New Here and at a loss

Long story short, I’m a mom who had learning/school issues growing up and have ADHD and my oldest son is ADHD non hyper (he’s very shy and quiet). Although he struggled we worked though it and is on his road to graduating in 2 years. Nothing major, some struggles but nothing we couldn’t work through.

Now on to my struggle with my 7 year old. My youngest is in 2nd grade and to say he’s struggling is an understatement. In kindergarten he showed signs of issues within weeks and luckily the school intervened and started testing immediately. At that time they said he was “on the spectrum” with non specific learning disabilities. Through the first year of K and into 1st grade we had many meetings and testing and there was worry if he could ever learn or catch up with his peers. By the end of 1st grade he was doing much better socially and even started to do some math and reading with the help of his IEP, special ed, OT, speach and other resources. His reading and writing was way behind but he was approaching grade level in math.

Over the summer we worked non stop trying to catch up, we still had a tough time with writing and math but his reading skills went through the roof.

Fast track to today, he’s reading at a 4.6 grade level (he’s in second) but he’s only testing at a 1.3 in spelling, 1.5 in math (he’s regressed dramatically), and they can’t get him to write alone at all to evaluate. He can copy something in front of him but can’t write at all on his own. He used to be able to spell a tiny bit, now he wont/can’t at all. Flash cards dont’ help, he’ll memorize it then forget within hours. He can barely add 2+2 some days, most days then out of the blue he’ll do math problems that he shouldn’t know. He can read really big/long words but can’t spell cat.

His family doctors doesn’t agree with his diagnosis, only that he is ADHD. The school has his IEP but all that is doing saying how they “think” they should work with him but nothing on how to help him learn.

They finally agreed last week to retest him (his 3 years was next fall) since we are seeing such a HUGE difference in abilities but they aren’t helping or working with us at all. We keep getting “oh he can do the work, he just doesn’t want to”.

Final straw was last week him coming home sobbing that “he’s stupid, no one likes him, he doesn’t want to try because then the teacher will figure out he can’t and they’ll laugh at him”. Since he’s so emotional any ways (one of the things they are working with in OT) I took it with a grain of salt. I hired a private tutor and today was the first day. I sat where I could hear him and just like at home, they were doing basic K math (1+1, 1+2) and he couldn’t do it. He’s doing worse than he did 2 1/2 years ago.

So what’s the next step? How and who should I go through to test him to find out what’s really going on? Other than being a little hyper he’s an amazing good and sweet child. Everyone that knows or works with him always says how much they love him, how fun he is but they’ve met a child like him. His IQ test showed he was in the normal range. But why would a child he reads so well not be able to write, spell or do math? He also can tell you tons of facts about things he loves like science.

I’m really doubting the autism dx, can see the ADHD but there just seems like there is something more.

Oh he also has very poor motor skills and that is something he is working on in OT. He was always able to say words but could never have a convo (he would talk but wouldn’t talk back or answer questions) but since being in speech for 2 years he’s really doing well, almost can’t tell there was an issue other than problems with he, she, who, they and all that.

Sorry so long and jumbled, it’s late, been a long and emotional day and my coffee is wearing off but I can’t sleep I”m so distressed.