holiday madness!

I have noticed the same thing. We have sometimes gotten our act together to create two routines: an in-school routine, and an out-of-school routine. We have done the best job in the summer, since there is more time to work out the kinks, but then later in the year, we can refer to the “summer rules” and they know what we are talking about. I think it is important to schedule activities every day if possible, including lots of outside time. This past year, we have been dealing with a number of new stresses, and haven’t put as much energy into this as we should, and the results are more negative. Of course, my kids are older now, and the youngest has gotten a lot more training in appropriate behavior than my oldest did (we were learning how to do it on him!), but there are still issues. There was a verbal battle just two days ago. It’s usually computers or the car that cause the most distress.

So I would schedule something every day, and have them plan it. Football at the park, cookie baking, making dinner, hiking, crafts projects, whatever you can get them to do, as long as it isn’t shopping or something video-related. You might also consider creating a calm-down time, say after lunch, where they have to do something alone and quiet, like reading or crossword puzzles or something of that nature, for a given period of time. This only works well for the younger ones, but it can be helpful to buy you some sanity. Having a similar meal schedule and bedtimes helps, too. The biggest problem we end up having is lack of sleep, or going to sleep late and sleeping in until noon or later, which disrupts any attempt at scheduling. So bedtimes really matter.

The other thing I have done is to make my helping them contingent on their helping me. For instance, if they want me to drive them somewhere, they have to earn it by being polite, or quiet, or playing separately, or helping me clean the house, or whatever. Having them do housework every day really seems to help, especially with the hyperactive ones. While they complain and try to avoid it to start with, once they get going, most ADHD-types really like physical work, and behave much better after doing a good job of cleaning or lifting or whatever is needed. You might want to incorporate that into the daily routine.

That’s my 2 cents worth! Hope it is helpful.

I found I could make my life a lot happier and have less useless stress by thinking seriously about goals and priorities.

Getting thoughtful personal gifts for everyone: high priority
Fancy wrapping: low priority, the thought goes into the gift that lasts, not the wrapping to throw out.
Making the house look like a magazine cover: very low priority, if it’s clean enough to be healthy, fine.
Having a happy time with my daughter: very high priority
Doing what everyone else thinks is proper: low priority, just enough to stay under the radar
Doing every single thing on some list of rituals: zero priority

Once I remember that a load goes off my shoulders.

I remember one incident when my daughter was about nine. There was a college bonfire and a student friend asked us to join him in his personal tradition of roasting marshmallows on the coals afterwards. I thought that would be great fun (and how nice of a twenty-year-old to ask a mother in her forties and a little kid!) so we went and roasted marshmallows at midnight. A passerby was so surprised she came over and made a comment about a child being out so late. Well, I answered, what will be her treasured memories when she grows up — a midnight marshmallow party, or being put to bed exactly at nine every night?

I haven’t been able to have a party for a while with the house renovations (insulation and turkey don’t mix), but when I do, people really enjoy them. I invite everyone I know, cook a ton of food, and then the house crams full of people who always bring more food and come and help me in the kitchen. I get them all serving food and drinks to each other and finding more chairs and putting music on the CD; they start to talk and get to know each other and all have a wonderful time. No fancy decorations, no themes— people figure out how to amuse themselves. And they love the do-it-yourself and more come back next time.

Once you stop overdoing the cooking and decorating and shopping and trying to make everything perfect, just do things to the level that you and everyone else enjoy, and instead look for some fun ways to spend the holidays with your loved ones, then they start to be holidays again.

Happy holidays to all of you.
I’m going to be doing what I love, skiing down Mont Tremblant with a friend. :lol:

Well, today is better! Myolder daughter went to my mom’s overnight to help her decorate and clean. It gives her some responsibility and gives each of the girls some alone time. Although she is 13 I do have “quiet time” every day in my house for both kids. I’ve always done that. Partly because I need it. They don’t have to sleep but they do have to do something quiet like read or watch a movie. Both kids are fine with that because that’s the way it’s always been. Steve, you are so right about that quiet time being helpful!

Victoria, I also subscribe to your philosophy! I simplify where I can and try to do what is truly meaningful. I do bake a lot with help from my girls. We give our cookies to teachers, neighbors and distribute them to homeless people. This year we didn’t even put up all of the decorations! I’ve also learned from experience that it’s not good to schedule too many activities in our household—particularly at night! We do what we can handle and it’s always enough! It just gets hard because no matter how much we do these things there are so many outside influences and it’s just natural for the kids to get wound up! Isn’t it? Or, is it just my kids?

I get stressed when they start fighting! I can handle just about anything except that! I know kids fight and it’s normal but it’s the one thing that makes me lose my patience!

You know when I think about it— it was generally pretty stressful for other reasons this past week! Not only was it the last week before Christmas but two days ago it was 10 degrees in the morning when I left for work. Not that big of a deal except the heater broke down. Then when I came home the cat was dead (not related to the heater), the toilet was broken, and I still had all of the little Christmas jobs that needed to be done that night!