New school, here we go

My daughter is only 8 so I don’t have quite the communication problems that seem to start in middle school. I get a note out to her teacher before school starts. We have orientation day so I give it to the teacher at that time.

My husband and best friend are teachers. They both consider parental communication a positive thing. One prefers the phone and the other prefers e-mail. I would try to find out from each teacher the best way to communicate. Phone tag is really annoying to teachers.

You probably feel that your child will be tough to deal with but my husband seems to be most annoyed by a tough kid combined with a tough parent. Uninvolved parents. Temper-tantrum parents. Parents that hate teachers universally. Parents that are in denial. Apathetic parents. I doubt that any parent on this forum fits these descriptions and opening lines of communication proves it. Make it clear that you want to work as a team. Let the teacher know that you respect her professional opinion even though you have ideas regarding what has worked from your past experience.

So, hold your head high because you love and care for your child and that alone is worthy of respect. Teachers have to work with parents that really don’t care about their kids or make any effort to figure out their child’s problems.

Terry

Thanks for the good words. I have to say that even before I have shown up in person I’ve had good response from my emails. I had asked the counselor by email if the reading class the school had her in was the right one as the teacher had announced it was for those who’d flunked their annual assessment test (called TAKS). I didn’t actually get an email response directly, but within 48 hours he’d called her down to his office and changed her schedule right then and there. So far I’m impressed.

I know people in our community who think I’m way too involved in my daughter’s life….and they think the kids who learn to take care of themselves are better off. These are the parents who don’t set foot in the school. It’s my opinion I’m doing what is right for us. I don’t criticize their choices (aloud), but I’ve heard their opinions. Maybe in 10 years we’ll know who was right.

I think the level of involvement depends on the kid. My oldest has done her homework independently since fourth grade. Very rarely have I ever intervened with anything at school.

Frankly, this is my preferred way of operating but my two boys have required far more direct involvement. This parents who say what you should do may all have children like my daughter and simply have no idea how lucky they are. Or they may have children like my sons and be pretending they are like my daughter. Believe me, your child will be better off in the long run than those children.

Beth

In contrast, I closely watch everything with my second, who is

My second is LD and I have an appt. this afternoon with his teacher. I closely watch everything.

I think email has the advantage of the teacher being able to get to it on their own time. It also has the advantage of ME being able to get to it on my time.

Unfortunately, just because a teacher has an email address, there is no guarantee they will feel comfortable using it. (which is a personal pet peeve-EVERYONE needs to learn new things with their jobs and teachers have no reason to be exempted from that expectation)

I think it is a good idea to wait a week or two before approaching the teacher. At that point s/he will have a face to go with the name and be past those crazy first days where they are wrapped up in the logistics of handing out texts, following up on immunization records, keeping up with schedule changes-whatever-it will vary with grade, but there is always something on their mind those first 2 weeks and I think you CAN come across as another annoyance at that point.

I would tell them what has worked teacher wise first-the mailing of missing assignments for example. That tends to be more palatable

You had one dodge you last year? With kids aged 12,16, and 19, Id say thats a pretty good average. There will ALWAYS be one, at least, that will not want to listen to you or take the time to even email you. Sad, but IME, true! You focus on the good ones and realize ‘this too shall pass”. In high school, you’re probably only stuck for a semester and its just an hour of her day.

I was very involved in my daughter’s life in some ways, very little in others. I kept getting criticized for both. People who give unsolicited advice are so nice, aren’t they?
My daughter is violently independent and it takes world war 3 to change her direction, so I got involved in issues that I thought were that important.
When she was living with me she was an honour student, university scholarship winner, gifted musician, and saving enough money to buy and run a car responsibly. Since she moved in with her boyfriend’s family who very offensively told me how I wasn’t raising her right, she has dropped all of the above. I am upset, and now they are blaming me again . . interesting how all my faults in child-rearing show up when somebody else does things “better” isn’t it?
Anyhow, I went through world war 3 with both the daughter and the school when it seemed absolutely necessary, like getting her out of the gang central middle school and into some gifted programming. It definitely depends on the child and the situation.
Don’t let people who know nothing about the situation make you feel guilty. On the other hand, do talk things over with people you trust and try to run a reasonable middle course; it is possible to miss clues, to not see maturing in your child, and to get too involved in a situation, so get good advice when you can.

[quote]When she was living with me [/quote]

I’m the sixth child of seven (most of us have ADD sx) which has given me opportunity to learn all my life from watching my siblings. These brothers and sisters all have kids who are approaching or in their 20’s. These kids are adults in the eyes of the law, and they think they are too. Parents suffer when they watch the mistakes their kids make, and most of the time can’t do a thing. I’m 48, but for some reason remember my “weaning” years with great clarity. I was so lucky to be #6 child, my parents were experienced and I was allowed to make mistakes…some that had profound effects in my life. It seems that this issue is repeated through generations as long as their have been parents and children. Those mistakes I made were painful, and I learned some hard lessons. I would not want my daughter to experience some of those painful choices I made. But….as I watch my nieces and nephews grow, I see that this is the only way we grow. Those experiences mold us into who we are now. The most wonderful thing my parents did for me was to always open their arms/hearts to me, no matter what I did. I always knew they loved me. I was always “welcome home.”

For us, we have learned what it is like to have real issues that require our strong advocacy. This has resulted in us actually being less-protective in some areas where the risk is very low for issues. A perfect example is allowing my daughter to go to a Girl Scout over-night at the big Girl Scout camp at age 8. Some moms went with their kids, imagining pedophiles and wild-animal encounters (not an issue in the Northeast). The 2 trusted leaders would be right with the kids. To me it sounded so silly, like they had to dream up something to be concerned about. ADHD has given me perspective I guess you could say.