Update on my oldest daughter

Hi Cathryn! It is good to see you back here! I’ve missed your posts!

It sounds like you all are making the best of a bad situation.

The principal told you off? In front of people as well? I would wait the four weeks until your kids are done in that school. Then write a letter to the diocese, whoever is the highest you can find, to as many people as you can. Use those writing skills and let them know exactly why you are leaving that school and exactly how you were treated!

Glad to hear your daughter is doing better!

Hi Jen,

Thanks, I missed your posts and your advice as well!

I will endeavor to make this brief, and not drag on the drama.

Yes, the principal of my daughters’ school did have a scene with me in front of people that Thursday, when was it, 2 weeks ago?

They did call my daughter down over their loudspeaker, refusing to have her meet me in the office, as I had requested, even though I had sent a note to her teacher, so I could take her to her therapy session as painlessly as possible. She was embarrassed, remember? She said the kids made fun of her EVEN MORE because of that, and they also wanted to know every week why she had to go to the doctor. With these kids in mind, imagine if they knew she was going to see a therapist? I shudder to think of the torment that would ensue (needlessly) regarding that.

Anyway, when I went into the school that day to wait for my daughter to come down, after she was called on the loudspeaker, I talked to the receptionist. I was not ranting, as I have been known to do, mind you. Just talking. The receptionist explained to me that the school policy was, that children are called on that loudspeaker WHEN their parent arrives, no ifs ands or buts. It is the policy, and there are no exceptions. She said that while she understands my situation, and also knew that I would be on time to pick my daughter up, it wasn’t her decision. She has to follows the rules, and that’s her job.

I said OK to that, but then we continued to talk about the problems going on in the 5th grade. Here is how the office we were in is laid out. The principal’s office is in the back of this very large office room, and the receptionist is right at the door. There are several other offices in that large room, with the doors open. I heard some papers rustling in the principal’s office, so I knew she was in there, and was listening, and didn’t care. If she wanted to say hello, she would have come on out, yes?

Well… after the receptionist and I were discussing the school’s ongoing bullying problem at some length, she finally DID come out of the office, right up to me. She told me in no uncertain terms that the school has bent over backwards (???) to help my daughter, and that if I didn’t like the school, I should put my children elsewhere. She said the loudspeaker policy is her policy; there are NO EXCEPTIONS, not for any reason, period, to ANY of her policies. And that all of her decisions are FINAL.

I tried to speak about the bullying my poor daughter has endured this whole long school-year, and she kept interrupting me. She said there is no problem in her school, and then in the same breath said that my daughter is part of the problem. I should tell you that by that time, my daughter was standing right there in the hallway, and did hear that. Also, the receptionist was sitting at her desk, looking at me with something like pity on her face; one of the administrative ladies was standing in that room, and another parent and her son whose names I do not know. It’s sort of a blur, I was so taken by surprise (shock).

I started to talk again, and made the “mistake” of calling some of the children VICTIMS. I was referring to the incident the previous day, when another girl, not my daughter, was picked on until she was in tears, then kicked repeatedly by one of the 5th grade boys, and refused to even get on the bus after school, because that boy was on the bus. The principal freaked out when she heard the word “victim”. She, um, ripped me a new you know what. I don’t know what was going through her mind, but I can only guess that it was lawsuit?

Jen, she was yelling at me at this point, and so I said “fine” very quietly, grabbed my daughter’s hand, and left the school in a hurry. We walked down the street, and my daughter said to me, “Mommy, if there isn’t a problem, how can I be part of the problem?” I burst into tears.

I was a mess, and couldn’t stop crying. You know, thinking back on it, I cannot remember the last time I had actually cried. And certainly not like that. I called my parents when we got home, cried to my mother, who answered the phone, and who surprisingly enough was gentle and listened, and then talked to my dad, who, well, let’s just say that he is one special character indeed, and somehow managed to get me to laugh while I was still crying.

I had to take my daughter to her therapist after that, and she talked to ME for the first half of the session, not my daughter. She just gaped at me, Jen. If I had any lingering doubts about her lack of experience before, I do not have them now. I do not think she had ever seen anyone in the state I was in.

Hoping for all the best for you. Write again so we know you’re still hanging in there.

When you calmed down, did you not question yourself and reality? As in ‘did I dream this? It CAN’T be real…’ DON’T! As you know, YOU are the sane one — I love your daughter’s comment. I hope you were able later to point out that SHE saw the total invalidity of the principal’s position even at her age — good on her, too!

What a farce — I’m sorry to hear you finally broke, but I believe in a good cry. And you have obviously picked up and are now ready to go on — GOOD for you!

I love the calendar count-down — that was us in Grade 2!!!!

I pity the people who try to mess with your grandchildren, honey — THEY are in for a big fight. With your example, your girls will be unstoppable…again, WELL DONE. A dreadful situation handled well — too bad about the therapist wanna be — at least she’s learning, I hope!

Hi Elizabeth,

you wrote:

“When you calmed down, did you not question yourself and reality? As in ‘did I dream this? It CAN’T be real…’ DON’T! As you know, YOU are the sane one — I love your daughter’s comment. I hope you were able later to point out that SHE saw the total invalidity of the principal’s position even at her age — good on her, too!”

Yes, I have to say that I did indeed question myself on that day. I even asked my parents, “My God, is it me?” My dad jokingly said, yes, it’s you, but that was just his way of trying to lighten the situation. Isn’t it funny how my daughter saw through it all, and I was the one losing it? Quite a girl that one is.

I am OK now, and have been. I didn’t see that coming, though. It is doubtful I will react in that manner again should I come into contact with that principal in the next 4 weeks, which I imagine will be inevitable.

http://www.jaredstory.com/serious_bullying.html

http://www.newsday.com/news/education/sbp/ny-sbp_110503.story

Cathryn, another week down! Hope it was a good one for your girls!

That’s right, Jen, according to my daughters (I don’t even need to look at the calendar) there are 19 days left…and counting!

There is one dark spot on the horizon, but I intend to do my best to get through it, for the girls’ sake. Next Sunday afternoon, the school is having it’s annual Sports and Academic Awards Dinner. Only reason I would even entertain the idea of attending that is because my daughter will be receiving awards.

Thanx for helping with the countdown, Jen! :)

There are now 17 days left of school. About a week ago, my daughter’s “school shoes” split in the back, because they were too tight. Silly me, I had no idea, seeing as I don’t dress her anymore ( ! ), and she didn’t say anything to me about them not fitting. It being a Catholic school, the children are required to wear a uniform, which of course is fine. But I knew I wouldn’t have money to get her a new pair of school shoes until yesterday, so I told her to wear her sneakers to school, and that I would write a note to her teacher about it every single day till I could purchase the new shoes, which I did do. Of course, they will not fit come fall, but such is life, yes? My daughter absolutely did not want to wear the sneakers to school, but what else could I do?

Anyway… last night, my daughter told me how glad/relieved she was to not have to wear the sneakers to school anymore. She said the other kids were making fun of her, because her mother can’t afford to buy her new shoes. She says they called her “poor”. She told me, that out of all the names she has been called, throughout the course of this nightmarish schoolyear, that was the worst. She says she hates being called “poor”, and cannot deal with that.

I feel so horrible. Guilty.

These are the kids who have and still do call her stupid, ugly, smelly, a freak, a piece of trash, and here’s another new one – that she lives in a dumpster – but she can’t handle being called poor.

Thank God it’s almost over.

Also… my cousin works in an office across the street from my daughter’s school. She told my mom that periodically, when they see the kids “acting up” on the playground, one of the ladies in her office will bang on the window, and they stop whatever mischief they were into. My mom told me that on Friday, my cousin saw the usual, one of the ladies banging on the window. My cousin looked out, and one of the other girls in my daughter’s class was hitting my daughter repeatedly with some kind of stick.

Now, I don’t know what kind of stick, or where it came from, but I do know who the other girl is, from the description. My parents and I asked my daughter about this incident, and she says she doesn’t remember anything. And she is still not talking.

On the bright side, my daughter’s appetite seems to be completely back to “her” normal again.

My daughter got her new school shoes, so that should be one less thing for those kids at school to make fun of her about. 15 more days, according to my little one.

My daughter is doing a lot better, by the way. Every now and then she’s down, and usually it’s later in the evenings, but I don’t know why that is. Also, I don’t think that her therapist is the cause of her feeling better. I believe the nearing of the end of the schoolyear has helped, and also some extracurricular activites (non school-related) have helped. I don’t think therapy with this woman has helped my daughter at all.

At the last therapy session, the week after I had that awful confrontation with the principal, and was crying, she told me she is recommending therapy for me. (duh - been there done that, by the way, for years now) And my daughter told me she kept on asking her questions about me, like, “how well do you and your mom get along?” and “when your mom is stressed out, does that make you feel bad?” and the like. At the risk of sounding paranoid, I don’t think this young woman has the first clue how to help my daughter. She has been searching for *reasons* as to why my daughter is depressed, and it looks like I’m the latest possible cause. Don’t think I like that very much!