Please help-- what are our options?

Unless your state has some very unusual laws, what doesn’t make sense to me is their insistence than you cannot home school. In most states you can homeschool regardless of whether the student has an IEP or not. I’d say homeschooling is an option if you want it to be.

Why are you considering pulling him for school for the rest of the year? That seems a contradiction to your stated interest in having him go to school.

In any case, what doesn’t seem to be an option is for him to return to his old school. Despite what he says, he must not really want to return there or he’s lost hope that he ever will. Why not return to the independent study charter school? Wouldn’t that be better than where he is now?

You could have him tested - in some cases, psychologists diagnose ‘school phobia’ and in my state that would allow him to have a tutor at home.

This is a very difficult situation. Good luck with it.

In reading your post there were a couple of questions that I had.
My first regarding him not wanting to go to school. I would really try to find out why he doesnt want to go. Is something or somebody bothering him? Does he not want to be exposed to what he is, at the alternative school and doesnt know how to deal with the pressure?
Regarding the pot smoking: is he on medication for his ADD? If not, he may actually be self medicating, or just trying to escape the world for a bit?
When ADD is not treated with meds, this often can happen. Left untreated ADD kids will turn to drugs or alcohol.
I am working on my Psychology degree and leaning toward School Psychology. I also have a 18 yr old daughter, a 15 year old son with ADD and a LD, and my 8 year old has been dev delayed since he was 10 months old, and then theres me. I grew up undiagnosed until age 32. So I know what it feels like to live with ADD and the struggles that come with having it. My daughter dragged her feet about going to school for the last couple of years, and not until about 6 weeks ago she finally told me that some boys at school were sexually harrassing her for most of those two years. I pulled her out of her high school where she went to an alternative school, most of the other kids are there with different issues. Emotional, drug and alcohol, pregnancy etc. So….they do get exposed to much more. My daughter has loved this change though. I encourage the schools and parents to try to look behind some of the behavior problems. Often there is a reason. So if he will open up, or maybe he doesnt even understand himself why he doesnt want to go…so you may have to ask him some questions to help him figure it out. Dont know, hope this helps somewhat.

I said that kids with untreated ADD will turn to drugs or alcohol.
I meant: that some will do this, not that they all will if they are untreated.

You have a right to “homebound” your child if you have a doctor’s statement stating that he is not able to attend school due to emotional stress or illness. Key being that he needs to be educated at home because of undue stress at school or personal circumstances. The district is bound by law to provide four hours of instruction per week in your home. The ARD/IEP committe can reject your request, but this will give you a right to due process. If you withdraw your son from school, he will have to complete any disciplinary action upon his return to the public school system, but you still have a right to home school your son.

[quote=”Acrowell”]Our 14 1/2 year-old son was suspended from high school for a semester because of being involved with some boys smoking pot on campus. This was the only time he has been in trouble in his entire life. We were given the options of an independent-study charter school and a continuation school. The independent study didn’t work for my son (he has an IEP for special ed because of ADD), so we reluctantly sent him to the continuation school. Although our son is doing well academically, actually better than he did in his regular high school, this has been a disaster as the school is at least 50 percent thugs. In addition, as a young freshman, my son is one of the youngest students and fairly easily led to begin with. To make matters worse, unfortunately, he got involved with more pot smokers right off the bat to the point, particularly with one boy who has been trying to extort money from my son for pot he accepted from this boy the first week at this school. When our son finally broke down and told us about this, we went to the school and resource officer who are now aware of the situation and are keeping their eyes out for our son’s safety while trying to catch this boy in the act of extortion. In the meantime, our son has taken to refusing to go to school one and sometimes two days a week because he “needs a break”. While we understand the stresses (basically of his own making) that are present in this situation, we don’t condone missing school, particulary as he needs a certain amount of credits to be able to return to his regular school in the fall (which he wants), and he is already short credits. We have tried reasoning with him, rewards, threats, restriction, etc., none of which will budge him on the days he decides not to go to school.

We are at our wits’ end. We thought about pulling him out of school for the remaining four weeks of the school year, but the school has told us that, after three consecutive days of missed school without an excuse, they must involve the legal system. Also, he will be short credits to get back to his regular high school in the fall and have to return to this abysmal place. We suggested home schooling, but, since he has an IEP, they have told us that they are legally bound to provide him with 180 minutes a day of special ed, and they can’t do that if he’s at home.

We just don’t seem to have any options. Does anyone have any suggestions? We’re getting frantic.[/quote]

I can’t say that I blame him for not wanting to go to school if someone is trying to extort money from him and 50% of the other students are thugs. Would you want to go to work under those circumstances? Is it not understood the level of violence people who are involved in drugs are willing to employ? What level of reward could you possibly offer him to make him want to risk getting hurt? Having a school tell me they are going to “keep an eye out” to catch a kid in the act of extortion would be of very small comfort to me.

Go on the offensive and make it hard and strong. If your son comes home from this school showing any evidence of harm or harrassment caused by another student, you will prosecute that student for assault to the fullest extent possible. Tell the school you are willing to meet with the other student’s parents if necessary and be sure to give them the same message. What your son may or may not have done wrong in the past is irrelevant. The only message is “Let something happen to my kid and see how fast your kid’s ass is sitting in juvenile detention.” You will also file a civil suit against the school for failing to protect your son while he was under their care. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I don’t go for the crap that when someone commits a crime against my son that I have to find out if it was his own fault. It’s a crime. Go after the criminal.

I went through this when my son had to go to summer school at the end of sophomore year. As soon as I sent the fax to the principal outlining what steps I was prepared to take, he stepped in, met with all parties involved and bingo - it all stopped. Amazing what can happen when you refuse to be the victim.

Get an education lawyer about the home school issue. It is your son’s best bet until he returns to his regular high school. Do a Google search for “education lawyer” and then refine it to your state. I found a number of good links to get listings that way.

I will try to clarify my previous post somewhat as it came out sounding rather strident and I don’t want to appear to be unreasonable.

The problem that I have with reading posts such as this one is that it’s yet another story of a parent who is trying to manage her own child by analyzing and anticipating the behavior of another person’s child or children.

Essentially what is being said here is “My son is going to school with thugs who do drugs and want to extort money from him. My son does not want to go to school. How can I convince my son to go to school?”

All I’m saying above is let’s start by compelling the school and the parents of the thugs to take responsibility for their children’s criminal actions. I’m not going to counsel my son on what HE should do when what HE’s doing is the right thing. The answer to him is “They are wrong to be doing this to you and we will have to work together to make them stop.”

I realize that the parents of the thugs also have their hands full and I’m sure they are as angst ridden over them as the rest of us. However, my sympathy for that does not extend to the point where they can make my son a victim of their problems.

Hope that’s clearer!