play date advice

Since my DS is not on medication at this moment, I can completely understand your quandry.

My DS is so sweet and loving. She’s also a tornado….The more excited she gets, the more bad things seem to happen. Don’t let her get a hold of any scissors!!!! She just loves arts and crafts. Sofas, chairs, carpet, comforters, shirts, jeans prove how much she loves to do crafts!

Two of her friends’ mothers (the prissy girls’ mothers) do not care for my daughter and feel she is a bad influence. They cannot name one thing she has ever done that was of evil intent, mean spirited, or disobedient. They will list her every “negative” trait: does not behave like a proper young lady should, too outspoken, too independent, too wiggly, too strong-willed, laughs to loud… She’s TOO much.

I’ve decided that this is going to become a part of my life and I must learn how to deal with it for my daughter’s sake. I have started explaining to parents what exactly they can expect and that if it is an issue, to please let me know. If I sense hesitation, disbelief, disagreement, or fear…I do not leave my daughter. It has happened and it has been very uncomfortable.

If they seem to understand and accept it with ease…then I relax. I always leave my name and number and explain that if she gets to wild, to call and I will talk to her. I also explain that they can use her incentive (tv) as a corrective tool. I try to keep it light and explain that she just needs a few minutes to regain her composure. So far, its worked great! I think my willingness to let them “correct” her without feeling like I will be offended has been the key point.

After all the worrying…the parents have informed me that she is excellent at their house and even cleans up after her and the friend!!! Where does that child go when she comes home?

Sorry so long, but I don’t usually talk about my DS so I thought a little background would be helpful before I explained how I have had to let go and let God… Well, at least for today.

By the way, what is so wrong with children who love life?

Hi, I understand JUST what you’re going through— I remember VERY clearly going through the same thing when my son was younger.

I always explained that my son was a very active enthusiastic child and tended to get overstimulated easily. For that reason, I kept his playdates short to avoid the chance of a meltown and left it at that. I rarely had any complaints about my son’s behavior and, in fact, he has always been very sought out because the neighborhood children found him fun to be around.

Also, don’t forget that children almost always behave much better around other families than with their own…

JenM,
We just stick with decribing the particular issues that could come up. My 8 year old’s daughter’s best friend’s mother only knows that my daughter is enthusiastic, excitable, prone to frustration/emotional displays and a perfectionist. The girls have some common interests and the issues that we have had a school are not as apparent in one-on-one play. I also try not to send her anywhere tired because… well, you know, these kids are like a delicate piece of machinery and one thing off….

Lastly, remember to mention your child’s strengths. It is amazing what the power of suggestion has on some parents. My child has an incredible imagination and some parents just love to see the kids playing creatively rather than sitting in front of the TV. My daughter is also naturally interested in learning and parents think that that is really cool also.

Terry

Thank you for the understanding. If the opportunity arises to change the location to my house then I might do that. I could kick myself for not suggesting it right off the bat when the kids started talking about this. I did tell the other mother that I am home when the kids get done school so they can walk home together to our house. I think I am probably worrying too much. We discussed rules last night and we’ll do it again today. Part of what I love about my child is her abundance of enthusiasm. Her teacher said the same thing so most likely that’s how it will be when she’s visiting. She has a very grumpy irritable side that can also come out but I am sure that will not come out when she’s visiting. That type of meltdown behavior we see at home when she’s tired and at the end of what she can handle!

JenM,

You’ve gotten very good advice I think here.

I’ve always tried to have first playdates at my house so I can observe, but part of letting them grow up and become independent is letting her go places without you.

First, she’s’ not the only one who might act up or melt down. Even neurotypical kids are not perfect so don’t worry too much about that. I would do as the others have mentioned and just leave your number and a quick mention to the other parent that she’s very excited and if it starts to be too much to give you a buzz. I’d rather seem like an overprotective parent than say nothing. Plus she’s still very young so your concern won’t seem weird.

I’ve found as my son has gotten older 2 things have happened. B/c he’s at an LD school, its no secret that he’s got issues . So I need to say less to the other parents. I find most of his friends also are impulsive, or socially awkward, or whatever their issue is. But I do have to mention his LD to adults who expect different behavior from a 10 year old. Then I keep it light “DS is dyslexic so you may need to repeat instructions more than once….”

Let us know how the playdate goes!! Its so important for these kids to feel accepted socially - this is an important day for her!