I have a third grade girl for all am. ( I am her sped teacher) and I am in the classroom with her for one hour in afternoon. She will not let me teach her anything. She elbows me and tells me to be quiet when I try to teach her. She is sooooo disrespectful to me. I have tried parental involvement, they are very supportive, but she does not care about any thing. Consequences do not work. She is trying to battle with me constantly. Any suggestions. The sadest part is she could be so smart if she would focus. I feel like I have failed as a teacher. please help!!!
Re: OUT of CONTROL!!!
Tough situation. I know my child HATED it when the sped. teacher tried to help her in the regular classroom. She felt that all eyes were on her, needing help. It also broke her concentration to have another teacher talking to her. Even 1:1, she is very sensitive to having someone lean over her or get too close to her when she is working. Drives her nuts. Kids is sped. often feel like they are being treated like babies. Is she like this for her regular ed. teacher? How about when mod or dad tries to help her with homework? I would definitely talk with her— state what you need (to be sure that she is understanding the work? to not go home with bruises? to be treated respectfully?) and help her state what she needs (wants)— then brainstorm possible solutions that would be acceptable to both of you. I am often amazed at the solutions kids can figure out for themselves, and this kid sure sounds like she needs to be in control!
Re: OUT of CONTROL!!!
Dear Amy,
I appreciate your situation. You are not alone. You aren’t a failure…you’ve just shifted to a different curriculum. Here are a couple of general things I have been taught that occasionally work:
1. Turn off as many lights as you can. If a person is overstimulated by visual events, you can at least reduce their intensity. If this provides her and you some relief, there’s an avenue to continue pursuing. I have had some successes with using the Irlen method.
2. A wise clinician once shared this tip with me, “If you are almost instantly angry and frustrated for no immeadiate reason when working with someone..you are probably being manipulated.” Don’t underestimate the intelligence of your friend by measuring her academic mastery or age. She may not be able to articulate what the issue is, but she is remarkably adept at expressing it, or at least bringing it to your attention. School is a reasonablly good forum for dealing with information, but not very effective with emotions.
That she choses to engage you is a good thing, that she has to use her current language of refusals and elbows is unfortunate. You need to disengage yourself. She is not disrespecting you, she doesn’t have much of an idea of who you really are…she is disrespectful to who (or more than likely what) she thinks you are. You are probably educational frustration literally personified.
3. My suspicion is she doesn’t like people coming up from behind her or crowding over her. What happens if you take this person for a walk? Where is the most common ground you both can share? Find that and build from there.
Learning to balance patience and boundaries, flexibility and consistency is a beautiful and intricate artform…think of dancing. You can’t win any war of wills, because in fighting it you’ve already lost. You already have control, you don’t have to fight for it. If you’re feeling a failure, that’s only you giving youself the message to try something different.
4. It’s not personal, it’s your job…enjoy it. In my entire career in education both as a student and teacher I don’t recall teacher suffering being anything more than a student pastime. If you suffer it won’t help anyway…so why do it?
…enjoy your Spring, DEZ
How long have you been this child’s teacher? How was she last year with her teachers? I have yet to meet the child who truly does not care but I’ve met more than a few who can ‘fake’ it fairly well.
If this is an old practice of this child, that’s one thing. If it’s new to this year, that’s another.
In either case, I would be very firm when I felt an elbow. I would point out gently but firmly that I do not elbow my students and I expect them not to elbow me. We keep our elbows to ourselves. Elbows hurt and it is not an appropriate way to interact with another person at school.
When she told me to be quiet, I would ask her simply ‘how can I teach you if I am quiet?” Teachers speak their thoughts because their thoughts invite you to have thoughts of your own and that’s called learning. Now tell me how you think I can be quiet and still teach?”
When there’s no good answer to that forthcoming, start talking and teaching again.
Parents cannot demand that a child respect a teacher. It would be nice if everything could be that easy but sadly it’s not. Her constant battles with you may be a sign she is uncomfortable with her placement in special ed. but even if so, that discussion needs to be had as well. It may be that no one ever explained why she is in the class she’s in. In gentle, positive ways, that truth may need to be told that she’s there to be given all the extra attention she deserves.