…she is a “try, try again” kid. My emotional ADHD 8 year old has always been a little envious of her 5 year old sister who can sit at a computer until she solves a difficult game. My 8 year old gives up in tears after 5-10 minutes. What I really like about my 8 year old is that she will return to the game after she has composed herself. It could take 10 minutes or it could take a day. This is really commendable I think. You can’t call her a quitter because in the end she accomplishes the same end result as other children. It is just another method of learning so now when she says “I’m just a quitter”, or that she wishes that she was more like her sister, I remind her that she is a “try, try it again kid” and I am “very proud of her.”
Too much emphasis is put on sitting and accomplishing a task. This just results in an embarrassing melt-down. It’s better for her to get composed before she loses it and also she can think straight after getting the emotions under control. It’s a great compensating tool and I’m encouraging it. She may have gotten the idea from a technique that I learned on this board about a year ago about setting a timer for lengthly homework assignments where you work for 10 minutes, play for 10 minutes off and on until the homework is done. She’s now recognizing when she has ADHD “brain-fade” and stopping to recharge.
Terry
Re: She's not a "never-give-up kid" but...
Thanks Elizabeth,
I can’t say that she controls her emotions well-enough yet as she is stopping the difficult task but it is improving. A year ago she would probably sob and scream hysterically (even in school.) Now she might say “I quit” and shed a few tears as she’s walking away. She then gets a little embarrassed if it is in public but regains her composure.
My parenting style is somewhat obsessional. I really try to figure out my kids and understand the reasons for their behaviors. I feel like I really understand this ADHD child and she wears her emotions on her sleeve so it is a little easier with her. My 5 year old is a little more private with her feelings so I’m a little more insecure with what I do with her. She’s not bipolar but it’s a similar situation in that when she has an OCD flare she acts like a different child changing from very confident to very needy. For me, raising children is a much greater challenge than going to college or managing my part-time professional career. But even if I make mistakes, my kids know that I am trying my best and love them more than anything.
I really appreciate the support that I get on this board. It has been just wonderful over the past few months for reasons that you members are aware of.
Terry
she knows this is a VERY advanced skill for her age. With skills to manage her emotional behaviour, she will make the best of her weakness, while still enjoying the benefits of being a person who feels things strongly…of course, she may not have found all those strengths at her age…but they’ll come!
‘Take a break from it’ is always a good strategy! I’m also a hyper-emotional…took me much longer to learn to do what she is doing, and I STILL don’t have the gumption to tackle video games — but then that is probably because I’d rather go read a book, more a fact of AGE than inclination.
I admire the way you parent, Terry, and obviously your style is having a good effect on both your babes…!