be well supervised and with spotters. Most important with people who know what they are doing.

My own children bugged me for a long time about getting one. I refuse. If they want to do the trampoline they can sign up for gymnastic lessons in a supervised environment.

Also, many years ago all of our public schools in our state banned them - why, insurance would not cover them.

Helmets - well it is well know they protect and save folks from a lot of head injuries.

Just keep enforcing, the minute you let go of it your kids will be all over you.

Karen,

I was a gymnast for years, I loved the trampoline. Yes, I have seen many people get hurt on it. Broken this, and that. The trampoline can be a lot of fun but it is something that should be well supervised and with spotters. Most important with people who know what they are doing.

My own children bugged me for a long time about getting one. I refuse. If they want to do the trampoline they can sign up for gymnastic lessons in a supervised environment.

Also, many years ago all of our public schools in our state banned them - why, insurance would not cover them.

Helmets - well it is well know they protect and save folks from a lot of head injuries.

Just keep enforcing, the minute you let go of it your kids will be all over you.

Sarah and everyone,

My son’s school doesn’t have a trampoline. The trampoline issue has come up repeatedly at other people’s homes, when he’s on playdates. I am relieved to hear from all of you that I am not the only one concerned about safety!!

Thanks!

Hi Karen,

I think that teaching your son how to deal with peer pressure now is a good thing because it only gets more difficult as kids get older. Establishing firm rules and guidelines now will only help in the future.

And regardless of anyone else’s thoughts on the matter, you have a right to enforce in your home whatever safety rules you feel comfortable with, and also to have your children stick to those rules regardless of what anyone else says. (And I can’t tell you how many times my daughter has tried to talk me out of a rule because “everyone else’s parents don’t do that”).

If the trampoline is a problem, then tell the kids they need to do something else. And if it’s a problem at someone else’s home, then have your son suggest other activities, or come home.

My son has had to deal with teasing this year and I picked up a good book at the library. It’s called “The Bully, The Bullied and the Bystander,” by Barbara Coloroso. This book helped me understand the whole bullying situation more clearly, and gave me some ideas about how to handle it more effectively. In fact, I’m even trying to get my son’s school to start an anti-bullying program.

Karen, just stick to your guns. And as for the “aupair” or parent or whoever it was that laughed at your son for trying to stick to your rules at their house, I would have been over there asking them where they get off making fun of a child for doing what their parents tell them to do. If this was an employee, speak to the parent who pays them. This is TOTALLY unacceptable behaviour for someone who cares for children.

The rule at my house (for my very active 11yo who will do anything as long as it has wheels) is helmet and knee pads. I couldn’t get him to wear the knee pads until he was racing down hill, fell, and broke his knee. 6 weeks in a full leg cast was all it took!

My response to the “well, they don’t have to do it” is that I am not their parent. If I was their parent, they would have to do it also. I also enforce my rules on anyone who comes to our house and participates in these activities. I am lucky, however, that we live in military houseing where it is an enforced base rule that if you have wheels you have a helmet.

Good luck!

As I promised my son, we discussed the trampoline issue with our trusted pediatrician last week. His kids are slightly older, but he said he never had one, and wouldn’t. And if you are going to use one he said he believed going on with another person significantly increased the chances of injury.

Ironically, we arrived home after this appointment to hear from my daughter that her good friend had just fallen off her trampoline and broken her elbow!

So my son is accepting the idea that this whole thing isn’t something I dreamed up just to embarrass him!

KarenN,

It’s good to hear that your son’s pediatrician had the “voice of reason”, and I’m glad your son is accepting it!

Sorry to hear of your daughter’s friend’s accident, though.

Guest sounds like a person who forgot to wear their helmet.
Just because something regarding safety is not cool does not mean a parent should sacrifice their childs safety. There are a lot of things that we have to make decisions regarding our childrens safey, but guess what, thats why we are the parents. Children are not capable of making these kind of decisions. The part of the brain where decision making and impulse control takes place is not fully developed until age 25.
Which is why adolescents often make poor choices.
The reason why helmets were created was to protect the one part of the body that can not be repaired when broken, as compared to an arm or leg.
It is unfortunate that kids tease, I dont understand why they feel the need other than for entertainment purposes.
Guest should not be offering advise. he/she is either under age 25, or forgot to wear their helmet

Hi, Karen -

I haven’t read this entire thread (just your post), so I apologize in advance for probably repeating what others have already chimed in to say!

Regarding the trampoline issue, I just wanted to tell you that you are doing the right thing by allowing only ONE person on that tramp at a time! Friends of my parents have a son who was thrown off a tramp by the impact from another jumper, and he is now paralyzed from the neck down. Better to be “safety boy” than endure a life of paralysis!!

My own children are discouraged from going near trampolines at all, but there are two in our neighborhood, and their uncle has one in the backyard for his own kids, so unfortunately they DO find their way onto them.

Brooke was doing a backflip last summer at a BBQ, and even though she was the only one on it at the time, she came down wrong and knocked out her top front permanent tooth! Somehow, we lucked out and it reattached without dying, but it was a pretty traumatic event, and when we’re already dealing w/ learning issues due to TBI and ??? (we’re still trying to learn what else), it wasn’t exactly what we needed! (Slamming her face into the frame certainly had potential to shake her brain up a bit.)

The helmet thing is ALSO a wise move on your part, and I would protect his little head any day before worrying about the cool factor! I know it’s hard to ignore that social thing, but once you had a head injury or worse, that’d put things into perspective pretty quick.

~~~ Leizanne