Starting a New School

I’m not sure of legalities, but I would think that the school/teachers are accountable for what is happening, especially since they are aware and could be held accountable for damages your daughter has suffered from this. I’ve read your posts with much interest.

Once you find out what schools the kids will be attending, you might want to think about Girls Scouts to jump-start a peer group. You can usually find your local chapter on-line and get the name of your local manager to see if there are any troops with openings. Even if they say no you still can approach troop leaders individually to see if they can take another girl. If you offer to help with the cookies or driving etc… then you will be more likely to get in. Our local manager told us that there were no openings but a troop was more than happy to take my daughter. There is no cap on the number of girls but our local manager seems to be more interested in getting new groups started than adding to existing troops. I also wouldn’t worry about ADHD and scouting unless it is severe. The girls are usually all wound up and my daughter blends right in.

I would bone up on anti-bullying techniques. Have your daughter practice now. She might be right that she is a bully-magnet but it should be easier to deal with a new unbiased group of kids.

Just another warning. In our district the new kids tend to end up with the unpopular teachers because they have space in their class. I would think that it would be to your benefit to pick a school as soon as possible and then talk to the principal about your children’s special needs before this school year ends. Now is the time to apply for Special Education or a 504 in our district. Also, is there a child in dance class that your child could be placed with so that she knows someone in her class.

Terry

Just another thought. Now might be the ideal time to make that transition. If she’s at the age to be starting at a new school anyway then all of the other kids in her grade will also be new. It would put her on a more level playing field. Terry has a good idea. I noticed in my school that all of the kids from church tend to stick together and maintain their friendships in school even though they all have many other friends and are from different crowds. I would imagine it would be the same with almost any other group outside of school where the kids would also be in school together.

Hey Cathryn, hows everything been? So you are starting new schools. That sounds like a great idea considering the lack of assistance and support you have gotten from the present school. My ADHD dd started a new middle school in 6th grade. We had just moved so she new absolutely no one. I would suggest that you gather all the information you can from the present school as well as your own papers citing your dd’s history. Bring in examples of work she is doing now, this is especially important if you want to demonstrate an area of need. If you won’t be registering her until fall, you may want to contact the school and request a meeting with the school psychologist. If your dd is in need of a 504 or IEP chances are you aren’t going to get one from the school now. The team at the new school doesn’t know your dd, they don’t know her needs and so they can’t indentify interventions for her. When my dd went to middle school we did already have a 504 in place, so that was helpful for us, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t get the ball rolling on support from the school.
As far as the transition from the present school to the new school. The hardest thing is that she doesn’t know anybody, and there will be social groups already set up from previous schools feeding into the middle school. The upside is that this is a year that many kids change friends, they expand their social circles. Find out what kind of extra curricular activities there are, get your dd to think about joining one or two of them. Also, find out if there is a day she can come visit the school. I know here, the elementary schools that feed into our middle schools have days when the 5th graders come and tour the school, maybe she could come on the same day as the public school that is in your nieghborhood. Also, we have evening orientations for kids and parents, both now and in the fall just prior to school starting.
When school starts request a meeting for a few weeks or so with the teacher(s) to discuss your dd’s adjustment (her recent experience with needing counseling is an excellent reason in itself for this meeting), as well as any needs she may have academically (I’m sorry, I just can’t remember if she really had academic issues). Another thing I did was to write a letter to each teacher and explain my concerns, and explain my goals. I was direct. I said, matter of factly, that I was not seeking to provide excuses or an easy way out for my dd, that I was seeking to provide the support she needs now, to provide her the assistance in identifying interventions and strategies now, so that by the time she was in highschool we would no longer need to have a formal support system set up, and that I needed their assistance through their observations, and their input as they are working with her more directly academically than I. I also told them things that I was doing to help her and requested feedback on that as I felt that continuity between home and school was very important. I did get a lot of support and at least 2 of the teachers thanked me for the letter and explaination. The problems don’t have to be just academic for teacher support either. Good luck with the transition!
Take care

Hello Guest,

You wrote: “I’m not sure of legalities, but I would think that the school/teachers are accountable for what is happening, especially since they are aware and could be held accountable for damages your daughter has suffered from this. I’ve read your posts with much interest.”

Yes, one would think that the school would and SHOULD be accountable. And they are aware all right. Yes, my daughter has suffered damages, of which I have no idea how they will affect her in the long run. She is a tough little survivor in many ways, but is also very sensitive, and she is only 10. I have thought I would just walk away from this mess and leave it behind. The only thing legal action would accomplish, as far as I am aware, is that the next “victim” will have more rights and protection, and that part of it makes me feels guilty for wanting to leave it all behind and start fresh. Of course, if the principal chooses to give me more grief than she already has, who knows what I will do?

Terry, yes, it has occurred to me that maybe my daughter is a “bully-magnet”, and it certainly has occurred to her. That’s what I want to avoid. I will definitely be looking into extra-curricular activities. Thanx for the good ideas. :)

Jen, you know, I didn’t even think of that! She will not be the only new student; everyone will be new, because they are all just starting middle school, the 6th grade. It definitely does help knowing that, and it’s a relief. I feel kind of stupid for not realizing that myself, but that’s what this board is for, right?

It’s so nice to hear from you, Roxie! Hope all is well!

As far as I know, my daughter is not in need of a 504 or an IEP. Her diagnosis was “adjustment disorder, depressed mood, and anxiety”. She has never been diagnosed with ADHD. I mentioned in one of my threads before, that every year before her annual well-child physical (which is coming up on the 25th of May), I ask her to please, PLEASE sit still and don’t bounce off the walls! She never listens, but so far no ADHD diagnosis. We shall see next week, yet again.

It has concerned me greatly that it will be difficult for her, since she will know no one. I really don’t want her to go through any more trauma, as I’m sure you all can appreciate. She says she can’t wait to get out of her school, and is looking forward to it. That doesn’t mean it will be easy for her, though.

She has done amazingly well academically this year, especially considering how awful it’s been for her. She has the highest GPA in her 5th grade class, something I just found out this afternoon. We attended the annual Sports and Academic Awards banquet. Oh, how I was dreading it, and did NOT want to go! We only went because I knew my daughters would be receiving awards, which they did indeed. I had not seen the principal since the scene in the office that day. I had no idea what to expect. I was trying so hard to be mature, but I just couldn’t look at that woman. I did not make eye contact with her throughout the whole 2 and a half hour event. I felt very awkward. I looked around, and I thanked my lucky stars that I may never have to lay eyes on some of those people ever again! Does that sound terrible? It was plain to me, and certainly not for the first time, that I just do not fit in here. How could I have expected my oh so special daughter to fit in? I am the stuck-up b*tch from the city, and both my daughters are the “half-breeds”. I will say it again, I never would have thought it from my hometown. How could I have been so blind? And these people who judge me have no IDEA what I’ve been through in my lifetime. I honestly don’t think I am better than anybody. I’m just another woman from this netherworld hole, nothing more, nothing less, not some uppity rich snob. And that is what they have always thought of me, until the money ran out, of course. And I still don’t fit.

Which brings me to my next point. It isn’t likely that I’ll be able to meet any of the teachers, or see the schools until the last week of August. I have spoken to them over the phone several times, however. We are very likely moving in mid-summer. While that is not yet carved in concrete, it is likely, and I have my fingers crossed. Please think happy thoughts our way, if you would!

Sixth grade can be the last year of elementary school. It was for me when my family moved and I know it still can be because my neice is in such a school now. I would avoid that situation if you can because it is hard to break in socially. I know from personal experience. Also, if you are fortunate enough to have a middle school situation, pay attention to how many schools feed into it. You could have a situation where there is only one school and then the fact that it is a middle school won’t help as much. Still, there is more mixing when kids move from school to school than if they stay in the same place.

My daughter had trouble when we moved to FL in public school and the next year we moved her to parochial school (just the opposite of you!). Anyway, we role played a lot of situation before school started and I think that helped.

And congrats to your daughter for doing so well in school.

Beth

Hi Beth,

Excellent point you’ve raised, it even got me on the phone with the I.S. (intermediate school) my daughter will more than likely be attending.

I knew that it does start at the sixth grade, which is such a good thing, but I didn’t know how many of the area primary schools feed into it. The secretary on the phone counted to me at least five, and was very pleasant and reassuring when I told her my reasons for my questions. Thanks for posting, that was helpful.

And thank you for your congrats to my daughter. It is amazing that she did so well under the circumstances she was/is living. I have to brag a little, sorry. She won “Super Speller” in her class (she always wins that one), got an award for excellence in Spelling, as she participated in the regional Spelling Bee of the parochial schools in our area this year, and earned the prestigious and much coveted “Religion Pin”! I gasped when her name was called, and she was all smiles! That one is considered to be, in this school, the most prized award a student can earn. It is given to the student who most personifies, in their daily life, the Christian way of life in their dealings with others and in their actions. I am so proud of her. How did she accomplish that, with all the crap that went on this year in her class? I have no clue. I do know that all the teachers, the principal, AND the pastor decide who all gets this award. The pastor’s inclusion is probably what helped.

These days young girls can be very fashion conscious. I teach 10 year olds and I’m ever impressed with the clothes they choose to wear. In my day we polished up on penny loafers when we were going to a party but my 10 year old girls are buying little black dresses….

This pressure to conform is something your daughter might find everywhere. In a larger school though she may find different groups of girls and there can be a group in her new school as there is mine which deliberately tries to avoid the fashion thing. I have one ‘group’ of girls who pride themselves as being future writers and they gather to write and read poetry and wouldn’t be caught dead waxing their eyebrows!

Do you know any girls in her new public school? Maybe you could invite one over this summer if you do. Certainly I’d walk through the school with her - you could do after the school is out but while the teachers are still there. She might meet a few teachers that way who are doing their cleaning out at the end of the year.

Good luck.

Only 10 more days to go!

We are going away for the weekend, and leaving early Friday morning, so that day doesn’t count. It’s almost over.

Sara wrote:

“These days young girls can be very fashion conscious. I teach 10 year olds and I’m ever impressed with the clothes they choose to wear. In my day we polished up on penny loafers when we were going to a party but my 10-year-old girls are buying little black dresses…. ”

Yes, I see what you mean. My daughter competed in a reputable statewide beauty pageant this weekend. Just when I thought I was the woman who has seen it all… well, just let me say it was a very educational experience. :shock: My daughter was upset/disappointed because she didn’t win, but I’m not upset or surprised at all. Even her little sister was shocked at the top four runners-up and the winner, and that says something, with the sibling jealousy between the two of them! I’m sure one of the myriad of reasons she didn’t make the top five is BECAUSE she doesn’t pluck her eyebrows! And BECAUSE she is not a phony, all her charisma is natural and exudes from within her. (She was in the top ten of her age division though, out of 42 girls.) What a crazy world we live in, yes?

“This pressure to conform is something your daughter might find everywhere. In a larger school though she may find different groups of girls and there can be a group in her new school as there is mine which deliberately tries to avoid the fashion thing. I have one ‘group’ of girls who pride themselves as being future writers and they gather to write and read poetry and wouldn’t be caught dead waxing their eyebrows! ”

You are right, of course, but what a waste and awful shame the pressure to conform and be just like everybody else is everywhere you look. Some of us simply cannot, and I would have to say that includes both of my daughters and myself too.

“Do you know any girls in her new public school? Maybe you could invite one over this summer if you do. Certainly I’d walk through the school with her - you could do after the school is out but while the teachers are still there. She might meet a few teachers that way who are doing their cleaning out at the end of the year. ”

Unfortunately, I doubt we will be able to get a tour of the new school until the last week of August, as we won’t even be in town until the first week of July.

There are only 5 days left of school here. Monday is the holiday, and this coming Friday is the annual school picnic, which my daughters will NOT be attending.

Both my girls had their annual “well-child” physical pediatrician visit this morning. For the first time in her life, I did not remind (beg) my oldest daughter to please sit still, and don’t be bouncing off the walls, for fear of talk of a possible ADHD diagnosis. She behaved like a little lady (sort of…), without being reminded. She is changing, right before my very eyes, in subtle, and not so subtle ways. Puberty has indeed set in, something I knew before the doctor confirmed that. The good Lord only knows what that will bring, and the struggles that lie ahead, in a child as special as this one. Don’t mean to dwell on looks here, but her pediatrician said she looks just like the actress Salma Hayek. I would have said more like Julia Roberts, but I looked for some pictures of Salma on the internet today, and the doctor is actually quite right! But when it comes down to it, she just looks like herself, an original. There is no conforming in sight for this child.

My daughter has improved dramatically since the talk of moving back to the city where she was born started, about a month or so ago (that she is aware of, that is). This will not be one of my famous impulsive decisions that end in disaster. If it does end in disaster, it will not be because of lack of serious intense soul-searching and planning on my part. This has taken me almost half a year to decide. I decided to forget about, and completely put aside/exclude the opinions of all the selfish adults involved, *myself included*, and focus on what would be the best thing, IN THE LONG HAUL, the big picture, for my two little girls. And, painful though it will be for me, in some ways, there really is only one possible decision that makes sense.

Good luck with everything Cathryn.

I’ll be sending you a PM on a vague idea that has come to me.

Hi Victoria- Got your PM, will reply later on today, when I have more than a minute.

Thanks!

Cathryn,
We just undertook a similar transition this past year. Both of my children changed schools and we moved to a new town!

My son’s school is an LD school, so they were more on the ball than average about hooking me up with local families. But even my daughter’s public school prinicpal went out of her way to give me people to contact. And I did. I spent the whole month of august calling strange mom’s and making playdates. It helped both kids feel more comfortable when school actually started. We also were able to visit both schools right before the year began so the buildings didn’t seem strange.

As far as your “bully magnet ” _ I can relate. My son , despite being a kind gentle person, is often the odd man out. We ‘ve been practicing snappy comebacks (which seems to be necessary at this age) and talking alot about peer pressure. Some of this is just the age, and even the most popular children feel this pressure.

Hi Karen,

you wrote: “We just undertook a similar transition this past year. Both of my children changed schools and we moved to a new town!

My son’s school is an LD school, so they were more on the ball than average about hooking me up with local families. But even my daughter’s public school prinicpal went out of her way to give me people to contact. And I did. I spent the whole month of august calling strange mom’s and making playdates. It helped both kids feel more comfortable when school actually started. We also were able to visit both schools right before the year began so the buildings didn’t seem strange.”

Wow. How bad was the transition? Do you hate to move as much as I do? I’m sitting here looking around at all our stuff, not knowing where to start! Luckily for me, I do have some time.

I have to say, I’m still really really leary of putting my girls in public school. After all I’ve heard this year, though, it seems that it’s possible it could be so much better for them than what we experienced this year. But then, I truly believe it would be quite difficult for it to be much worse. My oldest went to the first grade at a public school (PS 143, don’t know if you know that one, it’s near Shea Stadium in Queens) and it wasn’t so bad, just HUGE! I do recall that there was more than one first grade class, maybe 4 (?), and that a couple of the classes were Spanish-speaking only!

I wonder if I’ll be able to get a list of parents to call, like you did. I’m going to try. We don’t have many friends where we are right now, but I’m hoping to change all that, and make a new start. And now is the perfect time. In fact, this is like a “now-or-never” type decision, which is why it took me so long to make it. Career-wise for me, too. I won’t be ripping my girls away from their friends, or uprooting them, because they hate where they are now. In a couple more years that may not have been the case, but we’re not sticking around to find out.

One of my regrets is leaving my parents. They live in this town. I am hoping they will understand. My father probably will, but will still not like it, but I already know my mother will pitch a fit! You would think, at my age, I shouldn’t have to worry about such things. My mother is a major control freak, however, and needs to be in charge. Of everything, lol.

I will make every possible attempt to see the schools in August. I will simply be my persuasive, persistant self, one of the things the principal at the girls’ current school has learned to dislaike about me.

That was me above…forgot to login…again.

For what its worth, the transition was much smoother for my kids than me!.

For my daughter (who is in public school) I sent her end of year report ahead so they’d know what to expect of her. Then I phoned as soon as we moved and asked if I could get names of neighborhood kids who would be in her class. They were very happy to help.

I hope you have a good experience!

[quote]For what its worth, the transition was much smoother for my kids than me!.

[/quote]

Well, that is indeed good to hear, and I have a feeling the same will be true in our case. The girls have a great time whenever we go back to visit NYC, which is usually a few weeks at Christmas, and a few weeks again in the summer. I can picture them even now in my mind, having a blast at the beach, and hanging with me in the city this summer. I know in my heart and in my head that I have made the best choice for them. I think I’ll be OK too, if not this year, then someday. Been through much worse than this upcoming move.

I am having second thoughts. Not about the girls changing schools, but about moving.

Cathryn, is that your post above about having second thoughts? If so, I’d say it’s natural! It’s a big move!

Hi Jen, yep, that was me. I’m such a wreck today I can’t even remember to log in!

Second, third, and fourth thoughts — story of my life. Sit down and brainstorm all your options, make a list of pros and cons, and then when you make the decision do it wholeheartedly and don’t look back.

Controlling mothers — got one of them too. I haven’t lived within 400 miles of her since I was seventeen. She’s a great person, talented and creative, with many friends but she and I cannot be in the same room, and that’s just the way it is. I don’t like it but I can’t make her into a different person and can’t get her to stop being aggresve towards me. Avoidance is one approach.

Good luck and do write.

victoria wrote:

“Second, third, and fourth thoughts — story of my life. Sit down and brainstorm all your options, make a list of pros and cons, and then when you make the decision do it wholeheartedly and don’t look back. ”

It’s the story of my life too, Victoria. If I had to pick my biggest weakness, it would be making decisions, the big ones. With this one, however, I had taken my time, waited, thought some more, really searched my soul, want what is best for my children in the long run, thought I made the right decision, was OK with it, and still panicked.

Today I plan to do exactly what you suggest, and make a list of the pros and cons, both ways. The “not looking back” will be the hard part, for me.

A good friend of mine in NY, who knows me better than anyone, and also about my problem with decisions, once said to me, “It’s not about making the right decision. It’s about making the decision, then making it the right one.”

Alisha, my daughter’s therapist said, “It’s not about making the right decision, it’s about doing the right THING.”

Both of those are helpful. And my thanx to you, Victoria, for your presence of mind and clarity of thought.

Well, I can make decisions, but once I have them made everybody tries to tell me something different. I find that the decisions I make based on other people’s “good advice” are the very very worst things possible; could go on for hours about that. So think out what works *for you* and go for it.

I can see that I am responding to my own post here. I hope everyone is out enjoying the holiday.

It didn’t take long at all to type out the “Pro and Con” list, and I already knew what the outcome would be anyway. But it did help to put it in writing, as it usually does for me. Helps put everything in perspective. I did it as emotionlessly as I could, and when I was almost finished, the girls came in and helped too.

I plan to show the list to my mother when I discuss this with them. Hopefully it’ll dampen some of her anger. Wish me luck please.

victoria wrote:

“Well, I can make decisions, but once I have them made everybody tries to tell me something different. I find that the decisions I make based on other people’s “good advice” are the very very worst things possible; could go on for hours about that. So think out what works *for you* and go for it.”

Yes, the very same thing happens to me, even when I have wracked my brain till it hurt to make the decision. But I’ve found, that those who would tell me something different are usually just thinking of themselves, my mother included, and then they will accuse ME of being selfish. This was the most selfless decision I have ever made, but no one will see it that way. Except my very exceptional daughters, who understand completely.

Cathryn, school must be done for you by now! How are things now? Are you making your plans? How is your daughter doing?

We still have a few days left before we’re done! Can’t wait! Then we are out of here for the entire summer!

Hi Jen,

I’ve been unbelievably busy! :shock: Thanx for thinking of me! I really appreciate that you care!

I was going to post yesterday, but ran out of time, but will try to later on today (I am at the library right now, LOL). I have lots of stuff to say, of course… problems, problems problems. Why can nothing be easy?

Hi Jen,

Don’t know if you’re still around (but I hope so), but I *finally* have some time to be online. My daughters’ annual dance recital was last night. I thank everyone who has follows my posts. Sometomes it may have sounded petty, our problems, but anyone who really knows, knows they are not. School blissfully ended June 4th.

JenM wrote:

“Cathryn, school must be done for you by now! How are things now? Are you making your plans? How is your daughter doing?

We still have a few days left before we’re done! Can’t wait! Then we are out of here for the entire summer!”

I’m still in the process of trying to make my plans. I don’t mean just finalizing them either. What a mess. Hopefully things will work out in the long run, as I have been hoping and praying so hard for in the past few months. I knew this would not be a cakewalk (not hardly), so I keep trying to remind myself that anything worth anything is worth working hard and suffering for.

The very thought of the move in two weeks scares the daylights out of me, especially with all the loose ends. And there are so many of them!

I did receive an email that bordered on nasty from the principal of my girls’ parochial school. She even cc’d it to the pastor of our church, which has been MY church since birth, not hers, and I didn’t appreciate it at all, especially considering that she told blatant lies in it— I can only imagine that was for the pastor’s benefit, and to make her own self look good. I am going to run the risk of posting “too much information” about myself on this board, deleting names, of course. You (and whomever else is reading this) be the judge of what this woman has written, well, and me too. The only defense I have for myself is that most of what she wrote to me and cc’d to our priest is pure fabrication, and that I did answer her, addressing each and every topic she covered, and I cc’d it to our pastor as well. I bet that really p*ssed her off.

Here it is:

Cathryn, we have tried to get in touch with you numerous times and you have not returned the calls to the school. It was important that you contact us concerning the sign-off on XXXXX’s speech program. The paper work was sent unsigned with a notice indicating that four attempts had been made to reach you. This is not a “Catholic School” program – this is a State funded program and the services come to us through XXXX County Schools. If XXXXX should go to another school, this information or lack thereof will follow her.

I understand that you are telling people that the girls are not coming back because of money issues. I am disappointed that you would say such untruths as for the last three years I have worked with you to satisfy the tuition costs one way or another – even when you have not filed the financial aid papers that are required by the Diocese. I have several families who through their volunteer work the tuition assistance is considerable. I asked you several times to help at lunch and recess and you did come two days – we could have benefited by your help the same as you could have received more tuition assistance had you come on a regular basis as requested. A quality education is being provided to the girls therefore some sort of compensation is essential. This year tuition was $1,400 plus books and registration. We allowed the girls to return without anything being paid. You did pay the books and registration in February ($350) and I sought grant money to reduce the tuition cost by $750 leaving a balance of $350.00. To date nothing has been paid toward the tuition. The girls are receiving breakfast and lunch each day- again totally free and we are happy to provide this service for them.

Now we have report cards and SAT 10 scores sitting here for the girls. In the past I have given these to you even though money was outstanding on your account; however, this year I am not giving this information without some resolution concerning tuition. Also, no records will leave this school should you decide to take the girls elsewhere. Cathryn, I am willing to work with you if you would cooperate. I will be here at school for several more weeks should you want to talk to me or perhaps you would like to contact Father XXXX or Father XXX concerning a way to resolve this.

XXXX

Well. I did answer her, as I have said, but have received no response, and it’s been a week now.

Here is my response, again, names deleted:

Dr. XXXXXXX,

Ok, now I have time to address some of the issues you brought up in your email of today. I didn’t have time earlier, only the one sentence, to express my shock that you think for some reason unbeknownst to me that I have been “telling people” that my girls will not be returning to XXXX due to money issues.

First, I have not been “telling people” anything. I know very few people in this area to tell anything to. I have no clue where you would have heard this incorrect information. And I do not appreciate being accused of telling “untruths”, as you called it, and having you CC it to Fr. XXXXX, when I have not done so. Of course, I do tell just about everything to my parents, but they are very private people, as you may be aware. Nothing I say or do not say comes from them.

I did not come in to pick up the girls’ report cards yesterday, because I knew full well that you would not have given them to me, because I owe money to the school. I really couldn’t take the further embarrassment. You did not give them to me last year at the end of the school year, so I knew it would be a wasted trip, but you did very kindly give them to me at the beginning of THIS school year. XXXXX did let me take a peak at the girls’ report cards at the end of school last year, for about 5 minutes, then I handed them back to her. That was good of her. I have still never received XXXXX’s S.A.T. scores for the 2002/03 school year, although I have asked repeatedly.

The girls receive free breakfast and lunch at the school because they are entitled to it, as per the State of WV— not out of the goodness of your heart, or charity.

I would like to thank you for letting me know the exact amount I owe the school. It’s $350.00? Please let me know if that amount is correct. Thank you.

I would like you, and more importantly, Fr. XXXXX, to know that I would never in a million years take my daughters out of Catholic school due to money issues. A Catholic education is now and has always been very important to me, as you well know.

This email was highly upsetting to me. I will be in touch with you soon with more information.

Regards,
Cathryn XXXXXX

When I received NO RESPONSE to this email, I sent a second and last one:

Dr. XXXXXXX,

This is not my main email address (I use it for business purposes only), but I’m using it now to ensure that Fr. XXXXX gets a copy of this email too.

I do not see the need to take the issue of $350.00 to Fr. XXXXX or Fr. XXX, if we can just resolve it now in a way that is acceptable to everyone. It is my intention to cooperate with you, in fact, it has never been my intention to NOT cooperate. I do not really want to have a meeting with you at the school right now. I don’t think it’s necessary, and I don’t really wish to, after the last time we spoke at the school, and you told me, (and I quote) “If you don’t like the school policies, then the only thing I can suggest is that you move your daughters to another school.” And that conversation had nothing to do with money.

I would, however, like to resolve this issue amicably, because it would be in the best interests of XXXXXXXX and XXXXX. And isn’t that what we all want? I hope so. I know I do.

Our family has had a very, very difficult year, for many reasons I will not go into now. Some of these reasons have caused me to make the extremely difficult decision to return to XXXXX. We will be leaving in a few weeks. This is not a spur of the moment, impulsive decision. It has taken me months of true soul-searching, thought, prayer, and time to make it. In the end, I decided to put all of the opinions of the selfish adults, *myself included*, aside, and choose what would be best for my girls and me in the long run, the big picture, the long haul. And in the end, there was only one good choice. My parents do not know about this yet. I plan to tell them next week, and I have reasons for that. I would appreciate your not mentioning this to anyone until then. My only real regret is leaving my parents, especially my father, the best man I have ever known.

I am not at all angry, and harbor no animosity: I am just sad. It is a true shame that I couldn’t find and keep a decent job in XXXXX, with my qualifications. I cannot pay my rent here, but I can in XXXXX. Also, I am afraid that in 8 years or so, both of my daughters will be forced to leave this area anyway. Unless there are dramatic changes and improvement, which unfortunately I do not foresee, they will not be able to find work in this area either when they grow up.

We have had such a bad year here in XXXXX that the very last thing on my mind would be to run around telling people that XXXX charges too much money. I found that to be unbelievable and ridiculous, when I read it in your email of June 8th.

I need to be in XXXXX by July 5th latest, because I have an important job interview in XXXXX on that day. I have found, through my online Job Detective, that it will be fairly easy and speedy for me to find lucrative work in the XXXXX industry there, as the fallout from 9/11 seems to be dissipating in XXXXX in regards to tourism. If you will recall, one of my 2 degrees is in Hospitality Management, and I worked in the hotel industry in XXXXX for 13 years. Also, XXXXXXXX and XXXXX were born [there].

As soon as is humanly possible, I will send you the $350.00 from XXXXX, from my own paycheck. I will not be relying on my ex-husband for anything in the future. I give you my solemn promise that I will send you the payment after I receive a few paychecks, and that’s partly why I cc’d this to Fr. XXXXX also. I am hoping that you will send the transcripts to whatever schools the girls will be attending in the fall (I don’t know exactly which ones yet), and that I can pick up the girls’ report cards and S.A.T. scores from the school, including the one for XXXXX from the 2002/03 school year that I have not yet received. If that is not acceptable to you, then perhaps you could mail them to me in XXXXX when you receive my payment. I will advise you of our new address there as soon as I am sure of it.

Regarding XXXXX’s IEP and the speech program: I am fully aware it is a State-funded program, and not a “Catholic School” program. I will deal with this issue in the school in XXXXX in the fall, if it is necessary at all.

Please let me know your thoughts on this. Thank you in advance, and thanks for reading all this.

Regards,
Cathryn XXXXXX

Well, that’s it. I’ve heard nothing from the principal. It’s my understanding from you good people on this board that I will not need the transcripts from the school, to enroll them in public school in the fall in another city. I do have all of their medical records and will have proof of address.

Sorry that was so long, but I thought that copying and pasting the exact emails would be better than me rambling on and on about it, and getting too emotional.

When I mentioned that my girls would be leaving this area in a few years, after they graduate, just to find work of any kind, I am not kidding or exxagerating. I read the help wanted ads religiously every single day, and have for the last 4 years. Jobs are plentiful, if you are a nurse, which is great, or an over the road truck driver (I’m not), or if you wish to be an “exotic” dancer at one of the local pubs, if you know what I mean. Most ads that aren’t of the type I described above, are “800” numbers, meaning a relocation, or jobs two hours away, in Ohio or further.

Oh, by the way, BOTH my girlies were sensational last night in their dance recital. In particular, my oldest, who may very well be destined for Broadway, as she hopes. (Lately she’s been saying she wants to be a Rockette, though.) She opened the show, right after the older girls grand opening. The curtain went down on them, then back up, and there she was! My girl is only ten, will be 11 in less than 2 months. Yes, I did cry, to my sister’s extreme embarrassment, when she performed her Jazz solo to the Broadway song “42nd Street” to unbelievable perfection. I could not possibly be more proud.

Cathryn,

I’m so glad that you are getting your daughter out of that school. That woman sounds evil and not too bright if I might add getting the “father” involved. You were the wrong parent to try to pull that one on! This certainly must have undermined the father’s respect for her. Her letter is so transparent.

I’m happy that you have the dance thing going for your older daughter. It is wonderful that she can handle herself on stage so well.

Terry

Hang in there Cathryn! It sounds like you are on the right path. The current problem with the principal just reinforces what you are doing. Stay focused on your kiddos as you have been and you will do well!

Terry wrote:

“Cathryn,

I’m so glad that you are getting your daughter out of that school. That woman sounds evil and not too bright if I might add getting the “father” involved. You were the wrong parent to try to pull that one on! This certainly must have undermined the father’s respect for her. Her letter is so transparent.

I’m happy that you have the dance thing going for your older daughter. It is wonderful that she can handle herself on stage so well.

Terry”

Hi, Terry it is so great to here from you! Yes, I”m glad the girls are getting out of that school too! I didn’t realize her (the principal) email’s were so transparent. I thought so, but then, I know her. This woman actually gives out communion at church, I don’t know how she does that with a clear conscience. I don’t even do that myself. (I’m not “worthy”, LOL) I am a lector at our church, though.

I have not heard from Fr. XXXXX, but I do know he loves my girls, and has the sense to see through the principal’s email.

Oh yes, one more thing, Terry.

My daughter was pleased as punch at herself, for pulling off such a difficult and awesome Jazz routine, and I loved her and every second of it! She’s so much like me, a perfectionist, never thinks GREAT is good enough!

And she was indeed great! I couldn’t be more proud.

My 8 yr old (bright ADHD) just had her dance recital last night. I’m sure she is not as proficient as your daughter but she did well. I am most proud that her emotions didn’t ruin it for her. She had to wait several hours before going on herself and then she did make an error that she covered fairly well. She also started to have a runny nose just as she was finishing up. Last year all these things would conspire and cause a melt-down but they didn’t. She was beaming after her dance and said that she was “so proud” of herself. She couldn’t have said anything better to me. It doesn’t matter so much what I think of her (I am proud also) but it matters that she is pleased with herself. I’m now thinking that dance, or performance of some sort, may be something that she can do for pleasure and not just weekly exercise. I was also pleased to see that the older girls were dressed rather modestly, compared to the recital put on by our previous dance school. This is a big issue for us. We felt our last school exploited some of the girls (sometimes with parent’s approval.) Many parents were offended and pulled out their kids. We’re actually switching schools again probably and my dd and I will make sure that we have some input regarding the costumes.

Terry