Sports and Children With Learning Disabilities

My adhd inattentive child (12) plays softball and previously street hockey. She’s played softball for years but last year they reorganized the entire league. Her team was dissolved and absorbed into another team. The result was that despite her playing for years she was one of the new kids on the team. She has also had pitching lessons for years and is pretty good. The coach saw her pitch in practice and was impressed. However, he never let her pitch a game. There was a pretty good pitcher they used almost all of the time but for relief he would pick his own daughter instead of mine. In all honesty, she could not pitch. She was so bad he would then yell at her (not a nice scene) and take her out. But, he kept putting her in and once in awhile one of her friends. As far as who sat out on the bench it was never ever his daughter or her group of friends. But, my kid sat out a couple of innings very frequently. I was very annoyed and don’t like the coach for his behavior and some other things I haven’t mentioned. But, in our case I can honestly say that I don’t think my daughter sitting out had anything to do her adhd. It had more to do with the coach being a jerk. I never told him that my daughter has adhd because if I didn’t tell him he’d never know. As far as her meds I figure if it’s a medical emergency one of us as parents would always be there. Mostly, I didn’t trust the coach to treat my daughter fairly. It turns out he didn’t and he didn’t even know.

We had trouble one year when I told the coach my son was LD. But frankly, I think we would have trouble anyway that year. It was an under 8 recreational league but the coach wouldn’t let the kids even practice a position other than the one he thought they were best at (or in my son’s case would cause the least amount of harm). I spoke up because AYSO has strict rules about play time (must play same amount to extent mathematically possible) but he was really oppositional. I had my son switched to another team and it all was wonderful.

After that I described my son rather than used labels. I told his next coach that sometimes you have to show him things rather than explain them. I think labels bring expectations which can not be in our children’s favor.

But you also have to know what the philosophy of the league is. My son’s coach was out of line for the league so I got a sympathetic hearing when I complained. My son is now playing JV basketball for the paroachial school he attends. They are very clear that this is a competitive league and equal play is not guaranteed.

Beth

My poor daughter got caught coming and going in soccer.
For three or four years her coaches treated the team as if it were a competitive league (it definitely wasn’t) and the good players got all the playing time, no matter if their behaviour was so bad they should have been thrown off the field, and so the rich got richer and the spoiled got worse. When my daughter finally matured enough and worked hard enough that she was one of the better players on the team — not a star but the top 25% — they got a new coach with a new philosophy and *now* he went for equal playing time for all players no matter how bad.
Then the town decided unilaterally not to have signups for the age 13-16 teams the next year because “there wasn’t enough interest” How did they know whether was interest if they didn’t let people sign up?? And the middle schools had zero extracurricular, started as a pressure tactic by the teachers and became a standard — and this town wondered why they had ever-increasing drug and vandalism problems …
She also tried baseball for a couple of years, and never having played it before she was atrocious, but luckily in baseball with a small team they pretty much have to put you on the field and into the batting lineup — right fielder and batting bottom, but … and then the pitcher whipped a high-power one to her when she was filling at shortstop and broke her nose, and she had to play the rest of the season in a full plexiglass face mask …
Well, my kid was academically a winner but slow-developing physically with an untreatable eyesight problem (damaged retinas), so we just encouraged her to do her best, support the team, and accept the fact that life isn’t fair.
You can complain to the league when the coach crosses the line and never ever lets your kid on the field in a recreational league; if your kid is getting some playing time and lots of practice time and is having fun and learning skills, just be friendly and remind the coach with a smile from time to time.

I have 3 boys and we have been through sports galore at every level from rec to travel and HS teams

I think it is unlikely it has anything to do with her LD but is simply what you said-popularity

I wouldnt tell the coaches about her issues in the future if only to keep your mind at peace, KWIM??

It never hurts to politely ask ‘what can my daughter do to receive more play time’

Sometimes that alone can bump it up a bit. Also, is this 6 minutes within the league guidelines? Many rec teams require more time than that

My 12 yr olds soccer coach missed the first game and left him entirely off the lineup(both halves) she left for the substitute coach. The sub worked him in and treated him well in spite of that, but I spoke to her about it before the next game(well, I left a voice mail-brave, aren’t I)

He ended up starting and getting plenty of play time.

I suspect she just ‘forgot’ him-he is soooo quiet at practices, but I figured it never hurts to question or mention as long as you are respectful.

And the coach is young and needs to learn to use a list when she makes the line up, not rely on memory, or she will forget those quiet ones ;)

Don’t worry Mary, I respond most of the time via e-mails to avoid confrontation! I find myself overprotective of my daughter because of her LD and sometimes it gets me in trouble!

Roxane :roll:

[quote=”marycas”]I have 3 boys and we have been through sports galore at every level from rec to travel and HS teams

I think it is unlikely it has anything to do with her LD but is simply what you said-popularity

I wouldnt tell the coaches about her issues in the future if only to keep your mind at peace, KWIM??

It never hurts to politely ask ‘what can my daughter do to receive more play time’

Sometimes that alone can bump it up a bit. Also, is this 6 minutes within the league guidelines? Many rec teams require more time than that

My 12 yr olds soccer coach missed the first game and left him entirely off the lineup(both halves) she left for the substitute coach. The sub worked him in and treated him well in spite of that, but I spoke to her about it before the next game(well, I left a voice mail-brave, aren’t I)

He ended up starting and getting plenty of play time.

I suspect she just ‘forgot’ him-he is soooo quiet at practices, but I figured it never hurts to question or mention as long as you are respectful.

And the coach is young and needs to learn to use a list when she makes the line up, not rely on memory, or she will forget those quiet ones ;)[/quote]

Hi Jen:

Thanks for sharing your story! My daughter had the same coach last year and I don’t think I ever mentioned her LD, she played the same amount of time last year as she is playing this year. You are right, the “group of friends” or I think the ‘favorites’ are the ones who get the most playing time. There were at least 3-4 girls who played every quarter of the game for extended periods. This was the first game my daughter actually got to play more then any other time. I get very overprotective of my daughter because of her LD, I don’t know if anyone else does that, I’m sure they do. It so disgusting that things haven’t changed from when I was in school, there is and always will be the “favorites” and it’s sad.

Roxane

[quote=”JenM”]My adhd inattentive child (12) plays softball and previously street hockey. She’s played softball for years but last year they reorganized the entire league. Her team was dissolved and absorbed into another team. The result was that despite her playing for years she was one of the new kids on the team. She has also had pitching lessons for years and is pretty good. The coach saw her pitch in practice and was impressed. However, he never let her pitch a game. There was a pretty good pitcher they used almost all of the time but for relief he would pick his own daughter instead of mine. In all honesty, she could not pitch. She was so bad he would then yell at her (not a nice scene) and take her out. But, he kept putting her in and once in awhile one of her friends. As far as who sat out on the bench it was never ever his daughter or her group of friends. But, my kid sat out a couple of innings very frequently. I was very annoyed and don’t like the coach for his behavior and some other things I haven’t mentioned. But, in our case I can honestly say that I don’t think my daughter sitting out had anything to do her adhd. It had more to do with the coach being a jerk. I never told him that my daughter has adhd because if I didn’t tell him he’d never know. As far as her meds I figure if it’s a medical emergency one of us as parents would always be there. Mostly, I didn’t trust the coach to treat my daughter fairly. It turns out he didn’t and he didn’t even know.[/quote]

Another thought occurred to me related to this, something I’ve mentioned before but sometimes think needs repeating.

OK, so in sports we have on every team the three or four top stars who can do no wrong. They get all the play time, get to choose their positions, win the prizes, and are often allowed to be very rude and obnoxious because the coach doesn’t want to get in wrong with the team leaders.

The rest of us, whose kids are klutzes or physically slow bloomers or visually weak or competing with much older and larger kids, just get to sit on the sidelines and encourage our kids to participate and to do their best and look to win in other areas where they can excel.

OK, so then we come to academics, where as long as it doesn’t require a lot of time writing my kid *does* excel. Is she allowed to win her prizes and be a leader and be proud of herself? No, we have people complaining that it is somehow unfair to have their kids excluded from the honour roll because they have a hard time in academics, the honour roll has to include everybody (so why is it an honour roll and not a class list?). Then my daughter sat out all year at #2 on the waiting list for the gifted class, while kids who failed and refused to work could not lose their places, it might somehow be harmful to them, although refusing a place to a student who was ready and willing is somehow OK. We had a school superintendent who cut funding and staff to the only successful high school in the county because it was somehow “unfair” — they actually preserved and protected their books and materials, so they had more and better, and *that* couldn’t be allowed, and they actually sought out literate and qualified teachers, and *that* couldn’t be allowed either.

Beware the double standard — success in sports is wonderful and can excuse anything, but success in academics is suspicious and can’t be allowed to win.

Roxanne,
I would use this as a great opportunity for your daughter to advocate for herself. If she needs you standing behind her that is OK but it is a real important life skill to learn to speak for yourself. This would also help the coach to know that it is not just the Mom’s problem, the kid notices too.
Terry

My son asked me recently ” why is playing sports the only way to be cool?” and a mom lfriend of a non-athletic boy also asked ” why do we value kids who spend hours perfecting their pitch, but not studying science?”

Good questions , huh?

In our soccer league every player must play 1/2 the game and I do watch to make sure my inattentive son isn’t being overlooked.

This year I did tell his coach that he is dyslexic. My standard speech is “my son is dyslexic and here’s what it means….” in terms of left/right confusion, and that he does better on defense. I think dyslexia is less stigmatized than ADD so I use that word frequently.

Thanks Terry, you know I think it almost bothers me then it bothers her. I tend to be very overprotective of her. We have a very good school, however, it’s also very noticable that the students who have “the right last name” get priority and it just iritates me to know end. After I had an argument with the coach about having my daughter get more playing time, she has let her play more. I’m sure that he would have rather it came from her but after dealing with this last year with the same coach, I just got sick of it. My daughter has him for Math as well as for a coach and I think sometimes due to her having low self esteem and confidence she doesn’t dare go up to him. She said the last time she did that he told her he would put her in when he thought she should go in, so now she doesn’t dare ask him.

Roxane

[quote=”TerryB”]Roxanne,
I would use this as a great opportunity for your daughter to advocate for herself. If she needs you standing behind her that is OK but it is a real important life skill to learn to speak for yourself. This would also help the coach to know that it is not just the Mom’s problem, the kid notices too.
Terry[/quote]

Hi Terry:

I don’t know if you got my last note regarding your note, my computer had a glitch. I was saying that I think it bothers me more then it bothers her. I tend to be overprotective of my daughter especially when she is overlooked because she “doesn’t have the right last name”. Our school is good for that. It’s a good school, but that is one problem in our school. My daughter did approach him once about more playing time and he basically told her that he would put her in when he was ready to put her in. Ever since then she doesn’t ask him, she said she’s happy with the time she gets. I have fought for my daughters rights ever since preschool and she is now in the 8th grade. I’m in trouble when it comes time for her to go to the High School!

Roxane

[quote=”TerryB”]Roxanne,
I would use this as a great opportunity for your daughter to advocate for herself. If she needs you standing behind her that is OK but it is a real important life skill to learn to speak for yourself. This would also help the coach to know that it is not just the Mom’s problem, the kid notices too.
Terry[/quote]

I actually advocate for my daughter on both ends, this year academically she seems to be doing fine (or at least I think she is, I will find out when progress reports come out). I was told that I shouldn’t tell the coach that she has a learning disability because that’s like using it as a crutch. Next year, she will have to try out for the team, it’s terrible to say, but in a way I hope she doesn’t make it, it will be alot less stressful! We have a problem in our school where if you don’t have the right last name, then you don’t mean squat.

[quote=”KarenN”]My son asked me recently ” why is playing sports the only way to be cool?” and a mom lfriend of a non-athletic boy also asked ” why do we value kids who spend hours perfecting their pitch, but not studying science?”

Good questions , huh?

In our soccer league every player must play 1/2 the game and I do watch to make sure my inattentive son isn’t being overlooked.

This year I did tell his coach that he is dyslexic. My standard speech is “my son is dyslexic and here’s what it means….” in terms of left/right confusion, and that he does better on defense. I think dyslexia is less stigmatized than ADD so I use that word frequently.[/quote]

Some kids *don’t* advocate for themselves, and sometimes this is tied up with everything else going on with them.

When I was young I was paralyzingly shy. Nowadays people might talk about a social anxiety disorder, but at that time I was just left to work things out for myself for better or for worse. What that meant was that I was far too often isolated.

When I saw much the same thing with my daughter I started to advocate for her, very strongly. She is verbally gifted and creative and affectionate, but was terribly shy with new people for a long time. Each time we went to a new situation, Sunday school, preschool, kindergarten, move to a new kindergarten, and each new grade, I saw exactly the same pattern — she hung around on the outside of the group watching and listening for a very long time, often months, before joining in. The teacher would always tell me there was a problem and I would insist no there isn’t, wait and see; then my daughter would start to join in and the teacher would say how wonderful the school’s interventions had been.

In sports and social groups, since she would never ever push to the front and try to get a turn, when I saw a chaotic system where pushing was the only way I did the pushing for her. Despite being terribly quiet in public, she developed a good circle of friends, did passably in sports, and was quite popular in her own way — she sometimes told me she was the one who always got to listen to everyone else’s crises in high school.

By senior high school she started to take over most of the pushing for herself, although I once had to intervene in university when her records got botched by the computer.

She thinks I’m weird and is mad at me right now but she doesn’t have the isolation problem, so it worked.

If social relationships are part of your child’s weak areas, just telling her to advocate for herself is not going to work. After all, we have stopped telling dyslexic kids they could read if they just looked harder and we have stopped telling ADD kids they could sit and study all day if they just tried harder. You have to teach, model, and support until the child is ready to go it alone. This does not mean doing everything all the time, just providing support as needed and leading towards independence in reasonable steps.

Thank you victoria for validating my work with and on behalf of my son. He has some social anxiety, in new situations and with new teachers. He is appropriate with his friends.

As he enters the preteen years I am trying to back off when appropriate. Its always about staying on the fine line between letting him dangle out there with no support, and doing too much for him. He feels proud of himself when he can do more for himself.

I agree totally with everyone. Try to get the child to advocate for herself but if she can’t then do it for her. My daughter had a social issue on the bus once and she just couldn’t approach the bus driver so I had her write him a letter. She was really comfortable with this and the bus driver really respected her for being able to present her situation in a mature fashion.

I was in no way chastising anyone for adovating for her child. We get enough flack for that. It is just good to move the child toward self-sufficiency when possible. It’s not always possible.

Terry

I love the letter writing idea.

What other things have you all done to promote self sufficiency? Modeling , I have learned, only goes so far with my son. He doesn’t learn well this way.

He is uncomfortable on the phone, so we have practiced and role played - and this is just about calling friends! The other thing we’ve been doing is having both of our kids order for themselves in restaurants instead of me doing it for them. Its a small thing, but hard for him.

Recently his school challanged the kids to sell gift wrap as a fundraiser. My son marched over to our neighbors house (who we barely know!) and presented an awesome sales pitch. I was practically peeing in my pants it was so funny, but so great at the same time! So I know money works as a motivator for him. (he was however a little obsessive about the gift wrap - the flip side of enthusiasm )

Any practical ideas we can all employ?

Hmmm,

At the doctors. My 5 year old speaks for herself. I fill in any blanks.

At the beach when my 8 year old wants to use another child’s toy but is afraid to approach. I give her suggestions and she follows through.

Checking in at dance class. My daughter must go up to the desk herself.

The waitress only gives you one crayon. Have the child go up to the desk and ask for more crayons. My kids also order for themselves.

Bully issue. Thoroughly discuss the issue at home and have my child try the anti-bullying techniques. She is not aware, however, that I have given the teacher the “heads-up” about the problem.

My 5 year old has a 504 for her Rheumatoid arthritis but she thinks that it is up to her to let the teacher know if she can’t do something. Honestly, it may actually be up to her because I have no faith that everyone that she comes in contact with has read the 504.

Assessing situations to see when it is OK to “let it go” and don’t let it get to you. So what if the kid on the bus talks to you too much. Give the kid a break, he doesn’t know any better and no one is perfect.

When it is safe to let them venture on their own, encourage them to do so. Let them pay for things on their own.

Don’t jump every time they scream for help. Let them try to figure it out themselves first. You might encourage them to take three deep breaths. Or encourage them that there must be a way to make something work. I really jumped way too much for my first child and have been making up for it ever since.

Have them help other children. My daughter once wrote a note to the bus driver about a girl getting held down on the bus by an older boy.

Teacher them how to open all containers and packages that are in their lunch boxes. If they can’t do it THEN ask a teacher.

Things I say: “Smile at the World and the World smiles back.” “We’re a team, so you are expected to do what you can do.” “People are nicer to children with manners.” “Things aren’t fair always, lets see what we can do about this.”

I guess my basic philosophy is that no one looks out for your own interests as well as yourself so take the control when possible. If you can’t handle the problem then GET HELP from others.

Terry

Gee Terry, do you think it will work on my husband? If he asks me where the garbage bags are one more time?!?!

Hee hee. I find myself sometimes trying to get my hubby more independant also but it is hard to teach an old dog new tricks. I’m so glad that when we married I didn’t coddle him because it is hard enough as it is getting him to THINK. He does his own laundry, has his own bank account, is responsible for certain bills etc…. He does have ADHD but I didn’t know it when I married him. He has developed many compensating skills to deal with his issues but when there is something important to me that needs to happen, I leave him a note (or several!)

Terry

P.S. Garbage bags? Say “Gee I’m not sure where they are, where did you find them last time?” Wink, wink

Hi Karen:

I think part of my problem of letting go and letting my daughter fend for herself, is that she is still immature for her age, she’s on a 6th grade reading level and she’s in the 8th grade, her actions are more of a much younger child. I even sometimes have trouble with that, it’s embarrasing sometimes. I never realized that having a learning disabled child was going to be so difficult. I love her so much, and my motherly instincts take over and I take her under my wing and protect her. Sometimes I have to tell myself, if you back down maybe she would grow, but it’s very difficult for me to do-I don’t know why.

[quote=”KarenN”]Thank you victoria for validating my work with and on behalf of my son. He has some social anxiety, in new situations and with new teachers. He is appropriate with his friends.

As he enters the preteen years I am trying to back off when appropriate. Its always about staying on the fine line between letting him dangle out there with no support, and doing too much for him. He feels proud of himself when he can do more for himself.[/quote]

My daughter is getting older (15) and I notice her little self-satisfied smile when she orders for herself at a restaurant or gets a salesperson to wait on her. These little steps are skills some mothers of elementary kids take for granted, but it has been very hard for my girl to reach the stage where she can “speak up”. She even commented to me recently how “I can do this now” when we were at the shoe store. :)

I’ve had other moms look down on me for being “over-protective”, but I say not all children are the same (duh), and some need more time to develop certain skills. I have never used the ADD defense, I never wanted her to use it either. But I have always just told her that she is a “late-bloomer” just like I was. My goal was to let her know that I love her the way she is, and to give her encouragement - but not pressure.

Just this past weekend her freshman drill team had their first away
football game to go to which I got to go as a chaperone. The girls had a long bus ride, dinner at a mall, costume change, it was organized chaos! I was lectured 3 separate times by one of the experienced moms who was in charge about helping my daughter too much. All I said was a thank you for “showing me the ropes”. What does she need know about my kid? If it were the coach/director, that would be different.

Chris

When I got the nasty lectures from people who didn’t know me or my kid and came and yelled at us out of the blue, I developed a stock answer: I looked them straight in the eye and asked if they would like to take her on for twenty-four or forty-eight hours. You never saw people back down so fast.

Set your own goals that are specific to your own child. To be like other kids would be nice but not important to the plan. I was the only Mom to actually ATTEND Preschool with my youngest. For her, this was the only way to get her to Preschool because of intense SEPARATION ANXIETY (I think it may have been an extension of her OCD.) I gradually got out of the room but it took several months. Other parents would question me but I always blew them off saying that every child has their challenges and this is my daughter’s challenge (they don’t have to know all her challenges.) Once the parents get to know me they have a little more respect but I really don’t let their opinions sway me. They don’t know my child or do any research on parenting. You guys, however, do sway me. Your a great group of ladies!
Terry

I was just thinking, as I read through the thread, how WISE you are…you’ve got a great uncommon-sense take on things. As for great ladies…’takes one to know one’!

I have a young friend who is finally focused on a career (yes, dyslexic) after two extra years in HS compared to his same-age peers…this has been a great ‘worry reliever’ to me for my son as far as ‘catching up’. Cuz, with two extra years of HS under his belt, maturity-wise — he is ‘caught up’! Was NOT ready for ‘the world’ last year…but I am fully confident he will be at the end of this year. He has wise parents who have encouraged him to ‘take his time’. We will do this too — who cares if you don’t rush off to college right on time? Have another friend, a very good student who is back to HS because his college messed him around and did not decline until it was too late for other options — so he’s coming back to up his average to guarantee acceptance next year. Again — what’s the rush?

So I like your take also, rcampbell…’she’s a late bloomer like me’… I rather PREFER those late roses, to tell you the truth — the June ones are lovely, it’s true, and in such numbers…but I’m really enjoying the gorgeous few that popped this week too. It’s just my own preference that says the September sort, while fewer, are sweeter by far! (happen to feel the same about the kids!)

What really bugs me is that I often see articles pushing ‘early literacy’ as a cure for sub-standard literacy rates…’let’s start them reading at 3! THEN they’ll all do great on the grade 3 standardized testing!’…oh so stupid! If we look at the country with the highest literacy rate in the world, I believe it is Norway - where they don’t begin formal reading instruction until age 7.

Why don’t we just give them time? (combined with effective teaching, of course, and remediation as required!) I don’t think the teachers need this pressure either — why not just have standards and tests that the kids must meet, but not necessarily at certain ages? Those who don’t meet them can be flagged for extra attention…or just given more time, more instruction, and lots of encouragement…

Elizabeth — couldn’t agree more.

Kids in my family bloom early verbally, late physically, and very late socially. I wanted to keep mine at home through second year university, because she was perfectly ready for academics but no way ready to manage her own budget or meals. Her (former) stepfather threw a wrench in the works insisting she be out the door on her eighteenth birthday (there are reasons he’s former). This caused repercussions that are still causing serious trouble four years later.

Back in the dark ages we had criteria that were supposed to be reached step by step when you were ready — they were called grades. My Grade 9 class ranged from me at age 13 to two friends at age 17, and My Grade 13 class went from me at age 16 to my lab partner at age 26. I was teased a little but usually in a friendly way for being so young, and the older students were praised highly for sticking to things and coming back to school — the learning atmosphere in general was very positive. Then somebody came along with the bright idea that everyone in the same school grade had to be exactly the same age (why??) and we got to the present system where every classroom is its own one-room school with eight years’ worth of reading level spread. And the whole theory of what grade you’re “supposed” to be in so it’s a big source of embarrassment and you can’t put someone in their appropriate learning level because they would be out of place. Well, if everyone went to the class when they were ready then the people of different ages woudn’t be out of place! That’s what happens in colleges nowadays — and I like my adult students; they are the ones who know why they are there and what they are doing, and they take the most away from the class.

I agree with what the rush. We had our LD son repeat fourth grade—not exactly what the experts tend to recommend but it seemed right for us. He transferred to the parochial school where his siblings were—which was ahead of the public school. We took him out of special ed at that point and went through a pretty rough transition last year with a much increased work load. Still, he made the honor roll for the first time last year in his whole life.

All that was good but there was def. a review element so this year I thought would be the true test. He is doing wonderful. He is still uneven with his grades but not as much as last year. (last year every weeks folder would have an F or two and now the lowest are C’s). And best of all he suddenly has taken charge of his own work. He tells me when he needs help—tonight it was an English work sheet but does the rest independently (and I resist my impulse to correct the spelling). I truly had got to the point that I thought I was going to have to sit next to him all the way through high school!!

I see him really growing up…and can actually see him surviving middle school now. He is on his own clock…and it seems to be set a year behind but so what.

Beth

Roxane,
I never addressed your statement that you care more than your daughter sometimes about things. I think that’s OK because we are ahead of them. You have the forsight to understand that this is not a good thing. I think that a coach is more-likely to do something if he thinks SHE cares but I think that it is good for us to help our kids even when they don’t see the benefits. Let us know how you make out with this coach. He sounds a little tough to deal with but I expect he has some tough parents to deal with too (like the ones that only care about winning.)

Terry

But I don’t know how you evade the social repercussions now — Beth was very lucky to have the school change option.

I didn’t hold my son back because I feared the social repercussions for a very tall, verbally adept child who already saw retention as a shameful punishment for a terrible crime. He had been terrified in SK by a teacher who was threatening them with the terrible punishment of retention from the first week. “If YOU can’t do that, you won’t be ready for Grade 1 and you’ll have to stay here with ME again next year!!!” Changing schools was not an option.

When we ran into reading failure in Gr. 1, though I would have liked to hold him back for a second year in Gr. 1, I felt that he would see it as punishment. I feared the repercussions of THAT more than I feared the struggle that seemed to lay ahead…unfortunately we had a bad Gr. 2 experience as well…but it’s behind us now. And, while he’s not honour roll by any means, he is taking responsibility for his own learning — he wants that C and he will do what is necessary to get it! For us, that’ll do for now.

I have often envied you though, Beth — I think your guy has had the gift of expert remediation AND time to ‘catch up’. I think you will find he’ll continue to improve and be more like Dear Old Dad (his dad, I mean, not DAd of the Boards) than you might have believed possible a few years ago…

Still, my daily phonecall told me to expect a nice surprise in DS’s math book when I get home today — isn’t it silly what is exciting to an LD mom? ‘You know you need to get a LIFE when…’

Elizabeth,

I still wait anxiously to go through the “Monday” folder. I wonder if you ever get over the fear that something has gone wrong and the thrill of your child doing it right. I certainly don’t approach those folders the same way for my other two kids.

We were lucky with moving schools. My son also helped make the decision, although he changed his mind after I got everybody else on board (e.g., got asst. principal to agree to accomodations). I refused to change mine. He was angry at me for a good part of the year last year about it, especially since the school was a lot more work. I think he turned around at the end of the year when 1. he started to be able to do some of the work on his own and probably more importantly 2. he started going to “basketball club” after school. The P.E. teacher took an interest in him and he decided that one good thing about this school is that you can play sports earlier! The parochial schools here have JV sports for 5th and 6th graders while public doesn’t start until 7th. Plus public schools here are huge—he would have little chance of being on a team there. So he is on the JV basketball team this year and I saw him play yesterday. He made one basket in the game but clearly is second string. But hey, I never would have ever thought he could do this a few years ago.

Beth

NOPE, I don’t think I’ll ever get over it! Turned out she marked homework — most of which we did very much together, as it was very hard for my son. (decimal notation). So the mark was a good one! BUT…I agreed with him that we did not need to tell her I helped him (she could probably tell, as the second page, which I helped with, was perfect — vs the first page which was obviously NOT perfect!) since it was homework and not a test — and at least it gives the impression that he CARES about his homework, even if he doesn’t quite have the concepts to the level of independent work. (and hopefully, that I am here to help make her job easier!)

I’ll take anything I can get! At this point, I value his growing independence more than I worry about the acquisition of skills — remedial is offered to everyone in middle school, so if he flubs the test, we will likely be offered some assistance…

I don’t worry about helping my son with homework. He got 100% on the English paper I helped with. He would have flunked it without me. He saw it as me helping him study for his test. I am more interested in learning than in grades and doing something completely wrong on your own is not very useful. I still have to reteach some math and lots of English and I don’t worry about it. I just see it as helping my son learn.
I am just glad I am not reteaching all of it any more!!

Beth

me too!!! And I can see improvements of things I have harped on for years! IE ‘keep your columns straight’ — decimals are hard for him, but he sees the value of that decimal point — anchors everything. I just hope they don’t rush along over decimals and place value — seems they always have in the past, and we are just starting to have it really ‘click’ —when we jump on to the next thing…ah, me…we will lose our teacher to maternity leave in October, so I am not going to worry, we will just take it day by day.

But the notebook is beautiful…on lines, pages and questions clearly identified…so we ARE getting ahead!

And I don’t think place value really clicked for me until gr. 8 or so…decimals may have taken longer. I remember thinking ‘WOW, if only I’d known years ago how this worked!’

It seems so unfair sometimes that he got MY math abilities and my hubby’s reading and writing talents…seems to have my language ability though, so we will keep plodding. I know we have it much easier than some because the oral expressive/receptive is a strength.

Why would I get a notice about these notes that don’t have anything to do with my topic of Sports and Children with Learning Disabilities? I’m new to this so I’m a little confused. At the top of this message the Index says “Parenting a Child with ADHD” however the viewtopic number matches the one in my e-mail for a response to my topic. :?:

[quote=”Elizabeth TO”]me too!!! And I can see improvements of things I have harped on for years! IE ‘keep your columns straight’ — decimals are hard for him, but he sees the value of that decimal point — anchors everything. I just hope they don’t rush along over decimals and place value — seems they always have in the past, and we are just starting to have it really ‘click’ —when we jump on to the next thing…ah, me…we will lose our teacher to maternity leave in October, so I am not going to worry, we will just take it day by day.

But the notebook is beautiful…on lines, pages and questions clearly identified…so we ARE getting ahead!

And I don’t think place value really clicked for me until gr. 8 or so…decimals may have taken longer. I remember thinking ‘WOW, if only I’d known years ago how this worked!’

It seems so unfair sometimes that he got MY math abilities and my hubby’s reading and writing talents…seems to have my language ability though, so we will keep plodding. I know we have it much easier than some because the oral expressive/receptive is a strength.[/quote]

Roxane — on this board unfortunately when you add a new topic or go off on a sideline you can’t change the thread. So you are still getting notices even though the discussion has moved on. If you are a registered user there is supposed to be a way to turn notifications on and off. Personally I have just quit using the notification and check new messages myself.

Those of us who were used to the old system will still get off ‘on a tangent’…although we wander, it is hopefully all related to the ‘greater topic’ of ‘LD Parenting’…if you stick around you will be chatting also!
But I guess we should be starting a new thread…