Where To Go TO Meet Friends

I’ve been thinking a lot about this topic. Bear with me here…

I can consider myself social and my son also social. We both have LDs, his very, very sever. We both actually LIKE being alone a good portion of the day. I wonder if that is just sort of part of the package. NTs don’t seem to understand it just as I have a hard time understanding them. Anyway, please think thoug if your daughter feels alone. Maybe she prefers it that way.

If she is loney, and it does sound that way since she used to be outgoing and now is not, please seriously consider if she is clinically depressed. LDers run a much higher risk of depression and anxitey disorder than the general population (I can no longer find the article on this. If I run across it again I will post it for you). I’ve been on meds for depression and it made a world of difference for me. If she is suffering from depression she should look at treatment. No need to suffer needlessly.

Good luck to you,
Barb

Uh, duh! I didn’t answer your question!

I found Church committees are a good place to meet people. Since its a committee (a group) you can particpate to the extent you’d like. The people on the committe share a common interest so its easier to make small talk and the people tend to be nice.

That, of course, may not be her cup of tea at all!

Think about what interests her. Animals? Volunteer at the humane society. Children? Lots of places to help out available then! What type of job has see? Many times those skills can be transfered to a volenteer position.

Maybe she’d like to be a “big sister” to an LD child?

The trick is to get her interested in something she likes, something that can take the focus off of her.

Barb

I think I need to get philosophical about this. While clinical depression is certainly a possibility it sounds like your daughter is suffering from BDOTM (being dumped on too much)

It is really easy to put a loser tag on a young kid and when that kid grow up too often that tag remains and become almost permanent. I suspect that deep down she has trust issues. Even depressed people have friendships. Perhaps deep down she is suspicious of people and their motives and then add to that the feeling that she has always had that she just doesn’t fit and withdrawal becomes survival.

I would guess most LDers feel like undeserving losers a good share of the time but we need to know that we are even more deserving that most. We have been told that it is good and holy to be humble. It’s not. That dance is for suckers.

The best advice I can give you is to do what you can to let her know that she is deserving of all that is good. Build her up as best you can. Let her know often that she is loved and that just the fact that she is a human being she deserves all the love there is to be sent her way. Mostly though she deserves and requires self love.

She needs to reward both her successes and her failures knowing that all her efforts are noble and honorable. She needs to know in the very fiber of her being that she is OK and the world is not always OK.

She is not a loser and she needs to know that the real losers are the ones with the tags and the lables.

Hi,

I don’t feel like a loser. And my son has no self esteen issues. I post on another board more then here and very few of those people feel like “losers” most of the time.

I kind of feel unconfortable when I hear that people with disablities are more deserving than others. We might need more things to make the playing feild level but thats not really the same as deserving.

I hope we can agree to disagree here.

Thank you,
Barb

Thank you for your input. You are right about her feeling like a loser..she actually uses that term about herself sometimes.

She has some other mental health issues, such as anxiety. She has also been clinically depressed in the past, went to counseling, and took Celexa for approx. 2 years. About a year ago, she decided to wean herself off of them.

I don’t think she feels, “dumped on.” I just think she feels different and like an outcast. Because of her extreme shyness, she has trouble talking to people and hates that.

Through DVR, she obtained employment in a large retail store doing maintenance (janitorial). She does quite well and is a hard worker, but still is always anxious and worries about customers asking questions and her not knowing the answer.

Like I said before, I’ve often felt there are probably others with similar situations who are sitting home alone and lonely like her.

I never meant to imply that she deserves any special treatment or anything, just looking for ideas of how to help her meet others.

Another low-risk social activity may be a local cycling club; it’s a sport that attracts shy folks and has its share of unique characters. OUr local club has “beginner” level rides (which aren’t that beginner; they’re about 12-13 miles long, but believe it or not it doesn’t take too long to get to the point where you can do that fairly easily). IT’s also something that you can enjoy doing on your own. (When you’re riding in a group you don’t have to talk to anybody but you can if you want to :-))

[quote:f979d5af5d=”bgb”]Hi,

I don’t feel like a loser. And my son has no self esteen issues. I post on another board more then here and very few of those people feel like “losers” most of the time.

I kind of feel unconfortable when I hear that people with disablities are more deserving than others. We might need more things to make the playing feild level but thats not really the same as deserving.

I hope we can agree to disagree here.

Thank you,
Barb[/quote]

Barb I would think thay you would agree that many LDers feel defeated and generally have lower self esteem than many “normals”. I still feel very defeated alost to the point it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. I think that a good run of success would help most people with LD but Lders quickly learn that there are more defeats than victories. That is why I gave advice about building up the LDer’s self esteem.

People with disabilities should be given a level playing field but those of us with hidden disabilities rarely are given that accomodation. For every wheelchair ramp there is a door od ignorance slammed in our faces. Perhaps you have gotten the breaks you deserve. Most of us never will :(

If we compare our plight to those who benifitted from affirmative action it could certainly be argued that we are many times more deserving of special treatment than they are.

We most certainly deserve special treatment. I would go so far to say we deserve extra special treatment but I doubt that compassionate conservatism would agree unless perhaps we were all employed by ENRON.

…. or Haliburton. :lol:

Julann,
I have a 22 year old daughter with severe learning disabilities and I certainly understand the unique challenges (friends, employment, transportation, and life when parents are gone) that are faced by this population. Unfortunatley, I don’t know what to do either. Currently, I’m trying to connect with other parents of young adults with LD to look at the problems and work together to offer our children a more independent and fuller life. I have some ideas for grants but have had difficulty finding other families…though I know they’re out there. I’m in NC.