Improving teacher/school relationship

but speaking as a parent I think you are on the losing end of a long battle. You can invest tons of time and energy into the school and IEP meetings, and very little will “trickle down” to your son.

Have you considered homeschooling? Many of us have found that the child is much better off when our time and energy are directly invested into the child rather than the school. Most LD kids fare much better in terms of both self-esteem and educational attainment when homeschooled.

I was very active in my daughter’s private school through 2nd grade. We started homeschooling in 3rd grade, and the entire family experienced a great deal of relief. My daughter has done *much* better academically at home with one-on-one instruction using curriculum materials hand-picked (by me) to meet her needs. Also, it’s been a great deal more rewarding and more fun for all of us than school ever was!

There are some excellent homeschooling boards at http://www.vegsource.com that you might want to check into to see what other parents are doing.

Mary

This teacher’s behavior is inappropriate for all children, let alone a child with reading difficulties.

You can meet with the principal and change his teacher due to personality conflicts. It would help to have a kind and understanding teacher.

Homeschooling is a wonderful option. We started this year and it was an adjustment for us, but a relief.

We had wonderful teachers and an extensive IEP that was read over by a lawyer to make sure it met my son’s needs, but the school just didn’t follow it. They pretended to — but basically, they didn’t have the time, or the proper programs.

Good luck to you.

I agree that there’s no way to go but downhill with this particular teacher. She sounds like a nightmare! IMO, she oughtn’t to be teaching anybody - she’s back in the Dark Ages. Sadly, her type is never helped by re-education. You’re in a no-win situation with her.

Both options mentioned by others: ideally, homeschooling, but if that’s not feasible, then request another teacher. If she’s the only teacher, I’d look for another school. To me, it’s that serious. I don’t see any possibility for things to improve the rest of this year and if he also stands to have her next year, then it’s critical that he be moved from her class. She’s practicing a form of bullying, not teaching.

Yes, from what we see here, it sounds like you have an impossible situation. And IF the reports are unbiased, you need to do something about it.

On the other hand … I have been that horrible teacher. All it takes is a rabble-rouser in the class who causes trouble and then gets everybody on his side to play “blame the teacher” when she tries to deal with him. The teacher has to deal with the trouble or have chaos, the other kids see her being “mean”,. the trouble-maker suggests more trouble that they can cause her — after all, she’s “mean” and she deserves it — and suddenly the teacher is spending far too much time stopping riots to be able to teach.

Threatening to rip up work is clearly inappropriate — IF she actually said this ( in a rabble-rousing situation, all reports are questionable, as the trouble-maker tells the other students stories to repeat.) If she’s stressed out of her mind with an unmanageable class and an unsupportive administration, she may be doing things which she would never want to do.

Then — you say your son was reading on grade level last year, and has been backed up to work that is too easy. On the one side, maybe your son is correct and the teacher is just giving him too easy work so she doesn’t have to do anything with him. On the other side, I have far too often found myself in the situation where I am told a student or a class is working on grade level, and after a few days I find that the reason they passed the tests was that the teacher told them the answers. Makes for high marks and happy campers, until the day of judgement comes and they are tested on an outside standard — and of course lovely Miss Smith last year who never said a harsh word couldn’t possibly be at fault, so guess who takes the fall? Me, for being honest and actually giving a real test, of course.

I would strongly suggest having your son evaluated by someone outside the school — a formal evaluation if you can afford it, but an inexpensive informal evaluation by a tutor or retired teacher will tell you whether this year’s teacher is slacking off, or whether last year’s teacher was giving “help” that verged on cheating.

I would also suggest that you visit the classroom in session, for several days if possible. If it is too much for the teacher to handle, you can find your son another placement without making negative comments that will only make the situation worse and destroy the rest of her career. If on the other hand she is simply not teaching, you can take your complaints to the principal and school board.

I have seen both situations, some where a caring and competent teacher is put in an impossible situation with destructive students and no support and so cannot do decent work — or even worse a school which has lived a lie for years and doesn’t want to hear the truth about academic or behaviour standards— and some where a so-called teacher was simply incompetent. It is importan t to tell the difference before bringing someone down professionally.

Hi victoria, and the rest,

Nice to see that someone took the time to consider the other side before striking the match to the bonfire. Things are not always what they seem, and taking one person’s word about a situation before even hearing the other side is unwise.

But that’s not my reason for jumping in here.

When the only viable option people can suggest is homeschooling, then I think our options are too limited. Obviously, we also have the option of hiring private tutors or paying for expensive private schooling, but really, all these options, including homeschooling, can be prohibitively expensive.

What we need to realize in this country is that parents need more choice in where to send their kids, but they also need to be able to redirect the associated tax dollars. In other words, if School A gets $8,000 in tax dollars to educate Bobby, and Bobby’s parents decide he should be educated in School B, then School A should send School B the $8,000 along with Bobby’s records..and Bobby.

And frankly, I don’t care if School B is a public school, a Catholic school, a Jewish school or victoria’s school for the lucky ten she accepts (along with the $80,000 that accompany them.) I think that then we would all finally be discussing REAL education, i.e., real learning, instead of all this bull that we are forced to discuss because there are no true education options available except to the wealthy or to those willing to deny themselves careers or other options because they feel forced to homeschool.

And, I’m taking nothing away from homeschoolers here. If you want to homeschool more than anything else, great. I think you ought to be compensated the $8,000 per child that it costs the taxpayers if you send your child to School A, provided your child meets established standards of performance each year.

I don’t feel like I’m exactly on topic here…but when three posters conclude that homeschooling may be the only way to proceed, maybe I’m not that far off.

Sorry for venting….Rod

P.S. Lauren, I don’t mean to imply that you are not telling the truth…my point is that we simply can’t know.

Well, yes, Rod, you’re absolutely right; the truth is that the system needs an entire overhaul, and parents deciding to take their children’s education into their own hands is a symptom of that problem, but as it presently stands, it may be their only option. I’ve worked two jobs and put out countless thousands of dollars to get my kids a private school education because I knew they’d never make it through the public school system. Although I love the education they’ve received, I’ve resented having to pay separately for it.. Don’t even get me going on the issue of how I’m taxed to pay for public school education that’s frankly no good and then I have to pay again so my own kids could get a real education.

That’s a very good point made about the teacher in question possibly being a good teacher in a bad situation. Regardless, this boy needs a move. It doesn’t matter how good this teacher is in a different situation; she’s not, for whatever reason, serving his needs right now. Even if he’s the instigator of the problems, it still doesn’t change his need to move from her class. All that’s going to happen to him this year will be a lesson in negativity. Were this his only year with her, then MAYBE he can get through to June, but at what cost? And his mom says he stands a chance of having the same teacher next year. Impossible situation. He needs a fresh start.

Michael Thompson, coauthor of the book “Raising Cain”, says that any child who’s bullied, by either other students or a teacher, for a period of 2 consecutive years, runs a high risk of major depression as an adult. His recommendation for school principals is to counsel the parents to remove the child from the school. He thinks this is critical. I think it’s equally true of any situation where a child, for whatever reason, is in an atmosphere (even if HE’S contributing to it) of chronic negativity.

Frankly, there are kids who just don’t do well in a group academic situation. I don’t know if that’s true of this child but if we were going to truly tend to every student’s needs, we’d recognize that a cookie cutter approach doesn’t always work. For now, all we’ve got as options are homeschooling, private schools, or removal to another public school classroom. If this kid remains in this teacher’s class, then he needs to be seeing a counselor right away. If he’s the cause of the difficulties in the class, then he most definitely needs a counselor to help him sort out how to handle a situation where he feels incapable. The root of it is that school’s a hard place for him and he’s probably miserable. I don’t think it’s fair to blame a child who’s got the cards stacked against him the minute he walks through the door. Some adult has to say, “we’re not serving his needs here; let’s put our heads together to figure out how to help him”, rather than pinning blame on him as the teacher is presently doing.

Back to #2 in your original question: “The IEP has been changed and no notice was given to us.”

That is not legally possible. The only legal way this is possible is if you were invited to the meeting, replied that you were coming, and then didn’t show up. Then they could go ahead and have the meeting without you. But even then, you should have been called or sent the copy of the IEP.

It is not really surprising that there are no goals for auditory processing disorder if your son is not served by the speech/language pathologist. Most resource programs will deal with the effects of APD, like reading and spelling difficulties. He does need appropriate strategies to teach him reading with the APD in mind, though. I’d be interested to know exactly what she is using with him.

What is his category (label)? LD reading? I take it you mean the horrible teacher is the LD teacher, right? The thing with low reading level is that is DOES make all the other subjects difficult since there is a lot of reading expected in fifth grade. HOWEVER, they had NO right to change his placement to be in that resource room longer without your input and permission.

If you have conferred with this teacher, and you can really sense that she dislikes your child (regardless of whether he exaggerated the incidents or not), I would also strongly agree with getting him out of there. Maybe you could ask if you could sit and observe her class for part of a day? See if she welcomes you or has a defensive attitude. If your son has behavioral problems, she should be glad to have you come in and see. Sometimes it can be disruptive to have an observer, but I think it is a reasonable request in this case.

I also agree with getting a complete educational evaluation outside the school. You need to know his true level of functioning to know what his placement and goals should be regardless of where he ends up for school. But again, if it is true that this teacher dislikes your child and doesn’t know how to motivate him, then I think he should be taken out.

Janis

Hi Mary, p.preston, Victoria, Ron, Joan, and Janis,

Thanks for your input.

Homeschooling is an idea we are concidering but, I have no training in that area and he tends to work better with other people than “mom”!

Private school is another option but it is in the 16K to 25K mark in Toronto, which when we are paying school taxes already in two areas (we have a cottage and pay school taxes but, are not allowed to put him in school there.) seems a bit much, I’m with you Joan! It makes my blood boil.

He is definetly a handful but has never had a behaviour problem at school before. Unfortunately this woman seems to bring out the worst in him. Instead of letting up and letting him calm down when he is angry she keeps at him. One of the strategies we suggested was to let him sit on the couch or go to the office when very angry, she agreed, but the last time he was in trouble I asked him (while at the school in her presence) if he tried this and he replied that she wouldn’t let him. She said she forgot that we had talked about that and thought he was running out of the school and physically restrained him. When he pushed her away was when I was called for his behaviour and he was suspended for the day. She never apologised to him. In his mind he was punished for doing what he was told to do. This is just one example of many. He is not entirely in the right, but, he is not wrong either.

This is a class of only 5 students. Most of the kids don’t like her. She is very defensive whenever I approach her no matter what the subject. I have no interest in bringing this person down per se I just want my son out of her class. Although from what I have seen she is not the best kind of person to be a teacher. She has lied when asked direct question by the principal, during our parent interview she contradicted herself more than once. That is why we have arranged a meeting with the principal and her and ourselves to discuss the changes in levels being taught so that she can’t say things and not back them up etc…

As to the IEP changes, it was grade level that changed nothing else, I don’t believe it was a team meeting, she just decided that was what he was capable of and changed it without any consultation with anyone. The principal (when setting up the above meeting) said she thought the IEP was the same as last years. I did not think she was allowed to do that but am not sure. I intend to ask.

In the interview when we asked what stratagies she was using so we could continue the same at home, she said group reading, individual reading, a whole language approach. When I asked her to explain how this related to my son she said it was how she taught the whole class. When I asked her what my sons disorder involved she said “visual memory”. She really had no idea what his problem was. We explained it again and suggested various programs that I have read about on here and other sources. She claimed there was no money in the budget for specific programs so we told her we would pay for them. Then she said she had no training in these and had no time to take any. She, in my mind anyway, has no interest in really helping him. We have a daughter (grade 2) not tested, that is having some reading problems as well, she has a wonderful teacher and resource teacher who’s whole attitude is what can we do to help this child succeed. We mention one little thing and they come up with 10 ideas/solutions. She is happy and motivated and loves to try reading. I would give my eye teeth to have my son in her class!

I also understand and did not think anyone was calling me a liar! You don’t know me from Adam. I do appreciate everyone taking the time to respond.

Lauren

Lauren,

Since you are in Canada, your IEP laws may be different from ours. But in the US it would be illegal for them to remove the child from regular classes for a longer period of time without having a team meeting to which the parents are invited.

My honest but blunt opinion after reading your last post is that your son is wasting his time in that class. That teacher is probably doing him more harm than good. I would ask for an IEP team meeting immediately and request that he be put on a consultation status and back in the regular classes. He will still be eligible for modifications in the regular classroom and you can get him a reading tutor after school and over the summer, which would be a lot less than a $16,000 private school.

Janis

From your more detailed post, it sounds like the teacher is hopelessly confused and out of her depth here. She probably had a few special ed classes in university, maybe enough to paper qualify her for special ed, and maybe not. She was assigned this class, very probably without sufficient time to prepare for it. She may even have not wanted the class and been forced to take it (happens all too often).It sounds like she’s a new hire and she is trying to figure out the system at the same time that she is trying to teach kids with learning problems that she has no clue about. You say she is using whole language; that means she went to a teacher “education” institute that bought into this idea as a belief system (almost a religion) and still holds to it after a decade of failure; that means also that the only thing she knows about phonics is that all her professors told her it was bad and evil and damaging to children. So she is using approaches that are known to be disastrous — inefficient for all kids and a total loss for LD — and resisting (because she was told it was bad and harmful) the programs that you want and that will work with your child. She is over her head and stressed and forgets what she is supposed to do with your child — and by the way, any teacher who sends a child to the office for ANY reason gets a bad mark from the office (I know from experience) so she is getting contradictory instructions,send him but don’t send him. Yes, this is a situation with no solution as it stands. I do sympathize with both of you, having been on both sides of this — a teacher with a class that could not be taught given the materials and organization on hand, and a parent with a child in the wrong place that was doing more harm than good.

If you were in Montreal I’d make a deal with you for tutoring.

The advice of getting a priovate tutor is a good short-term help — not a solution to everything but a step back on track.

You can, as a parent, get your child moved to a different class or a different school. All you have to do is annoy the powers that be enough for them to want to get rid of you. Start with the principal, then the school board office, then the elected school board member, then the superintendent. You may get somewhere by writing letters but sitting in the office and insisting on talking usually gets more attention. Keep records. Note everyone you talked to, or tried to talk to, and what date. Especially show the changed IEP and demand it be changed back.