teenage nld

Hi, I read your post last week and hoped that you would get some responses from close to home. Perhaps you still will. Just in case and wanting to make sure you feel welcome here, I will jump in. I have a NVLD son who is now 21 and in college. He fits the label in some ways, but not in others. I am a special education teacher and have had students who seem to be NVLD. It is not that easy a diagnosis to get around here. Still you and I know the realities. If I can be of help please let me know.

Thanks for replying Angela. Didn’t hold out much hope for Great Britain as nobody has heard of NLD over here. I actually worked in my sons primary school as one-one support for children with learning difficulties for 7 years. Having a son 21 years old, you may be able to settle my mind. My son is ‘on the mild end of the NLD spectrum’ but one phrase from all the ‘stuff’ i have read over the years has stuck im my mind - that children with NLD always feel like the outsider looking in and this will become more profound as they get older because their world gets bigger and scarier. This is definitely true of my son. He seems to have no connection or anything in common with his peers. He goes to school, is very well behaved, likes a structured day but has no social life whatsoever. Did you have these concerns and how did you overcome them?
Thanks
Wendy

Hi Wendy,
While my son’s educational testing concluded that he has a Nonverbal Learning Disability there is not a medical diagnosis by that name, so we finally accept that he is on the autism spectrum - Aspergers Syndrome. He is very smart, very verbal, but has reading and spelling disabilities as well as motor and social difficulties. Our doctor indicated that since Aspergers is a syndrome it is possible for it to improve. The doctor felt that our son could lead a “normal” life although some aspects would be on his own terms. Because of the serious learning disabilities we enrolled our son in a small private high school. He did well there and had some friends on campus, but there were very few off campus social events. After high school, he took a year off because he was very tired and very stressed. Then he went away to college. He is about 100 miles from us and living in the dorm. He is now in his third year and each year has gotten easier. The first year was so frustrating, the second year was lonely, but this year is so much better. He has made friends in his dorm and is doing things with the guys. I just see him on a developmental curve that is years behind most his age, but he is making progress. We have provided support along the way, with counselors etc. It wasn’t until he was about 20 that we had the “what’s wrong with me discussion”. We now talk pretty openly about the implications of Aspergers on his life. My hope is that just as you and I might say that we are having an off day because our allergies are acting up, our son will say, “it’s just my aspergers”. You know your son. Guide him forward. For now he may often prefer being alone, but look for opportunites for him to venture out to meet people who share common interests. The counselor we found specializes in Aspergers and it seemed helpful for our son to hear that some of his concerns are common.