any recommendations for helping a latch key kid situation

Can she walk home and stay by herself? I know plenty of 11-year-olds going home alone and it’s not a problem. The call from their cell phone when they leave the school and call from home when they get there. Most are home alone a couple of hours before someone else gets home.

Yes, she can walk home. We live close to school and she does walk to school in the mornings, and the bus stops in front of our house also. The cell phone is a good idea but I am wondering if she can keep track of that and a house key and not lose them. We are already having problems with her retainer holder. We had three, and at one point she couldn’t find any.

VA state Cooperative Extension/4H has a program taught to 4th graders called “Strong Families: Competent Kids”. It covers the basics that a child needs before staying alone: answering the door and phone, dealing with strangers, deciding what is a true emergency and what can wait, basic first aid, weather emergencies, fire safety, preparing healthy snacks, dealing with siblings and peer pressure. It has an entertaining workbook for kids and a parents’ guide. There are other similar “latchkey” programs- try a search on the web for some helpful hints. I taught this program for 3 years and it really makes a difference. One thing that the kids loved and remembered were role plays on what to say to a caller, someone who comes to the door, or a stranger on the street. Play the “what would you do” game- give your child a scenario and ask her how she would handle it, then discuss what would be the best response. You can do this in the car, when waiting for an appt., etc. It shouldn’t be scary, just remind her that practicing and knowing what to do will keep her safe. Make sure she has phone numbers written down by the phone and in her backpack (in case she is locked out). Is there a neighbor who you can trust with an extra key? Have her act out what she would do if she arrived home and couldn’t find her key. Develop a checklist with pictures of the things she needs to do when she gets home so she doesn’t have to rely on memory alone. Is there an activity she could do after school once or twice a week such as girl scouts or a club at school?

I was a latchkey kid at age 11 and although I managed fine, in fact did most of the cooking, it really wasn’t good for me, isolated me even more when I needed to get out and learn social skills.
I like the idea of after-school activities. My daughter was in all sorts of activities all through high school and loved it. I kept a wipe-off schedule on the door so as to know who was where and when to pick her up.

As far as the cell phone and keys, many kids keep them on an attractive sports cord around their necks.
My daughter didn’t like that — and they weren’t allowed cell phones in school anyway, outlawed to prevent drug dealing so check the rules in your school — also be careful with neck cords if violence or impulsive behaviour are problems in her school — anyway my daughter carries a slim wallet in her jeans pocket and has her key on a belt clip. This is quite stylish in youth circles, the bright-coloured mountaineering clips and nylon sports key cord.

Nothing will stop us losing things, or having them stolen — bought three Texas Instruments graphing calculators through high school, ouch — but keys and phone that are physically attached to the body help.

We *always* have spare keys at a neighbour’s place too.

Thanks for the replies. I appreciate your responses.

Where we live there are lots of other types of aftercare activities. For example, some of the karate centers run after care programs which provide karate lessons as well as homework time.

My 11 year old is doing sports after school which keeps him busy.

Frankly, I would be hesitant to leave him home every day on a regular basis. LD children are frequently less mature than their chronological peers. I leave him for about 1/2 hour at a time when I drop off or pick up my other kids.

Beth

It’s so hard to know! But it really depends on the kid. We are at this stage — but luckily we have retired neighbours on either side, plus several well-known families on the street, so though he has no spare key he is fine to go to one of these homes and phone me. I’m close, so I can get home in 15 minutes to let him in if it should happen.

We can’t have cellphones at middle school but I really don’t believe in them anyway. He has a very short walk, so I have an ‘alarm time’ — call me at work by X or I freak and call the cops, then rush home…this is our emergency plan! (And OH YES, I would — he knows that he MUST come straight home, ASAP!)

My guy is not impulsive and is very responsible — though he’s the ‘absent minded professor’ type, he is pretty trustworthy for important tasks if non academic! So this weighed greatly in my decision to begin ‘home alone’ this year. We use the sports cord around the neck…he says it feels ‘safer’ there. He has just begun this with start of school, but has been ‘practicing’ during the summer, holding key for himself and older nephew who was our ‘sitter’ - nephew there to ‘supervise’ but my son held and handled the key. The success of this was his final test. He is comfortable being home alone — this of course is also a must! No child should be home alone if not yet ready psychologically…for some, this takes longer — easier for only children, IMO.

We spent the summer rehearsing as Victoria suggested, and practicing — we have had a couple of slight bumps this first week, but luckily our neighbourhood is such that I am comfortable with a bit of ‘learning curve’, this time of year when neighbours and other kids are out and about during the ‘going home’ stage. We also have a large and very protective dog…this weighed in my decision also, and probably adds to my son’s comfort since he is never truly ‘home alone’, in his mind.

Another routine is to hang key on hook and lock door AS SOON as he arrives — as Victoria has stated many times, ONLY habits can save some of us who have ‘those’ types of memories…one can only remember so much mundane stuff while writing poetry, planning activities, or designing video games, LOL.

Good luck with your decision!

Although I didn’t originally want to get my daughter one, I have to admit I really like cell phones. My daughter had begged me for one and finally we got her a prepaid one two years ago (we would buy $20 worth of phone time every 3 months). This taught her to be very frugal with her minutes. (Although we did give her the option to earn more minutes by doing extra chores).

Although the kids aren’t suppose to have them at school (and different schools have different policies about this), if they keep them concealed and turned off during school hours it’s usually not a problem. I think they mostly don’t want cell phones used during school hours, ringing in the classroom, parents angry because their kids lost them at school, etc….

Double-check those school rules. Here it’s OK to have cell phones if they don’t ring in class, but where my daughter went to high school in the Washington DC suburbs, simple possession of a cell phone was grounds for suspension (anti-drug-dealing policy).

On the same lines, possession of any weapon, real *or* imitation, was grounds for suspension (and this was before September 11, ahead of their times) and you wouldn’t think this would be a problem for a studious kid, but there was a question when the Latin class staged the Death of Caesar, and my daughter had to manufacture the prop knife (painted balsa) and then figure how to smuggle it into the school … One darned thing after another.

Years ago I saw a most interesting program on protecting your home against crime. They tried every kind of alarm system available. The reformed robber was able to break into any of them. But he *was* caught — by the house with no alarm but nosy neighbours. The conclusion is that the best protection in general is a good social net, ie nosy neighbours. I have really good ones here now — they know *everything* :lol: . They know exactly when I go out and come back and with whom :oops:

If you leave a set of keys with at least one neighbour and even better with two in case one is out, the child can go there and get keys, and he can go to other people you know on the street and use their phone if needed. Keep that social net working.

In our area the schools are just now dropping the ban on cell phones. I think the schools have been convinced by the parents that it’s safer for the kids to have them and I agree.